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Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area.
How does this affect local communities?
How could this situation be improved?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is believed that an increasing number of small businesses have been closed due to a business competition with larger shops in the business field. This notable trend has brought about detrimental effects on local communities. In this essay, I will elaborate on this trend before coming to how to address this challenge.

To commence with, the closing of small shops is much a result of raising the commercial competition between local stores and larger-scale retailers. These days, it is common to see that large supermarkets are often financially strong; hence they do not hesitate to mount advertising campaigns that aimed at offering affordable prices and great deals on social media, and on the road as well to draw attention to customers; meanwhile, smaller shop owners are struggling to maintain their own small-scale businesses with limited budgets. This notable trend somewhat discourages people from starting their own business ventures because of the lessons of failures from the predecessors

The gradual disappearance of small shops could be addressed by multi-faceted approaches. In the first place, it is important that governments should provide incentive taxes or tax breaks for small businesses, thereby reducing substantially financial constraints on the owners, helping them compensate for other expenses and surviving in this competition. This measure should be executed in tandem with diversification strategies. By offering unique services or products not readily available in supermarkets, such two-pronged solution caters to specific needs or customers’ preferences within the communities. For example, instead of obsolete books, store owners could order diverse genres of modern comics, books and newspapers.

In conclusion, the closure of small, local shops can detrimentally impact both economically and culturally. However, through supportive policies, community initiatives, and business strategies, there are opportunities to mitigate these effects and foster the sustainability of local businesses.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is believed that an increasing number of small businesses have been closed due to a business competition with larger shops in the business field." -> "It is widely acknowledged that a growing number of small businesses have shuttered due to fierce competition from larger establishments in the industry."
    Explanation: Replacing "It is believed" with "It is widely acknowledged" adds a more authoritative tone. Using "shuttered" instead of "closed" is a slightly more formal term, and "fierce competition" is more precise than "business competition."

  2. "This notable trend has brought about detrimental effects on local communities." -> "This significant trend has resulted in adverse effects on local communities."
    Explanation: "Detrimental" is replaced with "adverse" for a more formal term. "Significant" is used to enhance the impact of the trend.

  3. "To commence with, the closing of small shops is much a result of raising the commercial competition between local stores and larger-scale retailers." -> "To begin with, the closure of small shops is largely a consequence of increasing commercial competition between local retailers and larger-scale establishments."
    Explanation: "To commence with" is replaced with "To begin with" for a more formal start. "Closing" is changed to "closure" for better phrasing, and "much a result of raising" is replaced with "largely a consequence of increasing" for clarity and formality.

  4. "These days, it is common to see that large supermarkets are often financially strong; hence they do not hesitate to mount advertising campaigns that aimed at offering affordable prices and great deals on social media, and on the road as well to draw attention to customers; meanwhile, smaller shop owners are struggling to maintain their own small-scale businesses with limited budgets." -> "In contemporary times, it is commonplace to observe that large supermarkets, being financially robust, readily launch advertising campaigns aimed at providing cost-effective prices and enticing deals through various media channels. In contrast, smaller shop owners grapple with the challenge of sustaining their modest enterprises within constrained budgets."
    Explanation: The sentence is restructured for clarity and formality. Complex sentences are used to convey the ideas more precisely. "Contemporary times" replaces "These days" for a more formal tone.

  5. "This notable trend somewhat discourages people from starting their own business ventures because of the lessons of failures from the predecessors." -> "This noteworthy trend discourages potential entrepreneurs from embarking on their own business ventures, primarily due to the cautionary tales of past failures."
    Explanation: "Somewhat discourages" is replaced with "discourages" for conciseness. "Noteworthy" is used to elevate the importance of the trend, and "lessons of failures from the predecessors" is rephrased as "cautionary tales of past failures" for clarity.

  6. "The gradual disappearance of small shops could be addressed by multi-faceted approaches." -> "The gradual decline of small shops can be mitigated through multifaceted strategies."
    Explanation: "Disappearance" is changed to "decline" for a more precise term. "Mitigated" is used instead of "addressed," and "strategies" replaces "approaches" for a more academic tone.

  7. "In the first place, it is important that governments should provide incentive taxes or tax breaks for small businesses, thereby reducing substantially financial constraints on the owners, helping them compensate for other expenses and surviving in this competition." -> "First and foremost, governments should offer tax incentives or tax breaks to alleviate the financial burdens on small business owners, enabling them to offset other expenses and thrive in this competitive environment."
    Explanation: "In the first place" is changed to "First and foremost" for brevity. "Provide" is omitted for conciseness, and "substantially" is removed for clarity. "Alleviate" is used instead of "reduce," and "thrive" is preferred over "surviving" for a more formal tone.

  8. "This measure should be executed in tandem with diversification strategies." -> "This measure should be implemented in conjunction with diversification strategies."
    Explanation: "Executed" is replaced with "implemented" for a more formal term, and "in tandem with" is changed to "in conjunction with" for a more academic expression.

