Many young people today are losing interest in traditional cultural activities such as dancing, music, and festivals. What are the causes of this? What solution can you suggest to encourage more young people to take part in these activities?

It is true that in recent years, numerous teenagers are losing enthusiasm for conventional cultural practices such as folk music, traditional dance and festivals. There are a number of reasons behind this situation, and several solutions should be tackled it.
A range of factors are responsible for the problem. One reason for decreasing interest in traditional activities is that the allure of new things and modern technology. As technology is a great source of entertainment and with just a few clicks on the Internet, people can watch a ton of videos, films, and listen various kinds of music worldwide. This is especially true to young people who have a sedentary lifestyle. Accessing on the social network creates more fun, excitement, and adolescents can chat and make many friends on Facebook or Instagram. Another factor that contributes to this situation is that the lack of information and exposure to local tradition. Clearly, children who live in urban areas have less chance to learn about cultural tradition and join in cultural events. Some traditional practices such as folk dance, music performance, cultural festival are less appealing to teenagers. They are more likely to modern world, for instance, attracted by dancing K-pop or US-UK music. Therefore, these actions can contribute to a gradual erosion of cultural heritage and tradition.
However, there are solutions to this issue. It is vitally essential to teach young generation about local tradition. A useful suggestion would be to encourage children to participate in traditional activities early to enhance their understanding. Similarly, parents and schools have a major role to play together in holding cultural heritage events. Secondly, it is recommended that traditional cultural activities should be incorporated with modern elements such as AI, technology, or pop culture to make young generation more interested and have a better grasp of tradition.
To conclude, it is clear that there are various reasons for becoming indifferent and disinterested in cultural traditions. By increasing awareness and holding relevance of cultural practices, more young people are encouraged to preserve traditional values and identity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"numerous teenagers are losing enthusiasm" -> "many adolescents are losing interest"
Explanation: "Losing enthusiasm" is slightly informal for an academic context. "Adolescents" is a more formal term than "teenagers." "Interest" is a more precise word choice than "enthusiasm."
"several solutions should be tackled it" -> "several solutions should be addressed"
Explanation: "Tackled it" is redundant and awkward. "Addressed" is a more appropriate verb choice for discussing solutions in an academic context.
"A range of factors are responsible for the problem." -> "Various factors contribute to the issue."
Explanation: "A range of factors" can be simplified to "Various factors" for clarity and conciseness. "Contribute to" is more formal and precise than "are responsible for."
"the allure of new things and modern technology" -> "the appeal of new things and modern technology"
Explanation: "Allure" has a slightly informal connotation. "Appeal" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.
"Accessing on the social network creates more fun" -> "Engaging with social networks provides more entertainment"
Explanation: "Accessing on" is redundant and awkward. "Creates more fun" is overly colloquial; "provides more entertainment" is a more formal alternative.
"and adolescents can chat and make many friends on Facebook or Instagram" -> "and adolescents can engage in conversations and establish connections on Facebook or Instagram"
Explanation: "Chat" is informal; "engage in conversations" is more formal. "Make many friends" could be enhanced to "establish connections," which is more appropriate for an academic tone.
"The lack of information and exposure to local tradition." -> "The absence of information and exposure to local traditions."
Explanation: "Lack" is a bit informal; "absence" is more formal. "Local tradition" should be pluralized to match "traditions" later in the sentence for grammatical consistency.
"Clearly, children who live in urban areas have less chance" -> "Certainly, children residing in urban areas have fewer opportunities"
Explanation: "Clearly" is a subjective term; "certainly" provides a more objective transition. "Less chance" is somewhat informal; "fewer opportunities" is more formal and precise.
"Some traditional practices such as folk dance, music performance, cultural festival" -> "Certain traditional practices such as folk dance, musical performances, and cultural festivals"
Explanation: "Some" can be replaced with "certain" for a stronger assertion. "Music performance" can be specified to "musical performances" for clarity. "Cultural festival" should be pluralized to match the plural form of "festivals" later in the sentence.
"They are more likely to modern world" -> "They are more drawn to the modern world"
Explanation: "More likely to" is imprecise; "more drawn to" is more specific. "Modern world" should be preceded by "the" for grammatical correctness.
"These actions can contribute to a gradual erosion of cultural heritage and tradition." -> "These trends can lead to a gradual erosion of cultural heritage and tradition."
Explanation: "Actions" could be replaced with "trends" for a more encompassing term. "Contribute to" can be replaced with "lead to" for clarity and specificity.
"It is vitally essential" -> "It is essential"
Explanation: "Vitally essential" is redundant; "essential" is sufficient to convey the importance of the statement.
"encourage children to participate in traditional activities early to enhance their understanding" -> "encourage children to engage in traditional activities from an early age to deepen their understanding"
Explanation: "Participate in" can be replaced with "engage in" for variety and specificity. "Early" should be positioned before "age" for correct adjectival placement.
"Secondly, it is recommended that traditional cultural activities should be incorporated with modern elements" -> "Secondly, traditional cultural activities could be integrated with modern elements"
Explanation: "It is recommended that" can be replaced with "could" for a more subtle suggestion. The repetition of "should" can be omitted for better flow.
"to make young generation more interested" -> "to cultivate greater interest among the younger generation"
Explanation: "Make young generation more interested" lacks precision and formality; "cultivate greater interest among the younger generation" is more specific and academic in tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question by discussing the causes of young people losing interest in traditional cultural activities and suggesting solutions to encourage their participation.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or statistics to support the analysis of reasons behind the declining interest in traditional activities.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, acknowledging the problem of decreasing interest in traditional activities and proposing solutions to address it.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main argument without introducing conflicting viewpoints or ambiguities.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing various factors contributing to the decline of interest in traditional cultural activities and suggesting feasible solutions. However, some ideas lack elaboration and could benefit from more detailed explanation or examples.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion on each factor contributing to the problem and provide specific examples or case studies to illustrate the impact and significance of each factor. Additionally, further develop the proposed solutions by explaining how they can be implemented effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by addressing the causes of decreasing interest in traditional cultural activities and proposing relevant solutions. However, there are minor instances where the discussion deviates slightly from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and avoid introducing tangential ideas or arguments that do not directly contribute to addressing the issue at hand.