Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

While it is a common practice to visit a doctor when having an illness, a recent popular trend reveals that people with health complications are seeking unconventional medication as well as treatments. Nonetheless potential affordability, alternative medicines might pose a high risk in deteriorating a person’s health due to the fact that they are not scientifically approved and might just act as a placebo, manipulating one to believe they experience health improvement.
On the one hand, it is comprehensible the reason some may choose alternative drugs. This is because the medicinces tend to be more affordable as opposed to the high price of a conventional doctor visit. This is especially true to a demographic that is underprivileged and of low income backgrounds. Consulting a physician, therefore, is inaccessible to many, leading them to seek alternative measures. Another possible reason for the choice lies in the belief that alternative medicines, for instance herbal ones, cause less invasive consequences or side effects that some western drugs are nortorious for.
That said, employing alternative cures can lead to unpredictable health problems for patients, I believe. Without proper health assessment, for example initial tests and screening, a patient might receive a wrong treatment that might be detrimental to their health. A long exposure to an unreliable treatment can exacerbate the already established health issues. To these ends, it is imperative that governments ensure health care accessible to all and encourage people to pay a visit to their doctor instead of entrusting some uncertified physicians.
To conclude, although alternative medical treatments have recently become ubiquitous amongst people with health problems, they should be cautioned against the potentially detrimental complications that the medication poses. It is each government’s responsibility, and policy makers at large, to provide equitable access to health care to everyone to ensure the best practice is conducted with proper assessment and care.

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Errors and Improvements:

