More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country?

Nowadays, there are increasingly students from developing countries moving to the developed ones. I do not think that rich countries should be considered as taking the talented from their home countries and I believe there are several ways to persuade gifted people not to leave their countries.

In my view, industrialized should not be blamed for the brain drain of lower-income countries. First, people have their rights to choose the place to work at based on their levels of capacities. Almost all private companies and govenmental organizations in high-income countries can offer high performers a higher salary as well as other competitive benefits which is compatible with their skills and expertise. Second, developed countries can give the top talents an working environment where they can expand their potentials and conquering new milestones in their career. Workers consider not only salary but also development opportunities when choosing where to stay work. Obviously, advanced economy is an more ideal environment with latest updated technology, big-scale project as well as a great number of accomplished seniors to learn from

To motivate skilled people to stay and contribute to their native country, public sectors need to take actions in some several ways. First, schools should create learning and developing opportunity for the talented to thrive in their fields of expertise. Some kinds of governmental scholarship for foreign learning with specific conditions should be promoted and open for wider people. These scholarship should be given to skilled individuals who accept some terms and conditions such as coming back to home country and work for local company. Moreover, government also should subsidize for large-scale projects in emerging industry such as: sustainable energy, data transformation to unlock the potentials of highly skilled personnel in taking the initiatives

In conclusion, developed countries are not responsible for talented people moving from their home country. Governmental could help to encourage their talents to contribute to their countries in some ways

