Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In the contemporary era, there is a tendency for sick people to seek different approaches to treat their illnesses despite the availability of medical professionals. From my perspective, this is a negative trend because it could have adverse consequences for individuals’ health and money.

The obvious reason why this is a negative development is the cost of searching for other therapies in treatments or pills. This is because sick individuals who use their money to try different methods have insufficient knowledge or overlook the seriousness of their sickness. Underestimating the illness or being misled by an unreliable source on the internet could induce customers into buying costly medicines that are not safely guaranteed. The increase in medical bills is also a vital point that discourages people from using healthcare systems. For example, most Vietnamese who are facing financial difficulties are struggling to use medical services because they are unaffordable and expensive.

Another crucial reason that needs to be mentioned is the health of the people who suffer from their illnesses. Consuming medicines that are not verified or provided by medical experts for a long period could detrimentally affect consumers’ health conditions. For instance, an individual who does not go to medical centers for treatment but instead uses low-quality pills frequently to treat his illness would make his situation worse. Reliance on traditional medicines also makes people skeptical about using advanced medical innovations or visiting medical professionals. A good illustration is China, most sickness sufferers rely entirely on traditional treatments or medicines because they believe that these can ensure their health problems and are more effective than health systems.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that the phenomenon of individuals taking different solutions to treat their health problems but not from proper medical systems is not ideal. This would impact badly to people's health and budgets if they continue to follow this trend.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"sick people" -> "individuals with illnesses"
Explanation: The term "sick people" is somewhat informal and vague. "Individuals with illnesses" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"treat their illnesses" -> "manage their health conditions"
Explanation: "Treat" can imply a more direct medical intervention, whereas "manage their health conditions" encompasses a broader range of approaches, including non-medical ones, which is more accurate in this context.
"despite the availability of medical professionals" -> "despite the presence of medical professionals"
Explanation: "Availability" implies that the professionals are present but not necessarily accessible or utilized. "Presence" suggests they are available and active, which is more precise.
"this is a negative trend" -> "this trend is detrimental"
Explanation: "This is a negative trend" is somewhat informal and vague. "This trend is detrimental" uses more formal language and emphasizes the severity of the impact.
"adverse consequences" -> "negative outcomes"
Explanation: "Adverse consequences" is correct but "negative outcomes" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the effects of a trend or action.
"the cost of searching for other therapies in treatments or pills" -> "the financial burden of exploring alternative therapies and treatments"
Explanation: "Searching for other therapies in treatments or pills" is awkward and unclear. "Exploring alternative therapies and treatments" is more precise and formal.
"sick individuals who use their money" -> "individuals who spend their money on healthcare"
Explanation: "Sick individuals" is informal and imprecise. "Individuals who spend their money on healthcare" is more formal and specific.
"insufficient knowledge or overlook the seriousness of their sickness" -> "insufficient knowledge or underestimate the severity of their condition"
Explanation: "Sickness" is less formal than "condition," and "overlook" is less precise than "underestimate," which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"induce customers into buying" -> "lead customers to purchase"
Explanation: "Induce" is somewhat informal and can imply coercion, whereas "lead" is neutral and appropriate for formal writing.
"not safely guaranteed" -> "not guaranteed to be safe"
Explanation: "Not safely guaranteed" is awkward and unclear. "Not guaranteed to be safe" is clearer and more formal.
"increase in medical bills" -> "rise in healthcare costs"
Explanation: "Increase in medical bills" is somewhat informal and specific to a particular aspect of healthcare. "Rise in healthcare costs" is more comprehensive and formal.
"most Vietnamese who are facing financial difficulties" -> "many Vietnamese individuals facing financial constraints"
Explanation: "Most Vietnamese who are facing financial difficulties" is informal and imprecise. "Many Vietnamese individuals facing financial constraints" is more formal and precise.
"unaffordable and expensive" -> "cost-prohibitive and expensive"
Explanation: "Unaffordable and expensive" is redundant. "Cost-prohibitive" is a more precise term that eliminates redundancy.
"Consuming medicines that are not verified" -> "Consuming unverified medicines"
Explanation: "Consuming medicines that are not verified" is verbose. "Consuming unverified medicines" is concise and maintains formality.
"detrimentally affect consumers’ health conditions" -> "adversely impact consumers’ health"
Explanation: "Detrimentially affect" is less common and slightly awkward. "Adversely impact" is more commonly used in academic writing and is clearer.
"makes people skeptical about using advanced medical innovations" -> "leads individuals to question the use of advanced medical innovations"
Explanation: "Makes people skeptical" is informal and vague. "Leads individuals to question" is more formal and precise.
"most sickness sufferers rely entirely on traditional treatments or medicines" -> "many individuals with illnesses rely solely on traditional treatments and medicines"
Explanation: "Most sickness sufferers" is informal and imprecise. "Many individuals with illnesses" is more formal and inclusive. "Rely entirely" is also less formal than "rely solely."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that the trend of seeking alternative medicines is negative. The writer discusses two main reasons: the financial implications and the potential health risks associated with alternative treatments. Each reason is supported with relevant examples, such as the financial struggles faced by individuals in Vietnam and the reliance on traditional medicines in China. However, while the essay presents a strong argument against alternative treatments, it could benefit from acknowledging potential benefits or counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly mention some potential advantages of alternative treatments, such as accessibility or personal empowerment, before refuting them. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the trend towards alternative medicine is negative. The use of phrases like "this is a negative trend" and "I strongly believe" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in the conclusion, which somewhat weakens the overall impact of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and assertiveness, the writer should ensure that the conclusion restates the main arguments more forcefully. Using more definitive language, such as "This trend must be addressed" or "It is crucial to prioritize conventional medical advice," would enhance the strength of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with clear examples illustrating the financial and health-related risks of alternative treatments. The example of Vietnamese individuals struggling with medical costs and the reference to Chinese reliance on traditional medicine are effective in extending the argument. However, some points could be further elaborated; for instance, the discussion on the unreliability of information from the internet could benefit from more specific examples or statistics.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should consider including more detailed examples or data that illustrate the risks associated with alternative treatments. This could involve citing studies or statistics on the effectiveness of alternative versus conventional medicine, which would add credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of seeking alternative treatments instead of conventional medical care. