Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes? How to encourage young people to study？

It is true that in modern society, numerous young graduates hold negative attitudes towards learning. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but steps can definitely be taken to address this issue.

In my opinion, there are three main factors contributing to the negative attitudes young people have towards learning. Firstly, school education tends to be too standardized and lacks personalized attention. Many schools do not provide sufficient resources for students to explore their specific interests or talents. Secondly, the educational system places too much emphasis on curricula and examinations, causing students to view learning solely as a means to achieve high test scores. This narrow focus can undermine their intrinsic motivation to learn. Finally, peer pressure can also have a detrimental effect. Young people may feel inferior to their peers, which can diminish their motivation to study and, in some cases, negatively impact their mental health.

However, there are several ways to encourage young people to develop a genuine interest in learning. I believe that the education sector must lead this change by modernizing traditional approaches and tailoring education to meet the diverse needs of students. Schools should offer more opportunities for students to easily access a variety of learning resources, allowing them to develop practical skills in fields they are passionate about. Furthermore, the public can play an important role in creating a positive learning environment. For instance, organizing knowledge competitions could inspire young people and rekindle their interest in learning. Additionally, parents have a crucial responsibility to set a good example for their children. They should help their children set clear learning goals, create feasible study plans, and provide recognition and encouragement for their achievements.

