Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Recently, more and more people suffering from health problems are leaning towards alternative medicines and treatments instead of going to their usual doctor. I believe this is a negative development since alternative treatments and drugs can do more harm than alleviating the situation for the patients and potentially lead to the spread of illegal health products.

Firstly, unconventional treatments and medicines may contribute to the rise of illegal health products. Governments and large pharmaceutical companies around the world have established strict procedures for developing drugs, conducting hundreds of safety tests to ensure the quality of products before bringing them to the markets. Since people tend to find cheaper alternatives, a lot of small companies shorten the development processes, leaving many potential risks. For example, many Vietnameses prefer purchasing unbranded drugs to imported ones because they are more affordable and can be easily found in any pharmacy, but that leads to a lot of allergic cases or even worse, death. This ease of access maybe is the culprit of illegal medicines floating on the market.

Secondly, alternative treatments and medicines may worsen patients’ health condition. Nowadays, many individuals on social media consider themselves health professionals, making videos on how to cure diseases and make money on it. Social network users believe those are effective and choose to purchase whatever those influencers suggest and as the result, many people had to go to the emergency room under much worse conditions. For example, Mrs. Vuong Ha, had diabetes and chose to buy a course online instead of going to professional doctors. After a long period of treatment and purchased a lot of supplement pills from the site, her condition saw no alleviation and eventually she had to go to the hospital for treatment with the price twice as much as if she had gone to the doctor earlier.

In conclusion, the growing trend of people turning to unconventional treatments and medicines instead of getting professional help is a negative development. This can potentially contribute to the spread of illegal drugs and worsen patients’ conditions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"more and more people suffering from health problems" -> "an increasing number of individuals with health issues"
Explanation: The phrase "an increasing number of individuals with health issues" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "more and more people suffering from health problems."
"leaning towards" -> "tending towards"
Explanation: "Tending towards" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the less formal "leaning towards."
"I believe this is a negative development" -> "This trend is considered detrimental"
Explanation: "This trend is considered detrimental" uses a more objective and formal tone, enhancing the academic style by avoiding the personal pronoun "I."
"can do more harm than alleviating" -> "may cause more harm than alleviating"
Explanation: "May cause more harm than alleviating" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone, improving clarity and precision.
"unconventional treatments and medicines" -> "non-traditional treatments and medications"
Explanation: "Non-traditional treatments and medications" is a more precise and formal term, enhancing the academic tone.
"a lot of small companies" -> "numerous small companies"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "a lot of," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"leaving many potential risks" -> "resulting in numerous potential risks"
Explanation: "Resulting in numerous potential risks" is more formal and clearly indicates the causal relationship between the actions and the outcomes.
"This ease of access maybe is the culprit" -> "This ease of access may be the culprit"
Explanation: Correcting "maybe" to "may" and capitalizing "maybe" to "Maybe" aligns with standard English grammar rules and formal writing conventions.
"making videos on how to cure diseases" -> "creating videos claiming to cure diseases"
Explanation: "Creating videos claiming to cure diseases" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the questionable nature of these videos.
"make money on it" -> "generate revenue from it"
Explanation: "Generate revenue from it" is a more formal and precise term than "make money on it," which is too informal for academic writing.
"many people had to go to the emergency room" -> "numerous individuals required emergency hospitalization"
Explanation: "Numerous individuals required emergency hospitalization" is more formal and specific, avoiding the casual tone of "many people had to go to the emergency room."
"twice as much as if she had gone to the doctor earlier" -> "twice the cost of earlier medical treatment"
Explanation: "Twice the cost of earlier medical treatment" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "twice as much as if she had gone to the doctor earlier."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating that the author believes the trend towards alternative medicines is a negative development. Each part of the question is thoroughly explored, particularly the potential risks associated with alternative treatments and the implications for public health. The examples provided, such as the rise of illegal health products and the case of Mrs. Vuong Ha, illustrate the author’s points well and reinforce the argument against alternative treatments.
- How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could benefit from acknowledging any potential positive aspects of alternative treatments, even if only briefly. This would provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The negative stance on alternative treatments is maintained from the introduction through to the conclusion. The use of phrases like "I believe this is a negative development" establishes a strong position, and the subsequent paragraphs support this view with logical reasoning and concrete examples.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could explicitly restate their position in the conclusion, summarizing the main reasons for their viewpoint. This would reinforce the argument and ensure that the reader is left with a strong impression of the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-structured arguments, each supported by relevant examples. The first point about illegal health products is backed by a clear explanation of the risks involved, while the second point about worsening health conditions is illustrated with a specific case study. This effective use of examples strengthens the overall argument and demonstrates a deep understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: While the examples are strong, the author could further extend their ideas by discussing broader implications, such as the societal or economic impacts of relying on alternative treatments. This would add depth to the argument and show a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of the trend towards alternative medicines without deviating from the main argument. Each paragraph contributes directly to the overall thesis, ensuring that the discussion remains relevant and coherent.
- How to improve: To maintain this focus, the author should continue to ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate back to the central thesis. Avoiding any tangential discussions will help keep the essay concise and impactful.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency in addressing the Task Response criteria, with clear arguments, strong examples, and a consistent position. Minor improvements could be made by acknowledging counterarguments and extending ideas further, but the essay is already of an excellent standard.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the trend of using alternative medicines, structured effectively with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point: the risks of illegal health products and the potential worsening of health conditions. The progression of ideas is logical, moving from the general issue to specific examples that support the argument. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs that link the ideas more explicitly. For example, a sentence at the end of the first paragraph could hint at the next point, such as, "In addition to the risks of illegal products, the reliance on alternative treatments can also lead to deteriorating health outcomes."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs provide detailed evidence and examples. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea before delving into examples.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentence of the second body paragraph to clearly state that the focus will be on how alternative treatments can worsen health conditions. For instance, starting with a sentence like, "Moreover, the reliance on alternative treatments can exacerbate existing health issues," would provide a clearer direction for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, examples are introduced effectively, enhancing the clarity of the points made. However, the use of cohesive devices could be expanded beyond basic connectors to include more varied language that links ideas and sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "Firstly" and "Secondly," consider using alternatives like "To begin with," "In addition," or "Furthermore." Additionally, using phrases such as "This illustrates that" or "As a result" can help to connect ideas more fluidly and enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can elevate its coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "alternative medicines," "unconventional treatments," and "pharmaceutical companies." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the phrases "alternative treatments" and "medicines," which are used multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity expected at a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "alternative medicines," you could use "holistic therapies," "natural remedies," or "complementary treatments." This not only enriches the language but also shows a broader understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the ease of access maybe is the culprit" is awkward and unclear; "maybe" should be "may be," and "culprit" could be replaced with a more precise term like "factor" or "cause." Additionally, the term "Vietnameses" is incorrect; it should be "Vietnamese."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Review sentences for grammatical accuracy and ensure that the words used convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "making videos on how to cure diseases," you could say "creating content that promotes dubious health cures." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Vietnameses," which is not a standard term. The phrase "the price twice as much as if she had gone to the doctor earlier" is also somewhat awkwardly phrased, which can detract from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then read through the essay carefully to catch any mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify errors before submission. Practicing spelling common terms related to health and medicine can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy will help elevate the overall quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, the use of "Since people tend to find cheaper alternatives, a lot of small companies shorten the development processes" showcases a cause-and-effect relationship effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "may contribute to the rise of illegal health products" could be expanded with additional clauses to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of stating "This ease of access maybe is the culprit of illegal medicines floating on the market," you could rephrase it as "This ease of access, which is often overlooked, may indeed be the primary culprit behind the proliferation of illegal medicines in the market." This not only adds variety but also depth to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "Vietnameses" should be corrected to "Vietnamese," as it is an uncountable noun in this context. Additionally, the phrase "the ease of access maybe is the culprit" contains a grammatical error; "maybe" should be "may be." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "but" in the sentence "but that leads to a lot of allergic cases or even worse, death."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly with noun forms and verb tenses. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will help clarify your ideas. For example, revise sentences to ensure that they are punctuated correctly, such as "This ease of access may be the culprit behind illegal medicines floating on the market." Regular practice with grammar exercises can also help solidify these skills.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, an increasing number of individuals with health issues are tending towards alternative medicines and treatments instead of consulting their usual doctor. I believe this is a negative development since alternative treatments and medications may cause more harm than alleviating the situation for patients and could potentially lead to the spread of illegal health products.

