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Many people nowadays decide not to work for a large company but to become self-employed. What problems might this decision cause? What can they do to solve these problems?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Many people nowadays decide not to work for a large company but to become self-employed. What problems might this decision cause? What can they do to solve these problems?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, an increasing number of young individuals believe that opting for self-employment instead of conventional salaried employment is a better choice. While self-employment offers several advantages, it also presents certain challenges. This essay will delve into these aspects of the issue.
Certainly, there are multiple effects resulting from this trend. One of the fundamental issues arising from this shift is that self-employed individuals may experience a decline in their communication skills when they concentrate primarily on their personal business. Consequently, they may find it challenging to perform tasks that necessitate face-to-face meetings, such as collaborating on a business project. This is why self-employment can become quite stressful. Additionally, another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance. Striking a balance between work and personal life can be exceptionally difficult. For example, self-employed individuals may have less time for their families, relatives, and even for themselves due to the constant workload. As a result, their physical health can be significantly impacted, as prolonged exposure to computer screens can have adverse effects on their eyes and overall health.
There are several potential solutions that can be implemented to address these challenges. One way to address the issue of reduced communication skills is for people to become involved in speech clubs or business clubs where they can interact directly with others in their field. These interactions not only enhance communication skills but also provide opportunities to gain valuable business insights and experiences. Furthermore, to tackle the problem of work-life balance, individuals can take matters into their own hands. For instance, they can establish a well-defined schedule for their activities, allocate dedicated time for leisure pursuits, and incorporate daily physical exercise to alleviate stress and maintain their personal well-being. Both of these solutions can have a profoundly positive impact on their overall health.

In conclusion, I believe that self-employment can provide a stable income if pursued diligently. Those who decide to transition from conventional employment to self-employment can acquire a wealth of valuable experiences along the way. However, it's crucial to be aware of and address the potential challenges related to communication skills and work-life balance in order to succeed in the self-employed endeavor.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" adds a more formal and timeless tone, aligning better with academic writing conventions.

  2. "young individuals" -> "young professionals"
    Explanation: Substituting "young individuals" with "young professionals" introduces a more specific and formal term, emphasizing the focus on individuals in a professional context.

  3. "opting for" -> "choosing"
    Explanation: Replacing "opting for" with "choosing" is a more formal and precise alternative, contributing to a more academic tone.

  4. "conventional salaried employment" -> "traditional employment with a fixed salary"
    Explanation: Expanding "conventional salaried employment" to "traditional employment with a fixed salary" provides a more detailed and formal description, enhancing the richness of the language.

  5. "delve into" -> "examine"
    Explanation: Substituting "delve into" with "examine" maintains clarity while using a more formal and academically appropriate term.

  6. "Certainly" -> "Indeed"
    Explanation: Replacing "Certainly" with "Indeed" adds formality and emphasis, elevating the tone of the sentence.

  7. "multiple effects" -> "various consequences"
    Explanation: Swapping "multiple effects" with "various consequences" contributes to a more sophisticated and precise expression of the idea.

  8. "fundamental issues" -> "key challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "fundamental issues" to "key challenges" introduces a more specific and formal term, emphasizing the critical nature of the problems discussed.

  9. "challenging to perform tasks" -> "difficult to carry out responsibilities"
    Explanation: Substituting "challenging to perform tasks" with "difficult to carry out responsibilities" enhances the formality of the sentence without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "quite stressful" -> "considerably demanding"
    Explanation: Replacing "quite stressful" with "considerably demanding" maintains the intensity of the expression while using a more formal term.

  11. "Additionally" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: Swapping "Additionally" with "Moreover" enhances the transition between ideas, contributing to a more cohesive and academic flow.

  12. "another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance" -> "another challenge in this context pertains to maintaining work-life balance"
    Explanation: Restructuring "another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance" to "another challenge in this context pertains to maintaining work-life balance" offers a more formal and nuanced expression.