In conclusion, young people may lose the motivation to study after graduation unless parents, the education sector, and society at large work together to foster a positive learning environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"numerous young graduates" -> "many young graduates"
Explanation: "Numerous" is often used to describe a large quantity of things that are not necessarily distinct or separate, whereas "many" is more appropriate when referring to a large number of individuals, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"negative attitudes towards learning" -> "negative attitudes towards education"
Explanation: "Learning" is a broader term that encompasses various forms of knowledge acquisition, whereas "education" specifically refers to the formal process of teaching and learning, which is more precise in this context.
"steps can definitely be taken" -> "measures can be implemented"
Explanation: "Steps can definitely be taken" is somewhat informal and less precise. "Measures can be implemented" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"school education tends to be too standardized" -> "school education often lacks personalization"
Explanation: "Tends to be too standardized" is vague and informal. "Lacks personalization" is more specific and academically appropriate, clearly conveying the issue of insufficient individualized attention.
"Many schools do not provide sufficient resources" -> "Many schools lack sufficient resources"
Explanation: "Do not provide" is a bit informal and verbose. "Lack" is a more concise and formal way to express the absence of something.
"to explore their specific interests or talents" -> "to explore their individual interests and talents"
Explanation: "Specific" is redundant when used with "interests or talents," which are already specific. "Individual" is more precise and avoids redundancy.
"the educational system places too much emphasis on curricula and examinations" -> "the educational system overemphasizes curricula and examinations"
Explanation: "Places too much emphasis" is a bit informal and verbose. "Overemphasizes" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"solely as a means to achieve high test scores" -> "primarily to achieve high test scores"
Explanation: "Solely as a means to" is verbose and less direct. "Primarily to" is more straightforward and formal.
"peer pressure can also have a detrimental effect" -> "peer pressure can also exert a detrimental influence"
Explanation: "Have a detrimental effect" is somewhat informal and vague. "Exert a detrimental influence" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"diminish their motivation to study" -> "reduce their motivation to study"
Explanation: "Diminish" is slightly less formal and can imply a gradual reduction, whereas "reduce" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.
"the public can play an important role" -> "the public can assume a significant role"
Explanation: "Play an important role" is a common phrase, but "assume a significant role" is more formal and emphasizes the active involvement of the public.
"organizing knowledge competitions" -> "organizing academic competitions"
Explanation: "Knowledge competitions" is vague and could encompass various types of competitions. "Academic competitions" specifically refers to those focused on academic achievement, which is more precise.
"rekindle their interest in learning" -> "reignite their interest in learning"
Explanation: "Rekindle" is less formal and slightly less precise than "reignite," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the revival of interest or passion.
"set a good example for their children" -> "serve as positive role models for their children"
Explanation: "Set a good example" is a bit informal and vague. "Serve as positive role models" is more formal and clearly conveys the idea of influencing behavior.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt regarding the causes of negative attitudes towards learning and suggestions for encouraging young people to study. The author identifies three main causes: the standardization of education, an overemphasis on examinations, and peer pressure. Each cause is clearly articulated and supported with reasoning. The second part of the prompt is also addressed with practical solutions, such as modernizing education and involving parents and society in fostering a positive learning environment.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the author could consider providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing a particular educational reform that has successfully increased student engagement could strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging the complexity of the issue could provide a more nuanced perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that negative attitudes towards learning are problematic and that collaborative efforts are necessary to address them. The use of phrases like "In my opinion" and "I believe" reinforces the author’s stance, and the logical flow from causes to solutions supports this clarity.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the author could use more assertive language in some areas. Instead of phrases like "I believe," which can appear tentative, stronger statements such as "It is essential that…" could enhance the authority of the argument. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion with a powerful statement could leave a lasting impression.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each cause and solution logically sequenced. The author extends these ideas by explaining how each factor contributes to negative attitudes and how proposed solutions can mitigate these issues. For instance, the discussion on the need for personalized education is well-supported by the reasoning that it caters to individual interests.
- How to improve: While the ideas are well-supported, the author could enhance their development by incorporating more detailed examples or evidence. For instance, discussing specific educational programs that have successfully implemented personalized learning could provide a stronger foundation for the argument. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies related to student motivation could further substantiate the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing both the causes of negative attitudes towards learning and the methods to encourage study. The structure is coherent, with clear transitions between the identification of causes and the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To ensure that the essay remains tightly focused, the author should be cautious of introducing any tangential ideas that could distract from the main argument. For example, while discussing peer pressure, the author could avoid overly broad statements about mental health unless they directly relate to the topic of learning attitudes. Keeping each point tightly linked to the central theme will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements, with a clear structure and well-articulated ideas. By incorporating specific examples and refining the language for assertiveness, the author could further elevate the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and the subsequent paragraphs that delve into the causes and solutions. The use of transitional phrases such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally" effectively guides the reader through the argument. Each paragraph is focused on a specific point, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the transition from discussing the causes of negative attitudes towards learning to the proposed solutions is smooth and well-articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more varied transitional phrases to avoid repetition and to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, instead of always starting with "Firstly," "Secondly," etc., you could use phrases like "In addition," or "Moreover," to introduce new points. This will help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity and readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting details are relevant and well-developed. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs elaborate on causes and solutions, and the conclusion summarizes the main points succinctly. This clear paragraphing contributes significantly to the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. This will help the reader quickly grasp the focus of each paragraph. For example, starting the paragraph on peer pressure with a sentence like, "Peer pressure significantly influences young people’s attitudes towards learning," could strengthen the focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and linking words, which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Phrases like "However," "For instance," and "Furthermore" are used appropriately to introduce contrasting ideas and examples, enhancing the overall coherence of the text. The cohesive devices used contribute to a clear understanding of the relationships between different points.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied phrases to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," you might use "Additionally," or "Moreover," to introduce new information. Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help reduce repetition and maintain cohesion. For instance, referring back to "the education sector" as "it" in subsequent sentences can create a smoother reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic. Terms such as "personalized attention," "intrinsic motivation," and "detrimental effect" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied language effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the phrase "negative attitudes towards learning" is repeated, which could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "negative attitudes," alternatives like "pessimistic views" or "disinterest in education" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more academic or topic-specific vocabulary related to education could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "too standardized" could be interpreted in various ways. While it conveys a general idea, a more precise term like "overly rigid" or "excessively uniform" might better capture the intended meaning. Furthermore, "view learning solely as a means to achieve high test scores" could be more succinctly expressed as "perceive learning merely as a tool for test success."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. Engaging in vocabulary exercises that emphasize nuanced meanings and context can help. Additionally, reviewing the essay for phrases that could be tightened or clarified would enhance overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "education," "motivation," and "responsibility" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of basic spelling rules. However, it is essential to maintain this level of accuracy throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further ensure spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch any overlooked mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling challenges in academic writing can also be beneficial. Additionally, keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, refining word choice for clarity, and maintaining careful proofreading practices, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Many schools do not provide sufficient resources for students to explore their specific interests or talents" effectively convey detailed information. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "unless parents, the education sector, and society at large work together," adds depth to the argument. However, while the range is good, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which could benefit from more variation.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Firstly," "Secondly," etc., try rephrasing some points to begin with subordinate clauses or introductory phrases. This will create a more engaging rhythm and flow in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the educational system places too much emphasis on curricula and examinations" is grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where punctuation could be improved for clarity, such as in the sentence "This narrow focus can undermine their intrinsic motivation to learn," which could benefit from a more explicit transition to the next point.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, pay close attention to the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences. Ensure that clauses are clearly separated to enhance readability. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing with exercises focused on complex sentence formation can help solidify understanding and application of varied grammatical forms.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents ideas clearly, but there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the precision of grammatical usage. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency in their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that in modern society, many young graduates hold negative attitudes towards learning. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but measures can definitely be implemented to address this issue.

In my opinion, there are three main factors contributing to the negative attitudes young people have towards education. Firstly, school education often lacks personalization and tends to be too standardized. Many schools lack sufficient resources for students to explore their individual interests and talents. Secondly, the educational system overemphasizes curricula and examinations, causing students to view learning primarily as a means to achieve high test scores. This narrow focus can undermine their intrinsic motivation to learn. Finally, peer pressure can also exert a detrimental influence. Young people may feel inferior to their peers, which can reduce their motivation to study and, in some cases, negatively impact their mental health.

However, there are several ways to encourage young people to develop a genuine interest in learning. I believe that the education sector must lead this change by modernizing traditional approaches and tailoring education to meet the diverse needs of students. Schools should offer more opportunities for students to easily access a variety of learning resources, allowing them to develop practical skills in fields they are passionate about. Furthermore, the public can assume a significant role in creating a positive learning environment. For instance, organizing academic competitions could inspire young people and reignite their interest in learning. Additionally, parents have a crucial responsibility to serve as positive role models for their children. They should help their children set clear learning goals, create feasible study plans, and provide recognition and encouragement for their achievements.

In conclusion, young people may lose the motivation to study after graduation unless parents, the education sector, and society at large work together to foster a positive learning environment.