Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, there is an increasing quantity of people who choose applying alternative medicines and treatments rather than go to meet the doctor. To some extents, I certainly suppose this is a negative development due to the undefinable quality of those medicines and the unemployment of medical student.
First of all, some of alternative medicines and treatments have not been sciencely proved that whether or not it will bring other profound consequences to our health after using. Although it is undeniable that they are able to tackle our health issues, no one can surely declare that they are useful than the specialized level of a doctor. In addition to this, alternative treatments might help us enhance our health as well as prevent diseases but when it comes to serious health problems, they are not really reliable. To exemplify, yoga is one of alternative treatments which can help strengthen our flexibility but show nearly no usefulness for people with serious diseases such as cancer.
Moreover, if alternative medicines and treatments become the main solution of people, it can quickly replace the role of doctors lead to the situation that medical students cannot find a job after graduation. To be more particular, each medical student have to spend about 5 to 7 years studying this major which means that it is more than any other who study other speciality as Bussines or Communication. Additionally, Medical seems to be a highly specialized major so it might be difficlut for medical student to do other jobs with the knowledge they get from university.
In conclusion, alternative medicines and treatments become popular but people have to consider carefully before deciding using it. It is also the responsibility of the government and the hospitals to raise awareness of dwellers about this kind of cure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"increasing quantity of people" -> "growing number of individuals"
Explanation: "Quantity" is more commonly used for measurable amounts, while "number" is suitable for countable entities like people. "Growing number" enhances formality and precision.
"choose applying alternative medicines" -> "opt for alternative medicines"
Explanation: "Choose applying" is awkward and non-standard phrasing. "Opt for" is a concise and formal alternative.
"rather than go to meet the doctor" -> "instead of seeking medical attention"
Explanation: "Go to meet the doctor" is unnecessarily wordy and informal. "Seeking medical attention" is a more concise and formal expression.
"To some extents" -> "To some extent"
Explanation: "Extents" should be singular to match the singular "extent." Removing the plural form improves grammatical accuracy.
"sciencely proved" -> "scientifically proven"
Explanation: "Sciencely" is not a standard word. "Scientifically proven" is a formal and accurate term to describe evidence-backed research.
"no one can surely declare that they are useful" -> "it cannot be definitively asserted that they are effective"
Explanation: "Surely declare" is somewhat colloquial. "Definitively asserted" is more formal and precise.
"the specialized level of a doctor" -> "the expertise of a physician"
Explanation: "Specialized level" is ambiguous and less formal. "Expertise of a physician" accurately conveys the specialized knowledge and skills of doctors.
"alternative treatments might help us enhance our health" -> "alternative treatments may contribute to our well-being"
Explanation: "Help us enhance" is repetitive and less formal. "Contribute to our well-being" is more concise and maintains formality.
"show nearly no usefulness" -> "demonstrate minimal efficacy"
Explanation: "Show nearly no usefulness" is unclear and informal. "Demonstrate minimal efficacy" is a more precise and formal way to express lack of effectiveness.
"To exemplify" -> "For example"
Explanation: "To exemplify" is less common in formal writing. "For example" is a standard phrase for introducing an example.
"serous health problems" -> "serious health conditions"
Explanation: "Serous" is a misspelling. "Serious health conditions" is the correct term for severe illnesses.
"if alternative medicines and treatments become the main solution of people" -> "if alternative medicines and treatments become the primary recourse"
Explanation: "Main solution of people" is awkward and informal. "Primary recourse" is a more formal and precise term.
"it can quickly replace the role of doctors lead to the situation" -> "it could rapidly supplant the role of physicians, leading to"
Explanation: "Replace the role of doctors lead to the situation" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Replacing it with "could rapidly supplant the role of physicians, leading to" improves precision and formality.
"each medical student have to spend about 5 to 7 years studying this major" -> "medical students typically dedicate 5 to 7 years to their studies"
Explanation: "Each medical student have to spend" contains subject-verb agreement errors. "Medical students typically dedicate" is a more grammatically accurate and formal construction.
"other speciality as Bussines or Communication" -> "other specialties such as Business or Communication"
Explanation: "Speciality as Bussines" contains a misspelling and lacks clarity. "Other specialties such as Business or Communication" is a clearer and more formal phrase.
"Medical seems to be a highly specialized major" -> "Medicine appears to be a highly specialized field"
Explanation: "Medical seems to be" is vague and informal. "Medicine appears to be" is a more formal and precise expression.
"it might be difficlut" -> "it might be difficult"
Explanation: "Difficlut" is a misspelling. "Difficult" is the correct spelling of the word.
"raise awareness of dwellers" -> "raise awareness among the populace"
Explanation: "Raise awareness of dwellers" is unclear and informal. "Raise awareness among the populace" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, acknowledging the increasing trend of people turning to alternative medicines while also expressing concern about its potential negative consequences, particularly regarding the lack of scientific evidence and its impact on medical professionals. However, the response lacks depth in addressing how these alternative medicines might affect individuals’ health in the long term and doesn’t fully explore the potential positive aspects mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, provide a more balanced analysis of the positive and negative aspects of alternative medicines, considering factors such as effectiveness, safety, and accessibility. Also, ensure a more thorough exploration of the potential benefits mentioned in the prompt, such as affordability or holistic approaches to health.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position that views the growing popularity of alternative medicines as a negative development, primarily due to concerns about their efficacy and potential impact on the job market for medical professionals. This stance is evident throughout the essay, with the author consistently expressing reservations about alternative treatments.
