Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily.
Why do people buy things they do not need? Do you think this is a good thing?
It is true that we are living in a consumerist society where a lot of people splash out on items of little use to them. There are several reasons for this trend, and in my opinion, such a lifestyle hurts individual financial health, which consequently has a damaging effect on their overall happiness level.
One of the factors contributing to this phenomenon may be the efficiency of advertising . On a daily basis , individuals are bombarded with tons of advertisements from commercial breaks in movies to bill-board on the road. These promotional are meticulously designed ,featuring captivating images and appealing messages that effectively induce consumers to acquire unnecessary products. Furthermore , buyers play a pivotal role in the cultivation of a consumerist society. In contemporary society , financial prosperity is frequently perceived as an indicator of success. To boast this personal success, individuals usually seek out distinctive and extravagant items , which may not necessarily confer substantial benefits to their lives. For instance, a considerable number of young girls may willing to splurge on luxury bags as a means of demonstrating their financial well- being to others.
The act that replacing older possessions with newer ones is responsible for various long-term consequences. In essence , if this practice persists interruptedly, it has the potential to erode savings earmarked for future . To make matters worse, the sense of satisfaction might wear off quickly since products become out of fashion. These apprehensions impel consumers to perpetuate the acquisition of non-essential items in a bid to compensate for their fleeting sense of contentment. Consequently, this engenders a deleterious cycle characterized by the excessive procurement of superfluous products at the expense of items possessing intrinsic value.
In conclusion, there are several reasons accounting for the tendency to buy new products on impulse. Allowing your life to revolve around material comforts in this way/manner, however, would bring more harm than good.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"splash out" -> "spend extravagantly"
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial phrase "splash out" with the more formal "spend extravagantly" aligns with academic style and elevates the language, maintaining a formal tone.
"may be" -> "might be"
Explanation: Substituting "may be" with "might be" adds a subtle level of uncertainty, which is more appropriate in academic writing, as it acknowledges that the efficiency of advertising is a potential factor rather than stating it definitively.
"tons of" -> "numerous"
Explanation: Changing "tons of" to "numerous" contributes to a more formal and precise expression, eliminating the informal tone associated with colloquial language.
"promotional are meticulously designed" -> "advertisements are meticulously crafted"
Explanation: Replacing the phrase "promotional are meticulously designed" with "advertisements are meticulously crafted" enhances the formality of the sentence, using a more suitable term for academic writing.
"induce consumers to acquire" -> "prompt consumers to procure"
Explanation: Substituting "induce consumers to acquire" with "prompt consumers to procure" maintains the formal tone while introducing more sophisticated language.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: Replacing "Furthermore" with "Moreover" contributes to a more polished and academic transition between ideas.
"financial prosperity is frequently perceived" -> "financial prosperity is often perceived"
Explanation: Changing "frequently perceived" to "often perceived" maintains formality while providing a slightly more precise frequency in the context.
"usually seek out" -> "typically seek"
Explanation: The substitution of "usually seek out" with "typically seek" aligns with a more formal style, providing a nuanced improvement in vocabulary.
"willing to splurge" -> "willing to spend lavishly"
Explanation: Replacing "willing to splurge" with "willing to spend lavishly" maintains the emphasis on extravagant spending while utilizing a more sophisticated term.
"The act that replacing older possessions" -> "The practice of replacing older possessions"
Explanation: Changing "The act that replacing older possessions" to "The practice of replacing older possessions" results in a grammatically correct and more formal expression.
"persist interruptedly" -> "persist consistently"
Explanation: Substituting "persist interruptedly" with "persist consistently" maintains the meaning while using a more appropriate and formal term.
"products become out of fashion" -> "products go out of fashion"
Explanation: The alteration from "products become out of fashion" to "products go out of fashion" is a more standard and precise expression in formal writing.
"engenders a deleterious cycle" -> "creates a detrimental cycle"
Explanation: Replacing "engenders a deleterious cycle" with "creates a detrimental cycle" maintains formality and provides a more refined alternative.
"revolve around" -> "center on"
Explanation: Substituting "revolve around" with "center on" offers a more sophisticated expression while retaining the intended meaning.
"bring more harm than good" -> "result in more harm than good"
Explanation: Changing "bring more harm than good" to "result in more harm than good" provides a more precise and formal conclusion.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It explores reasons why people buy unnecessary products and presents a clear stance on whether this behavior is beneficial. For instance, it discusses the role of advertising, societal perceptions of success, and the long-term consequences of replacing older possessions. Relevant sections are cited to support these points.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or expanding on the societal impact of the discussed trends. This could further enrich the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance against buying unnecessary products is evident from the introduction to the conclusion. Specific examples, such as the influence of advertising and the consequences of replacing possessions, support the position coherently.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that reinforces the central position. Additionally, consider reinforcing the thesis statement in the conclusion for a more emphatic closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It delves into the reasons behind impulsive buying, providing examples and elaborating on the societal impact. The analysis is well-supported with relevant details, such as the role of advertising and the potential erosion of savings.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider incorporating counterarguments or alternative perspectives. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but could improve in maintaining focus. While it discusses the reasons for impulsive buying and its consequences, some points, like the discussion of financial prosperity as a societal indicator, may slightly deviate from the core topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic of why people buy unnecessary products and whether it is a good thing. Trim any content that might stray from this central theme to maintain a more focused and cohesive essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, providing a thoughtful analysis of impulsive buying behavior. To improve further, consider refining the focus and depth of analysis, reinforcing the central position, and incorporating alternative perspectives for a more comprehensive discussion.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction establishes the context and the writer’s opinion, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs that explore the reasons behind unnecessary purchases and the potential consequences. The conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unnecessary repetition, impacting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, revise sentences for clarity and coherence. Remove redundant phrases and ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. For example, in the second paragraph, rephrase sentences like "The act that replacing older possessions with newer ones is responsible for various long-term consequences" for better clarity.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to a clear structure. However, some paragraphs are quite lengthy, affecting readability. Paragraph breaks could be strategically added to improve the overall structure.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into more concise ones, each addressing a specific point. This helps readers follow the argument more easily. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs – one addressing advertising influences and the other discussing the societal perception of success.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases ("furthermore," "for instance," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the use of pronouns and referencing. For instance, the pronoun "this" in the concluding sentence of the second paragraph is vague and may create confusion.
