Many people nowadays have more than 1 job at the same time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development

Today, individuals have multiple jobs at the same time. There are various reasons for this trend, and it has both positive and negative effects. Therefore, this essay will explore the causes and discuss the impacts of this issue.
There are two primary reasons why people have more than one job. First of all, it is worth considering that people can earn more money. This is because that the cost of living rises and single income may not sufficient to meet their demands. For example, a lot of people work away home, they have to pay rent and utility bills. Additionally some people have children, they have to meet their children needs such as tuition, groceries, so on. Another factor to consider is that people have the second job because of their passion. The reason for this is that the main job is not individual’s true interest. For instance, in Viet Nam a lot of parents have career guidance for their children because various reasons such as family traditional or perceived job opportunities. Consequently, individuals may follow that sector because of parents’ expectation and when they have stable income, they start pursue their favorite job.
Moreover, having multiple jobs can have both positive and negative effects. On the positive side, people gain more valuable experience from each job. Every job that we undergo may bring different knowledge and various skills. Therefore, it become a competitive advantage in the job market. Doing more than one job, however, has negative effects for our health. This is because the heavy workload and numerous tasks make people don’t have enough time to take care themselves such as staying up late, skipping meals, which can result in numerous diseases as digestion, obesity, so on.
In conclusion, having more than one job is contributed by various reasons. Whereas it can bring financial stability and gain experiences, it also has potential impacts for people. Therefore, we should consider carefully before making a decision.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Today, individuals have multiple jobs at the same time." -> "Currently, individuals often hold multiple jobs concurrently."
Explanation: The phrase "hold multiple jobs concurrently" is more precise and formal than "have multiple jobs at the same time," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"There are various reasons for this trend, and it has both positive and negative effects." -> "This trend is attributed to various factors, yielding both positive and negative consequences."
Explanation: "Yielding both positive and negative consequences" is more formal and precise than "has both positive and negative effects," which is somewhat simplistic and less specific.
"First of all, it is worth considering that people can earn more money." -> "Firstly, it is noteworthy that individuals can increase their earnings."
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase than "First of all," and "increase their earnings" is more specific and formal than "earn more money."
"This is because that the cost of living rises and single income may not sufficient to meet their demands." -> "This is because the rising cost of living and insufficient single income may not meet their demands."
Explanation: Removing "that" after "because" corrects a grammatical error, and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and formality.
"a lot of people work away home" -> "many individuals work away from home"
Explanation: "Many individuals" is more formal than "a lot of people," and "away from home" is grammatically correct compared to "away home."
"they have to pay rent and utility bills." -> "they must pay rent and utility bills."
Explanation: "Must" is more formal than "have to," and the period after "pay" corrects the punctuation.
"meet their children needs" -> "meet their children’s needs"
Explanation: Adding an apostrophe after "children" corrects the possessive form, which is necessary for grammatical accuracy.
"so on" -> "and so on"
Explanation: "And so on" is a more formal way to indicate continuation in academic writing than "so on."
"The reason for this is that the main job is not individual’s true interest." -> "This is because the primary job may not align with the individual’s true interests."
Explanation: "May not align with the individual’s true interests" is more precise and formal than "is not individual’s true interest."
"in Viet Nam a lot of parents have career guidance for their children" -> "in Vietnam, many parents provide career guidance for their children"
Explanation: "In Vietnam" is the correct geographical reference, and "provide" is more formal than "have," and "many" is preferred over "a lot of" in formal writing.
"because various reasons such as family traditional or perceived job opportunities" -> "due to various reasons such as family tradition or perceived job opportunities"
Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "because," and "family tradition" corrects the spelling error and grammatical structure.
"it become a competitive advantage" -> "it becomes a competitive advantage"
Explanation: "Becomes" is the correct verb form to match the singular subject "it."
"make people don’t have enough time" -> "leave people with insufficient time"
Explanation: "Leave people with insufficient time" is grammatically correct and more formal than "make people don’t have enough time."
"which can result in numerous diseases as digestion, obesity, so on." -> "which can lead to various health issues such as digestive problems and obesity."
Explanation: "Lead to various health issues such as digestive problems and obesity" is more specific and formal than "result in numerous diseases as digestion, obesity, so on."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the reasons why people have multiple jobs (financial needs and passion for work) and evaluates whether this trend is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To enhance, ensure that each reason is elaborated with more specific examples and statistics where possible. Also, explicitly connect the reasons to the question’s prompt throughout the essay to maintain focus.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that having multiple jobs has both positive (gaining experience, financial stability) and negative (health impacts) aspects.
- How to improve: Improve clarity by explicitly stating the position early in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion. Use topic sentences in body paragraphs to reinforce this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but lack depth and development. For instance, while discussing financial needs and passion, the essay provides examples but lacks detailed analysis or real-life illustrations.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific examples, statistics, or case studies to support each point. Use anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios to add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing why people have multiple jobs and assessing its implications.
