Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic
development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the
advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
The majority of countries all over the world take advantage of economic growth as a key to better living standards for their citizens. However, this could result in the loss of social values. This essay will delve into both the advantages and disadvantages, arguing that the impacts outweigh the benefits.
On the one hand, economic development brings such significant benefits. Firstly, the improvement of living standards leads to better job creations and opportunities, which helps individuals elevate their incomes and reduce poverty. In Vietnam, for over past twenty years, evolving from a war-ravaged and poor country to an advanced technology, where the average income has significantly increased, enhancing the overall quality of life for people in every situations. Furthermore, economic growth reflects in healthcare and education. Economic advancement provides greater health expenditures, which assist individuals, especially elderly to increase their life expectancy and reduce child mortality rates in remote areas, and also give chances for young generations to enroll in secondary and postgraduate education.
However, economic advancement can result in adverse effects. One primary concern is the loss of cultural heritage. As globalization develops and countries modernize, traditional customs and practices can be ignored, being no longer important. For instance, young generations prefer to have fast food rather than traditional dishes, leading to the lack of culinary heritage. Furthermore, degradation of the environment is happening due to economic growth. As industrial activities have contributed significantly to environmental degradation, resulting in substantial ecological damage. For example, Amazon forest is exploited to make way for agriculture and industry, disrupting ecosystems and directly contributing to climate change.
In conclusion, while the benefits in health, education, and living standards bring an adequate live for individuals, it is crucial to address the consequences of economic development in cultural heritage and environment.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"take advantage of" -> "capitalize on"
Explanation: "Capitalize on" is a more precise and formal term that better fits the context of utilizing economic growth for better living standards, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"better living standards" -> "enhanced living standards"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more formal and precise term than "better," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing. -
"delve into" -> "examine"
Explanation: "Examine" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "delve into," which can sound slightly informal and colloquial. -
"better job creations" -> "better job opportunities"
Explanation: "Job opportunities" is a more precise and formal term than "job creations," which is not commonly used in this context. -
"elevate their incomes" -> "increase their incomes"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more straightforward and formal term than "elevate," which can be seen as slightly metaphorical and less precise in this context. -
"every situations" -> "every situation"
Explanation: "Situation" should be singular to maintain grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"reflects in" -> "manifests in"
Explanation: "Manifests" is a more formal and precise term than "reflects," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in this context. -
"assist individuals, especially elderly" -> "benefit individuals, particularly the elderly"
Explanation: "Benefit" is more specific and formal than "assist," and "particularly" is more appropriate than "especially" in formal writing. -
"give chances" -> "provide opportunities"
Explanation: "Provide opportunities" is a more formal and precise phrase than "give chances," which is less formal and slightly colloquial. -
"being no longer important" -> "becoming less significant"
Explanation: "Becoming less significant" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to describe the diminishing importance of cultural heritage. -
"adequate live" -> "adequate living"
Explanation: "Living" is the correct noun form needed here, not "live," which is a verb. -
"degradation of the environment" -> "environmental degradation"
Explanation: "Environmental degradation" is a more formal and commonly used term in academic contexts. -
"substantial ecological damage" -> "significant ecological damage"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise and formal adjective than "substantial" in this context, aligning better with academic style. -
"exploited to make way for" -> "cleared for"
Explanation: "Cleared for" is a more direct and formal way to describe the removal of land for industrial or agricultural purposes. -
"disrupting ecosystems" -> "disrupting ecosystem"
Explanation: "Ecosystem" should be singular when referring to the general concept, not the plural form "ecosystems."
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development, which is essential for responding to the prompt. It outlines benefits such as improved living standards, job creation, and advancements in healthcare and education. However, the essay could better clarify the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as the conclusion states that the impacts outweigh the benefits without providing a strong comparative analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should explicitly compare the advantages and disadvantages in terms of their significance. For instance, after discussing each point, the writer could include a sentence evaluating whether the benefits are more impactful than the drawbacks, thus providing a clearer answer to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages, but this stance is somewhat muddled. The phrase "arguing that the impacts outweigh the benefits" is vague and does not clearly articulate the writer’s viewpoint. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the benefits without a strong emphasis on the position taken.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using definitive language and summarizing the main argument in each paragraph. For example, after discussing the advantages, the writer could state, "These benefits clearly demonstrate that economic development is essential despite its drawbacks."
