Many people think that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development. However, others believe that these are leading to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary times, the increase in international trade and cultural exchange is a beneficial improvement. However, some people, including myself, believe this growth can diminish national identities. This essay will discuss both these views and give my opinion.

It is understandable why advancing global business contacts can bring several benefits, such as economic growth and cultural tourism. This stems from the fact that internal products can be sold to new kinds of customers from distinct nations, which is conducive to boosting turnover and profitability. For example, Vietnam has become the second biggest rice exporter thanks to its sustained penetration in the international market. Additionally, nations can leverage more customers to promote the national culture abroad, such as actively joining in international tourism fairs. This can enhance the global nation’s presence, creating cultural appreciation among countries.

Nonetheless, I would contend that traditional values can lose their origin due to commercialization and the domination of new culture . Regarding the former, when cultural contacts between nations occur, some entrepreneurs, in their pursuit of profit, might distort and alter the traditional elements to be better suited to the market demands. This leads to the problem of losing its significant original value within a country. Furthermore, crucial segments of society may also be marginalized as the influx of newer influences from abroad. If individuals solely focus on novelty because of their curiosity, their inherited values would be significantly diminished.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the benefits of developing cooperation in economy and culture among nations, I believe its drawbacks should be taken into account, for the reasons explained above. Therefore, a nation can be prevented from the loss of valuable heritages in its society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary times" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "In the contemporary era" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"is a beneficial improvement" -> "represents a beneficial development"
Explanation: "Represents a beneficial development" is more formal and specific, aligning better with academic language by emphasizing the nature of the change.
"some people, including myself" -> "some individuals, including this writer"
Explanation: "This writer" is a more formal and impersonal way to refer to oneself in academic writing, avoiding the informal "myself."
"advancing global business contacts" -> "expanding global business connections"
Explanation: "Expanding global business connections" is a more precise term that better captures the dynamic nature of international trade and commerce.
"internal products" -> "domestic products"
Explanation: "Domestic products" is the correct term for goods produced within a country, whereas "internal products" is vague and less commonly used.
"new kinds of customers" -> "new customer bases"
Explanation: "New customer bases" is a more precise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.
"boosting turnover and profitability" -> "enhancing revenue and profitability"
Explanation: "Enhancing revenue" is a more formal and precise term than "boosting turnover," which is somewhat colloquial.
"actively joining in international tourism fairs" -> "actively participating in international tourism exhibitions"
Explanation: "Participating in international tourism exhibitions" is more formal and specific, replacing the less formal "joining in."
"the global nation’s presence" -> "the global nation’s presence"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "nation’s" for grammatical accuracy.
"traditional values can lose their origin" -> "traditional values may lose their authenticity"
Explanation: "May lose their authenticity" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, as "authenticity" is a more specific term than "origin."
"the problem of losing its significant original value" -> "the issue of diminishing its inherent value"
Explanation: "Diminishing its inherent value" is more precise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "significant original."
"crucial segments of society" -> "key segments of society"
Explanation: "Key segments" is a more formal and precise term than "crucial," which can be seen as slightly informal in this context.
"solely focus on novelty because of their curiosity" -> "primarily focus on novelty due to their curiosity"
Explanation: "Primarily focus on novelty due to their curiosity" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "solely."
"would be significantly diminished" -> "could be substantially diminished"
Explanation: "Could be substantially diminished" is more cautious and formal, fitting the academic style better than "would be significantly diminished," which implies certainty.
"its drawbacks should be taken into account" -> "its drawbacks should be considered"
Explanation: "Considered" is a more formal synonym for "taken into account," enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of increasing business and cultural contacts on national identities. The first body paragraph presents the positive aspects of international trade and cultural exchange, citing economic growth and cultural tourism as benefits. The second body paragraph discusses the potential negative consequences, particularly the loss of traditional values. The essay clearly outlines both perspectives, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both views.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more balanced exploration of each viewpoint. For instance, the positive aspects could be elaborated further with additional examples or statistics, while the negative aspects could include more specific instances of cultural loss. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author states a clear position in favor of recognizing the drawbacks of increased international contacts, indicating personal belief in the potential loss of national identities. This position is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding remarks. However, the transition between discussing both views and the personal opinion could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in perspective more effectively. For example, explicitly stating "On the other hand, I believe…" before presenting their opinion would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of international contacts. The example of Vietnam as a major rice exporter effectively illustrates the point. However, the support for the negative view could be strengthened; while the ideas are valid, they lack specific examples or deeper exploration.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer could include specific examples of cultures that have experienced significant changes due to globalization or provide case studies of particular communities. This would add depth and credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on the effects of business and cultural contacts on national identities. