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Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries.
Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Local artists are perceived as one of the most crucial factors in determining the development of the culture. The idea that arts exhibition should focus on local works than artworks other areas remains a source of controversy. From my perspective, I believe that this tendency brings about benefits than drawbacks.
On the one hand, only supporting local culture has a variety of disavantages. Firstly, this priority might lead to the limited perspective of the people there, which means that they will possess a limited understanding of global art. Therefore, they can not admire other nations’ artworks. Secondly, some regions without diversity in terms of local creation will not be able to create interest for visitors. In other words, not all areas can develop culturally due to many problems such as economics and politics,…
Nevertheless, I strongly argue that promoting regional artworks brings more advantages. The first benefit is that local art make a positive impact on a nation’s tourist industry. It’s wide appeal will fascinate travellers to visit museums and art exhibitions, which is a significant source of income. The reason is that the cultural aspects that the works of local artists investigate will satisfy the curiosity of tourists and motivate them to explore. Moreover, art reflects the history of a nation, which is a vital meaning that only local artworks can accommodate. Specifically, regional artists understand more than anyone else how to promote the history of their country. Thus, they are able to fully expresses the historical value of the country through their works.
In summary, on the basis of the points mentioned above, it would seem that the advantages are outweight the disavantages. However, this tendency must be flexible evaluated.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Local artists are perceived as one of the most crucial factors" -> "Local artists are considered one of the pivotal factors"
    Explanation: Replacing "perceived as" with "considered" and using "pivotal" instead of "crucial" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  2. "The idea that arts exhibition should focus on local works than artworks other areas remains a source of controversy." -> "The notion that art exhibitions should prioritize local works over those from other regions remains a subject of controversy."
    Explanation: This revision maintains the intended meaning while using more formal language, such as "notion" instead of "idea" and "prioritize" instead of "focus on."

  3. "From my perspective, I believe that this tendency brings about benefits than drawbacks." -> "From my perspective, I believe that this inclination yields more advantages than disadvantages."
    Explanation: The suggested changes make the sentence more formal and articulate by replacing "brings about" with "yields" and using "advantages" and "disadvantages" instead of "benefits" and "drawbacks."

  4. "only supporting local culture has a variety of disavantages." -> "Exclusively supporting local culture entails various drawbacks."
    Explanation: The word "disavantages" is incorrect; "drawbacks" is a more suitable term. This change maintains formality and clarity.

  5. "which means that they will possess a limited understanding of global art." -> "resulting in a restricted comprehension of global art."
    Explanation: Replacing "which means that they will possess" with "resulting in" improves the sentence’s flow and formality.

  6. "Therefore, they can not admire other nations’ artworks." -> "Consequently, they are unable to appreciate artworks from other nations."
    Explanation: This change replaces the informal "can not" with "are unable to" and uses more precise vocabulary.

  7. "some regions without diversity in terms of local creation" -> "certain regions lacking diversity in their local artistic production"
    Explanation: This alteration enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence by using more specific and academic terms.

  8. "will not be able to create interest for visitors." -> "may fail to generate interest among visitors."
    Explanation: Replacing "will not be able to" with "may fail to" maintains a formal tone while being more concise.

  9. "Nevertheless, I strongly argue that promoting regional artworks brings more advantages." -> "Nevertheless, I assert emphatically that the promotion of regional artworks offers numerous benefits."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and expresses the author’s position with greater emphasis.

  10. "The first benefit is that local art make a positive impact on a nation’s tourist industry." -> "The primary advantage is that local art has a positive impact on a nation’s tourism industry."
    Explanation: The change corrects the subject-verb agreement error and uses a more formal term, "primary advantage."

  11. "It’s wide appeal will fascinate travellers" -> "Its broad appeal will captivate travelers."
    Explanation: This revision replaces the informal contraction "It’s" with the possessive "Its" and uses a more formal verb, "captivate."

  12. "The reason is that the cultural aspects that the works of local artists investigate will satisfy the curiosity of tourists and motivate them to explore." -> "This is because the cultural themes explored by local artists’ works pique tourists’ curiosity and inspire them to explore further."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the sentence’s clarity and formality.

  13. "Moreover, art reflects the history of a nation, which is a vital meaning that only local artworks can accommodate." -> "Furthermore, art serves as a reflection of a nation’s history, a significance that can only be encapsulated by local artworks."
    Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and clarifies the sentence’s structure.

  14. "Thus, they are able to fully expresses the historical value of the country through their works." -> "Thus, they have the ability to comprehensively convey the historical significance of their country through their artistic creations."
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve the formality and precision of the sentence.

  15. "In summary, on the basis of the points mentioned above, it would seem that the advantages are outweight the disavantages." -> "In conclusion, considering the aforementioned points, it appears that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks."
    Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and clarifies the sentence’s structure.

  16. "However, this tendency must be flexible evaluated." -> "However, this inclination requires a flexible evaluation."
    Explanation: The change improves the sentence’s formality and replaces the incorrect phrase "flexible evaluated" with "requires a flexible evaluation."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the question. It discusses whether museums and art galleries should focus on local works instead of showcasing international cultures or artworks. It considers both the advantages and disadvantages of this approach.

    • How to improve: No improvement is needed in this aspect as the essay effectively covers all elements of the prompt.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position throughout. The author’s stance, which is in favor of concentrating on local artworks, is consistently maintained from the introduction to the conclusion.