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of economic development. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions the improvement in healthcare, it does not provide specific statistics or examples to substantiate this claim. Similarly, the discussion of cultural loss is somewhat general and could benefit from more detailed examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or case studies. For instance, when discussing improvements in healthcare, including statistics on life expectancy or child mortality rates would provide stronger support. Additionally, discussing specific cultural practices that are being lost could make the argument more compelling.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between economic development and social values. However, some sentences could be more tightly connected to the main argument. For instance, the mention of fast food versus traditional dishes, while relevant, could be more explicitly linked to the broader theme of cultural loss.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples to the thesis statement and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt. For instance, after discussing a disadvantage, the writer could explicitly state how this impacts the overall assessment of economic development.
By addressing these areas, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main argument. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one discussing the advantages of economic development and the other addressing its disadvantages. This logical division aids the reader in following the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively highlights the benefits of economic growth, such as job creation and improvements in healthcare and education. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to signal the shift in focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help reinforce the organization.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization. For example, the points about cultural heritage and environmental degradation are somewhat jumbled together without distinct separation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focused on cultural heritage and the other on environmental issues. This will allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity for the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the use of synonyms or referencing back to previously mentioned ideas could enhance cohesion. The phrase "economic advancement" is repeated several times; varying the language could improve the essay’s fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Moreover," or "Consequently." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain cohesion without redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "economic development," consider using "this growth" or "such progress" in subsequent references.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "economic growth," "living standards," "cultural heritage," and "industrial activities." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "economic development" and "living standards," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "economic development," alternatives like "economic progress," "financial advancement," or "economic enhancement" could be employed. Similarly, varying the expression of "living standards" with phrases like "quality of life" or "standard of living" would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "better job creations," which should be "better job creation." Additionally, phrases like "evolving from a war-ravaged and poor country to an advanced technology" are awkward and unclear, as "advanced technology" does not adequately convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended message. For instance, revise "advanced technology" to "a more developed economy" or "a technologically advanced society." Furthermore, ensure that nouns are used correctly in context; "job creation" is a more appropriate phrase than "job creations."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors, such as "Amazon forest" which should be "Amazon rainforest," and "elderly" which should be "the elderly." These minor mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled terms in academic writing can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the essay could achieve a higher band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "However" effectively introduces contrasting ideas, showcasing an ability to manage discourse markers. Additionally, phrases like "Firstly" and "For example" help to organize thoughts clearly. However, some sentences could be more varied in structure. For example, "In Vietnam, for over past twenty years, evolving from a war-ravaged and poor country to an advanced technology…" lacks clarity and could be restructured for better flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider using more complex sentences that incorporate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "economic development brings such significant benefits," you could say, "Although economic development brings significant benefits, it also poses challenges that must be addressed." This not only adds complexity but also enhances coherence.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, the phrase "for over past twenty years" should be corrected to "for the past twenty years." Additionally, "enhancing the overall quality of life for people in every situations" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "in every situation." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially elderly" in "which assist individuals, especially elderly to increase their life expectancy."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors such as subject-verb agreement and preposition use. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For instance, revising the sentence to "which assist individuals, especially the elderly, to increase their life expectancy" would improve clarity and correctness.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on sentence variety and meticulous proofreading will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
The majority of countries around the world capitalize on economic growth as a key to enhancing living standards for their citizens. However, this pursuit can lead to the erosion of important social values. This essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages, arguing that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.
On the one hand, economic development brings significant benefits. Firstly, the improvement of living standards leads to better job opportunities, which helps individuals increase their incomes and reduce poverty. In Vietnam, over the past twenty years, the country has evolved from a war-ravaged and impoverished nation to one with advanced technology, where the average income has significantly risen, enhancing the overall quality of life for people in every situation. Furthermore, economic growth manifests in healthcare and education. Economic advancement provides greater health expenditures, which assist individuals, particularly the elderly, in increasing their life expectancy and reducing child mortality rates in remote areas. It also provides opportunities for younger generations to enroll in secondary and postgraduate education.
However, economic advancement can result in adverse effects. One primary concern is the loss of cultural heritage. As globalization progresses and countries modernize, traditional customs and practices can become less significant and may be disregarded. For instance, younger generations often prefer fast food over traditional dishes, leading to a decline in culinary heritage. Additionally, environmental degradation is a pressing issue due to economic growth. Industrial activities have contributed significantly to ecological damage, resulting in substantial harm to the environment. For example, the Amazon rainforest is being cleared for agriculture and industry, disrupting ecosystems and directly contributing to climate change.
In conclusion, while the benefits in health, education, and living standards provide an adequate life for individuals, it is crucial to address the consequences of economic development on cultural heritage and the environment.