Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the government rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the government rather than private companies.
Do you agree or disagree?

These days, many science-related projects are controlled by the government. Some people believe that the authorities should conduct and regulate science-based activities rather than corporations. I disagree with this statement, I believe that both governments and private businesses should have the right and duty to carry out research.
On the one hand, governments should play an important role in performing research due to several reasons. First, people quite trust the government and scientific studies managed by the government. The government or state is an organization that always brings benefits to the community, they are always for the community. For instance, from 2019 to 2022, Vietnamese scientists have researched a lot about the Covid-19 vaccines to help the community reduce the risk of getting the disease. This project is managed and invested by the governments with more than 4.6 billion VND. Despite investing a lot of money, these vaccines are given free to the community. Therefore, the government is always the top priority choice for residents. Besides that, many types of research are too sensitive and dangerous; thus, only governments should conduct to minimize the risk of these studies being used for criminal activity. For example, studies related to nuclear power or weapons must be handled by government organizations to protect the country from global conflicts.
On the other hand, private-owned organizations would do the research mentioned before better. Firstly, non-government companies are willing to pay more money for their staff, so they can attract more talented and skilled scientists to work for them. As a result, scientific research and papers from these companies are more accurate and can help make scientific breakthroughs. Secondly, businesses often concentrate in one or two fields, which have good results. The government coffers usually use for many social priorities such as healthcare, or accommodation. Therefore, if studies are controlled by authorities, these will be exclusive dependence on this source leading to financial burdens on governments. So if the government doesn't have enough money, they will increase taxes or reduce social welfare. For this reason, private companies should participate in scientific research to alleviate financial pressure on governments
In conclusion, while it is acknowledged that governments can ensure reliability and safety for the community, I still maintain that business participation in scientific research is still necessary because they can promote scientific development and reduce financial burdens on the national treasury.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "These days" is a colloquial expression, while "currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, providing a smoother transition into the main topic of discussion.
"quite trust" -> "trust"
Explanation: "Quite trust" is a redundant expression. Simply using "trust" conveys the same meaning more concisely and formally.
"For instance" -> "For example"
Explanation: While "for instance" is acceptable, "for example" is slightly more common in academic writing and maintains formality.
"free to the community" -> "provided free of charge to the community"
Explanation: "Free to the community" could be interpreted as colloquial. "Provided free of charge to the community" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic tone.
"Besides that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Besides that" is more conversational, while "furthermore" is a more formal transition, suitable for academic writing.
"too sensitive and dangerous" -> "highly sensitive and hazardous"
Explanation: "Too sensitive and dangerous" lacks precision. "Highly sensitive and hazardous" provides a more accurate and formal description.
"private-owned organizations" -> "privately owned enterprises"
Explanation: "Private-owned organizations" can be simplified to "privately owned enterprises," maintaining formality and clarity.
"better" -> "more effectively"
Explanation: "Better" is vague. "More effectively" provides a clearer indication of improvement and aligns with academic style.
"non-government companies" -> "private enterprises"
Explanation: "Non-government companies" can be replaced with "private enterprises" for brevity without losing specificity.
"coffers usually use for" -> "funds typically allocated for"
Explanation: "Coffers usually use for" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Funds typically allocated for" is more formal and precise.
"exclusive dependence on this source" -> "overreliance on this funding source"
Explanation: "Exclusive dependence on this source" could be rephrased for clarity and formality as "overreliance on this funding source."
"financial burdens on governments" -> "financial strain on governmental budgets"
Explanation: "Financial burdens on governments" can be refined to "financial strain on governmental budgets" for a more formal tone.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
Explanation: Both are suitable transition phrases, but "to conclude" is slightly more formal and commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the role of governments in scientific research while also advocating for the involvement of private companies. It discusses reasons supporting both perspectives and offers examples to illustrate each point.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing a more nuanced exploration of the implications and consequences of each approach. Additionally, ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that both governments and private companies should be involved in scientific research. This stance is consistently supported and reiterated in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: While clarity is maintained, the essay could benefit from a stronger thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states the author’s position and previews the main arguments to be presented.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas with relevant examples and elaborates on them to support the argument. Examples such as the Vietnamese government’s investment in Covid-19 vaccine research and the advantages of private sector involvement provide concrete support for the author’s points.
- How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, consider providing additional evidence or counterarguments to strengthen the analysis. Additionally, ensure that each example is fully developed to maximize its impact on the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the question of whether scientific research should be controlled by the government or private companies. However, there are some instances where the discussion veers slightly off topic, such as the mention of financial burdens on governments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, ensure that all points made directly contribute to the central argument and are closely tied to the essay prompt. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main topic.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by exploring both sides of the argument and providing reasoned arguments supported by examples. To improve, the author should strive for greater depth of analysis, stronger thesis statement, and tighter focus on the central topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion, followed by two body paragraphs presenting supporting arguments, and finally, a conclusion that restates the opinion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, maintaining coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay’s overall structure is logical, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs could enhance coherence. Consider using transition phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of ideas more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a single point or argument, contributing to the clarity of the essay’s structure. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately separated from the body paragraphs, aiding readability.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transition words like "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "firstly," and "secondly," which help signal shifts between arguments. Additionally, pronouns and demonstratives such as "these," "this," and "these days" are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
- How to improve: While the essay utilizes cohesive devices adequately, incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases could enhance coherence further. Consider integrating synonyms for commonly used transition words to add variety and sophistication to the essay’s language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to strengthen connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of terms related to scientific research, governance, and societal aspects. For instance, the use of phrases like "science-related projects," "scientific studies," "scientific breakthroughs," "financial burdens," and "national treasury" showcases lexical diversity. Additionally, the inclusion of specific examples such as "Vietnamese scientists researching Covid-19 vaccines" adds depth to the vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider integrating more specialized terminology specific to scientific research and governance. This could involve incorporating terms related to different scientific disciplines or nuanced vocabulary related to government regulation and oversight of research activities.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, phrases like "top priority choice," "scientific breakthroughs," and "financial pressure" are used appropriately to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be refined for greater precision. For example, the phrase "businesses often concentrate in one or two fields, which have good results" could benefit from a more precise term than "good results" to convey the intended meaning more explicitly.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider replacing vague or general terms with more specific and descriptive alternatives. Utilizing precise terminology relevant to the context can strengthen the clarity and impact of the arguments presented.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with no significant spelling errors detracting from readability or comprehension. Common words and phrases are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, words like "government," "scientific," "organization," and "research" are consistently spelled accurately.
- How to improve: To maintain a high level of spelling accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques to catch any potential spelling errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct any overlooked errors, thereby ensuring polished written communication.

