Many people believe that social network sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on students. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

One might argue that the internet allows students to access to information and educational resources without any limitations. Children can learn about any subject or topic to few clicks, and educational network sites have revolutionized the learning process. This can be seen that “Ocean science” move in youtube can teach students to gain deeper insights of environmental and technological knowledge, which schools and normal books cannot touch. Furthermore, diverse and Tiktok did to greater awareness and acceptance of face book, identities that student can keep up with social trends and engage in international exchange. However, it is undeniable that social networks take disarrange to personal development due to its negative effects. Parents are difficult to control their children’s time screen using and toxic contents accessed.

With my viewpoint As for the former, there are significant challenges being the pervasive influence of technology and social apps. Young individuals can experience psychological distress and cyberbullying online predators. This is predicted on the assumption that it would also result in a distorted sense of reality due to harmful information. The pressure to conform to online standards, which were less prevalent in previous generations. Moreover, can lead to mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression. Students have to face up with physical health issues when spending excessive time in front of computers for Facebook website. For instance, short-sighted pupils in Vietnam has been dramatically increasing from 20% to 28% for 5 years. Chief of the trend is to overuse the internet to play game, search web or use media.

This can be addressed by organizing awareness-raising campaigns in school and other educational institutions. Parents should restrict time screen smartphone to ward teenagers, and simultaneously, high-school students should focus on studying and enhancing necessary skills.

