more and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In this era, people tend to increasing demand of purchase prestigious brand of clothes, cars and other item. So in this essay i will examine and proposal some of cause before showing my final thoughts about this phenomenon.
On the one hand, one of the primary reason is they want to use it with long-term, so they choose expensive product not only it contains a lot of guarantee about quality products but also through a lot of accreditation before to hand customer, so that certainly can demand their desires better than other product. Furthermore, in some cases people buy expensive merchandise because they think it is deserve reward for them, after through numerous struggles and difficulties at some point. For instance, individuals can buy some prestigious brand such as Rolex, Patek Phillip or Hublot, because they were diligent and discipline in long time, so buy some expensive product like this can make them feel their effort is totally worth it as well as promote motivation for them in the future.
Moreover, currently purchasing extravagant things is showing status in the society. Dig deeper into this case, individuals buy lavish fashion clothes or accessory for showing off their lucrative lifestyle in community around the population because they think they have a lot of money and power to buy anything, this actually increasing their majesty and self-confident for them.Therefore, not only do these products demonstrate the social prestige of individuals, but also they boost people’s self-confidence. In addition, purchasing lavish merchandise can be cause from their hobby, when they are aware that is the best recreational activity. Thus when cope with disappointed times, they will purchase that to reduce stress and find happiness again happy.
In conclusion, I believe that people spend their money to buy famous brands of clothes or other items are positive things, because when they have enough ability to affordable lavish items, which means that it on their control and totally normal when it is their personality and hobby.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In this era, people tend to increasing demand of purchase" -> "In this era, there is an increasing demand for purchasing"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and improves clarity.
"prestigious brand of clothes, cars and other item" -> "prestigious brands of clothing, cars, and other items"
Explanation: Plural forms and the Oxford comma are used for consistency and to adhere to formal writing standards.
"i will examine and proposal some of cause" -> "I will examine and propose some of the causes"
Explanation: Capitalization of "I" is necessary for proper grammar, and "proposal" should be "propose" to match verb tense; "some of cause" is corrected to "some of the causes" for grammatical accuracy.
"primary reason is they want to use it with long-term" -> "primary reason is their desire for long-term use"
Explanation: The revision provides a more formal and concise way of expressing the idea.
"not only it contains a lot of guarantee about quality products but also through a lot of accreditation before to hand customer" -> "not only does it offer numerous guarantees regarding product quality but also undergoes extensive accreditation before reaching the customer"
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning with more formal and precise language.
"deserve reward for them" -> "deserved reward for themselves"
Explanation: The revision corrects grammatical structure and uses a reflexive pronoun to enhance clarity.
"after through numerous struggles and difficulties at some point" -> "after enduring numerous struggles and difficulties"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and formally expresses the idea of overcoming challenges.
"because they were diligent and discipline" -> "because they have been diligent and disciplined"
Explanation: The correction improves tense consistency and corrects the adjective form to "disciplined."
"showing status in the society" -> "demonstrating status in society"
Explanation: "Demonstrating" is more precise than "showing," and "in society" is the correct phrase.
"for showing off their lucrative lifestyle in community around the population" -> "to showcase their affluent lifestyle within their community"
Explanation: The revision simplifies and clarifies the original phrase, using more formal vocabulary.
"they think they have a lot of money and power to buy anything, this actually increasing their majesty and self-confident for them" -> "believing they possess the financial means and influence to purchase anything, this belief ostensibly enhances their prestige and self-confidence"
Explanation: The revision uses more formal language and corrects grammatical errors for clarity and academic tone.
"purchasing lavish merchandise can be cause from their hobby" -> "purchasing lavish merchandise can stem from their hobby"
Explanation: "Stem from" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the origin of an action.
"cope with disappointed times" -> "cope with disappointing times"
Explanation: "Disappointing" is the correct adjective form to describe times that cause disappointment.
"find happiness again happy" -> "find happiness once more"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and awkward; the revision simplifies and corrects it.
"people spend their money to buy famous brands of clothes or other items are positive things" -> "the expenditure on famous brands of clothing or other items by people is a positive phenomenon"
Explanation: The revision clarifies the subject and predicate, making the sentence more formal and logically structured.
"when they have enough ability to affordable lavish items" -> "when they possess sufficient means to afford lavish items"
Explanation: The revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal vocabulary.
"which means that it on their control" -> "which indicates that it is within their control"
Explanation: The revision corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning.
"totally normal when it is their personality and hobby" -> "entirely normal as it aligns with their personality and hobbies"
Explanation: The revision corrects grammatical structure and uses more precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by discussing reasons why people desire to purchase famous brands of clothes, cars, and other items, and then expressing an opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative. However, the analysis lacks depth and coherence in some areas.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Provide more specific examples and explanations to thoroughly address the reasons why people favor famous brands and to articulate a clearer stance on whether this trend is positive or negative.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position throughout by suggesting that purchasing famous brands is a positive development. However, this position is not consistently maintained, and there are moments where the stance becomes ambiguous.
- How to improve: Maintain a consistent and clearly articulated position throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main argument and avoids contradictory statements or ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and coherence. Some points are mentioned briefly without sufficient elaboration or support, diminishing the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: Extend and support ideas by providing specific examples, explanations, and evidence. Develop each point with relevant details to strengthen the argument and enhance clarity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic by discussing reasons for the desire to purchase famous brands and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative, there are moments of tangential discussion that detract from the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain focus on the central theme of the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential ideas or discussions that do not directly contribute to addressing the prompt.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents some relevant points, there is room for improvement in coherence, depth of analysis, consistency of position, and relevance of content. Strengthening these aspects will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize information logically, albeit with some inconsistencies. There is an introduction that outlines the intention of the essay, followed by two body paragraphs discussing reasons for purchasing prestigious brands. However, the lack of a clear topic sentence in each body paragraph hampers the coherence. Additionally, the conclusion provides a brief summary but does not effectively wrap up the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. This will help readers understand the essay’s structure and follow the argument more easily. Moreover, the conclusion should reiterate the main points and provide a concise summary of the author’s stance on the issue.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but there are issues with structure and coherence within paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea or argument, but some paragraphs in the essay contain multiple ideas without clear transitions between them. Additionally, the lack of indentation or clear breaks between paragraphs may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Support this main idea with relevant examples or explanations, and use transition words or phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Also, utilize proper paragraph indentation or clear breaks between paragraphs to improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "moreover." However, these cohesive devices are used inconsistently and sometimes inappropriately, leading to disruptions in the flow of the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, with repetition of certain phrases.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to maintain coherence and cohesion. This includes using a mix of transitional words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," etc. Ensure these cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, avoid over-reliance on a few specific cohesive devices to maintain reader engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, although there is room for improvement in terms of diversity and precision. Some varied vocabulary is used, such as "prestigious," "lavish," "extravagant," "merchandise," and "accreditation." However, the essay also relies on repetitive phrases like "expensive product" and "lavish merchandise," which could be substituted with synonyms to enrich the vocabulary range.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a wider variety of synonyms and more nuanced vocabulary choices. Instead of repeating phrases like "expensive product," explore alternatives such as "high-end goods," "luxury items," or "premium merchandise." Additionally, strive for precision in word choice to convey ideas more effectively and elegantly.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where imprecise language detracts from clarity. For example, the phrase "purchase prestigious brand" could be more precisely stated as "buy renowned brands." Similarly, "lavish fashion clothes" might be clearer as "luxury fashion attire." While the essay attempts to convey ideas, some terminology lacks specificity, affecting the overall precision of expression.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. Avoid vague or ambiguous terms and opt for precise vocabulary that articulates ideas clearly. Utilize specific nouns and descriptive adjectives to provide clarity and depth to the writing. Additionally, consider the context in which certain words are used to ensure they align with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of accurate and erroneous spelling throughout. While some words are spelled correctly, such as "prestigious," "guarantee," and "deserve," there are notable spelling errors present, such as "Phillip" instead of "Philip," "hand" instead of "handing," and "recreational" instead of "recreational." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-checking tools, and actively seeking feedback on written work. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words and pay close attention to detail when composing essays. Building a strong foundation in spelling through regular practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved accuracy in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a limited range of sentence structures, predominantly relying on simple and compound sentences. There is occasional use of complex structures, but these instances are sparse. For example, "Furthermore, in some cases people buy expensive merchandise because they think it is deserve reward for them, after through numerous struggles and difficulties at some point" contains a complex structure but lacks clarity due to grammatical errors. Variations in sentence structures such as complex and compound-complex sentences would enhance the essay’s coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve, incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. Experiment with compound-complex sentences, use subordination and coordination effectively, and vary sentence lengths for better flow and readability. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences like "In conclusion, I believe that people spend their money to buy famous brands of clothes or other items are positive things," consider integrating more complex structures to convey your ideas more fluently and convincingly.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates frequent grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies, affecting clarity and coherence. For instance, "In this era, people tend to increasing demand of purchase prestigious brand of clothes, cars and other item" contains errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, inconsistent capitalization and punctuation issues such as missing commas and improper placement of periods are noticeable throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by revising sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement, proper article usage, and accurate verb tense consistency. Pay careful attention to punctuation, including commas for clarity in separating clauses, periods for sentence endings, and capitalization for proper nouns. Proofreading and editing thoroughly will help identify and correct these errors, contributing to a clearer and more polished essay. For example, revising the sentence to "In this era, people tend to have an increasing demand for purchasing prestigious brands of clothes, cars, and other items" would address several grammatical issues and improve clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this era, there is an increasing demand for purchasing prestigious brands of clothing, cars, and other items. I will examine and propose some of the causes before sharing my final thoughts on this phenomenon.

