many people try to balance work and and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are problems associated with this ? What is the best way to achieve better balance?

Today, a lot of people attempt balancing work and the rest of their life despite its difficulty. The unbalance between different parts of life decreases your living quality, raising a necessity in finding ways to achieve a balanced life.
There is no doubt that an unbalanced life causes many problems. Firstly, stress accumulated during the working day can cause various mental health issues. For instance, it makes you easier to get angry or upset about things. In addition, overworking also leads to physical health problems when it makes you exhausted especially when you work too much and not eating enough to gain energy, it causes fatigue and a lot of people faint when they are at work. Moreover, a person working too much will have less time for social interaction, leading to lower work productivity and efficiency. For example, that person will not communicate enough with their colleague, leading to less effectiveness in team activity when they do not
understand each other like they should.
There are several possible methods that can be done to deal with this issue. First, you should create a timetable management to know exactly when you should take time to do something. For example, doing exercise from 6 o’clock to 6:30 then eating with your close one for 30 minutes then going to your office and returning home till 12 pm. Second, when we are at home, we should prioritize our family with activities like watching movies together as it makes you happier and therefore keeps you in a positive condition. Finally, we should make an effort to maintain friendly relationships with colleagues and ask for help when you need it .For instance, you are late for work and can ask them to save a spot for you.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"a lot of people" -> "many individuals"
Explanation: "A lot of people" is a colloquial expression. "Many individuals" is a more formal and precise alternative, aligning better with academic style.
"balancing work and the rest of their life" -> "balancing work with other aspects of their lives"
Explanation: The phrase "the rest of their life" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "other aspects of their lives" maintains clarity while sounding more academic.
"The unbalance between different parts of life" -> "Imbalance among various aspects of life"
Explanation: "Unbalance" is not commonly used in academic writing. "Imbalance" is a more appropriate term, and "among various aspects of life" provides a clearer description.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is less formal compared to "First and foremost," which enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"For instance" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For instance" is suitable for casual conversation but "For example" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"it makes you easier to get angry or upset about things" -> "it increases susceptibility to anger or upset"
Explanation: "Makes you easier to get angry or upset" is awkward and not academically precise. "Increases susceptibility to anger or upset" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"eating enough to gain energy" -> "eating sufficiently to maintain energy levels"
Explanation: "Gain energy" is too informal. "Maintain energy levels" is a more precise and academic alternative.
"a lot of people faint when they are at work" -> "many individuals experience fainting episodes at work"
Explanation: "A lot of people faint" lacks precision. "Many individuals experience fainting episodes" provides a clearer description in a more formal tone.
"For example, that person will not communicate enough with their colleague" -> "For instance, such individuals may experience reduced communication with colleagues"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks specificity and uses "enough" inappropriately. The revised version provides a clearer description with proper pronoun usage and a more formal tone.
"There are several possible methods" -> "Several strategies"
Explanation: "Possible methods" is somewhat vague. "Several strategies" is a more precise and formal term.
"create a timetable management" -> "implement time management strategies"
Explanation: "Create a timetable management" is not the most precise phrasing. "Implement time management strategies" is more formal and clear.
"doing exercise from 6 o’clock to 6:30 then eating with your close one for 30 minutes then going to your office and returning home till 12 pm" -> "engaging in exercise from 6:00 to 6:30, followed by a 30-minute meal with loved ones, then commuting to and from the office until 12 pm"
Explanation: The original sentence is fragmented and lacks clarity. The revised version provides a clearer and more structured schedule in a more formal tone.
"we should prioritize our family with activities like watching movies together as it makes you happier" -> "we should prioritize family activities such as watching movies together, as they contribute to happiness"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks precision. The revised version maintains clarity while employing more formal language.
"For instance, you are late for work and can ask them to save a spot for you." -> "For instance, if you are running late for work, you can request them to reserve a spot for you."
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks proper subject-verb agreement. The revised version is more formal and grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It acknowledges the challenges of balancing work and personal life and suggests methods for achieving a better balance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate the difficulties individuals face in balancing work and personal life. Additionally, elaborating on the benefits of achieving a balanced life could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by acknowledging the problems associated with an unbalanced life and proposing solutions to achieve a better balance.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the central argument and avoids ambiguity or contradictory statements.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the problems of an unbalanced life and offers solutions, but some points lack sufficient elaboration or support.
- For instance, the essay mentions the impact of overworking on physical health and social interactions but could provide more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen these points.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing additional evidence, such as research findings or real-life examples, to support each idea. Additionally, consider expanding on the potential consequences of an unbalanced life to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the problems associated with balancing work and personal life and proposing ways to achieve better balance.