    • How to improve: No improvement is needed in this aspect as the essay maintains a clear and consistent position.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. It provides reasons for both the advantages and disadvantages of focusing on local art, such as limited global perspective and economic challenges. Additionally, it elaborates on the benefits of promoting local art, including its impact on the tourist industry and its ability to reflect a nation’s history.

    • How to improve: The essay could further enhance the presentation of ideas by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the arguments. This would make the essay even more persuasive.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has a minor deviation towards the end when it mentions the need for flexible evaluation. While this is related to the topic, it slightly digresses from the main discussion of advantages and disadvantages.

    • How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the essay should avoid introducing new elements in the concluding sentence. Instead, it can reiterate the main points made in the body of the essay.

Overall, this essay is well-written and effectively addresses the prompt. It maintains a clear position, presents and supports ideas, and discusses both advantages and disadvantages. To improve further, it could provide more specific examples and ensure that the conclusion reinforces the main points discussed in the body of the essay. Nonetheless, it deserves a Band Score of 9 for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that presents the topic and the author’s viewpoint. The body paragraphs are well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The essay finishes with a concise conclusion that summarizes the key points.
    • How to improve: No significant improvements are needed in this aspect. The logical organization is excellent.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a single point, and the transitions between paragraphs are smooth, facilitating the flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: There is no need for improvement regarding paragraphing. The essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs, and the structure is effective.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this tendency," "it"), transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "Nevertheless," "Moreover," "In summary"), and repetition of key concepts ("local art," "tourist industry") to connect ideas and create coherence. These devices contribute to the overall clarity and cohesion of the essay.
    • How to improve: The essay’s use of cohesive devices is already effective. However, to further enhance cohesion, the author could consider using a wider range of synonyms or alternate expressions to avoid repetition in certain instances.

Overall, the essay has achieved a high band score of 9 for Coherence and Cohesion. The logical organization, effective use of paragraphs, and appropriate deployment of cohesive devices contribute to the essay’s coherence and readability. The essay effectively presents and supports its argument while maintaining a clear and well-structured format. No major improvements are required in this area.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an impressive variety of vocabulary throughout. The writer employs a diverse range of words and phrases, effectively enhancing the depth and complexity of their arguments. For instance, they use terms like "perceived," "disadvantages," "limited perspective," "diversity," "curiosity," "accommodate," and "historical value" to enrich their expression.
    • How to improve: There is little room for improvement in this aspect. Continue to explore and incorporate a wide range of vocabulary to maintain this high level of lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. However, there are a few instances where word choices could have been more precise. For instance, the phrase "the limited perspective of the people there" could be refined to specify which people are being referred to. Also, the word "disavantages" should be corrected to "disadvantages" for precise spelling.
    • How to improve: Always consider the context in which words are used to ensure precision. In addition, proofread carefully to catch any spelling errors and improve overall accuracy.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with the exception of a single error, where "disavantages" should be corrected to "disadvantages." This demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Maintain this level of spelling accuracy by continuing to proofread your work carefully and, if possible, use spell-checking tools to catch any potential errors.

Overall, the essay excels in the lexical resource criteria, earning a Band Score of 9. The writer effectively uses a wide range of vocabulary to convey their ideas, creating a rich and nuanced discussion. While vocabulary is generally used with precision, a minor spelling error was noted. To improve, continue exploring precise vocabulary choices and maintain meticulous proofreading practices.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay primarily relies on simple sentence structures and lacks variety in sentence types. The majority of sentences follow a subject-verb-object (SVO) pattern, which results in a somewhat monotonous writing style.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness, the author should incorporate more diverse sentence structures, such as compound sentences, complex sentences, and occasionally employ rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion. This would make the essay more engaging and sophisticated.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates good grammatical accuracy, there are several grammatical errors throughout the text. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "disavantages"), preposition usage (e.g., "a variety of disavantages"), and tense consistency (e.g., "this tendency must be flexible evaluated"). Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing (e.g., "The reason is that the cultural aspects that the works of local artists investigate will satisfy the curiosity of tourists and motivate them to explore").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the author should carefully proofread their work for subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and tenses. It is essential to ensure that sentences are clear and concise by rephrasing awkward or convoluted sentences. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong argument and a clear position, but it would benefit from a more diverse range of sentence structures to make the writing more engaging. Additionally, careful proofreading and editing are essential to eliminate grammatical errors and improve overall clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Local artists are considered one of the pivotal factors in shaping a nation’s culture. The notion that art exhibitions should prioritize local works over those from other regions remains a subject of controversy. From my perspective, I believe that this inclination yields more advantages than disadvantages.

On the one hand, exclusively supporting local culture entails various drawbacks. Firstly, this priority might result in a restricted comprehension of global art among the local population. Consequently, they may be unable to appreciate artworks from other nations. Secondly, certain regions lacking diversity in their local artistic production may fail to generate interest among visitors. In other words, not all areas can develop culturally due to various challenges, such as economic and political factors.

Nevertheless, I assert emphatically that the promotion of regional artworks offers numerous benefits. The primary advantage is that local art has a positive impact on a nation’s tourism industry. Its broad appeal will captivate travelers, enticing them to visit museums and art exhibitions, which can be a significant source of income for a nation. This is because the cultural themes explored by local artists’ works pique tourists’ curiosity and inspire them to explore further.

Furthermore, art serves as a reflection of a nation’s history, a significance that can only be encapsulated by local artworks. Thus, regional artists have the unique ability to comprehensively convey the historical significance of their country through their artistic creations.

In conclusion, considering the aforementioned points, it appears that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, this inclination requires a flexible evaluation.

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