In conclusion, we now utilize and share information in the internet almost exclusively causing some incidents such as online violence or huge influence on younger’s life. However, if we can remedy solutions by many ways, it can support giving standard and foster cognitive development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"access to information and educational resources without any limitations" -> "unrestricted access to information and educational resources"
Explanation: The phrase "without any limitations" is redundant and informal. "Unrestricted access" is more concise and maintains the formal tone required in academic writing.
"to few clicks" -> "with just a few clicks"
Explanation: The phrase "to few clicks" is grammatically incorrect. "With just a few clicks" is grammatically correct and more natural in this context.
"This can be seen that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "This can be seen that" is awkward and verbose. "It is evident that" is a more direct and academically appropriate transition.
"move in youtube" -> "videos on YouTube"
Explanation: "Move in youtube" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Videos on YouTube" is the correct phrase and is clearer.
"schools and normal books cannot touch" -> "schools and conventional texts cannot address"
Explanation: "Cannot touch" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Cannot address" is more precise and formal.
"diverse and Tiktok did to greater awareness and acceptance of face book" -> "diverse platforms such as TikTok and Facebook have contributed to greater awareness and acceptance"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"take disarrange to personal development" -> "hinder personal development"
Explanation: "Take disarrange to" is incorrect and unclear. "Hinder" is the correct verb that accurately conveys the negative impact on personal development.
"Parents are difficult to control their children’s time screen using" -> "Parents find it challenging to control their children’s screen time"
Explanation: "Are difficult to control" is awkward and informal. "Find it challenging to control" is more natural and formal.
"toxic contents accessed" -> "access to toxic content"
Explanation: "Toxic contents accessed" is grammatically incorrect. "Access to toxic content" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"With my viewpoint" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "With my viewpoint" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "From my perspective" is the correct phrase for expressing personal opinion in academic writing.
"being the pervasive influence" -> "the pervasive influence"
Explanation: "Being the pervasive influence" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The pervasive influence" is grammatically correct and more direct.
"Young individuals can experience psychological distress" -> "Young individuals may experience psychological distress"
Explanation: "Can" is too absolute and informal for academic writing. "May" is more appropriate as it suggests possibility rather than certainty.
"This is predicted on the assumption" -> "This is predicted based on the assumption"
Explanation: "Predicted on the assumption" is grammatically incorrect. "Predicted based on the assumption" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"can lead to mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression" -> "may lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression"
Explanation: "Can" is too absolute and informal. "May" is more appropriate for hypothetical situations, and "issues" is a more formal term than "problems."
"face up with physical health issues" -> "face physical health issues"
Explanation: "Face up with" is incorrect. "Face" is the correct verb in this context, and the phrase is grammatically complete without "with."
"short-sighted pupils in Vietnam has been dramatically increasing" -> "the incidence of short-sightedness among pupils in Vietnam has been dramatically increasing"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the subject and verb agreement and uses a more formal structure.
"Chief of the trend is to overuse the internet" -> "The primary cause of this trend is excessive internet use"
Explanation: "Chief of the trend is to overuse the internet" is awkward and unclear. "The primary cause of this trend is excessive internet use" is clear and formal.
"ward teenagers" -> "protect teenagers"
Explanation: "Ward" is not the correct term in this context. "Protect" is the appropriate verb for safeguarding teenagers.
"high-school students should focus on studying and enhancing necessary skills" -> "high-school students should prioritize academic studies and skill development"
Explanation: "Focus on studying and enhancing necessary skills" is a bit informal and vague. "Prioritize academic studies and skill development" is more specific and formal.
"we now utilize and share information in the internet" -> "we now utilize and share information on the internet"
Explanation: "In the internet" is grammatically incorrect. "On the internet" is the correct preposition.
"causing some incidents such as online violence or huge influence on younger’s life" -> "causing incidents such as online violence and significant influence on younger lives"
Explanation: "Some incidents such as" is vague and informal. "Incidents such as" is more precise, and "significant influence on younger lives" is grammatically correct and formal.
"if we can remedy solutions by many ways" -> "if we can implement these solutions through various means"
Explanation: "Remedy solutions by many ways" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Implement these solutions through various means" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive impacts of social networking sites on students. It begins with a positive perspective on the educational benefits of the internet, citing examples like YouTube for learning about ocean science. However, it then shifts to the negative aspects, such as psychological distress and cyberbullying. While both sides are presented, the essay could have more clearly delineated whether the author agrees or disagrees with the statement regarding the negative impact, leading to some ambiguity in the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently reinforce this stance throughout the essay. A more structured approach, where each paragraph clearly supports either the agreement or disagreement with the prompt, would provide clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistently clear position. While it mentions both the benefits and drawbacks of social networking sites, it does not firmly establish whether the author agrees or disagrees with the notion that these sites have a huge negative impact on students. Phrases like "it is undeniable that social networks take disarrange to personal development" suggest a leaning towards agreement, but this is not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: The author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using clear transitional phrases can help maintain a consistent viewpoint. For example, stating "I believe that the negative impacts outweigh the benefits" would clarify the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the educational benefits of social networks and the risks of psychological distress and physical health issues. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the mention of rising short-sightedness in Vietnam is relevant, it could be better supported with more data or a clearer connection to the argument about social networks.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should elaborate on key points with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics related to cyberbullying or mental health issues would provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains on topic, discussing the impacts of social networking sites on students. However, some sections, such as the mention of "diverse and Tiktok," feel somewhat disconnected from the main argument and could confuse the reader about their relevance.
