Many people think that motorcycles should be banned from Hanoi city centre. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Hanoi is one of the ten largest capital cities in the world, and has the most motorbikes, with approximately eight million. It has been stated that the Hanoi authority should forbid using motorbikes in the inner-city. I strongly agree with this idea because it could help to improve the environment, the human health and the traffic in Hanoi .
If motorcycles are banned, it could bring a better environmental quality and well-being of citizens for Hanoi city. Hanoi is facing detrimental air pollution effects due to CO2 and other greenhouse gases from transportation vehicles. This could lead to severe effects on people’s health such as lung cancers and other respiratory diseases. By 8 million, motorcycles are tangibly contributing the biggest greenhouse gas emissions . Therefore, the motorbike restriction significantly contributes improving the air quality and preventing the aforementioned diseases in the city. Moreover, it could contribute directly toward the Vietnam’s Net-Zero pathway, an ambitious goal, to deal with the climate change.
In addition, the prohibition of motorbikes might be useful to diminish a traffic jam situation in Hanoi city. Traffic jam is a widespread issue in Hanoi. This would have an adverse impact on its image as a tourism city. According to countless foreign tourists, chaotic traffic is the most drawback they do not comeback to Hanoi next time. Thus, to prohibit motorbikes is an alternative solution not only to help decline traffic jams but also to increase and retain tourists in Hanoi.
However, banning motorcycles in the center of Hanoi would encounted hurdles and obstacles. Because the public infrastructure system in Hanoi is insufficient and poor. The majority of roads in Hanoi city are small and the public transport is very simple, which just has a conservative bus system. Nevertheless, if the Hanoi people’s committee has a long and scientific scheme, they might step by step handle these complications.
In conclusion, the motorcycle restriction is a reasonable solution to solve some environmental pollutions and traffic jam problems in Hanoi. It is noticeable that it could bring an advantageous impact on the society and the economy of Hanoi city in the future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Hanoi is one of the ten largest capital cities in the world, and has the most motorbikes, with approximately eight million." -> "Hanoi ranks among the ten largest capital cities globally and boasts the highest number of motorbikes, totaling approximately eight million."
Explanation: The suggested revision enhances formality by rephrasing the sentence to convey the information in a more sophisticated manner.
"It has been stated that the Hanoi authority should forbid using motorbikes in the inner-city." -> "It has been proposed that the Hanoi authorities should prohibit the use of motorbikes in the city center."
Explanation: The replacement introduces a more formal term, "prohibit," instead of "forbid," and specifies "city center" for clarity and precision.
"I strongly agree with this idea because it could help to improve the environment, the human health and the traffic in Hanoi." -> "I wholeheartedly support this proposal as it has the potential to enhance environmental conditions, public health, and alleviate traffic congestion in Hanoi."
Explanation: The suggested revision maintains clarity while using more formal language, replacing "idea" with "proposal" and employing a more sophisticated expression for support.
"If motorcycles are banned, it could bring a better environmental quality and well-being of citizens for Hanoi city." -> "The prohibition of motorcycles could positively impact environmental quality and the well-being of citizens in Hanoi."
Explanation: The suggested change simplifies the sentence structure while retaining formality and precision, eliminating unnecessary words and improving readability.
"By 8 million, motorcycles are tangibly contributing the biggest greenhouse gas emissions." -> "With a total of eight million motorcycles, there is a tangible contribution to significant greenhouse gas emissions."
Explanation: The revision clarifies the sentence structure and replaces informal phrasing with a more formal expression for a better academic tone.
"Moreover, it could contribute directly toward the Vietnam’s Net-Zero pathway, an ambitious goal, to deal with the climate change." -> "Furthermore, it could make a direct contribution to Vietnam’s Net-Zero pathway—a commendable endeavor aimed at addressing climate change."
Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains formality while providing a more precise and eloquent expression for the contribution to the Net-Zero pathway.
"In addition, the prohibition of motorbikes might be useful to diminish a traffic jam situation in Hanoi city." -> "Additionally, the prohibition of motorbikes could prove effective in alleviating the prevalent traffic congestion in Hanoi city."
Explanation: The replacement enhances formality and clarity, using "additionally" and "alleviating" for more precision.
"According to countless foreign tourists, chaotic traffic is the most drawback they do not comeback to Hanoi next time." -> "According to numerous foreign tourists, the primary drawback is the chaotic traffic that discourages them from returning to Hanoi."
