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More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are some possible solutions?

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause?
What do you think are some possible solutions?

An increasing number of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. The principal problems this causes are pollution and traffic congestion, and the most viable solutions are electric engines and better public transport.
One dilemma developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is increased pollution. One of the primary causes of air pollution is automobiles, and every additional car added to the road further exacerbates the situation. In addition, traffic jams are also becoming more common. This is because roads that were built for horses, carts and even bicycles are now clogged during peak times because of the growing number of personal vehicles. For example, there were never any traffic jams in Ho Chi Minh City 20 years ago, but with the ever-increasing number of cars, it takes much longer to commute now.
The first solution to this problem is switching to electric engines. These types of engines are known to be far less harmful to the environment, and as more cars use these in favour of traditional combustion engines, air pollution will improve. Another solution is to build superior public transport systems. High-quality public transport would counteract the issues currently caused by excessive car purchases as most people are already exasperated with the amount of time they spend in traffic and would sell their cars if there was a better alternative. For instance, in Japan, very few people own cars because of the incredible public transport system that is in place.
In conclusion, the main problems associated with the rise in the number of motor vehicles in developing countries are the decrease in air quality and clogging of the roads, but these can be addressed with the use of electric cars and by providing modern public transport.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "An increasing number of people" -> "A growing number of individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "An increasing number of people" with "A growing number of individuals" adds sophistication to the language and avoids repetitive use of the word "increasing."

  2. "principal problems" -> "primary challenges"
    Explanation: Swapping "principal problems" with "primary challenges" maintains formality and introduces a more nuanced term, aligning better with academic style.

  3. "causes are pollution" -> "give rise to pollution"
    Explanation: Changing "causes are pollution" to "give rise to pollution" improves the phrasing, making it more formal and precise in describing the relationship between car purchases and pollution.

  4. "dilemma developing countries face" -> "challenge faced by developing countries"
    Explanation: Substituting "dilemma developing countries face" with "challenge faced by developing countries" elevates the language, emphasizing the gravity of the situation in a more academic tone.

  5. "exacerbates the situation" -> "aggravates the circumstances"
    Explanation: Replacing "exacerbates the situation" with "aggravates the circumstances" enhances the formality of the expression without sacrificing clarity.

  6. "This is because" -> "This phenomenon occurs because"
    Explanation: Changing "This is because" to "This phenomenon occurs because" contributes to a more academic tone by offering a clearer and structured explanation.

  7. "roads that were built for horses, carts and even bicycles" -> "roads initially designed for horses, carts, and bicycles"
    Explanation: Substituting "roads that were built for horses, carts and even bicycles" with "roads initially designed for horses, carts, and bicycles" maintains clarity while using more precise and formal language.

  8. "it takes much longer to commute now" -> "commuting now requires significantly more time"
    Explanation: Replacing "it takes much longer to commute now" with "commuting now requires significantly more time" conveys the idea with greater precision and formality.

  9. "first solution" -> "initial solution"
    Explanation: Changing "first solution" to "initial solution" introduces a more formal term, contributing to a more academic tone in discussing potential remedies.

  10. "in favour of" -> "in preference to"
    Explanation: Substituting "in favour of" with "in preference to" maintains the meaning while employing a more formal and sophisticated expression.

  11. "counteract the issues currently caused" -> "mitigate the current issues"
    Explanation: Replacing "counteract the issues currently caused" with "mitigate the current issues" offers a more precise and formal alternative without losing the intended meaning.