- However, there are minor instances of tangential discussion, such as the mention of maintaining friendly relationships with colleagues, which slightly deviates from the primary focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the main topic of balancing work and personal life. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that distract from the central argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the challenges of balancing work and personal life. To improve the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, focus on providing more specific examples, strengthening the support for each idea, and maintaining a consistent focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that sets up the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs address problems associated with balancing work and life, followed by solutions. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the progression of ideas feels somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively, providing a clearer flow of thought throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. However, paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making them less focused. For instance, the second paragraph addresses both mental and physical health issues without clear separation.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph develops this idea coherently before moving on to the next. Consider dividing longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance clarity and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("firstly," "in addition," "moreover," "finally"), but their effectiveness varies. While these devices attempt to connect ideas, they are sometimes overused or incorrectly applied, leading to awkward phrasing and disjointed transitions.
- How to improve: Use cohesive devices more judiciously and appropriately. Instead of relying solely on transitional phrases, vary sentence structures and employ pronouns, conjunctions, and other cohesive devices to create smoother connections between ideas. Ensure that each cohesive device serves a clear purpose in linking related thoughts and maintaining coherence within the essay. Additionally, consider integrating cohesive devices more seamlessly into the overall narrative to avoid disrupting the flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. It utilizes words and phrases such as "unbalance," "accumulated," "mental health issues," "efficiency," and "timetable management." However, there’s a lack of depth in vocabulary variety and sophistication. For instance, some phrases are repetitive, such as the repeated use of "working too much." Additionally, there are missed opportunities to employ more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary encompassing synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "working too much," diversify with phrases like "excessive work hours" or "overcommitment to professional responsibilities." Additionally, strive to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas with greater precision and depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "stress accumulated" and "physical health problems" exhibit precise vocabulary selection. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "eating enough to gain energy," which could be clarified to enhance precision. Furthermore, some expressions lack specificity, like "various mental health issues," which could benefit from more precise description.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words and phrases that precisely convey intended meanings. Avoid vague or ambiguous language by opting for specific terms that accurately depict concepts. For instance, instead of "eating enough to gain energy," consider specifying the type of nutrients required for energy, such as "consuming sufficient protein and carbohydrates for energy replenishment." Additionally, strive to provide detailed descriptions when discussing complex topics, ensuring clarity and accuracy in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of misspellings and typographical errors, such as "understand each other like they should," where "like" should be replaced with "as." Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory but could be further improved for consistency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading thoroughly before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling exercises regularly. Additionally, pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and focus on mastering their correct spelling. Developing a habit of revising written work meticulously can significantly contribute to maintaining high spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, the variety is somewhat limited, with a predominant use of simple and compound structures. For instance, while there are some complex sentences present, they are not utilized consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, strive for greater diversity in sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences to add sophistication and depth to your writing. Incorporating conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participial phrases can enrich your expression. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and lengths can further enhance the fluency and coherence of your essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors present. Some sentences lack subject-verb agreement, such as "eating with your close one for 30 minutes then going to your office and returning home till 12 pm." Here, "one" should be pluralized to "ones" to match the subject "you." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure coherence. Proofread your work carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring consistent and appropriate use of commas, periods, and capitalization. Consider utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and rectify recurring errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, further improvement is achievable by diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy, you can elevate the sophistication and effectiveness of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, many individuals endeavor to balance work with other aspects of their lives despite its inherent challenges. Imbalance among various aspects of life can significantly diminish one’s quality of life, necessitating the exploration of strategies to achieve equilibrium.

First and foremost, an imbalanced life can lead to various problems. For example, excessive stress accumulated during the workday can increase susceptibility to anger or upset. Furthermore, overworking can detrimentally affect physical health, particularly when individuals fail to consume sufficient nourishment to sustain energy levels, resulting in fatigue and, in severe cases, fainting episodes at work. Additionally, prolonged work hours can diminish opportunities for social interaction, thereby reducing work productivity and efficiency. For instance, individuals may experience reduced communication with colleagues, hindering effective teamwork and collaboration.

Several strategies can be implemented to address this issue. Firstly, it is crucial to develop effective time management strategies. For example, scheduling time for exercise from 6:00 to 6:30, followed by a 30-minute meal with loved ones, and then commuting to and from the office until 12 pm can help create a balanced routine. Secondly, prioritizing family activities such as watching movies together is essential, as they contribute to happiness and overall well-being. Finally, fostering friendly relationships with colleagues and seeking assistance when needed is vital. For instance, if you are running late for work, you can request them to reserve a spot for you.

In conclusion, balancing work and other aspects of life is indeed challenging but essential for maintaining a high quality of life. By implementing effective time management strategies, prioritizing family activities, and fostering positive relationships, individuals can achieve better balance and improve their overall well-being.