On one hand, one of the primary reasons is people’s desire for long-term use. They opt for expensive products not only because they offer numerous guarantees regarding product quality but also undergo extensive accreditation before reaching the customer, thus better fulfilling their desires compared to other products. Furthermore, in some cases, people buy expensive merchandise as a deserved reward for themselves after enduring numerous struggles and difficulties. For instance, individuals may invest in prestigious brands such as Rolex, Patek Philippe, or Hublot because they have been diligent and disciplined over a long period. Purchasing such expensive products can make them feel their efforts are totally worth it and can serve as motivation for them in the future.

Moreover, purchasing extravagant items serves as a means of demonstrating status in society. Delving deeper into this, individuals buy lavish fashion clothes or accessories to showcase their affluent lifestyle within their community. They believe they possess the financial means and influence to purchase anything, which ostensibly enhances their prestige and self-confidence. Therefore, these products not only demonstrate the social prestige of individuals but also boost people’s self-confidence. Additionally, purchasing lavish merchandise can stem from their hobby, providing them with the best recreational activity. Thus, when coping with disappointing times, they resort to purchasing such items to reduce stress and find happiness once more.

In conclusion, the expenditure on famous brands of clothing or other items by people is a positive phenomenon. When they possess sufficient means to afford lavish items, it indicates that it is within their control and entirely normal as it aligns with their personality and hobbies.