Firstly, non-traditional treatments and medicines may contribute to the rise of illegal health products. Governments and large pharmaceutical companies around the world have established strict procedures for developing drugs, conducting numerous safety tests to ensure the quality of products before bringing them to the market. Since people tend to seek cheaper alternatives, numerous small companies often shorten the development processes, resulting in numerous potential risks. For example, many Vietnamese individuals prefer purchasing unbranded drugs over imported ones because they are more affordable and easily accessible in any pharmacy. However, this can lead to a significant increase in allergic reactions or, in severe cases, even death. This ease of access may be the culprit behind illegal medicines circulating in the market.

Secondly, alternative treatments and medications may worsen patients’ health conditions. Nowadays, many individuals on social media consider themselves health professionals, creating videos claiming to cure diseases and generating revenue from it. Social network users often believe these influencers are effective and choose to purchase whatever they recommend. As a result, numerous individuals have required emergency hospitalization under much worse conditions. For instance, Mrs. Vuong Ha had diabetes and opted to buy a course online instead of consulting professional doctors. After a prolonged period of treatment and purchasing numerous supplement pills from the site, her condition showed no alleviation, and eventually, she had to go to the hospital for treatment at twice the cost of earlier medical treatment.

In conclusion, the growing trend of individuals turning to unconventional treatments and medications instead of seeking professional help is a negative development. This trend is considered detrimental as it can potentially contribute to the spread of illegal drugs and worsen patients’ health conditions.