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Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

In recent times, the number of pupils finding it challenging to concentrate on their learning increased remarkably. This essay is going to discuss inherent factors triggering this trend and propose some workable solutions to tackle this problem.
One of the primary causes of this issue is that most lessons in schools are not interesting. The fact that many educational institutions are providing theoretical knowledge in classrooms, which are boring for most learners, thus students are not able to concentrate on their lessons, and will be likely to lose their attention. This problem can be tackled by teachers creating more interactive activities in classrooms to galvanize students into eagerly taking part in learning progress, leading to the decrease in the risk of losing attention among students. For example, instead of teaching solely theory lessons, teachers can organise activities requiring the active involvement of pupils such as mini-games or debates.
Another source of the significant increase in the number of students losing concentration in school is the excessive use of smartphones in classrooms. It is common in the recent period that a host of learners are using mobile phones excessively, even in the class, thus they are likely to lose their attention on their learning modules. Dealing this phenomenon involves the role of school councils in imposing more policies to prevent pupils using their phone in the classroom and encourage them to focus more on their lessons. This presumably reduces the chance of pupils using mobile phones in their learning time, therefore lowering the number of distracted students.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that monotonous lectures and excessive uses of smart devices are the main culprits behind the distraction of students in schools. Teachers and school administrators should take responsibility for providing learners intriguing lessons and effective policies to avoid the potential risk of losing concentration towards students.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In recent times" -> "Recently"
    Explanation: Replacing "In recent times" with "Recently" provides a more concise and formal expression commonly used in academic writing.

  2. "finding it challenging" -> "struggling"
    Explanation: "Struggling" is a more precise and formal term compared to "finding it challenging," aligning better with academic style.

  3. "This essay is going to discuss" -> "This essay will explore"
    Explanation: Changing "This essay is going to discuss" to "This essay will explore" imparts a more decisive and formal tone to the sentence.

  4. "most lessons in schools are not interesting" -> "many lessons offered in schools lack engagement"
    Explanation: The phrase "many lessons offered in schools lack engagement" conveys the idea more formally and precisely than "most lessons in schools are not interesting."

  5. "which are boring for most learners" -> "which fail to captivate a majority of students"
    Explanation: The phrase "which fail to captivate a majority of students" offers a more sophisticated way of expressing the idea and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "thus students are not able to concentrate on their lessons" -> "resulting in students’ inability to focus on their studies"
    Explanation: The revised phrase enhances formality by replacing "thus students are not able to concentrate on their lessons" with "resulting in students’ inability to focus on their studies."

  7. "and will be likely to lose their attention" -> "potentially leading to a loss of attention"
    Explanation: "Potentially leading to a loss of attention" is a more formal and precise construction than "and will be likely to lose their attention."

  8. "creating more interactive activities" -> "implementing interactive teaching strategies"
    Explanation: "Implementing interactive teaching strategies" is a more formal and advanced way of expressing the idea than "creating more interactive activities."

  9. "galvanize students into eagerly taking part" -> "motivate students to actively participate"
    Explanation: The phrase "motivate students to actively participate" offers a more formal and refined expression compared to "galvanize students into eagerly taking part."

  10. "mini-games or debates" -> "educational games or debates"
    Explanation: Substituting "mini-games or debates" with "educational games or debates" maintains the meaning while incorporating a more formal term suitable for academic writing.

  11. "Another source of the significant increase" -> "Another contributing factor to the notable rise"
    Explanation: "Another contributing factor to the notable rise" is a more formal and precise alternative to "Another source of the significant increase."

  12. "smartphones in classrooms" -> "mobile devices in classrooms"
    Explanation: Replacing "smartphones in classrooms" with "mobile devices in classrooms" broadens the term, encompassing various electronic devices while maintaining formality.

  13. "It is common in the recent period" -> "It has become commonplace in recent times"
    Explanation: The phrase "It has become commonplace in recent times" offers a more formal and refined expression than "It is common in the recent period."

  14. "even in the class" -> "even during class"
    Explanation: "Even during class" is a more formal way of expressing the idea than "even in the class."

  15. "imposing more policies" -> "implementing stricter policies"
    Explanation: The phrase "implementing stricter policies" conveys a more formal and precise tone compared to "imposing more policies."

  16. "to prevent pupils using their phone" -> "to discourage students from using their phones"
    Explanation: "To discourage students from using their phones" provides a more formal and nuanced expression than "to prevent pupils using their phone."

  17. "there is no doubt that" -> "undoubtedly"
    Explanation: Replacing "there is no doubt that" with "undoubtedly" adds formality to the conclusion.

  18. "monotonous lectures" -> "tedious lectures"
    Explanation: "Tedious lectures" is a more advanced term than "monotonous lectures," maintaining a formal tone.

  19. "are the main culprits behind" -> "are the primary factors contributing to"
    Explanation: "Are the primary factors contributing to" offers a more formal and precise alternative to "are the main culprits behind."

