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Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example tiger or the blue whale.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that investing in the conservation of endangered species is an unnecessary expense. However, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint. Protecting endangered animals is crucial for maintaining biodiversity, ecosystem health, and ensuring a balanced environment for future generations.
Firstly, endangered species play essential roles in their ecosytems, and their extinction can disrupt ecological balance. Endangered species play a crucial role in maintaing ecological balance. When a species disappears, espcially those in key position such as apex predators or pollinators, the entire ecological network can be severely impacted. The imbalance caused by the extinction of species also affects abiotics factors like soil and water, resulting in negative impacts on many other organisms within the food chain. Therefore, conserving endangered species is essential for maitaining a healthy and sustainable environment.
Secondly, the conservation of endangered species can benefit humanity in multiple ways. Marine animals like the blue whale play a role in ocean ecosystems that help regulate carbon levels, thus contributing to climate stability. The survival of pollinators, such as bees, is crucial for agriculture and food production. Protecting these animals not only supports biodiversity but also ensures resources and services essential for human well-being.
Additionally, some people argue there are more immediate issues to address, such as poverty or healthcare. However, many conservation efforts also benefit local economies. For example, wildlife tourism generates income and creates jobs in communities near natural reserves, bringing sustainable economic growth. By investing in conservation, we protect our evironment and support economic benefits for local populations.
In conclusion, conserving endangered species is not a waste of money; rather, it is can investment in the health of our planet and future generations. The ecological, economic, and environmental benefits of preserving biodiversity far outweigh the costs, making it essential to continue these effort.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing. It also implies a more active and assertive stance, which is suitable for an academic argumentative essay.

  2. "is an unnecessary expense" -> "is an unwarranted expenditure"
    Explanation: "Unwarranted expenditure" is a more formal and precise term that conveys the idea of something being unjustified or unnecessary in a more academic tone.

  3. "I strongly disagree" -> "I firmly disagree"
    Explanation: "Firmly" is a more formal adverb than "strongly," which is slightly informal and less precise in academic writing.

  4. "maintaing" -> "maintaining"
    Explanation: This is a simple spelling correction to ensure the word is spelled correctly.

  5. "espcially" -> "especially"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

  6. "apex predators" -> "apex predators"
    Explanation: No change needed here, as "apex predators" is correct and already used in a formal context.

  7. "abiotics factors" -> "abiotic factors"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to ensure the term is used correctly and formally.

  8. "maitaining" -> "maintaining"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to ensure the word is spelled correctly.

  9. "can benefit humanity in multiple ways" -> "can benefit humanity in various ways"
    Explanation: "Various" is a more formal synonym for "multiple," which is slightly less formal.

  10. "Marine animals like the blue whale" -> "Marine animals, such as the blue whale"
    Explanation: Adding "such as" after "like" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence structure.

  11. "help regulate carbon levels" -> "help regulate carbon levels"
    Explanation: No change needed here, as the phrase is already in a formal and correct structure.

  12. "Protecting these animals not only supports biodiversity but also ensures resources and services essential for human well-being." -> "Protecting these animals not only supports biodiversity but also ensures essential resources and services for human well-being."
    Explanation: Adding "for" before "human well-being" clarifies the prepositional phrase and maintains the formal tone.

  13. "there are more immediate issues to address" -> "there are more pressing issues to address"
    Explanation: "Pressing" is a more formal and precise term than "immediate," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

  14. "wildlife tourism generates income and creates jobs" -> "wildlife tourism generates revenue and creates employment opportunities"
    Explanation: "Revenue" and "employment opportunities" are more precise and formal terms than "income" and "jobs," fitting better in an academic context.

  15. "can investment" -> "a significant investment"
    Explanation: "A significant investment" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the importance and magnitude of the investment.

