Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history of their countries. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history.

These days, it is common for young people to know about international celebrities in pop music and movies, compared to national famous people in the past. There are many factors that can bring about this tendency and the government could implement several measures to tackle the problem.

This phenomenon results from a host of factors. One of them is that the technological advances these days enable young adults and children to using social media which can help them easy to reach informations from every part of the world. As a result, they have more chances to listen pop music or watch movies of international famous people, including singers, actors, and actresses, which encourages young ages to search more information about these people. In addition, their products, including movies and music videos, are globally advertised via TV programs and advertisements, which make them popular and well-know with everyone, compared to historic people, who do not appear usually on media.

Despite these alarming issues, the authorities could implement several measures to address this threatening phenomenon. One of these measures is that government should cooporate with external companies to produce historic movie about famous people in the past, who sacrified themselve to contribute for the independence of the country. This is because these film could encourage the patriotism in the young ages and therefore, they may be interested in learning about their national history and historical famous individuals. In additions, history competitions in schools and universities should be facilitated by government to widespread the historic knowledge of students. This is because these activities encourage them to learn about national famous individuals in the past.

The technological advances and widespread advertisement are the main reasons for this tendency. However, there are several options for the authorities to take to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"young people to know about" -> "young people to be aware of"
Explanation: "To be aware of" is more formal and academically appropriate than "to know about," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"national famous people" -> "national celebrities"
Explanation: "National celebrities" is a more precise term than "national famous people," which is redundant and less formal.
"could implement" -> "could implement"
Explanation: The phrase "could implement" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"technological advances these days" -> "contemporary technological advancements"
Explanation: "Contemporary technological advancements" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.
"using social media which can help them easy to reach informations" -> "utilizing social media, which facilitates easy access to information"
Explanation: "Utilizing" and "facilitates easy access to information" are more formal and precise, correcting the grammatical error and improving clarity.
"young ages" -> "young people"
Explanation: "Young people" is the correct term, replacing the awkward and incorrect "young ages."
"well-know with everyone" -> "well-known to everyone"
Explanation: "Well-known to everyone" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the statement.
"historic people" -> "historical figures"
Explanation: "Historical figures" is a more precise and formal term than "historic people," which is vague and informal.
"do not appear usually on media" -> "rarely appear in the media"
Explanation: "Rarely appear in the media" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and informal "do not appear usually on media."
"cooporate" -> "cooperate"
Explanation: "Cooperate" is the correct spelling, correcting a typographical error.
"sacrified themselve" -> "sacrificed themselves"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"contribute for the independence" -> "contribute to the independence"
Explanation: "Contribute to the independence" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"film could encourage" -> "films could encourage"
Explanation: "Films" is the plural form necessary here, as the context suggests multiple movies.
"in additions" -> "in addition"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error, replacing "in additions" with "in addition."
"widespread the historic knowledge" -> "widen the dissemination of historical knowledge"
Explanation: "Widen the dissemination of historical knowledge" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"facilitate by government" -> "facilitated by the government"
Explanation: "Facilitated by the government" corrects the grammatical structure and adds formality.
"to know about famous people in history" -> "to be aware of historical figures"
Explanation: "To be aware of historical figures" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "to know about famous people in history."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes for the phenomenon of young people knowing more about international celebrities than historical figures and proposing solutions to increase awareness of the latter. The first paragraph outlines the causes, such as technological advances and the global reach of media. The second paragraph presents solutions, including government collaboration with film companies and organizing history competitions. However, the response could be more comprehensive in exploring a wider range of causes and solutions, as it primarily focuses on media influence and government initiatives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include additional causes, such as the role of education in shaping historical knowledge or the impact of cultural globalization. Similarly, offering a broader array of solutions—like community programs or the integration of history into popular culture—would provide a more rounded answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the prevalence of international celebrities over historical figures is a concerning trend, and it suggests that government action is necessary to address this issue. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, but the clarity could be improved by explicitly stating the significance of the issue in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the urgency of the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction. Additionally, reiterating the importance of knowing historical figures in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s main argument and provide a stronger closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes and solutions but lacks depth in their development. For instance, while it mentions technological advances, it does not explore how these advances specifically diminish interest in historical figures. The solutions proposed are relevant but could benefit from more detailed examples or explanations of how they would be implemented and their potential effectiveness.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each cause and solution with specific examples or evidence. For instance, discussing successful historical films or educational programs that have increased awareness of history could provide stronger support for the proposed solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of young people’s knowledge of international celebrities and the solutions to enhance awareness of historical figures. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly in the second paragraph, where the mention of "patriotism" could be better linked to the overall argument about historical knowledge.