Explanation: The suggested revision improves the sentence structure and replaces informal phrasing with a more formal expression, maintaining clarity.
"However, banning motorcycles in the center of Hanoi would encounted hurdles and obstacles." -> "Nevertheless, implementing a motorcycle ban in the central area of Hanoi would encounter challenges and obstacles."
Explanation: The alternative uses a more formal term, "implementing a motorcycle ban," and replaces informal language for improved academic tone.
"Because the public infrastructure system in Hanoi is insufficient and poor." -> "Due to the inadequacy and poor condition of the public infrastructure system in Hanoi."
Explanation: The suggested revision rephrases the sentence for formality and precision, using "due to" instead of "because" and improving overall structure.
"The majority of roads in Hanoi city are small and the public transport is very simple, which just has a conservative bus system." -> "Most roads in Hanoi city are narrow, and the public transportation system is basic, primarily relying on a conventional bus network."
Explanation: The revision introduces more formal language and improves sentence structure for clarity and precision.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the prompt, expresses a clear opinion on whether motorcycles should be banned from Hanoi city center, and supports the opinion with relevant reasons.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint and explaining why the presented argument is more compelling.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout. The writer expresses a strong agreement with the idea of banning motorcycles and consistently supports this stance.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main position, and avoid presenting conflicting ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to environmental impact and traffic congestion. Examples such as the impact on air quality, health, and tourism are provided to extend and support the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance development, consider delving deeper into specific examples and providing more nuanced explanations. Use evidence to strengthen the connection between ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the environmental and traffic-related aspects of banning motorcycles in Hanoi.
- How to improve: While discussing potential hurdles, ensure that the discussion directly ties back to the main topic of banning motorcycles in Hanoi, maintaining a clear connection throughout the essay.
This essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents a clear and consistent argument in favor of banning motorcycles in Hanoi city center. The writer effectively supports the main points with relevant examples related to environmental issues, health concerns, and tourism impact. To further improve, consider providing a brief acknowledgment of opposing views, delving deeper into examples, and ensuring that every paragraph reinforces the central argument. Additionally, strive for a seamless transition between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a discernible structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas lacks precision. The introduction outlines the stance but could better preview the upcoming arguments. The body paragraphs cover environmental and traffic concerns separately, lacking a smooth transition between these ideas. The conclusion summarizes without introducing any new points but could reiterate the main arguments for a stronger impact.
- How to improve: Enhance coherence by refining the essay’s structure. Start the introduction with a clearer roadmap of the subsequent arguments. Create smoother transitions between paragraphs to unify ideas. Reinforce the conclusion by summarizing the main points concisely and emphasizing their relevance to the thesis.
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into three paragraphs. However, paragraph division appears arbitrary at times. The second paragraph tackles environmental concerns, while the third addresses traffic issues. Each paragraph has a main idea but lacks nuanced subdivision, leading to lengthy and convoluted sentences.
- How to improve: Establish clearer paragraphing by focusing on one main point per paragraph. Break down lengthy sentences into smaller, coherent ones to improve readability and maintain a clear focus on individual arguments. Consider subdividing the body paragraphs to allow for more cohesive development of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("In addition," "Moreover," "However," "In conclusion") to connect ideas. However, their use is limited, and the essay lacks variety in cohesive devices. Additionally, there’s a need for more explicit referencing within sentences to link ideas more explicitly.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices beyond basic connectors. Incorporate pronouns, demonstratives, and synonyms to establish stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Utilize cohesive devices more deliberately to reinforce logical progressions and create a smoother flow of ideas.
Improving coherence and cohesion involves refining the essay’s structural organization, paragraph development, and the strategic use of cohesive devices. By enhancing these aspects, the essay can achieve a more seamless flow of ideas and strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a more cohesive and logically structured response.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively uses varied vocabulary related to the topic of transportation, pollution, health, and urban development. Phrases like "detrimental air pollution effects," "greenhouse gas emissions," and "adverse impact" contribute to the diversity. However, there’s room for improvement in showcasing a wider variety of vocabulary. Some repetition of phrases and concepts limits the range and depth of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more diverse vocabulary. Synonyms and alternative expressions can enrich the essay. Instead of repeating phrases like "motorcycle restriction," explore using synonyms like "prohibition of motorbikes," "banning motorcycles," or other related terms. Additionally, aim for more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a broader grasp of language use.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of vocabulary precision. Some terminology is used accurately in context, such as "greenhouse gas emissions" and "traffic jam." However, at times, imprecise language usage is evident. For instance, the phrase "might be useful to diminish" could be refined for precision. It lacks specificity and could be replaced with more precise language like "could effectively alleviate" or "might significantly reduce."