- How to improve: While maintaining a clear position is essential, it’s also beneficial to acknowledge opposing viewpoints and provide a nuanced argument that considers both perspectives. This can strengthen the overall argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the lack of scientific evidence for alternative medicines, their limitations in addressing serious health issues, and their potential impact on medical professionals. However, these ideas are not thoroughly developed or supported with sufficient evidence or examples. The essay lacks depth in elaborating on the presented concepts.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and development of ideas, provide specific examples, statistics, or studies to support the claims made in the essay. Additionally, consider exploring each idea in more detail, discussing potential implications and offering counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the growing trend of people turning to alternative medicines instead of visiting traditional doctors. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the impact on medical students’ job prospects. While relevant to the broader discussion, these tangents could distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To ensure the essay stays focused, maintain a clear connection to the prompt throughout and avoid straying into unrelated topics. When discussing related issues, such as the impact on medical professionals, ensure they directly contribute to supporting the main argument about the positive or negative aspects of alternative medicines.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, supporting ideas with evidence, and maintaining focus throughout the essay. Incorporating these suggestions can help strengthen the argument and elevate the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct viewpoint, starting with an introduction that outlines the issue, followed by body paragraphs discussing the negative aspects of alternative medicines and treatments. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the potential health risks of alternative treatments to the impact on medical students’ employment could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, maintaining a clear connection between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s structure more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize its content, with distinct sections for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, there are issues with paragraph structure and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: Aim for greater coherence within paragraphs by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain the overall flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices are limited. There is some repetition of transitional phrases (e.g., "first of all," "moreover"), which can hinder the flow of the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of diverse cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional adverbs.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate a mix of pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "furthermore"), and transitional adverbs (e.g., "consequently," "nevertheless") to create smoother transitions between ideas. Avoid over-reliance on repetitive phrases and explore alternative ways to link sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can enhance its clarity and effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some vocabulary choices are appropriate, there is a lack of sophistication and variety. For instance, phrases like "increasing quantity of people" could be replaced with more refined terms like "a growing number of individuals," enhancing lexical diversity. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like "alternative medicines and treatments" could be mitigated by using synonyms or rephrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim for greater variety and precision in vocabulary usage. Utilizing synonyms and exploring more nuanced terms would elevate the quality of expression. For example, instead of repeatedly using "alternative medicines and treatments," the writer could interchange with phrases like "complementary therapies" or "non-conventional remedies" where appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "sciencely proved" lacks precision and clarity. It would be more accurate to use terms like "scientifically proven" for greater clarity and correctness. Additionally, the term "undefinable quality" could be more precisely replaced with "questionable efficacy" to convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should aim for accuracy and clarity in expression. Using terms with specific meanings that align closely with the intended message will enhance the overall quality of the essay. Consulting a thesaurus or language references can aid in finding more precise alternatives to common phrases.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy overall. However, there are some notable instances of spelling errors, such as "sciencely" instead of "scientifically" and "difficlut" instead of "difficult." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, dedicating time to review commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can further improve accuracy and fluency in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized, but there is limited variety within these structures. For example, there is a reliance on basic subject-verb-object constructions throughout the essay, with occasional variation introduced by subordinate clauses and conjunctions. While the essay adequately conveys ideas, the lack of diverse sentence structures diminishes the overall sophistication and fluency of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as parallelism, conditional sentences, and inverted word order for emphasis. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and incorporating rhetorical devices like appositives and participial phrases can add depth and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies, which detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing. For instance, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("a increasing quantity"), incorrect word forms ("sciencely" instead of "scientifically"), and inconsistent verb tense usage ("have not been sciencely proved" should be "have not been scientifically proven"). Punctuation marks such as commas and periods are often misused or omitted, leading to run-on sentences or fragmented clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, consider revising sentences carefully to ensure subject-verb agreement and proper verb tense consistency. Review the use of articles ("a" vs. "an" and "the"), and be mindful of word choice and spelling accuracy. Additionally, practice using punctuation marks appropriately to clarify sentence boundaries and indicate pauses for emphasis or separation of ideas. Seeking feedback from peers or instructors and utilizing grammar resources can also aid in identifying and correcting errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, an increasing number of individuals are opting for alternative medicines and treatments instead of seeking medical attention from their usual doctor. To some extent, I believe this trend may have negative implications due to the uncertainty surrounding the effectiveness of these treatments and the potential impact on employment opportunities for medical students.

Firstly, it’s important to note that some alternative medicines and treatments lack scientific validation regarding their efficacy and potential health consequences. While they may offer relief for certain health issues, it cannot be definitively asserted that they are as beneficial as treatments prescribed by a qualified physician. Moreover, while alternative treatments may contribute to our well-being and disease prevention, they often demonstrate minimal efficacy when dealing with serious health conditions. For example, practices like yoga may improve flexibility but have limited impact on ailments such as cancer.

Furthermore, if alternative medicines and treatments become the primary recourse for individuals, it could rapidly supplant the role of physicians, leading to a decrease in employment opportunities for medical graduates. Medical students typically dedicate 5 to 7 years to their studies, specializing in a field that requires extensive expertise. Consequently, if these alternative treatments become more prevalent, medical students may face challenges finding suitable employment opportunities outside of their specialized field.

In conclusion, while alternative medicines and treatments are gaining popularity, individuals must carefully consider their efficacy and potential consequences before opting for them. Additionally, it is essential for governments and healthcare institutions to raise awareness among the populace regarding the benefits and limitations of alternative treatments to ensure informed decision-making about healthcare options.