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Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays, there are increasingly students from developing countries moving to the developed ones."
-> "Currently, there is a growing trend of students from developing countries migrating to developed nations."
Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and clarity, while "developed ones" is replaced with "developed nations" for precision and appropriateness in academic writing.
"I do not think that rich countries should be considered as taking the talented from their home countries…"
-> "I do not believe that affluent nations should be viewed as siphoning talent from their home countries…"
Explanation: "Considered as taking" is replaced with "viewed as siphoning" for a more formal and precise expression. "Rich countries" is substituted with "affluent nations" to elevate the vocabulary and maintain academic style.
"In my view, industrialized should not be blamed for the brain drain of lower-income countries."
-> "In my perspective, industrialized nations should not bear responsibility for the brain drain experienced by lower-income countries."
Explanation: "Industrialized" is replaced with "industrialized nations" for specificity and clarity. Additionally, "should not be blamed" is substituted with "should not bear responsibility" for a more formal tone.
"First, people have their rights to choose the place to work at based on their levels of capacities."
-> "Firstly, individuals have the right to select their workplace based on their levels of competence."
Explanation: "People have their rights to choose" is revised to "individuals have the right to select," and "the place to work at" is replaced with "their workplace" for conciseness and formality. "Levels of capacities" is changed to "levels of competence" for a more appropriate and precise term.
"Almost all private companies and govenmental organizations in high-income countries can offer high performers a higher salary…"
-> "Nearly all private enterprises and governmental institutions in high-income countries can provide top performers with an elevated salary…"
Explanation: "Almost all" is replaced with "Nearly all" for a more precise expression. "Companies" is substituted with "enterprises" for variety and "high performers" with "top performers" for a more formal term.
"Second, developed countries can give the top talents an working environment where they can expand their potentials and conquering new milestones in their career."
-> "Secondly, developed countries can provide top talents with a working environment where they can maximize their potential and achieve new milestones in their careers."
Explanation: "Give" is replaced with "provide" for a more formal choice of verb. "An working environment" is corrected to "a working environment," and "expanding their potentials and conquering" is revised to "maximize their potential and achieve" for clarity and precision.
"Obviously, advanced economy is an more ideal environment with latest updated technology, big-scale project as well as a great number of accomplished seniors to learn from."
-> "Evidently, an advanced economy provides a more ideal environment with the latest technology, large-scale projects, and a wealth of experienced professionals to learn from."
Explanation: "Advanced economy is an more ideal" is corrected to "an advanced economy provides a more ideal." "Latest updated technology" is simplified to "the latest technology" for clarity, and "big-scale project" is changed to "large-scale projects" for grammatical correctness.
"To motivate skilled people to stay and contribute to their native country, public sectors need to take actions in some several ways."
-> "To motivate skilled individuals to remain in and contribute to their native country, the public sector needs to take action in several ways."
Explanation: "Skilled people" is replaced with "skilled individuals" for a more formal term. "Some several ways" is simplified to "several ways" for clarity and conciseness.
"First, schools should create learning and developing opportunity for the talented to thrive in their fields of expertise."
-> "Firstly, educational institutions should provide opportunities for talented individuals to thrive and develop in their respective fields of expertise."
Explanation: "Learning and developing opportunity" is revised to "opportunities for talented individuals to thrive and develop" for clarity and precision. "Schools" is replaced with "educational institutions" for inclusivity.
"Some kinds of governmental scholarship for foreign learning with specific conditions should be promoted and open for wider people."
-> "Various government-funded scholarships for overseas education, with specific conditions, should be promoted and made accessible to a broader audience."
Explanation: "Some kinds of governmental scholarship for foreign learning" is refined to "Various government-funded scholarships for overseas education." "Open for wider people" is corrected to "made accessible to a broader audience" for clarity and formality.
"Moreover, government also should subsidize for large-scale projects in emerging industry such as…"
-> "Moreover, the government should also subsidize large-scale projects in emerging industries such as…"
Explanation: "Government also should subsidize for" is corrected to "the government should also subsidize." "Emerging industry" is changed to "emerging industries" for grammatical correctness.
"In conclusion, developed countries are not responsible for talented people moving from their home country."
-> "In conclusion, developed countries cannot be held solely responsible for the emigration of talented individuals from their home countries."
Explanation: "Are not responsible for" is revised to "cannot be held solely responsible for" for clarity and precision. "Moving from their home country" is changed to "the emigration of talented individuals from their home countries" for a more formal and specific expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt. It discusses the phenomenon of students from developing countries moving to developed ones and provides a stance on whether rich countries are responsible for this migration. Additionally, it suggests ways to encourage talented individuals to stay in their home countries.
- How to improve: While the essay touches upon all parts of the question, it could benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to fully support its arguments. Providing concrete data or statistics regarding the brain drain phenomenon and the effectiveness of proposed solutions would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that rich countries should not be blamed for the brain drain and offering suggestions for incentivizing talented individuals to remain in their home countries.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the stance in the introduction and reinforce it throughout each paragraph. Additionally, using stronger language to assert the position, such as "firmly believe" or "strongly contend," would reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. It discusses reasons why individuals migrate to developed countries and suggests ways to encourage them to stay, but it lacks elaboration and specific examples to fully extend and support these ideas.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of migration on both sending and receiving countries. Additionally, each proposed solution could be further expanded upon with specific implementation strategies or success stories from other regions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the issues of brain drain and proposing solutions to encourage talented individuals to stay in their home countries. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when mentioning the advantages of working in developed countries.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid tangential discussions and ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument. When discussing potential benefits of staying in the home country, it’s essential to emphasize these advantages over those of migrating to developed countries.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, it could significantly improve by providing more thorough analysis, specific examples, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic throughout. By strengthening these aspects, the essay could elevate its coherence and persuasiveness, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear organizational structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs that present arguments supporting the stance, and finally, a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, provide more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s argumentative structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point or aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide additional support for the arguments presented.
- How to improve: Expand on each argument by providing more detailed explanations, examples, or evidence within each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main idea and relates back to the overall thesis of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. These devices include transitional phrases (e.g., "First," "Second," "Moreover," "In conclusion"), pronouns (e.g., "these," "they"), and repetition of key terms (e.g., "talented," "developed countries"). However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore," "furthermore"), adverbs (e.g., "additionally," "consequently," "nevertheless"), and parallel structures to enhance the coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and effectively throughout the essay to maintain logical connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including terms like "industrialized," "brain drain," "private companies," "governmental organizations," "development opportunities," "advanced economy," "big-scale project," "accomplished seniors," "native country," "public sectors," "scholarship," "sustainable energy," "data transformation," and "highly skilled personnel." These terms contribute to a varied and sophisticated vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a commendable range of vocabulary, enhancing it further can be beneficial. Introducing specialized terms related to economics, migration, and talent retention would add depth. For example, terms like "emigration policies," "human capital flight," "local workforce integration," or "knowledge transfer programs" could enhance the lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, such as "talented," "brain drain," "working environment," "development opportunities," and "skilled personnel." These terms are relevant to the essay’s context and contribute to clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, consider using more nuanced vocabulary where applicable. For instance, instead of "talented," specific terms like "highly skilled professionals," "technical experts," or "subject matter specialists" could add precision. Additionally, ensure that terms are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some minor spelling errors and typographical mistakes, such as "govenmental" (governmental), "an working" (a working), "seniors" (mentors or seniors), "data transformation" (data transformational), and "talents" (talented individuals or talents).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools during the writing process to catch and correct errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and rectify spelling and typographical mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling consistency and accuracy can lead to improved overall quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is evidence of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For instance, while the essay employs some complex sentences, they tend to be relatively straightforward. Incorporating more complex sentence structures with varied clauses and phrases could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence types, such as compound-complex sentences and sentences with embedded clauses. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to create a more dynamic rhythm in the prose. For example, combining shorter sentences into longer, more complex ones can add complexity and richness to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with few major errors. However, there are instances of grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors that affect the clarity and coherence of the writing. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("industrialized should not be blamed"), article usage ("an working environment"), and punctuation errors (missing commas, incorrect use of colons).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, especially with complex sentence structures. Review the rules for article usage and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, practice using punctuation correctly, particularly commas for clarity and cohesion. Proofreading carefully for these errors before submitting the final draft can help improve overall grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in both areas. Diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical skills can elevate the quality of the writing and contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there is a growing trend of students from developing countries moving to developed ones. I do not believe that affluent nations should be viewed as siphoning talent from their home countries, and I believe there are several ways to persuade gifted people not to leave their countries.

In my perspective, industrialized nations should not bear responsibility for the brain drain experienced by lower-income countries. Firstly, individuals have the right to select their workplace based on their levels of competence. Nearly all private enterprises and governmental institutions in high-income countries can provide top performers with an elevated salary, along with other competitive benefits that match their skills and expertise. Secondly, developed countries can provide top talents with a working environment where they can maximize their potential and achieve new milestones in their careers. Evidently, an advanced economy provides a more ideal environment with the latest technology, large-scale projects, and a wealth of experienced professionals to learn from.

To motivate skilled individuals to remain in and contribute to their native country, the public sector needs to take action in several ways. Firstly, educational institutions should provide opportunities for talented individuals to thrive and develop in their respective fields of expertise. Various government-funded scholarships for overseas education, with specific conditions, should be promoted and made accessible to a broader audience. Moreover, the government should also subsidize large-scale projects in emerging industries such as sustainable energy and data transformation to unlock the potentials of highly skilled personnel in taking the initiatives.

In conclusion, developed countries cannot be held solely responsible for the emigration of talented individuals from their home countries. Governments could help to encourage their talents to contribute to their countries in some ways.