- How to improve: Ensure all examples and details directly relate to the prompt. Avoid generalizations or tangential discussions that distract from the main theme.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and effectively discusses reasons and implications of having multiple jobs. To improve, focus on providing richer, more detailed examples and maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It starts with an introduction that outlines the reasons for people having multiple jobs and introduces both positive and negative impacts. Each body paragraph addresses one reason in detail and provides examples to support the points made. The conclusion summarizes the main arguments without introducing new information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one aspect of the topic. Develop a more structured approach by clearly separating reasons and their respective impacts into distinct paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the topic, such as reasons and impacts of having multiple jobs. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph coherence by ensuring that all sentences within each paragraph directly support the topic sentence. Consider using transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs for smoother flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices such as ‘therefore’, ‘for example’, ‘in conclusion’, and ‘on the positive side’ to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices help to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Increase variety in cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., ‘however’, ‘moreover’, ‘furthermore’, ‘despite’) to strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 6. To improve coherence further, focus on maintaining a clear and consistent organizational structure throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a unified topic and effectively supports the overall argument. Additionally, enhancing the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices will strengthen the essay’s ability to connect ideas more effectively. These refinements will help elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion to a higher band score level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are attempts to vary word choice and express ideas with different terms, such as "trend," "sector," "perceived," and "advantage." However, some phrases are repetitive ("for example," "such as"), and simpler terms are occasionally repeated without synonyms or variations.
- How to improve: To enhance your score in Lexical Resource, aim to further diversify your vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and more precise terminology where possible. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "for example," consider using phrases like "illustratively," "to illustrate," or "as an illustration." This not only enriches your vocabulary but also adds sophistication to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but lacks precision at times. For example, "career guidance" could be more precisely termed as "career counseling" or "career advice." Additionally, the phrase "numerous diseases as digestion" is unclear and could be improved for clarity and accuracy.
- How to improve: Work on using vocabulary more precisely by choosing words that exactly convey your intended meaning. Review your essay for instances where clarity could be improved through more specific terms. For instance, replace vague terms like "numerous diseases" with specific conditions like "digestive disorders" or "metabolic ailments."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with minor errors such as "it become" (should be "it becomes"), "they have to meet their children needs" (should be "their children’s needs"), and "as digestion" (likely meant as "such as digestion"). These errors do not significantly hinder comprehension but suggest occasional lapses in proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work more carefully. Pay attention to common errors such as subject-verb agreement ("it become" → "it becomes") and possessive forms ("children needs" → "children’s needs"). Utilize spell-check tools or ask someone to review your writing for spelling accuracy before final submission.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, focusing on precision and variety can elevate your Lexical Resource score. Keep practicing to refine your use of synonyms, choose more precise terms where applicable, and maintain consistent spelling accuracy to achieve higher proficiency in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, although some structures are repetitive or overly simplistic. For instance, there is frequent use of basic sentence patterns ("There are two primary reasons…"; "Moreover, having multiple jobs…"). However, there are also instances of more complex structures attempted, albeit inconsistently ("For instance, in Viet Nam a lot of parents have career guidance for their children because various reasons such as family traditional or perceived job opportunities"). These attempts contribute to a somewhat varied but uneven range of sentence structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s effectiveness, aim for greater variety in sentence structures. Incorporate compound and complex sentences more consistently to improve coherence and sophistication. For example, consider combining related ideas into complex sentences to demonstrate a deeper connection between points. Additionally, vary sentence openings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays reasonable grammatical control overall. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "This is because that the cost of living rises and single income may not sufficient to meet their demands" contains errors in subject-verb agreement and awkward sentence construction. Similarly, punctuation errors such as missing commas and incorrect usage of articles ("the main job is not individual’s true interest") detract from the overall fluency.
- How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by reviewing and revising sentence structures for clarity and correctness. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and consistent verb tense usage. Use commas appropriately to clarify meaning and improve readability. Proofread carefully to identify and correct these errors, ensuring that each sentence contributes effectively to the essay’s coherence and persuasiveness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical precision would enhance clarity, coherence, and overall impact. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more sophisticated command of language structures and greater grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, it is increasingly common for individuals to hold multiple jobs simultaneously. This trend is driven by several factors, leading to both positive and negative consequences. This essay will explore these reasons and discuss the impacts of this phenomenon.

There are two primary reasons why people take on more than one job. Firstly, it is notable that individuals can increase their earnings. This is because the rising cost of living and insufficient single income may not meet their demands. For instance, many individuals work away from home and must cover expenses such as rent and utility bills. Moreover, those with children have additional financial obligations such as tuition and groceries to fulfill.

Another significant factor is that individuals often pursue a second job based on their passion. This is because the primary job may not align with the individual’s true interests. For example, in Vietnam, many parents provide career guidance to their children influenced by family tradition or perceived job opportunities. Consequently, individuals may initially follow a career path to meet expectations and financial stability, before pursuing their preferred occupation.

Having multiple jobs can have both positive and negative effects. On the positive side, people gain valuable experience and diverse skills from each job they undertake. This accumulation of skills can provide a competitive advantage in the job market. However, juggling multiple jobs can adversely affect health due to the heavy workload and lack of sufficient time for self-care. This lifestyle can lead to various health issues such as digestive problems and obesity.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of individuals holding multiple jobs simultaneously is driven by financial necessity and personal aspirations. While it can bring financial stability and professional growth, it also poses potential risks to health and well-being. Therefore, individuals should carefully weigh the benefits and drawbacks before committing to multiple job roles.