Many people say that we have developed into a ‘throw-away’ society, because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend to solve this problem?
Many people say that we have developed into a 'throw-away' society, because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend to solve this problem?
In modern society, many individuals believe we have organized a ‘throw-away’ culture due to the mass dispensing of undegradable products to the environment like plastic bags and rubbish. I wholeheartedly agree with this argument, and in this essay, I will delve into some principal measures for these problems at both governmental and individual levels.
First of all, governments’ practices play an important role in mitigating the use of disposable products. Primarily, global authorities possess the ability to enact laws referring to waste management. Indeed, the implementation of regulations and policies constitutes a critical step towards waste reduction and recycling efforts. Furthermore, public education initiatives regarding the significance of waste reduction and proper waste disposal can foster more conscientious behaviors. Notably, several nations, including the USA, China, Australia, Malaysia, and New Zealand, have incorporated recycling into their educational curricula in recent years.
At the individual level, the collective efforts of citizens can yield significant impact. To begin with, individuals can engage in processes converting waste into energy rather than discarding these materials.. Undoubtedly, methods like incineration and anaerobic digestion offer help to manage waste while simultaneously producing useful energy, promoting environmental well-being. Another noteworthy aspect is fostering sustainable product design to enhance durability, reusability, and recyclability, thereby minimizing waste constructing. For instance, there are companies and corporations that are actively involved in producing eco-friendly products, such as Cellugy, RanMarine Technology, IBM, Nike and Unilever.
In summary, combating our throw-away culture requires collaborative action from both governments and individuals. Governments can enact effective waste management laws and educate the public, while individuals contribute through waste-to-energy initiatives and supporting sustainable product design. Together, these efforts can mitigate the environmental impact of disposable products and promote a more sustainable future.
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Errors and Improvements:
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"many individuals believe we have organized a ‘throw-away’ culture" -> "numerous individuals contend that we have cultivated a ‘throw-away’ culture"
Explanation: Replacing "believe" with "contend" and "organized" with "cultivated" enhances the formal tone and precision of the statement. "Contend" is more academically appropriate as it implies a reasoned argument rather than a simple belief. -
"I wholeheartedly agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: Replacing "wholeheartedly agree" with "strongly concur" maintains the author’s strong agreement while employing a more formal and academic expression. -
"undegradable products" -> "non-degradable products"
Explanation: "Non-degradable" is the correct term for materials that cannot decompose, making the sentence more accurate and formal. -
"rubbish" -> "waste materials"
Explanation: Replacing "rubbish" with "waste materials" provides a more precise and formal term that is appropriate for an academic context. -
"First of all, governments’ practices" -> "Initially, governmental practices"
Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal temporal transition than "First of all," and "governmental" is a more appropriate adjective than "governments’" to describe practices. -
"Primarily, global authorities possess" -> "Primarily, international authorities have"
Explanation: Replacing "possess" with "have" simplifies the language without losing formality or clarity, making the sentence more direct and academically suitable. -
"referring to waste management" -> "pertaining to waste management"
Explanation: "Pertaining to" is more formal and precise than "referring to," and it better conveys the idea of laws that relate directly to waste management. -
"public education initiatives" -> "public educational initiatives"
Explanation: Adding "al" to "education" to form "educational" makes the phrase more specific and formally aligns with the context of initiatives designed to educate. -
"conscientious behaviors" -> "responsible behaviors"
Explanation: "Responsible behaviors" is a more specific term that clearly conveys the idea of actions taken with awareness of their consequences, improving clarity and formality. -
"converting waste into energy rather than discarding these materials." -> "transforming waste into energy instead of discarding these materials."
Explanation: "Transforming" is a more formal and precise term than "converting," and "instead of" is preferred over "rather than" for a more formal tone in academic writing. -
"offer help to manage waste" -> "aid in managing waste"
Explanation: "Aid in managing waste" is a more concise and formal way to express the assistance these methods provide in waste management. -
"minimizing waste constructing" -> "minimizing waste generation"
Explanation: "Waste generation" is the correct term for the production of waste, making the sentence more accurate and formal. -
"companies and corporations" -> "enterprises and corporations"
Explanation: Replacing "companies" with "enterprises" avoids redundancy (as companies and corporations are similar) and enhances the formality of the language. -
"combating our throw-away culture" -> "addressing our throw-away culture"
Explanation: "Addressing" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "combating," which may carry overly aggressive connotations for an academic essay. -
"supporting sustainable product design" -> "advocating for sustainable product design"
Explanation: "Advocating for" suggests a more active role in promoting sustainable product design, enhancing the formality and precision of the action described.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt by agreeing with the notion of a ‘throw-away’ culture and providing measures at both governmental and individual levels to tackle the problem of environmental pollution caused by disposable products.