- How to improve: Ensure cohesive devices are used consistently and effectively. Clarify pronoun references to avoid ambiguity. In the mentioned sentence, specify what "this" refers to, providing a clear link to the previously discussed concept. Additionally, consider using more sophisticated cohesive devices to elevate the essay’s overall coherence.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and contains coherent ideas, refining sentence structures, strategically dividing paragraphs, and enhancing the precision of cohesive devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, contributing to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to employ varied words, but the choices often fall within a middle range. For instance, the essay uses words like "consumerist," "prosperity," "extravagant," and "superfluous," but there is a noticeable absence of more advanced vocabulary or nuanced expressions that could elevate the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary that is contextually appropriate. Explore synonyms and alternative expressions for commonly used words. For example, instead of "financial prosperity," you might use "economic affluence" or "monetary well-being." This will not only demonstrate a broader lexical range but also add depth to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys ideas clearly, but there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For instance, in the sentence "If this practice persists interruptedly," the term "interruptedly" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more precise word like "continuously" or "persistently." Precise vocabulary enhances clarity and ensures that your intended meaning is accurately communicated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, carefully choose words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Proofread your essay with a focus on word choice, aiming to replace vague or imprecise terms with more accurate alternatives. Pay attention to nuanced distinctions between words to ensure your message is clear and unambiguous.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where there are minor spelling errors or awkward word formations, such as "bill-board" (billboard), "advertisements" (advertisement), and "interruptedly" (interruptedly). While these errors do not significantly detract from overall comprehension, they slightly impact the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay meticulously. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools, but do not solely rely on them. Double-check for commonly confused words, and pay attention to the correct formation of compound words. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading will contribute to overall spelling accuracy.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of complex and compound sentences, contributing to coherence and fluency. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "One of the factors contributing to this phenomenon may be the efficiency of advertising" showcases a higher-level syntactic structure.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, it could benefit from incorporating more intricate sentence types, such as conditional sentences or sentences with embedded clauses. This can elevate the overall sophistication of the writing, enhancing the reader’s experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy throughout. However, there are instances where articles are omitted or incorrectly used, such as "the efficiency of advertising" should be "the efficiency of advertising." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where commas are either missing or incorrectly placed.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to pay attention to article usage. Proofreading for missing or misplaced commas can further refine the essay. For example, in "Furthermore, buyers play a pivotal role," ensuring a comma after "Furthermore" adds clarity. Additionally, in "For instance, a considerable number of young girls may be willing to splurge," using "may be willing" instead of "may willing" improves accuracy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and a good range of sentence types. Fine-tuning article usage and punctuation, along with incorporating more complex sentence structures, will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is indeed a reality that we live in a society driven by consumerism, where many individuals tend to spend extravagantly on items that hold little practical value for them. This trend can be attributed to various factors, and, in my view, such a lifestyle adversely affects personal financial well-being, subsequently impacting overall happiness.
One of the contributing factors to this behavior may be the effectiveness of advertising. On a daily basis, people are exposed to numerous advertisements, ranging from commercial breaks in movies to billboards on the road. These advertisements are meticulously crafted, featuring captivating images and appealing messages that might prompt consumers to procure unnecessary products. Moreover, individuals, driven by the societal perception that financial prosperity is often equated with success, typically seek distinctive and extravagant items to showcase their success. For example, many young individuals may be willing to spend lavishly on luxury bags as a means of demonstrating their financial well-being to others.
The practice of replacing older possessions with newer ones can have various long-term consequences. If this habit persists consistently, it has the potential to erode savings earmarked for the future. Furthermore, the sense of satisfaction derived from these purchases might diminish rapidly as products go out of fashion. This situation creates a detrimental cycle, wherein consumers feel compelled to continue acquiring non-essential items in an attempt to compensate for their fleeting sense of contentment. Consequently, this cycle results in the excessive procurement of superfluous products at the expense of items possessing intrinsic value.
In conclusion, there are numerous reasons contributing to the tendency to buy new products impulsively. However, allowing one’s life to revolve around material comforts in this way might be detrimental, as it could result in more harm than good. It is crucial to evaluate the true necessity and long-term benefits of the products we choose to acquire, ensuring a balanced and financially responsible lifestyle.