  13. "Striking a balance" -> "Achieving a balance"
    Explanation: Changing "Striking a balance" to "Achieving a balance" adds formality to the language while maintaining the original meaning.

  14. "can be exceptionally difficult" -> "poses a considerable challenge"
    Explanation: Substituting "can be exceptionally difficult" with "poses a considerable challenge" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  15. "individuals may have less time" -> "individuals may allocate less time"
    Explanation: Replacing "individuals may have less time" with "individuals may allocate less time" adds specificity and formality to the sentence.

  16. "constant workload" -> "persistent workload"
    Explanation: Substituting "constant workload" with "persistent workload" maintains the meaning while using a more formal term.

  17. "can have adverse effects on their eyes and overall health" -> "may adversely affect their eyesight and overall health"
    Explanation: Rewording "can have adverse effects on their eyes and overall health" to "may adversely affect their eyesight and overall health" offers a more formal and precise expression.

  18. "There are several potential solutions" -> "Several viable solutions exist"
    Explanation: Changing "There are several potential solutions" to "Several viable solutions exist" provides a more formal and assertive opening for the paragraph.

  19. "involved in speech clubs" -> "participate in speech clubs"
    Explanation: Replacing "involved in" with "participate in" is a more active and formal choice.

  20. "take matters into their own hands" -> "take proactive measures"
    Explanation: Substituting "take matters into their own hands" with "take proactive measures" maintains the proactive tone while using a more formal expression.

  21. "well-defined schedule for their activities" -> "clearly defined schedule for their tasks"
    Explanation: Expanding "well-defined schedule for their activities" to "clearly defined schedule for their tasks" provides a more specific and formal description.

  22. "leisure pursuits" -> "recreational activities"
    Explanation: Replacing "leisure pursuits" with "recreational activities" introduces a more formal term without altering the meaning.

  23. "In conclusion, I believe that" -> "In conclusion, it is my contention that"
    Explanation: Changing "In conclusion, I believe that" to "In conclusion, it is my contention that" adds formality and academic authority to the concluding statement.

  24. "acquire a wealth of valuable experiences" -> "gain a wealth of valuable experiences"
    Explanation: Substituting "acquire a wealth of valuable experiences" with "gain a wealth of valuable experiences" is a more precise and formal choice.

  25. "it’s crucial to be aware of and address" -> "it is imperative to recognize and address"
    Explanation: Replacing "it’s crucial to be aware of and address" with "it is imperative to recognize and address" introduces a more formal and emphatic expression.

  26. "related to communication skills and work-life balance" -> "pertaining to communication skills and the balance between work and personal life"
    Explanation: Expanding "related to communication skills and work-life balance" to "pertaining to communication skills and the balance between work and personal life" offers a more detailed and formal description.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Certainly, there are multiple effects resulting from this trend. One of the fundamental issues arising from this shift is that self-employed individuals may experience a decline in their communication skills when they concentrate primarily on their personal business."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively addresses the topic but lacks clarity in setting up a specific position. It mentions multiple effects without explicitly stating the problems that self-employment might cause. It would be beneficial to precisely highlight the issues resulting from choosing self-employment over working in a large company.
    • Improved example: "Opting for self-employment over traditional employment presents several challenges. One significant issue is the potential decline in communication skills among self-employed individuals as they primarily focus on their personal businesses, hindering their ability to engage effectively in face-to-face interactions and collaborations."
  2. Quoted text: "Additionally, another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance. Striking a balance between work and personal life can be exceptionally difficult."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay identifies the problem of work-life balance, but the development lacks depth and specifics. Elaborating on the specific struggles self-employed individuals face in achieving work-life balance and the subsequent consequences could strengthen the argument. Also, providing personal or anecdotal examples would enhance the essay’s credibility.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, self-employed individuals often struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance, leading to blurred boundaries between professional commitments and personal life. For instance, the constant workload might encroach upon family time or leisure activities, impacting their overall well-being."