- How to improve: While the essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the question, it could further enhance clarity by explicitly mentioning the measures recommended to solve the problem in the introduction.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout, unequivocally agreeing with the idea of a ‘throw-away’ society and offering measures to address the issue.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity further, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids any ambiguity in language that might confuse the reader about the essay’s position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and arguments. It discusses governmental roles in waste management, public education, individual actions such as waste-to-energy initiatives, and support for sustainable product design.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing even more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed measures and further bolster the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains closely aligned with the topic throughout, discussing the proliferation of disposable products and offering solutions to address this issue.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance to the topic, maintain a clear focus on the relationship between disposable products and environmental pollution, avoiding tangential discussions that detract from the main theme.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses each criterion of the task response, there are opportunities for refinement in terms of clarity, depth of analysis, and focus to elevate the response further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization of ideas with a structured introduction, body paragraphs discussing governmental and individual measures, and a concise conclusion summarizing the main points. Each paragraph flows logically into the next, with cohesive transitions guiding the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: While the overall organization is effective, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective point. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration to fully support the essay’s thesis.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph unity by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support each point. Additionally, consider incorporating topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline its main idea.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("First of all," "To begin with," "In summary") and pronouns ("these problems," "these materials"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by linking ideas and facilitating smooth transitions between paragraphs.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary throughout. For instance, terms like "undegradable," "mitigating," "conscientious," and "anaerobic digestion" showcase a breadth of vocabulary. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "fostering sustainable product design" and "promoting environmental well-being" further enriches the lexical resource.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases an extensive vocabulary, incorporating more nuanced synonyms or alternative expressions could elevate the richness of lexical resource. For instance, instead of repeating "waste management," consider using phrases like "resource management" or "waste reduction strategies" to add depth to the argument.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, the use of "incineration" and "anaerobic digestion" in discussing waste management techniques demonstrates precision in terminology. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "undegradable" might be more accurately expressed as "non-biodegradable."
- How to improve: Continuously refine word choice to ensure the most precise and fitting vocabulary is utilized. Consider consulting a thesaurus or conducting additional research to identify more specific or technical terms where necessary. Additionally, strive for clarity and accuracy in conveying ideas to avoid any potential ambiguity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally high, with no glaring errors observed. Complex terms such as "anaerobic digestion" and "sustainable" are spelled correctly, indicating a strong grasp of spelling conventions. However, there are a few minor spelling errors, such as "undegradable" instead of "non-biodegradable" and "discarding" instead of "disposing."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to catch and correct any overlooked errors. Additionally, pay close attention to terminology and ensure consistency in spelling throughout the essay. Reviewing the essay multiple times with a focus on spelling can help minimize errors and enhance overall clarity.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, complex sentences such as "First of all, governments’ practices play an important role in mitigating the use of disposable products" and compound sentences like "Furthermore, public education initiatives regarding the significance of waste reduction and proper waste disposal can foster more conscientious behaviors" showcase a range of syntactic structures that enhance readability and sophistication.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a satisfactory range of sentence structures, further diversity could be achieved by incorporating more parallel structures, rhetorical questions, and conditional sentences. Additionally, varying the length of sentences for stylistic purposes could enhance the overall fluency and engagement of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are generally well-constructed, and grammatical errors are minimal. For instance, phrases like "the mass dispensing of undegradable products to the environment" and "individuals believe we have organized a ‘throw-away’ culture" are grammatically sound. Punctuation is also used effectively to clarify meaning and structure.
- How to improve: While the essay’s grammar and punctuation are strong, occasional errors are present. For instance, "Primarily, global authorities possess the ability to enact laws referring to waste management" could be improved by rephrasing as "Primarily, global authorities have the ability to enact laws pertaining to waste management" for smoother flow. Proofreading for minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and article usage could further enhance the essay’s clarity and professionalism.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to its coherence and persuasiveness. By continuing to diversify sentence structures and refine grammatical precision, the writer can further elevate the quality of their written expression.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, numerous individuals contend that we have cultivated a ‘throw-away’ culture, primarily due to the widespread dissemination of non-degradable products like plastic bags and waste materials. I strongly concur with this perspective, and in this essay, I will explore some key measures to address these challenges at governmental and individual levels.
Initially, governmental practices play a crucial role in addressing our throw-away culture. Primarily, international authorities have the capacity to enact laws pertaining to waste management. Indeed, the implementation of regulations and policies constitutes a critical step towards minimizing waste generation and promoting recycling efforts. Furthermore, public educational initiatives regarding the importance of responsible behaviors in waste reduction and proper waste disposal can significantly aid in managing waste. Notably, several nations, including the USA, China, Australia, Malaysia, and New Zealand, have incorporated recycling into their educational curricula in recent years.
At the individual level, collective efforts can also make a substantial impact. To begin with, individuals can engage in processes transforming waste into energy instead of discarding these materials. Undoubtedly, methods like incineration and anaerobic digestion offer assistance in managing waste while simultaneously producing useful energy, thus promoting environmental well-being. Another noteworthy approach is advocating for sustainable product design to enhance durability, reusability, and recyclability, thereby minimizing waste construction. For instance, enterprises and corporations such as Cellugy, RanMarine Technology, IBM, Nike, and Unilever are actively involved in producing eco-friendly products.
In summary, addressing our throw-away culture requires collaborative action from both governments and individuals. Governments can enact effective waste management laws and promote public awareness, while individuals can contribute through waste-to-energy initiatives and support for sustainable product design. Together, these efforts can mitigate the environmental impact of disposable products and pave the way for a more sustainable future.
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