"While it is a common practice" -> "Although it is commonplace"
Explanation: "While" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Although" introduces contrast more formally. Replacing "common practice" with "commonplace" adds a touch of sophistication without losing clarity.
"reveals that people with health complications are seeking unconventional medication" -> "indicates a growing trend of individuals with health issues seeking unconventional treatments"
Explanation: "Reveals" is somewhat informal. "Indicates" is more appropriate for academic writing. "Medication" is too narrow; "treatments" is a broader term. Using "individuals" instead of "people" adds formality.
"potential affordability" -> "possible affordability"
Explanation: "Potential" implies something that may happen in the future, whereas "possible" refers to something that may exist or occur currently. In this context, "possible affordability" is more appropriate.
"might pose a high risk" -> "could pose significant risks"
Explanation: "Might" is less definitive than "could," and "high risk" could be made more precise with "significant risks."
"manipulating one to believe they experience health improvement" -> "leading individuals to perceive improvement in their health"
Explanation: "Manipulating one to believe they experience" is awkward and overly wordy. Simplifying to "leading individuals to perceive" maintains clarity. "Health improvement" is more precise than "improvement in their health."
"On the one hand, it is comprehensible the reason some may choose alternative drugs." -> "It is understandable why some may opt for alternative medicines."
Explanation: "On the one hand" is an informal phrase. "Comprehensible the reason" is awkward phrasing. "Opt for" is a more formal alternative to "choose."
"This is because the medicinces tend to be more affordable" -> "This is because alternative medicines are often more cost-effective"
Explanation: "Medicines" misspelled. "Affordable" can be replaced with "cost-effective" for a more formal tone.
"Consulting a physician, therefore, is inaccessible to many" -> "Therefore, consulting a physician is inaccessible for many"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow. "Inaccessible to many" can be replaced with "inaccessible for many" without changing the meaning.
"Another possible reason for the choice lies in the belief that alternative medicines, for instance herbal ones, cause less invasive consequences or side effects that some western drugs are notorious for." -> "Another reason for this preference is the belief that alternative medicines, such as herbal remedies, carry fewer adverse effects compared to some widely recognized Western drugs."
Explanation: Simplifying complex phrasing and using "preference" instead of "choice" for a more formal tone. "Notorious for" is slightly informal; "widely recognized" is a suitable replacement.
"That said, employing alternative cures can lead to unpredictable health problems for patients, I believe." -> "However, I believe that resorting to alternative treatments can result in unforeseen health complications for patients."
Explanation: Separating the introductory phrase "That said" with a comma. "Employing alternative cures" is slightly informal; "resorting to alternative treatments" is a more formal alternative.
"Without proper health assessment, for example initial tests and screening, a patient might receive a wrong treatment" -> "Without adequate health assessment, including initial tests and screenings, patients may receive inappropriate treatment"
Explanation: "For example initial tests and screening" is awkward phrasing. Replacing it with "including initial tests and screenings" maintains clarity and formality.
"A long exposure to an unreliable treatment" -> "Prolonged exposure to an unverified treatment"
Explanation: "Unreliable" is less formal; "unverified" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"To these ends" -> "In light of these concerns"
Explanation: "To these ends" is slightly informal. "In light of these concerns" transitions more smoothly to the concluding statement.
"they should be cautioned against the potentially detrimental complications that the medication poses" -> "individuals should be cautioned about the potential adverse effects associated with such medications"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the sentence. "Complications that the medication poses" can be replaced with "adverse effects associated with such medications" for greater precision.
"It is each government’s responsibility, and policy makers at large" -> "It is the responsibility of each government and policymakers in general"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the sentence. "Policy makers at large" can be replaced with "policymakers in general" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the growing trend towards alternative medicines and treatments. It acknowledges reasons why people opt for alternative medicines, such as affordability and perceived lower side effects, while also highlighting the potential risks and drawbacks associated with such treatments.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into specific examples or case studies illustrating the consequences of relying solely on alternative medicines. Additionally, providing a more nuanced discussion of the factors influencing individuals’ decisions to choose alternative treatments would enrich the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, suggesting that while alternative medicines may offer some benefits like affordability and perceived lower invasiveness, they also carry significant risks and should be approached with caution. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis. Additionally, reinforcing the central argument with stronger language and more explicit reasoning would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing reasons why individuals might choose alternative medicines and the potential risks associated with them. However, some points could be further developed and supported with additional evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, the essay could incorporate statistical data, expert opinions, or real-life anecdotes to provide more depth and credibility to the arguments presented. Additionally, expanding on the potential consequences of relying solely on alternative medicines would enrich the discussion and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the central theme of whether the growing trend towards alternative medicines is positive or negative. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused on the prompt.
- How to improve: To ensure tighter focus, the essay should avoid tangential discussions and maintain a direct connection to the prompt throughout. Providing clear transitions between ideas and consistently referring back to the main argument would help to keep the essay firmly anchored to the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting both sides of the issue. To further improve, the author should focus on providing more in-depth analysis, stronger supporting evidence, and tighter cohesion between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It introduces the topic in the first sentence and presents two main reasons why people might choose alternative medicines. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the reasons for choosing alternative medicines, which could have been better placed after the introduction. Additionally, the conclusion seems abrupt and could be expanded to summarize the main points more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider restructuring the essay to introduce the reasons for choosing alternative medicines after the introduction. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, creating a cohesive and easy-to-follow structure. In the conclusion, summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the topic for a more cohesive ending.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but there are areas for improvement. The second paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs—one discussing affordability and the other discussing beliefs about side effects—to improve clarity and organization.
- How to improve: Consider splitting the second paragraph into two separate paragraphs to improve clarity and organization. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and include supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as ‘nonetheless,’ ‘on the one hand,’ ‘that said,’ and ‘to conclude,’ to connect ideas. However, there is limited variety in the cohesive devices used, and some sentences could be more effectively connected.
- How to improve: To improve, try using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as ‘furthermore,’ ‘however,’ ‘in addition,’ ‘conversely,’ etc., to better connect and transition between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion but could be improved by reorganizing the structure, using paragraphs more effectively, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "unconventional," "affordability," "inaccessible," "demographic," "privileged," "nortorious," "unreliable," "exacerbate," and "ubiquitous." These terms are effectively utilized to express different ideas and nuances throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a strong vocabulary repertoire, further diversification could enhance the lexical richness. Consider incorporating specialized terminology related to healthcare systems, such as "public healthcare infrastructure," "primary care providers," or "preventive medicine," to convey a deeper understanding of the topic and to elevate the sophistication of the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, terms like "alternative medicines," "placebo," "invasive consequences," and "policy makers" are employed accurately to articulate specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, using "unreliable" to describe certain treatments could be elaborated upon with more specific descriptors, such as "unproven" or "non-evidence-based."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to select words that precisely capture the intended meaning and context. Avoid generalizations and opt for terms that accurately convey the nuances of the argument. Additionally, consider utilizing synonyms or alternative phrasings to avoid repetition and to maintain clarity and engagement.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed throughout. Examples include "medicinces" (medicines), "nortorious" (notorious), and "ubiquitous" (ubiquitous). While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence of the essay, addressing them could further enhance the professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking software, reviewing written work meticulously, and familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and patterns. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing professional editing services can help identify and rectify spelling errors effectively. Consistent practice and attention to detail are key to refining spelling skills and maintaining high-quality written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it employs complex sentences like "Nonetheless potential affordability, alternative medicines might pose a high risk in deteriorating a person’s health due to the fact that they are not scientifically approved and might just act as a placebo, manipulating one to believe they experience health improvement." This complexity adds depth to the argument and showcases the writer’s ability to vary their sentence structures effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases variety in sentence structures, there is room for further enhancement. Incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or utilizing varied introductory phrases, can elevate the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, ensuring coherence in complex sentences by clearly organizing ideas can improve readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a proficient command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where errors occur, such as "medicinces" instead of "medicines" and "nortorious" instead of "notorious." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors and inconsistencies throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s advisable to carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct typographical errors, especially regarding spelling and punctuation. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also assist in identifying and rectifying grammatical mistakes. Additionally, focusing on subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in verb tense usage can enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

While it is common practice to visit a doctor when experiencing illness, a growing trend shows that more people with health issues are turning to alternative medicines and treatments. Although these alternatives may be affordable, they could pose significant risks by deteriorating a person’s health, as they are not scientifically approved and may act merely as placebos, leading individuals to perceive improvement in their health when there is none.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people opt for alternative medicines. This is because they tend to be more cost-effective compared to traditional doctor visits. This is particularly relevant to those from underprivileged or low-income backgrounds. For many, consulting a physician is inaccessible, leading them to seek alternative treatments. Another reason for this preference is the belief that alternative medicines, such as herbal remedies, have fewer adverse effects compared to some widely recognized Western drugs.

However, I believe that resorting to alternative treatments can result in unforeseen health complications. Without adequate health assessment, including initial tests and screenings, patients might receive inappropriate treatment, which could be detrimental to their health. Prolonged exposure to an unverified treatment can exacerbate existing health issues. In light of these concerns, it is imperative that governments ensure healthcare is accessible to all and encourage people to consult a qualified doctor instead of relying on uncertified practitioners.

To conclude, although alternative medical treatments are becoming increasingly popular among people with health problems, individuals should be warned about the potential adverse effects these treatments could cause. It is the responsibility of each government, and policymakers in general, to ensure equitable access to healthcare for everyone, promoting best practices with proper assessments and care.