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Many young people change their jobs or careers every few years. What are the reasons for this ? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Many young people change their jobs or careers every few years. What are the reasons for this ? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

There has been a phenomenon that more and more young people choose to jump and apply for other jobs after several years of working. It is my opinion that an array of motivations fuel this trend and the merits of it would overshadow the drawbacks.

There are a wide range of reasons that give rise to the job-hopping trend among the youth. Specifically, young citizens literally blame their previous workplace for not providing enough salary as well as a platform for their abilities to fully grow. Take Europe as a quintessence, many small-scaled companies have seen a stagnant rise in the number of employees abandoning their work to join big conglomerates with higher rates of salary. Consequently, these reasons have become a facilitator in the job-hopping phenomenon among society.

On the one hand, this trend would engender numerous demerits to many people. To further clarify the statement, young people who have just jumped the job will be at a disadvantage when applying for a new occupation and possibly become unemployed. Multiple employers place loyalty at the top requirements when interviewing, and if the applicant cannot prove their allegiance to the company, they will be lost to other applicants. Nevertheless, this aspect only contributes partly to the after result, and these people can be accepted if they are appropriate to the company.

On the other hand, a vast range of people can reap many benefits from job-hopping. First and foremost, a new position would yield a substantial amount of revenue along with a bright career prospect to young citizens. According to several studies in the UK and the US, many employees report a notable rise in their salary after they change their job. Another point worth considering is the chance of climbing on the promotion ladder and a better workplace. With these positive sides, employees will achieve higher in their currently new line of work, and will contribute greatly to society.

To conclude, many people are motivated to pursue other jobs by numerous factors, and despite the latent threats associated with job-hopping, young citizens can promote their career farther with a vast range of benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There has been a phenomenon that more and more young people choose to jump and apply for other jobs after several years of working." -> "There is a phenomenon where an increasing number of young individuals opt to transition and seek alternative employment after several years of work."
    Explanation: Replacing "choose to jump" with "opt to transition" and "apply for" with "seek alternative employment" enhances formality and clarity. The revised sentence also employs a more sophisticated structure.

  2. "It is my opinion that an array of motivations fuel this trend and the merits of it would overshadow the drawbacks." -> "In my view, a variety of motivations propel this trend, and its merits outweigh the drawbacks."
    Explanation: The replacement offers a more concise and formal expression by changing "It is my opinion" to "In my view" and restructuring the sentence for improved flow and clarity.

  3. "There are a wide range of reasons that give rise to the job-hopping trend among the youth." -> "Various factors contribute to the prevalence of job-hopping among the younger demographic."
    Explanation: Replacing "There are a wide range of reasons that give rise to" with "Various factors contribute to" streamlines the sentence, making it more precise and academically appropriate.

  4. "young citizens literally blame their previous workplace" -> "young individuals explicitly attribute their dissatisfaction to their previous workplace"
    Explanation: Substituting "literally blame" with "explicitly attribute their dissatisfaction to" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  5. "Take Europe as a quintessence" -> "Consider Europe as an exemplar"
    Explanation: "Take Europe as a quintessence" is colloquial; replacing it with "Consider Europe as an exemplar" maintains the idea while employing a more formal and suitable term.

  6. "big conglomerates with higher rates of salary" -> "major conglomerates offering higher salary packages"
    Explanation: This revision replaces "big" with "major" for a more formal tone, and "rates of salary" with "salary packages" for clarity and precision.

  7. "these reasons have become a facilitator in the job-hopping phenomenon among society." -> "these factors have facilitated the prevalence of job-hopping in society."
    Explanation: The term "facilitator" is replaced with "factors" for clarity, and the sentence is restructured for improved flow and formality.

  8. "young people who have just jumped the job" -> "recent entrants into the workforce"
    Explanation: The replacement "recent entrants into the workforce" is more formal and avoids the colloquial expression "jumped the job."

  9. "be at a disadvantage when applying for a new occupation" -> "face a disadvantage when seeking a new position"
    Explanation: The substitution enhances formality by replacing "applying for a new occupation" with "seeking a new position."

  10. "they will be lost to other applicants." -> "they may lose opportunities to other applicants."
    Explanation: The revision introduces conditional language for a more nuanced and cautious expression.

  11. "a vast range of people" -> "a diverse array of individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "vast range of people" with "diverse array of individuals" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  12. "a new position would yield a substantial amount of revenue" -> "a new position could lead to a significant increase in income"
    Explanation: The substitution of "yield a substantial amount of revenue" with "could lead to a significant increase in income" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  13. "many employees report a notable rise in their salary" -> "many employees experience a significant increase in their salary"
    Explanation: The replacement enhances formality by changing "report a notable rise" to "experience a significant increase."