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise and specific vocabulary throughout the essay. Reconsider phrases that may sound vague or general and replace them with more accurate and targeted language. Utilize synonyms and alternate terms to express ideas more precisely. For instance, instead of using "very simple" to describe the public transport system, opt for a more specific term like "limited" or "basic."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are several instances of minor spelling errors throughout the text. Examples include "encounted" (should be "encountered") and "tangibly" (could possibly be "significantly" in this context). While these errors don’t impede understanding, they do affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Utilize spell-check tools or read aloud to catch spelling errors. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary to become more familiar with the correct spelling of diverse words commonly used in academic or formal writing.
By addressing these aspects – expanding vocabulary range, using vocabulary more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy – the essay can improve its lexical resource and overall band score in the IELTS assessment. Further practice with diverse vocabulary and meticulous proofreading can lead to stronger linguistic proficiency and a more impactful essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on straightforward sentence structures, affecting the overall diversity and complexity. The essay lacks more intricate sentence formations like parallelism or conditional structures that could elevate the sophistication.
- How to improve: Introduce greater sentence variety by incorporating diverse structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If motorcycles were restricted…"), parallel structures ("Not only to help decline traffic jams but also to increase…"), or inversion ("Only through a long and scientific scheme could the Hanoi people’s committee handle these complications"). These additions will enhance the essay’s depth and sophistication.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally adequate command of grammar, but there are several instances of errors that impact clarity and precision. Issues with subject-verb agreement ("the motorbike restriction significantly contributes improving"), article usage ("the Hanoi people’s committee"), and preposition placement ("adverse impact on its image") detract from the overall grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: Focus on precise subject-verb agreement ("the motorbike restriction significantly contributes to improving"), proper article usage ("the committee of Hanoi people"), and appropriate preposition placement ("an adverse impact on its image"). Reviewing these specific areas through targeted practice can refine grammatical accuracy significantly.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage in the essay is adequate, but there are notable instances of missing commas after introductory phrases ("If motorcycles are banned, it could bring a better environmental quality") and sporadic issues with punctuation within sentences, affecting the flow and readability.
- How to improve: Practice using commas after introductory phrases ("If motorcycles are banned, it could bring about a better environmental quality") and review internal punctuation for coherence and clarity. Additionally, focus on using punctuation marks, such as semicolons or dashes, to enhance sentence structure and readability.
Improving sentence variety, refining grammatical accuracy through focused practice, and honing punctuation skills will contribute significantly to elevating the overall quality of the essay. Incorporating these suggestions will help to address the weaknesses observed, potentially resulting in a more refined and sophisticated piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Hanoi stands out as one of the world’s largest capital cities, boasting an impressive eight million motorbikes. There is a proposal suggesting that the authorities in Hanoi should ban the use of motorbikes in the city center, a proposal I wholeheartedly support. This measure has the potential to improve environmental conditions, public health, and alleviate traffic congestion in Hanoi.
The prohibition of motorcycles could have a positive impact on both environmental quality and the well-being of Hanoi’s citizens. The current situation with eight million motorcycles contributes significantly to greenhouse gas emissions, notably CO2. This has led to detrimental air pollution effects in Hanoi, resulting in severe health issues such as lung cancers and respiratory diseases. Therefore, restricting motorbike usage can play a crucial role in reducing emissions, improving air quality, and preventing related health problems, aligning with Vietnam’s commendable Net-Zero pathway to address climate change.
Additionally, banning motorbikes could effectively address the prevalent issue of traffic congestion in Hanoi city, a concern frequently voiced by foreign tourists. The chaotic traffic often discourages tourists from returning to Hanoi. However, it’s important to acknowledge the challenges associated with implementing a motorcycle ban in the central area, mainly due to the inadequate and poor condition of Hanoi’s public infrastructure. The city’s narrow roads and basic public transportation system, relying primarily on conventional buses, present obstacles that need careful consideration.
In conclusion, while the proposal to restrict motorcycles in Hanoi’s city center is a commendable solution to environmental pollution and traffic congestion, it is essential to address the challenges posed by the city’s infrastructure. A well-thought-out and gradual approach by the Hanoi People’s Committee could pave the way for the successful implementation of such measures, bringing about positive impacts on both society and the economy of Hanoi in the future.