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the ideas about commercialization could be more explicitly linked to the loss of identity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central theme of national identity. Using phrases like "This directly impacts national identity because…" can help reinforce the connection between the ideas presented and the essay prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples, enhancing transitions, and ensuring a tighter focus on the topic, the writer could further elevate their score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits of increased business and cultural contacts, followed by a paragraph that addresses the potential drawbacks. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the ideas are developed coherently. For instance, the transition from discussing economic benefits to cultural appreciation is smooth and logical.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal the main idea. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second body paragraph could further clarify the shift in focus from benefits to drawbacks.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the discussion appropriately.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could improve the conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs more explicitly. This would reinforce the main arguments and provide a stronger closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for example," and "nonetheless," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. The use of these devices contributes to the overall clarity of the argument. For instance, the phrase "this stems from the fact that" effectively links the idea of economic benefits to the subsequent explanation.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more variedlinking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently." This would not only enhance the richness of the language but also improve the flow between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not excessively will maintain the essay’s readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with well-organized ideas and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer could further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "international trade," "cultural exchange," "economic growth," and "cultural tourism." Phrases such as "sustained penetration in the international market" and "marginalized as the influx of newer influences" indicate an ability to use varied vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "cultural" and "national," which could be diversified.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "cultural," you might use "heritage," "tradition," or "civilization." Additionally, employing more specific terms related to the context, such as "globalization" or "cultural homogenization," could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the domination of new culture" could be more accurately expressed as "the dominance of new cultures" to reflect the plural nature of cultures being influenced. Additionally, "internal products" is somewhat vague; it could be clearer if specified as "domestic products."
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. Review phrases for clarity and specificity. For example, rather than saying "the problem of losing its significant original value," you might say "the risk of eroding its intrinsic cultural value." This not only clarifies the point but also enhances the overall quality of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "new culture" should be pluralized to "new cultures" to maintain grammatical consistency. Additionally, "profit" is used correctly, but the phrase "profit" could be enhanced by using "profitability" in certain contexts to align with formal academic writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay slowly, checking for any spelling or grammatical inconsistencies. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial, but be cautious as they may not catch all contextual errors. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "when cultural contacts between nations occur" and "this stems from the fact that internal products can be sold" show an ability to construct more intricate sentences. However, the essay relies heavily on similar structures, particularly in the first few paragraphs, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or using different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this" or "however," try using phrases like "In addition," "Conversely," or "On the other hand." Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the domination of new culture" should be "the domination of new cultures" to maintain subject-verb agreement. There are also some punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "However, some people, including myself, believe this growth can diminish national identities," which could lead to confusion about the sentence’s structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, can help clarify sentence structures. Consider revising sentences to ensure that they are clear and concise, which can also help in identifying any grammatical issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, the increase in international trade and cultural exchange represents a beneficial development. However, some individuals, including this writer, believe this growth can diminish national identities. This essay will discuss both these views and provide my opinion.

It is understandable why expanding global business connections can bring several advantages, such as economic growth and cultural tourism. This stems from the fact that domestic products can be sold to new customer bases from distinct nations, which is conducive to enhancing revenue and profitability. For example, Vietnam has become the second biggest rice exporter thanks to its sustained penetration in the international market. Additionally, nations can leverage more customers to promote their national culture abroad, such as actively participating in international tourism exhibitions. This can enhance the global nation’s presence, creating cultural appreciation among countries.

Nonetheless, I would contend that traditional values may lose their authenticity due to commercialization and the domination of new cultures. Regarding the former, when cultural contacts between nations occur, some entrepreneurs, in their pursuit of profit, might distort and alter traditional elements to better suit market demands. This leads to the issue of diminishing its inherent value within a country. Furthermore, key segments of society may also be marginalized by the influx of newer influences from abroad. If individuals primarily focus on novelty due to their curiosity, their inherited values could be substantially diminished.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the benefits of developing cooperation in economy and culture among nations, I believe its drawbacks should be considered for the reasons explained above. Therefore, a nation can be prevented from the loss of valuable heritages in its society.