More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel to work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel to work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment.
What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

There are more and more people who prefer living in the country and traveling to work on a regular basis; therefore, the traffic jams are happening more and the damage to the environment is also becoming higher. It’s high time people took action to solve this problem.
First, the government could encourage workers to work in the countryside by offering more jobs there. This could be achieved by establishing and reconstructing the factories, companies or installing more cutting-edge equipment, in order that it could offer workers a comfortable working condition and make them want to settle down in the countryside. Due to this, they may not have to travel a long distance to go to work. Therefore, there is less of the amount of the emission that could be emitted by the vehicles during their work. As a result, traffic jams and environmental problems are also reduced and controllable.
Furthermore, companies should combine some convenient services in entertainment buildings and companies to provide the convenience for workers when they want to satisfy their demand. To clarify, companies could erect some convenient services in skyscrapers such as canteens, shopping centers, recreational spaces, game playgrounds or rooftops when they want to wind down. Hence, they do not need to travel to other places to meet their demands by means of transport, which harms negatively to the environment.
In conclusion, I believe that the combination of the two solutions above can solve the problems of traffic congestion and the environment that stem from those people who commute to work every day.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"There are more and more people who prefer living in the country" -> "An increasing number of individuals favor rural living"
Explanation: Replacing "There are more and more people who prefer living in the country" with "An increasing number of individuals favor rural living" provides a more formal and precise expression of the idea.
"traffic jams are happening more" -> "traffic congestion is increasing"
Explanation: Substituting "traffic jams are happening more" with "traffic congestion is increasing" offers a more formal and accurate description of the situation.
"It’s high time people took action to solve this problem." -> "It is imperative that individuals take action to address this issue."
Explanation: Replacing "It’s high time people took action to solve this problem." with "It is imperative that individuals take action to address this issue." enhances formality and urgency in conveying the need for action.
"This could be achieved by establishing and reconstructing the factories, companies or installing more cutting-edge equipment" -> "This could be accomplished through the establishment and renovation of factories and companies, as well as the implementation of advanced equipment."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, while avoiding repetition of "establishing and reconstructing".
"in order that it could offer workers a comfortable working condition" -> "to provide workers with comfortable working conditions"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrasing and improving clarity by replacing "in order that it could offer" with "to provide".
"may not have to travel a long distance to go to work" -> "would not need to commute long distances to work"
Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by substituting "may not have to travel a long distance to go to work" with "would not need to commute long distances to work".
"there is less of the amount of the emission that could be emitted" -> "there is a reduction in emissions"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the expression by replacing "there is less of the amount of the emission that could be emitted" with "there is a reduction in emissions".
"traffic jams and environmental problems are also reduced and controllable." -> "traffic congestion and environmental issues are mitigated and manageable."
Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision by replacing "traffic jams and environmental problems are also reduced and controllable." with "traffic congestion and environmental issues are mitigated and manageable."
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: Substituting "Furthermore" with "Moreover" maintains coherence and improves formality.
"some convenient services in entertainment buildings and companies" -> "amenities within recreational and corporate facilities"
Explanation: Employing more sophisticated vocabulary with "amenities" instead of "convenient services" and specifying the types of buildings more formally as "recreational and corporate facilities".