  9. "For example, instead of obsolete books, store owners could order diverse genres of modern comics, books and newspapers." -> "As an illustration, store owners can consider stocking a variety of contemporary genres, such as modern comics, books, and newspapers, instead of outdated publications."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality. "Obsolete" is replaced with "outdated," and "diverse" is changed to "contemporary genres" for precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does a good job of addressing all parts of the question. It discusses the impact of small shops closing on local communities and suggests ways to improve the situation.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers all aspects of the prompt, it could benefit from providing more specific and concrete examples from the writer’s own knowledge or experience to support the arguments.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and consistent position throughout. It argues that the closure of small shops has detrimental effects on local communities and offers solutions to address the challenge.
    • How to improve: The clarity and consistency of the position are strong, but the essay could enhance its persuasive power by providing more compelling reasons and evidence to support the stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It discusses the reasons behind the closure of small shops and proposes specific solutions with relevant explanations.
    • How to improve: To further improve, the essay could provide additional real-world examples or case studies to illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. This would make the arguments more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic and maintains its focus on the impact of small shop closures on local communities and ways to address the situation.
    • How to improve: While the essay maintains focus, it could improve by ensuring that each point made is directly related to the topic and contributes to the overall argument. Eliminating any minor tangents would make the essay more concise.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presents a clear position, and offers relevant ideas and solutions. To improve, the writer should consider providing more specific examples and evidence, as well as ensuring that every point made directly relates to the topic at hand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information in a logical sequence. It begins with an introduction that provides a clear overview of the topic and purpose. It then proceeds to discuss the reasons for the closure of small shops and potential solutions in a coherent manner, leading to a well-structured conclusion.
    • How to improve: While the overall organization is strong, consider using transition phrases between paragraphs to enhance the flow and coherence further. For instance, using phrases like "To commence with" and "In conclusion" could be improved for smoother transitions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for the introduction, reasons for closures, and solutions. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details, making it easy to follow the essay’s structure.
    • How to improve: The essay already demonstrates good paragraphing. To enhance it further, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and consider using more varied sentence structures within paragraphs for added clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns (e.g., "This notable trend," "These days"), conjunctions (e.g., "In the first place"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "To commence with," "In conclusion"). These devices help connect ideas and create a smooth flow throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective. To improve, continue using a mix of transitional phrases and consider incorporating more complex connectors (e.g., "Furthermore," "Nevertheless") to enhance the essay’s cohesion further. Ensure that these devices are used consistently throughout the essay for a seamless reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases such as "notable trend," "commercial competition," "financially strong," "advertising campaigns," "limited budgets," "incentive taxes," "diversification strategies," "obsolete books," "diverse genres," and "sustainability of local businesses." These vocabulary choices contribute to a fairly varied and descriptive language usage.
    • How to improve: To further improve the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "small businesses," alternative phrases like "local enterprises" or "independent retailers" could be used to add diversity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary quite precisely. For instance, it accurately describes the competition between small shops and larger supermarkets and uses terms like "incentive taxes" and "diversification strategies" correctly. However, there are a few instances of imprecise usage, such as "financially strong" which could be more precisely replaced with "financially robust" or "economically powerful."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully choose words and phrases that precisely convey their intended meaning. Using a thesaurus or seeking feedback from peers could help identify more accurate synonyms when necessary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some spelling errors, such as "commence" instead of "commence," "much a result" should be "largely a result," "compensate for other expenses" should be "compensate for their other expenses," and "detrimentally" should be "detrimentally." These errors, while not overly frequent, do affect the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider using spell-checking tools and proofreading their essays before submission. Additionally, reading more extensively can help internalize correct spelling and usage patterns.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably strong lexical resource, with some room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. Expanding the vocabulary further and paying close attention to precise word choices and spelling would help enhance the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses, compound sentences, and simple sentences. This variety keeps the writing engaging and coherent. For example, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as, "These days, it is common to see that large supermarkets are often financially strong; hence they do not hesitate to mount advertising campaigns that aimed at offering affordable prices and great deals on social media, and on the road as well to draw attention to customers." This sentence combines multiple ideas in a structured manner.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the use of a wide range of structures, the writer could consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and shorter, impactful sentences for variety. Additionally, the use of rhetorical devices, such as parallelism or inversion, can add sophistication to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur. For instance, in the sentence, "This notable trend somewhat discourages people from starting their own business ventures because of the lessons of failures from the predecessors," the phrase "lessons of failures" should be corrected to "lessons from failures." There is also a missing article in the phrase "great deals on social media, and on the road," which should be corrected to "great deals on social media and on the road."
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to carefully proofread the essay for minor errors and consider seeking feedback from others. Pay attention to articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement for flawless grammar. Additionally, ensure consistent comma usage in complex sentences to avoid potential confusion.

Overall, the essay is well-structured, with a wide range of sentence structures and strong grammatical accuracy. The minor errors mentioned do not significantly hinder comprehension but should be addressed for a flawless presentation. Keep up the good work in maintaining sentence variety and enhancing grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that a growing number of small businesses have shuttered due to fierce competition from larger establishments in the industry. This significant trend has resulted in adverse effects on local communities. To begin with, the closure of small shops is largely a consequence of increasing commercial competition between local retailers and larger-scale establishments. In contemporary times, it is commonplace to observe that large supermarkets, being financially robust, readily launch advertising campaigns aimed at providing cost-effective prices and enticing deals through various media channels. In contrast, smaller shop owners grapple with the challenge of sustaining their modest enterprises within constrained budgets. This noteworthy trend discourages potential entrepreneurs from embarking on their own business ventures, primarily due to the cautionary tales of past failures.

The gradual decline of small shops can be mitigated through multifaceted strategies. First and foremost, governments should offer tax incentives or tax breaks to alleviate the financial burdens on small business owners, enabling them to offset other expenses and thrive in this competitive environment. This measure should be implemented in conjunction with diversification strategies. As an illustration, store owners can consider stocking a variety of contemporary genres, such as modern comics, books, and newspapers, instead of outdated publications.

In conclusion, the closure of small, local shops can detrimentally impact both economically and culturally. However, through supportive policies, community initiatives, and business strategies, there are opportunities to mitigate these effects and foster the sustainability of local businesses.

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