  14. "With these positive sides, employees will achieve higher in their currently new line of work, and will contribute greatly to society." -> "These positive aspects enable employees to excel in their new roles and make substantial contributions to society."
    Explanation: The revision improves clarity and formality by rephrasing and eliminating redundancy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "There has been a phenomenon that more and more young people choose to jump and apply for other jobs after several years of working. It is my opinion that an array of motivations fuel this trend and the merits of it would overshadow the drawbacks."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your position and a preview of your main points. To enhance coherence, explicitly state your stance and briefly outline the reasons supporting your view. For example, "In this essay, I will argue that the increasing trend of job-hopping among young people is primarily driven by dissatisfaction with current employment conditions, and I will support this viewpoint with specific examples."
    • Improved example: "In recent years, a growing number of young professionals have been opting to change jobs frequently. In my opinion, this phenomenon is driven by various motivations. I believe that the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks, a perspective I will support through a discussion of the factors motivating job changes and their impact on individuals and society."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, this trend would engender numerous demerits to many people. To further clarify the statement, young people who have just jumped the job will be at a disadvantage when applying for a new occupation and possibly become unemployed."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument in the first body paragraph lacks depth and clarity. Elaborate on the disadvantages of job-hopping, providing specific examples or scenarios. For instance, discuss how frequent job changes may lead to a lack of job security or hinder professional growth. This will strengthen your position and add substance to your essay.
    • Improved example: "On the negative side, frequent job changes can pose challenges for individuals. For instance, it may result in a lack of job security, making it difficult for individuals to plan for their future. Additionally, the constant shift between roles might hinder the development of specialized skills, limiting long-term career prospects."
  3. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, this aspect only contributes partly to the after result, and these people can be accepted if they are appropriate to the company."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation of your counterargument lacks specificity and could benefit from more detailed reasoning. Provide examples of situations where individuals who frequently change jobs can still be valuable to a company, perhaps by bringing diverse skills or experiences.
    • Improved example: "However, it’s important to note that this drawback is not absolute. In certain cases, individuals who have changed jobs frequently can still be valuable assets to a company. For instance, their diverse skill set acquired from various work environments might contribute to innovative problem-solving within the organization."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task, there is room for improvement in terms of depth and clarity of ideas. Strengthening your arguments with specific examples and enhancing the coherence of your introduction and body paragraphs will contribute to a more compelling essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer attempts to present reasons for young people changing jobs and discusses the advantages outweighing the disadvantages. There is a logical progression of ideas within paragraphs, and the essay generally maintains coherence.

Cohesive devices are used effectively, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as in the phrase "young citizens literally blame their previous workplace." The use of language may lack precision, and some sentences could be better connected for smoother transitions. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are areas where it could be improved for enhanced clarity.

The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the overall coherence. However, referencing and substitution could be more clearly and appropriately employed for improved cohesion.

How to improve:

  1. Refine the use of cohesive devices to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
  2. Pay attention to the precision of language to avoid potential misunderstandings.
  3. Review paragraphing to ensure a more logical and cohesive structure.
  4. Strengthen referencing and substitution for clearer connections between sentences and ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. The writer uses less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the overall quality of language. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, which slightly impact the fluency and accuracy of expression. For instance, the phrase "young citizens literally blame their previous workplace" might benefit from a more precise word choice than "literally blame." Additionally, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing, such as "young citizens can promote their career farther," where a more refined expression would enhance coherence.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on refining word choices for better precision and avoiding awkward phrasing. Attention to detail in spelling and word formation is essential to reduce errors. It would be beneficial to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure that each word is used accurately in context. Further enhancement can be achieved by aiming for a more sophisticated control of lexical features, minimizing minor errors, and refining expressions for a smoother flow. Additionally, consider using transitions to improve the overall coherence of ideas within paragraphs and throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences. There’s a variety of sentence structures used, showcasing an attempt at complex sentences and a mix of simple and complex forms. The writer has control over grammar and punctuation, though some errors are present. These errors don’t significantly hinder communication but are noticeable.

How to Improve: To move closer to Band 8, focus on refining grammatical accuracy further. Review sentence structure complexity, ensuring accuracy in the use of complex sentences. Pay attention to minor errors in verb agreement, article usage, and sentence construction to enhance overall accuracy and aim for more consistency in error-free sentences. Additionally, strive for precision in vocabulary and phrasing to elevate the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a noticeable trend where an increasing number of young individuals opt to switch jobs every few years. In my view, various factors drive this inclination, and the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages.

Several reasons contribute to the prevalence of job changes among the younger generation. Specifically, many blame their previous workplaces for inadequate salary and limited opportunities for personal growth. For instance, in Europe, smaller companies witness a growing number of employees leaving for larger corporations offering better pay. These reasons significantly fuel the tendency of job-hopping in society.

On one hand, this trend presents certain drawbacks for individuals. For instance, those who frequently change jobs might face challenges in securing new employment due to perceptions about loyalty during interviews. Some employers prioritize loyalty, and applicants unable to demonstrate commitment to a company may lose out to others. However, this aspect only partially impacts the final outcome, as individuals with suitable skills can still find acceptance in a new company.

On the other hand, job-hopping offers several advantages. Firstly, transitioning to a new role often results in a considerable increase in income and improved career prospects for young professionals. Studies conducted in the UK and the US reveal that many employees experience a significant salary boost after changing jobs. Additionally, there’s a chance for quicker advancement and a better work environment. These positive aspects enable employees to excel in their new roles and make valuable contributions to society.

In conclusion, various factors motivate individuals to seek different employment opportunities. Despite potential drawbacks associated with job-hopping, young individuals can advance their careers significantly, benefiting from a wide array of advantages.

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