  16. "effort" -> "efforts"
    Explanation: Pluralizing "effort" to "efforts" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that saving endangered species is a waste of money. The author provides a well-rounded argument that includes ecological, economic, and environmental perspectives. Each part of the question is addressed, particularly the importance of conservation for biodiversity and human benefit. However, while the essay presents a strong case for conservation, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint to enhance the argument’s depth.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay could include a brief discussion of the reasons some people believe conservation is a waste of money, followed by a counterargument. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The position of the author is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The author strongly disagrees with the viewpoint that saving endangered species is a waste of money, and this stance is maintained in each paragraph. The use of phrases like "I strongly disagree" and "conserving endangered species is not a waste of money" reinforces this position effectively.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could enhance the essay by reiterating the main argument in the conclusion more emphatically. A more forceful restatement of the thesis could leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the ecological roles of endangered species and the economic benefits of conservation. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, such as the role of blue whales in regulating carbon levels and the economic impact of wildlife tourism. However, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, the discussion on how conservation efforts benefit local economies could include specific statistics or case studies to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author should consider incorporating more detailed examples or data to substantiate claims. This could involve citing specific studies or statistics related to the economic benefits of conservation or the ecological impacts of species extinction.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the central argument against the idea that saving endangered species is a waste of money. The author avoids going off on tangents and maintains relevance to the prompt.
    • How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author should ensure that all points are directly tied back to the main argument. For example, when discussing the economic benefits of conservation, it could be beneficial to explicitly link these benefits back to the overarching theme of why conservation is a valuable investment, reinforcing the connection to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a compelling argument. With some adjustments to address opposing viewpoints, enhance support for ideas, and reinforce the main argument, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that conserving endangered species is a waste of money. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are organized around distinct points that support this argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the ecological importance of endangered species, while the second highlights the benefits to humanity. This logical structure aids the reader’s understanding and reinforces the main argument. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved, such as the transition between discussing ecological roles and human benefits, which could be more explicitly connected.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence could be added to indicate that the next point will discuss how these ecological roles directly benefit human society. This would create a smoother flow and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position. However, the first body paragraph could be further refined to avoid repetition, as it reiterates the role of endangered species in maintaining ecological balance without adding new information.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph presents a unique aspect of the argument without unnecessary repetition. In the first body paragraph, consider merging similar ideas and focusing on providing distinct examples or elaborating on the implications of species extinction instead of restating the same point. This will enhance the depth of analysis and maintain reader engagement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Additionally," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of phrases like "for example" and "however" effectively introduces examples and counterarguments. However, there are moments where the essay could benefit from a greater variety of cohesive devices to enhance fluidity and avoid a mechanical feel.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use "In addition," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" to introduce new points or counterarguments. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates its argument and demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in terms of relevant terminology related to conservation and ecology. Phrases like "maintaining biodiversity," "ecological balance," and "wildlife tourism" indicate an understanding of the topic. However, the repetition of certain phrases, such as "endangered species" and "ecological balance," suggests a limited variety in word choice. For instance, the phrase "endangered species" appears multiple times without variation, which could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "endangered species," alternatives like "threatened wildlife" or "at-risk animals" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could help to diversify the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "abiotics factors" is incorrect; the correct term is "abiotic factors." Additionally, the phrase "the imbalance caused by the extinction of species" could be more precise by specifying which species or types of species are being referred to, as this would clarify the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, it is essential to double-check terminology and ensure that the correct forms are used. Reading the essay aloud or having someone else review it can help catch these errors. Moreover, using more specific terms when discussing ecological concepts can enhance clarity. For instance, instead of saying "many other organisms," specify "herbivores and carnivores within the food chain."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "maitaining" (maintaining), "espcially" (especially), and "evironment" (environment). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but relying solely on them is not recommended. Practicing spelling through writing exercises or using flashcards for commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling in the long term.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating synonyms, ensuring correct terminology, and enhancing proofreading practices, the overall lexical resource can be significantly strengthened.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences in phrases like "When a species disappears, especially those in key positions such as apex predators or pollinators, the entire ecological network can be severely impacted" showcases an ability to convey intricate ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases such as "endangered species play essential roles" and "maintaining biodiversity," which could be varied further to enhance the essay’s overall sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use passive voice where appropriate, and integrate relative clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "endangered species," the writer could use synonyms or rephrase to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic rhythm in the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are several notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, "maintaining ecological balance" is misspelled as "maitaining," and "espcially" is incorrectly spelled. Furthermore, the phrase "the imbalance caused by the extinction of species also affects abiotics factors" contains an incorrect term; "abiotic factors" should be used instead. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "it is can investment," which should be corrected to "it is an investment."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling and typographical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking peer feedback could help identify and correct these mistakes. Moreover, practicing the use of articles and prepositions in context can improve overall grammatical precision. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage will also aid in reducing errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail in spelling and sentence variety will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that investing in the conservation of endangered species, such as tigers or blue whales, is an unwarranted expenditure. However, I firmly disagree with this viewpoint. Protecting endangered animals is crucial for maintaining biodiversity, ecosystem health, and ensuring a balanced environment for future generations.

Firstly, endangered species play essential roles in their ecosystems, and their extinction can disrupt ecological balance. When a species disappears, especially those in key positions such as apex predators or pollinators, the entire ecological network can be severely impacted. The imbalance caused by the extinction of species also affects abiotic factors like soil and water, resulting in negative consequences for many other organisms within the food chain. Therefore, conserving endangered species is essential for maintaining a healthy and sustainable environment.

Secondly, the conservation of endangered species can benefit humanity in various ways. Marine animals, such as the blue whale, play a significant role in ocean ecosystems that help regulate carbon levels, thus contributing to climate stability. The survival of pollinators, such as bees, is crucial for agriculture and food production. Protecting these animals not only supports biodiversity but also ensures essential resources and services for human well-being.

Additionally, some people argue that there are more pressing issues to address, such as poverty or healthcare. However, many conservation efforts also benefit local economies. For example, wildlife tourism generates revenue and creates employment opportunities in communities near natural reserves, fostering sustainable economic growth. By investing in conservation, we protect our environment and support economic benefits for local populations.

In conclusion, conserving endangered species is not a waste of money; rather, it is a significant investment in the health of our planet and future generations. The ecological, economic, and environmental benefits of preserving biodiversity far outweigh the costs, making it essential to continue these efforts.

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