  12. "most people are already exasperated" -> "many individuals are already frustrated"
    Explanation: Changing "most people are already exasperated" to "many individuals are already frustrated" introduces a more formal and measured expression while avoiding the colloquial tone of "exasperated."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "An increasing number of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. The principal problems this causes are pollution and traffic congestion, and the most viable solutions are electric engines and better public transport."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction successfully presents the main problems arising from the surge in car ownership in developing countries. However, it lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position. It would enhance the Task Response if the writer explicitly states their opinion on whether the benefits of car ownership outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa. This would provide a clear roadmap for the essay and help maintain focus.
    • Improved example: "An increasing number of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. While this trend poses significant challenges such as pollution and traffic congestion, I believe the benefits of car ownership can be maximized with strategic solutions like electric engines and improved public transport."
  2. Quoted text: "One dilemma developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is increased pollution. One of the primary causes of air pollution is automobiles, and every additional car added to the road further exacerbates the situation. In addition, traffic jams are also becoming more common."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The development of the first main idea is clear and adequately supported with examples. However, it would strengthen the Task Response if the writer explores the consequences of pollution and traffic congestion in more detail. Providing specific examples of how these issues impact the daily lives of people or hinder economic growth would deepen the argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "One critical dilemma developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is the alarming increase in pollution. The adverse effects of air pollution extend beyond environmental concerns; it directly impacts the health of individuals, leading to respiratory illnesses and reducing overall life quality. Additionally, the rising occurrence of traffic jams not only extends commute times but also hinders the efficient flow of goods and services, hampering economic development."
  3. Quoted text: "The first solution to this problem is switching to electric engines. These types of engines are known to be far less harmful to the environment, and as more cars use these in favour of traditional combustion engines, air pollution will improve."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The solution is well-presented, with a clear connection to the problem of pollution. However, to improve Task Response, the writer should delve deeper into how electric engines specifically address the mentioned problems. Providing concrete examples or case studies of countries successfully implementing electric engines and experiencing a reduction in pollution would add depth and make the argument more convincing.
    • Improved example: "A highly effective solution to address the challenge of pollution is the widespread adoption of electric engines. These innovative engines have proven to be significantly less harmful to the environment. For instance, Norway’s successful transition to electric vehicles has resulted in a noticeable decrease in air pollution levels, showcasing the transformative potential of this technology."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt but can benefit from a clearer statement of the writer’s position and a more detailed exploration of the consequences of the identified problems. Additionally, providing more specific examples to support the solutions would strengthen the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a concise overview of the issues addressed, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there is some slight underuse and repetition. The central topics within each paragraph are generally clear, enhancing the overall cohesion.

How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion for a higher band score:

  1. Increase the use of a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.
  2. Ensure a consistent and varied use of referencing and substitution to avoid minor repetition.
  3. Pay attention to the balance and development of ideas within paragraphs to maintain a clear and logical progression.
  4. Work on more precise paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph is logically structured and contributes distinctly to the overall argument.

Note: While the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, a higher band score could be achieved with minor refinements in the areas mentioned above.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary to address the prompt, showcasing an understanding of the topic. There is usage of some less common lexical items ("exacerbates," "counteract," "superior public transport") and attempts at precise word choice. The writer uses vocabulary related to the topic effectively to convey ideas about pollution, traffic congestion, and potential solutions. However, occasional errors in word choice and collocation are evident, impacting the fluency and precision expected in Band 8 or 9 criteria. For instance, while the vocabulary is suitable, there are instances where more sophisticated and varied vocabulary could be utilized to enhance the essay’s overall lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score, focus on incorporating a broader range of sophisticated vocabulary. Expand the usage of less common lexical items, refine word choices, and ensure precise collocation to convey ideas more eloquently. Utilizing a wider spectrum of vocabulary would add depth and sophistication to the essay, raising its lexical quality and potentially scoring higher in the IELTS grading criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of varied structures, employing a mix of simple and complex sentences effectively. The essay maintains a commendable level of accuracy throughout, with only a few minor errors, which don’t significantly hinder understanding. There’s a solid control of grammar and punctuation overall.

The writer effectively communicates the problems of increased car ownership, focusing on pollution and traffic congestion, and provides reasonable solutions, mentioning electric engines and improved public transport. Ideas are presented coherently and logically, showcasing a good range of vocabulary and appropriate sentence structures.

How to improve:
To move towards an 8, aim for even greater precision in language use, ensuring a more extensive variety of complex structures. Proofreading for minor errors and refining the transitions between ideas could further elevate the essay’s overall coherence and fluency. Additionally, expanding on the solutions with more nuanced explanations or examples could enrich the content.

Bài sửa mẫu

A growing number of individuals in developing nations are acquiring their first cars, leading to notable issues such as pollution and traffic congestion. The most feasible solutions to these challenges involve adopting electric engines and enhancing public transportation.

One significant predicament that arises when people in developing countries begin purchasing cars is the escalation of pollution. Cars contribute substantially to air pollution, and each additional vehicle on the road exacerbates this issue. Moreover, traffic jams are becoming increasingly prevalent, primarily due to roads initially designed for horses, carts, and bicycles now being overwhelmed by the surge in private vehicles. To illustrate, Ho Chi Minh City experienced no traffic congestion two decades ago, but the continuous influx of cars has considerably prolonged commuting times.

The initial solution to this predicament is transitioning to electric engines, known for their minimal environmental impact. As more vehicles opt for electric power over traditional combustion engines, air quality is likely to improve. Another remedy involves establishing efficient public transportation systems. Robust public transport can alleviate the challenges caused by the surge in car purchases, as many individuals would gladly part with their cars if presented with a superior alternative. For instance, in Japan, where a highly effective public transport system is in place, car ownership is relatively low.

In conclusion, the primary issues associated with the growing number of cars in developing countries involve diminished air quality and congested roads. However, these challenges can be effectively addressed through the widespread adoption of electric cars and the establishment of modern public transportation systems.

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