More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for every
More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for every
There is no denying that a better life is what people always seek for. As a result, there is an increase in the number of people migrating to metropolises. However, facing challenges is what they have to deal with. This essay will discuss several difficulties of living in a big city.
One of the main problems that citizens have to face is dangerous crime. It usually happens when one person can not afford their daily basis, they have to steal or rob other people’s belongings in order to satis their life. As a result, those behaviors seriously affected the victim’s property, causing chaos and disorder in the city. Not to mention there are some cases that lead to a loss of life. In addition, overpopulation is also one of citizen’s main concerns. Consequently, it will lead to a shortage of food and shelter in the city and a high pressure placed on infrastructure.
However, there are a variety of measures that can be taken to solve the issue. Firstly, governments should pay attention to the life in rural areas by making their life better. One of the best ways is creating more job opportunities and build more rural industries for workers to work in. Another way is that governments should improve the soil quality for farmers to cultivate plants and earn money. If they have a well-paid job in rural area, moving to the city is what they won’t do
In conclusion, people moving to urban places has several drawbacks, the government can try a variety of ways to improve the quality of life for all residents.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"a better life is what people always seek for" -> "a better life is what people consistently seek"
Explanation: Replacing "always" with "consistently" refines the language to a more precise and formal tone, avoiding the colloquialism of "always seek for." -
"facing challenges is what they have to deal with" -> "confronting challenges is a reality they must face"
Explanation: "Confronting challenges" is a more formal and precise term than "facing challenges," and "a reality they must face" elevates the academic tone by emphasizing the necessity of dealing with challenges. -
"One of the main problems that citizens have to face" -> "One of the primary challenges faced by citizens"
Explanation: "Primary challenges faced by citizens" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "have to face." -
"can not afford their daily basis" -> "cannot afford their daily needs"
Explanation: "Daily basis" is vague and incorrect; "daily needs" is the correct term, providing clarity and precision. -
"satis their life" -> "satisfy their needs"
Explanation: "Satis" is a typographical error; "satisfy their needs" is the correct phrase, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity. -
"those behaviors seriously affected the victim’s property" -> "these behaviors seriously affect the victims’ properties"
Explanation: "Those behaviors" is less formal and imprecise; "these behaviors" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "victim’s property" should be pluralized to "victims’ properties" to correctly refer to multiple victims. -
"a high pressure placed on infrastructure" -> "significant pressure on infrastructure"
Explanation: "A high pressure placed on" is awkward and incorrect; "significant pressure on" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"making their life better" -> "improving their lives"
Explanation: "Making their life better" is informal and vague; "improving their lives" is more precise and formal. -
"build more rural industries for workers to work in" -> "establish more rural industries for employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Build more rural industries" is vague; "establish more rural industries for employment opportunities" specifies the purpose and formality. -
"improve the soil quality for farmers to cultivate plants and earn money" -> "enhance soil quality to facilitate agricultural productivity and economic viability"
Explanation: "Improve the soil quality for farmers to cultivate plants and earn money" is verbose and informal; "enhance soil quality to facilitate agricultural productivity and economic viability" is more precise and formal. -
"moving to the city is what they won’t do" -> "they will not migrate to the city"
Explanation: "Moving to the city is what they won’t do" is informal and awkward; "they will not migrate to the city" is more formal and direct. -
"people moving to urban places has several drawbacks" -> "urban migration has several drawbacks"
Explanation: "People moving to urban places" is awkward and informal; "urban migration" is a more precise and formal term.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the difficulties of living in a city, such as crime and overpopulation, which are relevant issues. However, it falls short of fully addressing the second part of the prompt regarding how governments can improve urban life. While it mentions measures like creating job opportunities in rural areas, it does not sufficiently explore how these measures directly relate to improving urban life or provide specific strategies for urban improvement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly outline strategies that governments can implement to address urban issues directly, such as improving public safety, enhancing public transportation, or increasing affordable housing. Including specific examples of successful urban policies could also strengthen this section.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a general position that acknowledges the difficulties of city life and suggests that government intervention is necessary. However, the position could be clearer and more consistently articulated throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between discussing urban difficulties and government solutions lacks a strong connective argument, making the overall stance feel somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, using transitional phrases. Additionally, restating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the position and provide a more cohesive narrative.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as crime and overpopulation, but these points are not fully developed. For example, the discussion on crime lacks depth; it could benefit from statistics or examples to illustrate the severity of the issue. Similarly, the mention of overpopulation is brief and does not explore its implications or potential solutions in detail.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. This could involve discussing the causes and effects of crime in urban areas or providing statistics on overpopulation and its impact on infrastructure.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the difficulties of city life and the role of government. However, the transition to discussing rural improvements feels somewhat tangential and may distract from the main focus on urban issues. The final sentence of the essay also lacks clarity and could be interpreted as vague.