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main topic. Clarifying how each proposed solution directly addresses the issue of historical knowledge would enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and focus. By expanding on ideas and ensuring that all points are tightly linked to the central argument, the writer can elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context, while the body paragraphs logically follow the prompt by first addressing the causes and then proposing solutions. However, there are moments where the flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be more explicit to guide the reader better.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," can help signal shifts in focus and reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of the film production from the history competitions, allowing for a more focused exploration of each solution. This would also help in maintaining clarity and coherence within each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For instance, the paragraph discussing government cooperation with companies could be split into two: one focusing on the production of historical films and another on the facilitation of history competitions. This would allow for a more detailed examination of each solution.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "in addition," "despite these alarming issues," and "this is because." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "which encourages young ages" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of connectors such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly and enhances the clarity of the argument. For instance, rephrasing sentences to create smoother transitions between ideas can significantly improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, focusing on clearer transitions, more structured paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases such as "technological advances," "international celebrities," and "historic movie" show an effort to incorporate relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "famous people" and "young ages," which could be varied further. For instance, instead of repeating "famous people," alternatives like "historical figures" or "notable individuals" could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a list of alternative expressions and actively practicing their use in writing can help. Additionally, reading more widely can expose the writer to different vocabulary that can be applied in future essays.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "help them easy to reach informations" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "help them easily access information." Similarly, "historic movie" should be "historical film," as "historic" refers to something significant in history, while "historical" pertains to something related to history. The phrase "well-know" is also incorrect and should be "well-known."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of vocabulary. Engaging in exercises that involve matching words with their correct contexts can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing grammar and usage rules can help avoid common mistakes, particularly with adverbs and adjectives.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cooporate" (should be "cooperate"), "sacrified" (should be "sacrificed"), "in additions" (should be "in addition"), and "widespread" (should be "widespread"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch mistakes or using spell-check tools before finalizing their work. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and practicing them can lead to gradual improvement in spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "One of them is that the technological advances these days enable young adults and children to using social media…" shows an attempt at complexity. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures that could enhance the overall flow and engagement of the essay. The use of phrases like "this phenomenon results from a host of factors" is a good start, but the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more effectively. Incorporating introductory clauses, relative clauses, and varied conjunctions can help. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "One of them is," the writer could use phrases like "A significant factor contributing to this issue is…" or "Another reason for this trend is…". Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "to using social media" should be corrected to "to use social media." Additionally, "which can help them easy to reach informations" contains both grammatical errors (the use of "easy" instead of "easily" and "informations" instead of "information") and awkward phrasing. The sentence "which make them popular and well-know with everyone" also has a subject-verb agreement error ("make" should be "makes") and a spelling error ("well-know" should be "well-known"). Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can lead to run-on sentences that confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of adverbs. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and run-on sentences. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide insights into common mistakes. Regular practice with writing exercises focused on specific grammatical structures can also be beneficial. Lastly, the writer should pay close attention to punctuation, ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and enhance readability.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising their band score in future IELTS assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, it is common for young people to know about international celebrities in pop music and movies, compared to national famous people in the past. There are many factors that can bring about this tendency, and the government could implement several measures to tackle the problem.

This phenomenon results from a host of factors. One of them is that contemporary technological advancements enable young adults and children to utilize social media, which facilitates easy access to information from every part of the world. As a result, they have more chances to listen to pop music or watch movies of internationally famous people, including singers, actors, and actresses, which encourages young people to search for more information about these individuals. In addition, their products, including movies and music videos, are globally advertised via TV programs and advertisements, which makes them popular and well-known to everyone, compared to historical figures, who rarely appear in the media.

Despite these alarming issues, the authorities could implement several measures to address this concerning phenomenon. One of these measures is that the government should cooperate with external companies to produce historical films about famous people in the past, who sacrificed themselves to contribute to the independence of the country. This is because these films could encourage patriotism in young people, and therefore, they may be interested in learning about their national history and well-known historical individuals. In addition, history competitions in schools and universities should be facilitated by the government to widen the dissemination of historical knowledge among students. This is because these activities encourage them to learn about national famous individuals from the past.

The technological advancements and widespread advertisements are the main reasons for this tendency. However, there are several options for the authorities to take to increase the number of people who are aware of historical figures.