Overall, the essay sufficiently addresses the task by discussing the problems associated with self-employment. However, it could benefit from clearer and more detailed articulation of the challenges faced, using specific examples or personal experiences to enhance the depth of analysis. Additionally, a more explicit positioning in the introduction would better guide the reader through the writer’s standpoint.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and the main idea of the essay. Each paragraph presents a distinct aspect of the issue, contributing to a coherent flow. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, with a variety of linking words and phrases facilitating smooth transitions between sentences and ideas. The essay manages to maintain a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to overall coherence.

However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for more seamless connections between ideas. For example, the transition between the challenges of self-employment and the proposed solutions could be more explicit. Additionally, there is room for more varied sentence structures to enhance cohesion further.

The essay’s paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, but there is a slight inconsistency in the length of paragraphs. The ideas are well-developed, providing a comprehensive exploration of the topic. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance the use of cohesive devices by ensuring a more explicit connection between ideas. Consider using a wider range of transitional phrases for smoother transitions.
  2. Maintain consistency in paragraph length for a more polished presentation.
  3. Experiment with varied sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to the writing, contributing to improved cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, contributing to a fluent and flexible expression of ideas. The candidate skillfully employs uncommon lexical items, enhancing the sophistication of the language used. The essay maintains a precise and coherent conveyance of meaning throughout. Although there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are infrequent and do not significantly hinder comprehension. Additionally, there are rare errors in spelling and word formation, but these can be categorized as minor ‘slips.’ Overall, the lexical resource is strong and aligns well with the Band 8 descriptor.

How to improve:
To further enhance the lexical resource, the candidate can pay attention to the consistency of word choice and collocation. While the essay generally demonstrates a sophisticated use of vocabulary, a more meticulous selection of lexical items could eliminate occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, a thorough proofreading to address rare errors in spelling and word formation would contribute to an even more polished presentation. Overall, maintaining the high standard of vocabulary usage and minimizing minor errors will lead to continued improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, showcasing a good range of sentence forms. There is evident control of grammar and punctuation throughout, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impede communication. The use of vocabulary is precise, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: While the essay is well-structured and exhibits a commendable grasp of grammar and punctuation, minor enhancements could be made to elevate it to a higher band. To achieve a Band 8, aim to further diversify sentence structures, ensuring an even wider range with absolute accuracy. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help eliminate those rare minor errors, reinforcing the consistently error-free nature of the sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, an increasing number of young professionals are opting for self-employment over traditional salaried positions. While self-employment brings about numerous benefits, it also introduces certain challenges. This essay aims to explore these aspects of the issue.

Undoubtedly, the shift towards self-employment can lead to various consequences. A key challenge emerges when self-employed individuals focus predominantly on their personal business, resulting in a potential decline in their communication skills. This may pose difficulties in tasks that require face-to-face interactions, such as collaborating on business projects. Hence, self-employment may become considerably demanding. Moreover, another challenge arises concerning the maintenance of work-life balance. Striking this balance proves to be challenging, as self-employed individuals may allocate less time for their families and personal pursuits due to persistent workloads. This, in turn, may adversely affect their eyesight and overall health, given the prolonged exposure to computer screens.

Several viable solutions exist to address these challenges. To enhance communication skills, individuals can participate in speech clubs or business clubs, facilitating direct interaction with others in their field. These engagements not only improve communication but also offer opportunities to gain valuable business insights and experiences. Furthermore, achieving a balance between work and personal life poses a considerable challenge, but individuals can take proactive measures. Establishing a clearly defined schedule for tasks, allocating dedicated time for recreational activities, and incorporating daily physical exercise can contribute to stress alleviation and personal well-being. These solutions can significantly impact their overall health positively.

In conclusion, while self-employment can offer stability and the chance to gain valuable experiences, it is imperative to recognize and address challenges, particularly those pertaining to communication skills and the balance between work and personal life. By doing so, individuals can successfully navigate the realm of self-employment and reap the benefits it has to offer.

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