  20. "intriguing lessons" -> "engaging instructional sessions"
    Explanation: Substituting "intriguing lessons" with "engaging instructional sessions" enhances the formality and precision of the expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the question. It identifies the reasons behind students finding it difficult to concentrate (boring lessons and excessive smartphone use) and suggests solutions (interactive activities and school policies).
    • How to improve: While the essay adequately covers both parts of the question, providing more specific examples of boring lessons or suggesting more detailed policies regarding smartphone use would enhance the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout by acknowledging and addressing both reasons and proposing solutions. The thesis, presented in the introduction, aligns with the content discussed in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the thesis in the conclusion, reinforcing the main points and their relevance to the problem.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends them with examples (e.g., interactive activities, school policies), and supports them coherently. However, some ideas could benefit from more development, such as providing specific examples of interactive activities or detailing the potential impact of suggested policies.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on examples and provide more in-depth explanations for proposed solutions to further strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the reasons for students’ lack of concentration and proposing solutions. However, there are minor instances where ideas could be more focused, such as the transition between discussing boring lessons and smartphone use.
    • How to improve: Ensure a seamless transition between ideas, providing clear connections to maintain a focused and organized response.

General Comments:

  • The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt, providing relevant reasons and solutions.
  • Language proficiency is generally strong, with a varied vocabulary and appropriate sentence structures.
  • Consider refining transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow.
  • Continue to provide specific examples to support ideas and strengthen the overall argument.

This essay is well-structured, covers the essential elements of the prompt, and exhibits a strong command of language. With minor improvements in providing more specific examples and refining transitions, the essay has the potential to achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. The introduction clearly presents the topic, causes, and proposed solutions. Each body paragraph discusses a specific cause and solution. However, the flow could be improved by ensuring a smoother transition between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing boring lessons to smartphone use could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the shift from one point to the next. This will help maintain a coherent and connected flow throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a particular aspect of the problem or a proposed solution. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to provide a more thorough exploration of the ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay employs paragraphs appropriately, consider expanding on certain points within each paragraph to provide more depth and clarity. This will contribute to a more comprehensive and nuanced discussion of the causes and solutions.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "In recent times," "One of the primary causes," "Another source"). However, there is room for improvement in using a more diverse range of cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Aim to diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a mix of conjunctions, pronouns, and repetition to enhance coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to ensure a smooth and connected narrative.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, refining transitions, expanding on certain points, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall organization and flow. These enhancements will contribute to a more compelling and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some varied expressions are used, there is room for improvement. For instance, phrases like "the recent period" and "remarkably" could be replaced with more specific terms. Additionally, the repeated use of phrases like "losing concentration" could be diversified for a richer vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary variety, the writer can incorporate more nuanced and precise terms. For instance, instead of "the recent period," consider specifying the timeframe, and explore synonyms for repetitive expressions like "losing concentration" to introduce diversity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary. While some terms, such as "inherent factors" and "galvanize," are used effectively, there are instances of imprecise language, like "remarkably" and "the recent period." More precision in vocabulary could elevate the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: Strive for greater precision by choosing words that convey exact meanings. For example, replace "remarkably" with specific adjectives, and provide more context for terms like "the recent period" to enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with only a few minor errors. Instances like "monotonous" and "imposing" demonstrate the writer’s proficiency in spelling.
    • How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading meticulously, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Utilize spell-check tools and focus on consistent application of spelling rules.

In summary, the essay exhibits a reasonable level of lexical resource, with areas for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. Strengthening the use of more diverse and precise terms will contribute to a more sophisticated expression. Additionally, maintaining the commendable spelling accuracy displayed in the essay will further enhance overall lexical proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. It effectively employs simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout. For instance, the essay uses complex sentences such as "One of the primary causes of this issue is that most lessons in schools are not interesting," showcasing a good grasp of sentence structures. However, there is room for improvement in the incorporation of more complex structures, such as compound-complex sentences, to enhance overall fluency and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider integrating compound-complex sentences to express more nuanced ideas. Additionally, strive to vary the length of sentences to create a more engaging rhythm in the essay. This can be achieved by combining shorter sentences with longer, more elaborate ones.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues are present, such as in the phrase "the number of pupils finding it challenging." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like the comma splice in "This essay is going to discuss inherent factors triggering this trend and propose some workable solutions to tackle this problem."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verb forms align with the number of the subject. In the mentioned example, it would be more accurate to say, "the number of pupils finds it challenging." Moreover, refine punctuation skills to avoid comma splices by either using a semicolon or separating the ideas into distinct sentences. For instance, the sentence could be revised as, "This essay is going to discuss inherent factors triggering this trend. It will also propose some workable solutions to tackle this problem."

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid foundation in grammatical range and accuracy, with areas for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation and subject-verb agreement. Continued attention to these aspects will contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of students facing challenges in maintaining focus during their studies. This essay aims to delve into the underlying factors contributing to this issue and suggest practical solutions to address it.

One of the primary reasons behind students’ difficulty in concentrating is the lack of engaging lessons offered in schools. Many educational institutions predominantly deliver theoretical knowledge in classrooms, which tends to be uninteresting for a majority of learners. Consequently, students struggle to concentrate, leading to a potential loss of attention. To mitigate this, teachers can adopt interactive teaching strategies that motivate students to actively participate in the learning process. For instance, incorporating educational games or organizing debates can make lessons more captivating and foster increased student engagement.

Another contributing factor to the notable rise in students’ distraction is the widespread use of mobile devices, particularly smartphones, in classrooms. It has become commonplace for learners to use their phones even during class, diverting their attention from the learning modules. Implementing stricter policies, enforced by school councils, can discourage students from using their phones in classrooms. By doing so, schools can undoubtedly reduce the instances of distracted students and create an environment conducive to focused learning.

In conclusion, the primary culprits behind students’ distraction in schools are the lack of engaging instructional sessions and the excessive use of smartphones. To address this issue, teachers and school administrators should take responsibility for providing intriguing lessons and implementing effective policies to minimize the risk of students losing concentration.

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