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and offers viable solutions, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, supporting ideas with examples, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. Strengthening these aspects can enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the issue and outlines the causes and solutions. Each paragraph thereafter addresses a specific cause or solution, providing a clear progression of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons behind the decline in interest in traditional activities, while the subsequent paragraph suggests solutions to address this decline. This logical progression helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective point. Additionally, consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs to facilitate smoother transitions between ideas. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices or transitional phrases to link concepts more explicitly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the essay prompt, such as causes or solutions, and develops its ideas coherently within that framework. However, there are a few instances where paragraph transitions could be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Consider revising the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. This could involve using transitional phrases or topic sentences that clearly signal the shift from one point to the next. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph length to maintain balance and coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "Similarly" and "Therefore," which help link concepts within and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and integrating them more seamlessly into the text.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases to include pronouns, conjunctions, and referencing words. This can help vary sentence structures and enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used judiciously and naturally to avoid disrupting the flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively organizes information, employs paragraphs, and utilizes cohesive devices to a satisfactory extent, there are opportunities for refinement to achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion. By strengthening transitions, diversifying cohesive devices, and maintaining a clear focus within paragraphs, the essay can enhance its overall coherence and cohesion, ultimately contributing to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic such as "traditional cultural practices," "sedentary lifestyle," "gradual erosion," "cultural heritage," and "traditional values." However, there is room for improvement in the depth and precision of vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "a ton of videos" could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives, and there’s a repetition of phrases like "traditional activities" and "young generation," which could be diversified with synonyms.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions throughout the essay. Instead of repeating phrases, explore synonyms such as "ancestral customs" or "youth demographic" to add richness to the language. Additionally, aim to use more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas, avoiding colloquial expressions like "a ton of" in favor of more formal language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally utilizes vocabulary with precision, such as "sedentary lifestyle" and "erosion of cultural heritage." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "less chance to learn" could be refined to "limited exposure to" for greater clarity. Additionally, some terms like "modern world" and "relevance of cultural practices" lack specificity and could benefit from more precise language.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by carefully selecting vocabulary that accurately conveys intended meanings. Instead of vague terms like "modern world," specify aspects such as "contemporary society" or "digital era" to provide clearer context. Similarly, replace general phrases like "relevance of cultural practices" with more specific terms like "contemporary significance" or "cultural resonance" to enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors such as "tackled it" (should be "tackling it") and "more fun, excitement" (should be "more fun and excitement"). However, there are instances of incorrect word forms and minor spelling errors throughout, which slightly impact overall clarity and professionalism.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers as well as proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, review common spelling rules and practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling habits. Finally, pay attention to word forms and ensure consistency in verb tenses and sentence structures to maintain coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively employs complex sentences like "Accessing on the social network creates more fun, excitement, and adolescents can chat and make many friends on Facebook or Instagram." This variety enhances the readability and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a good range of structures, further enrichment can be achieved by incorporating more transitional phrases to enhance coherence and flow. Additionally, the inclusion of rhetorical devices such as parallelism or varied clause structures could add sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where minor errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("A range of factors are responsible") and article usage ("and make many friends on Facebook or Instagram"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, like missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences ("As technology is a great source of entertainment and with just a few clicks on the Internet…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s advisable to pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly the correct placement of commas in compound sentences, is crucial. Utilizing grammar check tools or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying and rectifying such errors effectively. Additionally, engaging in regular writing practice with a focus on grammar can contribute to improvement in this aspect.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that in recent years, many adolescents are losing interest in conventional cultural practices such as folk music, traditional dance, and festivals. Various factors contribute to this issue, and several solutions should be addressed to tackle it.

One significant reason for the decreasing interest in traditional activities is the appeal of new things and modern technology. Engaging with social networks provides more entertainment, and adolescents can engage in conversations and establish connections on Facebook or Instagram. Additionally, the lack of information and exposure to local traditions plays a role in this situation. Certainly, children residing in urban areas have fewer opportunities to learn about cultural traditions and participate in cultural events. Certain traditional practices such as folk dance, musical performances, and cultural festivals are less appealing to teenagers, who are more drawn to the modern world. These trends can lead to a gradual erosion of cultural heritage and tradition.

However, there are solutions to this issue. It is essential to encourage children to engage in traditional activities from an early age to deepen their understanding. Similarly, traditional cultural activities could be integrated with modern elements to cultivate greater interest among the younger generation. By incorporating elements like AI, technology, or pop culture into traditional practices, young people can better relate to and appreciate their cultural heritage.

In conclusion, it is evident that there are various reasons for the decline in interest in cultural traditions among young people. By increasing awareness and relevance of cultural practices, more young people can be encouraged to preserve traditional values and identity.