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the different aspects of the prompt. It discusses measures that could be taken to encourage people not to travel long distances to work, focusing on government initiatives and company strategies.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could delve deeper into the specific measures the government and companies could take. Providing more nuanced examples and exploring potential challenges or counterarguments would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by proposing solutions to the problems of traffic congestion and environmental damage caused by long-distance commuting.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main position and avoids ambiguity or conflicting ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas such as creating more jobs in the countryside and offering convenient services to workers. However, these ideas could be developed further with more detailed explanations and examples.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific examples, data, or case studies to support arguments. Elaborate on how these measures would directly impact traffic congestion and environmental damage.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the issue of long-distance commuting and its impact on traffic congestion and the environment. However, some parts could be more focused and directly related to the topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points and examples directly relate to the main topic of reducing long-distance commuting and its effects. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the central argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents viable solutions to the problems discussed. To improve, it could benefit from deeper analysis, more comprehensive examples, and a tighter focus on the main topic throughout the essay. Incorporating counterarguments or addressing potential challenges to the proposed solutions would also add depth to the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically by presenting two main solutions: government encouragement for job placement in rural areas and the provision of convenient services within companies. Each solution is introduced, explained, and concluded in separate paragraphs, which aids in clarity. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as there is some abrupt shifting between points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs and within sentences. For instance, phrases like "Moreover," or "Additionally," can help readers follow the flow of your argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content, with each paragraph dedicated to a distinct solution or aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be further developed or separated for clarity. For instance, the second paragraph discusses both government initiatives and their potential impact on emissions, which might benefit from being split into two separate paragraphs.
- How to improve: Aim to maintain a single main idea per paragraph to improve clarity and coherence. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more focused paragraphs to ensure each point receives adequate attention and development.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("this," "they"), conjunctions ("therefore," "furthermore"), and transitional phrases ("First," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). These devices help connect ideas and guide the reader through the essay’s structure. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Continue to diversify and strengthen your use of cohesive devices. Consider incorporating more transitional phrases and logical connectors to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to coherence within paragraphs by using pronouns and repetition strategically to maintain cohesion without sacrificing clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, with varied word choices such as "countryside," "cutting-edge equipment," "erect," "recreational spaces," etc. However, there are instances where vocabulary repetition occurs, such as "convenient services" and "environment," which could be diversified for a more nuanced expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary usage. Instead of repeating phrases like "convenient services," explore synonyms or alternative expressions to enrich the language and avoid monotony. For instance, utilize terms like "amenities," "facilities," or "conveniences" to maintain clarity while introducing lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with adequate precision. For instance, terms like "cutting-edge equipment" and "recreational spaces" are specific and contribute to the clarity of ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise, such as the repetitive use of "convenient services" without further specification, which may lack clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary by providing more specific terms or elaborating on concepts to enhance clarity. Instead of using vague terms like "convenient services," specify the types of amenities or facilities being referred to, such as "cafeterias," "fitness centers," or "childcare facilities." This specificity ensures a more precise conveyance of ideas and minimizes potential ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "skyscrapers" being spelled as "skycrapers." While these errors do not significantly detract from readability, maintaining consistent attention to spelling accuracy is crucial for conveying professionalism and ensuring clarity.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy through consistent proofreading and utilization of spell-checking tools. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure adherence to standard spelling conventions. Additionally, reviewing spelling patterns and practicing spelling exercises can further reinforce accuracy and minimize errors in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound-complex sentences. For example, "Due to this, they may not have to travel a long distance to go to work" showcases a complex structure with a subordinate clause. However, the variety could be improved by incorporating more complex sentence structures and varying sentence lengths for better readability and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer can experiment with incorporating more diverse sentence types, such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and inversion. Varying the length of sentences and avoiding repetitive structures will contribute to a more engaging and polished essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, "Therefore, there is less of the amount of the emission that could be emitted by the vehicles during their work" contains redundant phrasing and lacks grammatical clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and improper use of semicolons.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading carefully to identify and correct errors. Specifically, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition placement will help improve clarity and precision. Additionally, revising sentences for conciseness and coherence will contribute to smoother readability. Practicing punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas and semicolons, will also aid in conveying the intended meaning effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a growing trend of individuals opting for rural living and commuting to work regularly, leading to increased traffic congestion and environmental damage. It is crucial that steps are taken to address this issue.

Firstly, the government could encourage employment opportunities in rural areas by establishing and renovating factories and companies, as well as implementing advanced equipment to provide workers with comfortable working conditions. This would reduce the need for long commutes, resulting in decreased emissions from vehicles. Consequently, traffic congestion and environmental issues would be alleviated and manageable.

Moreover, companies could enhance amenities within recreational and corporate facilities to cater to the needs of workers, thereby reducing the necessity for travel to fulfill their requirements. For instance, incorporating canteens, shopping centers, recreational spaces, and game playgrounds within skyscrapers would offer convenience to employees seeking relaxation without having to commute elsewhere, thereby minimizing negative impacts on the environment.

In conclusion, a combination of these solutions can effectively address the problems of traffic congestion and environmental damage resulting from daily commuting to work.