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the urban context. It would be beneficial to explicitly connect rural improvements to urban outcomes, perhaps by discussing how reducing rural-to-urban migration could alleviate urban pressures. Additionally, refining the conclusion to succinctly summarize the main points would enhance clarity and relevance.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the challenges of city life. The body paragraphs are organized around specific issues: crime and overpopulation. However, the transition between discussing the problems and the solutions is somewhat abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing crime to overpopulation lacks a clear linking sentence that would enhance the logical flow. Additionally, the solutions offered are presented in a separate paragraph, but they could be more effectively integrated with the problems they address.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing crime, a sentence like "In addition to crime, another significant issue faced by city dwellers is overpopulation" would create a smoother transition. Furthermore, integrating solutions within the same paragraph as the problems they address can help maintain coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second body paragraph, which discusses solutions, feels somewhat disconnected from the problems outlined earlier. The lack of a clear topic sentence in this paragraph diminishes its effectiveness.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with "To address the challenges of urban living, governments can implement several strategies." This would provide clarity and reinforce the connection between the problems and the proposed solutions.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "consequently," and "in addition." These devices help to connect ideas and indicate relationships between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel choppy or disjointed. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be varied with alternatives like "thus" or "therefore" to enhance fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "governments," use "they" in subsequent references to avoid redundancy.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "migrating," "metropolises," and "overpopulation." However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly in phrases like "better life" and "difficulties of living in a city." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to urban challenges and solutions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "better life," alternatives like "improved living conditions" or "enhanced quality of life" could be utilized. Additionally, using terms like "urbanization" or "metropolitan challenges" would add depth.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "daily basis" should be "daily needs," and "satis" is a misspelling of "satisfy." The phrase "behaviors seriously affected the victim’s property" is also awkward; it would be clearer to say "these behaviors seriously affect victims’ property."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work for spelling and contextual accuracy. Using a thesaurus can help find the right word for the context. For instance, instead of "chaos and disorder," the writer might consider "disorderly conduct" or "social unrest," which are more precise in describing the consequences of crime.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "satis" instead of "satisfy" and "citizen’s" instead of "citizens’" when referring to the plural form. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with commonly used words. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of the language used. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("There is no denying that a better life is what people always seek for.") and compound sentences ("One of the main problems that citizens have to face is dangerous crime."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which affects the overall range. For example, the sentence "It usually happens when one person can not afford their daily basis, they have to steal or rob other people’s belongings in order to satis their life." contains a run-on structure that could be improved for clarity and complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "It usually happens when one person can not afford their daily basis," the writer could say, "When individuals cannot afford their daily needs, they may resort to crime as a means of survival." Practicing the combination of clauses and using relative clauses can also help diversify sentence structures.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "satis their life" appears to be a typographical error for "sustain their life." Additionally, the phrase "those behaviors seriously affected the victim’s property" should use the present tense "affect" to maintain consistency. Punctuation errors include the lack of a comma before "and build more rural industries," which makes the sentence harder to read. The use of "citizen’s" should be pluralized to "citizens’" to indicate possession correctly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread their work for common errors and consider using grammar-checking tools. Focusing on subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and possessive forms will enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in compound sentences, will help improve readability. The writer should also ensure that all terms are correctly spelled and used in context.
In summary, while the essay shows a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is no denying that a better life is what people consistently seek. As a result, there is an increase in the number of individuals migrating to metropolises. However, confronting challenges is a reality they must face. This essay will discuss several difficulties of living in a big city.
One of the primary challenges faced by citizens is dangerous crime. This often occurs when individuals cannot afford their daily needs, leading them to steal or rob others’ belongings in order to satisfy their needs. Consequently, these behaviors seriously affect the victims’ properties, causing chaos and disorder in the city. Not to mention, there are cases that can lead to a loss of life. In addition, overpopulation is another major concern for citizens. This situation results in a shortage of food and shelter in the city, placing significant pressure on infrastructure.
However, there are a variety of measures that can be taken to address these issues. Firstly, governments should focus on improving life in rural areas to enhance the quality of life for residents. One effective approach is to establish more rural industries for employment opportunities. Another important step is for governments to enhance soil quality to facilitate agricultural productivity and economic viability. If individuals have well-paid jobs in rural areas, they will not migrate to the city.
In conclusion, urban migration has several drawbacks, but the government can implement various strategies to improve the quality of life for all residents.