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the writer consistently ties back to the central argument. However, some sentences could be streamlined for clarity, as certain phrases are somewhat convoluted, which might distract from the main point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and enhance clarity, the writer should aim for more concise phrasing. For example, simplifying complex sentences and avoiding unnecessary jargon would make the argument more accessible and impactful. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly links back to the thesis will reinforce the focus on the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the essay to an even higher standard.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the trend of seeking alternative treatments, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The main points are articulated in a way that supports the thesis, particularly in the first body paragraph where the financial implications are discussed. However, the organization could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument and by providing a more explicit connection between the points made. For example, the transition from discussing financial issues to health risks could be smoother, as the current shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing financial implications, a sentence like "In addition to financial concerns, the health risks associated with alternative treatments are equally alarming" could help bridge the two main points more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses financial concerns, while the second addresses health risks. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more impactful if it briefly summarized the arguments made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, starting the second body paragraph with "Another significant concern regarding alternative treatments is their potential negative impact on health" would clarify the focus. In the conclusion, consider summarizing the key arguments succinctly to reinforce the overall message.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "another crucial reason," and "in conclusion." These phrases help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and linking phrases, which would enhance the overall fluency of the essay. For instance, the use of "however," "moreover," and "consequently" could provide additional nuance and clarity in transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this is because," you could vary it with "this occurs due to" or "this can be attributed to." Additionally, consider using phrases that indicate contrast or addition, such as "on the other hand" or "furthermore," to create a more dynamic flow of ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "alternative medicines," "adverse consequences," "insufficient knowledge," and "detrimentally affect." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For example, the phrase "health problems" is used multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. Instead of repeating "health problems," alternatives like "medical issues," "health conditions," or "ailments" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could add depth to the writing. For instance, instead of "costly medicines," the writer could say "exorbitantly priced treatments."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "medicines that are not verified" could be more accurately expressed as "unproven treatments" or "non-evidence-based remedies." The term "customers" when referring to patients may also be misleading, as it implies a commercial transaction rather than a healthcare context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the context in which words are used. Using terminology specific to healthcare, such as "patients" instead of "customers," and "unproven treatments" instead of "medicines that are not verified," would enhance clarity. It’s beneficial to review the essay for instances where more accurate terminology could replace vague or incorrect terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays correct spelling, with no significant errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "detrimentally affect" which could be more clearly expressed as "detrimentally affect" or "have a detrimental effect on." Additionally, the phrase "impact badly to people’s health" should be corrected to "have a negative impact on people’s health."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during writing. Furthermore, practicing spelling through vocabulary exercises can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining high spelling standards will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Consuming medicines that are not verified or provided by medical experts for a long period could detrimentally affect consumers’ health conditions" shows an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this is a negative trend because it could have adverse consequences for individuals’ health and money" could be restructured to enhance engagement and clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, using inversion for emphasis, or employing conditional clauses. For example, instead of starting with "The obvious reason why this is a negative development is…", you could begin with "One significant reason that illustrates the negative impact of this trend is…". Additionally, using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can help in creating more complex and engaging sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the cost of searching for other therapies in treatments or pills" could be more clearly expressed as "the cost of seeking alternative therapies or medications." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as in "A good illustration is China, most sickness sufferers rely entirely on traditional treatments…" which would benefit from a semicolon or a period to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, ensure that plural nouns are matched with plural verbs. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses correctly and consider using conjunctions to connect ideas more fluidly. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, there is a tendency for individuals with illnesses to seek different approaches to treat their conditions despite the presence of medical professionals. From my perspective, this is a negative trend because it could have adverse consequences for individuals’ health and finances.

The obvious reason why this is a negative development is the financial burden of exploring alternative therapies and treatments. This is because sick individuals who spend their money on different methods often have insufficient knowledge or underestimate the severity of their condition. Underestimating the illness or being misled by unreliable sources on the internet could lead customers to purchase costly medicines that are not guaranteed to be safe. The rise in healthcare costs is also a vital point that discourages people from using healthcare systems. For example, many Vietnamese individuals facing financial constraints struggle to access medical services because they are cost-prohibitive and expensive.

Another crucial reason that needs to be mentioned is the health of individuals who suffer from their illnesses. Consuming unverified medicines that are not provided by medical experts for a long period could adversely impact consumers’ health conditions. For instance, an individual who does not go to medical centers for treatment but instead frequently uses low-quality pills to address his illness would worsen his situation. Reliance on traditional medicines also leads individuals to question the use of advanced medical innovations or visiting medical professionals. A good illustration is China, where many individuals with illnesses rely entirely on traditional treatments or medicines because they believe that these can effectively manage their health conditions better than healthcare systems.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that the phenomenon of individuals seeking alternative solutions to treat their health problems instead of consulting proper medical systems is not ideal. This trend could negatively impact people’s health and finances if they continue to follow it.