- How to improve: The author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument of the essay. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, avoiding tangential topics will help maintain focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, clearer positioning, more detailed support, and tighter focus would enhance its effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a mix of ideas and arguments, but the logical organization is somewhat inconsistent. For instance, the first paragraph starts by discussing the benefits of the internet for educational purposes but then abruptly shifts to the negative impacts of social networks without a clear transition. The second paragraph continues with the negative impacts, but the connection between ideas is not always clear, making it hard to follow the argument. The concluding paragraph attempts to summarize the essay but introduces new ideas, which should have been discussed earlier.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there are clear transitions between paragraphs. Start with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a specific aspect of the argument, and conclude with a summary that reinforces the main points without introducing new information.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. The first paragraph is overly long and tries to cover too many points, which dilutes the focus. The second paragraph is more focused but still lacks clear topic sentences and transitions. The concluding paragraph is relatively short and does not effectively summarize the essay’s main points.
- How to improve: Break down the first paragraph into smaller, more focused paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on this idea. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "furthermore" and "however," but their usage is sometimes awkward or incorrect. For example, "Furthermore, diverse and Tiktok did to greater awareness and acceptance of face book" is unclear and does not effectively link ideas. Additionally, some sentences lack cohesion, making it difficult to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. Use conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases appropriately to ensure clarity and coherence. For example, instead of "Furthermore, diverse and Tiktok did to greater awareness and acceptance of face book," you could write, "Furthermore, platforms like TikTok have increased awareness and acceptance of various identities, allowing students to engage with social trends and international exchanges." This provides a clearer connection between ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a more coherent and cohesive structure, making the argument more compelling and easier to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common phrases such as "revolutionized the learning process" and "psychological distress." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice, particularly with terms like "students," "social networks," and "internet." This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "young individuals" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as using "transformative" instead of "huge" when describing impacts.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the arguments. For example, phrases like "take disarrange to personal development" are unclear and awkward. The term "toxic contents accessed" is also vague and could be expressed more clearly. Furthermore, "the pressure to conform to online standards, which were less prevalent in previous generations" lacks clarity regarding what "standards" are being referred to.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "take disarrange," a more precise phrase could be "disrupt personal development." Additionally, clarifying vague terms by providing specific examples or definitions can improve precision. For example, explaining what "toxic content" entails would enhance understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability, such as "to few clicks" (should be "a few clicks"), "disarrange" (should be "disruption"), and "short-sighted pupils" (should be "short-sightedness among pupils"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in vocabulary exercises that include spelling can also reinforce correct usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic command of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying word choice, enhancing clarity, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("This can be seen that ‘Ocean science’ move in youtube can teach students to gain deeper insights of environmental and technological knowledge"). However, the overall variety is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or poorly constructed. For instance, phrases like "to few clicks" and "diverse and Tiktok did to greater awareness" exhibit awkwardness and lack clarity. The use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which restricts the complexity of ideas presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentence forms, such as using subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "Parents are difficult to control their children’s time screen using," a more complex structure could be, "Parents find it challenging to control the amount of time their children spend on screens." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and lengths can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "access to information" should be "access information," and "the pressure to conform to online standards, which were less prevalent in previous generations" is awkwardly phrased and lacks agreement in tense. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "Tiktok" should be "TikTok"), further detract from the overall readability. The phrase "time screen using" is also unclear and grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and clarity before submission can help catch and correct mistakes. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into proper grammatical usage and punctuation.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One might argue that the internet allows students unrestricted access to information and educational resources without any limitations. Children can learn about any subject or topic with just a few clicks, and educational network sites have revolutionized the learning process. This can be seen in how “Ocean Science” videos on YouTube can teach students to gain deeper insights into environmental and technological knowledge, which schools and conventional texts cannot address. Furthermore, diverse platforms such as TikTok and Facebook have contributed to greater awareness and acceptance of identities that students can keep up with social trends and engage in international exchange. However, it is undeniable that social networks hinder personal development due to their negative effects. Parents find it challenging to control their children’s screen time and access to toxic content.

From my perspective, there are significant challenges posed by the pervasive influence of technology and social apps. Young individuals may experience psychological distress and cyberbullying from online predators. This is predicted based on the assumption that it would also result in a distorted sense of reality due to harmful information. The pressure to conform to online standards, which were less prevalent in previous generations, can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Students also face physical health issues when spending excessive time in front of computers for Facebook and other websites. For instance, the incidence of short-sightedness among pupils in Vietnam has been dramatically increasing from 20% to 28% over the past five years. The primary cause of this trend is excessive internet use to play games, search the web, or use media.

This can be addressed by organizing awareness-raising campaigns in schools and other educational institutions. Parents should restrict screen time on smartphones to protect teenagers, and simultaneously, high-school students should prioritize academic studies and skill development.

In conclusion, we now utilize and share information on the internet almost exclusively, causing incidents such as online violence and significant influence on younger lives. However, if we can implement these solutions through various means, it can support providing standards and foster cognitive development.