Overall, the essay effectively utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, with generally precise usage and correct spelling contributing to its coherence and clarity. By further refining vocabulary choices for precision and maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay could strengthen its impact and presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures

Detailed explanation:
The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, indicative of an attempt to use varied grammatical forms. Examples include complex sentences with multiple clauses, such as, "For instance, from 2019 to 2022, Vietnamese scientists have researched a lot about the Covid-19 vaccines to help the community reduce the risk of getting the disease." However, the variety is somewhat limited, with many sentences following similar patterns, and there is a noticeable repetition in the use of conjunctions like "besides that" and "therefore."
How to improve:
To elevate the score, the writer should incorporate a broader range of sentence structures. This can include conditional sentences, passive constructions, and inversions. For example, instead of always starting with the subject, the writer could rephrase sentences like "The government or state is an organization that always brings benefits to the community," to "Benefits to the community are always brought by the government or state." Experimenting with these structures not only demonstrates grammatical knowledge but also enhances the readability and sophistication of the argument.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately

Detailed explanation:
The essay demonstrates moderate control over grammatical forms and punctuation, with occasional errors that can impede clarity. For example, the use of the comma is often correct, but there are slip-ups such as in "I disagree with this statement, I believe that both governments and private businesses should have the right and duty to carry out research." This sentence incorrectly uses a comma to join two independent clauses, which should be separated by a period or a semicolon. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings like "the government coffers usually use for many social priorities," where the sentence would benefit from revision for clarity and grammatical correctness.
How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should focus on proofreading to catch and correct punctuation misuse, especially the proper use of commas and semicolons. Incorporating tools or seeking feedback can help identify and correct these errors. Moreover, practicing complex grammatical constructions in various contexts can improve overall fluency. This could involve exercises in transforming sentences, using modal verbs for possibility and obligation, and applying relative clauses to provide additional information without interrupting the flow of argumentation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate range of grammatical structures and generally correct use of punctuation, there is room for improvement in both complexity and accuracy. Enhancing these aspects will not only improve the grammatical range and accuracy score but also the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, many scientific projects are overseen by the government. Some argue that governmental bodies should exclusively conduct and regulate scientific endeavors rather than private enterprises. However, I respectfully disagree with this assertion. I believe that both governmental agencies and private businesses should be empowered to engage in research.

On one hand, it is undeniable that governments play a crucial role in scientific research for several reasons. Firstly, there is a significant level of trust placed in governmental institutions when it comes to managing scientific studies. Governments are perceived as entities that consistently work for the betterment of the community. For instance, between 2019 and 2022, Vietnamese scientists conducted extensive research on Covid-19 vaccines, investing over 4.6 billion VND. Despite the substantial investment, these vaccines were provided free of charge to the community. Consequently, the government remains the preferred choice for residents. Additionally, certain research areas, particularly those pertaining to highly sensitive and hazardous subjects such as nuclear energy or weaponry, should be exclusively handled by government bodies to safeguard against potential misuse for criminal purposes and protect national security.

On the other hand, private enterprises are better positioned to excel in certain types of research. Firstly, private companies often offer higher salaries, enabling them to attract top-tier scientists and researchers. This enables them to produce more precise and impactful scientific findings, consequently facilitating breakthroughs in various fields. Secondly, private enterprises typically focus on specific areas of research where they can achieve notable success. This specialization contrasts with governments’ broader allocation of funds to various social priorities, such as healthcare and housing. Therefore, if scientific research is solely dependent on governmental funding, it can strain governmental budgets and lead to financial burdens. Consequently, the government may resort to increasing taxes or reducing social welfare programs to compensate for the deficit. Hence, the participation of private companies in scientific research can alleviate financial pressure on governmental budgets.

In conclusion, while it is acknowledged that governments can ensure reliability and safety in scientific endeavors, I maintain that the involvement of private enterprises is essential for promoting scientific development and mitigating financial strains on national budgets.