Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of individuals avoiding to visit the doctor and turning to alternative medicines and treatments. This essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors of this tendency before concluding this is, indeed, a discouraging movement.

On the one hand, people are more likely to use alternative medicines could be advantageous to a certain extent. First and foremost, this could tighten their budget. This perception could be clarified by the fact that alternative medicines, including herbal and supplement products, seem to be affordable and easy to use. Furthermore, treatments such as exercise or yoga could bestow benefits upon users’s overall well-being. Specifically, the body will increase the amount of dopamine, which is a happy hormone that helps people improve their condition health. This is a precursor to get out of sickness quickly.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned advantages, there are a host of reasons as to why I am convinced that people should visit their doctor instead of self-curing. One rationale is that not all alternative therapies are effective, since there is not enough scientific evidence to prove the efficiency and effectiveness of such treatments. Therefore, patients might not recover from their illness, and end up wasting their time and money. Another rationale is that acute diseases and serious injuries are better treated with modern medicine because the recovery time when using alternative cures is often much longer than when using modern medicines. Finally, health problems can sometimes even get worse due to the misuse of alternative medicine, or misdiagnosis by friends or relatives. For instance, the idea of putting toothpaste on burns actually only exacerbates the problem.

In conclusion, while I recognise the possible benefits of alternative therapies
, I would contend the downsides of this trend are weigher than its upsides.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "avoiding to visit the doctor" -> "avoiding visits to the doctor"
   Explanation: The original phrase "avoiding to visit the doctor" is awkward; using "avoiding visits to the doctor" is more concise and grammatically appropriate.

2. "This essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors of this tendency before concluding this is, indeed, a discouraging movement." -> "This essay aims to explore the underlying factors contributing to this trend before ultimately asserting its discouraging implications."
   Explanation: The suggested revision uses more formal language, replaces colloquial terms like "shed light on" with "explore," and enhances clarity in expressing the essay’s purpose.

3. "people are more likely to use alternative medicines could be advantageous" -> "individuals are more inclined to turn to alternative medicines, which can be advantageous"
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and structure. The suggested revision provides a more straightforward expression and introduces a clearer cause-and-effect relationship.

4. "First and foremost, this could tighten their budget." -> "Primarily, this could lead to financial savings."
   Explanation: The replacement introduces a more formal transition and rephrases the idea using a less colloquial expression ("tighten their budget" to "lead to financial savings").

5. "treatments such as exercise or yoga could bestow benefits upon users’s overall well-being." -> "Treatments such as exercise or yoga could confer benefits on users’ overall well-being."
   Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the possessive form ("users’s" to "users’") and uses more formal language ("bestow" to "confer").

6. "Specifically, the body will increase the amount of dopamine, which is a happy hormone that helps people improve their condition health." -> "Specifically, these treatments can lead to an increase in dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with improved mental well-being."
   Explanation: The suggested revision provides a more precise and academic description of the positive effects of exercise and yoga on dopamine levels.

7. "This is a precursor to get out of sickness quickly." -> "This serves as a catalyst for a quicker recovery from illness."
   Explanation: The replacement uses a more formal term ("catalyst") and improves the overall structure for a formal tone.

8. "I am convinced that people should visit their doctor instead of self-curing." -> "I am convinced that seeking professional medical advice is preferable to self-curing."
   Explanation: The suggested revision uses more formal language ("self-curing" to "seeking professional medical advice") to convey the idea more precisely.

9. "there are a host of reasons as to why I am convinced" -> "there are several reasons why I am convinced"
   Explanation: The phrase "a host of" is replaced with "several" for a more straightforward and formal expression.

10. "the downsides of this trend are weigher than its upsides." -> "the drawbacks of this trend outweigh its benefits."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal term ("outweigh") and improves the overall clarity and conciseness of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question. It discusses the reasons why people are turning to alternative medicines and treatments and concludes that it is a discouraging movement.
  • How to improve: While the essay does touch upon both the positive and negative aspects, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of the positive side of the issue. Expanding on the advantages of alternative medicines and acknowledging their potential benefits would enhance the completeness of the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by consistently arguing that the trend of avoiding traditional doctors in favor of alternative medicines is discouraging.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the reader is left with a distinct understanding of the writer’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages of alternative medicines and the downsides of relying on them. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth, and examples provided could be more specific.
  • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s development, provide more concrete examples and elaborate further on the presented ideas. This can be achieved by offering real-life cases, statistical data, or expert opinions to bolster the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of using alternative medicines in response to health problems. However, there are instances where the connection to the main topic becomes a bit tenuous.
  • How to improve: Ensure a more focused and direct discussion by avoiding tangential points. Each paragraph should contribute directly to the central argument, maintaining a strong connection to the prompt throughout.

In conclusion, while the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument, improvements can be made in terms of balance, explicit positioning, depth of development, and maintaining a more focused discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis. The body paragraphs discuss advantages and disadvantages in separate sections, providing a structured approach. However, there is a slight lack of coherence in the transition between the body paragraphs, especially between the advantages and disadvantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition sentences that guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. For example, explicitly connecting the advantages of alternative medicines to the drawbacks in the subsequent paragraph would improve overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more developed, such as the second body paragraph discussing the advantages of alternative medicines. The points made within this paragraph lack depth.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, provide more elaboration on each advantage presented. Include specific examples or evidence to support each point. This will not only enhance paragraph coherence but also strengthen the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including linking words such as "Furthermore," "Notwithstanding," and "In conclusion." However, there is room for improvement in the use of pronouns and cohesive phrases within sentences.
  • How to improve: Work on incorporating more cohesive devices within sentences, such as pronouns (it, they, this) to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. Additionally, consider using cohesive phrases like "as a result" or "on the other hand" to create a smoother and more connected narrative.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, improvements can be made in the transition between paragraphs, the development of individual paragraphs, and the use of cohesive devices within sentences. By addressing these areas, the essay’s overall organization and effectiveness can be enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating words like "advantageous," "perception," "clarified," and "precursor." However, there’s room for improvement, particularly in the use of more sophisticated and contextually fitting vocabulary to enhance precision and depth.
  • How to improve: To elevate your lexical range, consider incorporating advanced vocabulary that aligns seamlessly with the essay’s context. For example, instead of saying "advantageous," you might use "beneficial" or "propitious" for added nuance. Aim for variety and specificity in your word choices to elevate the overall lexical richness of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, such as in mentioning "herbal and supplement products." However, there are instances where words are used vaguely, like stating, "this is, indeed, a discouraging movement." Precision can be enhanced by choosing more accurate and contextually appropriate terms.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your language. Instead of using a broad term like "discouraging movement," consider specifying why it is discouraging. For instance, you could say, "this is, indeed, a disconcerting shift in healthcare preferences." This will add clarity and depth to your expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few noticeable errors, such as "users’s" (users’) and "weigher" (weighs). These minor errors can slightly affect the overall impression of proficiency.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work more thoroughly. Focus on common grammatical structures, possessives, and plurals. Utilize spell-check tools and, if possible, get feedback from others to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, review problematic words to reinforce correct spellings.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, refining precision and expanding the range of expressions will contribute to an even stronger presentation. Paying attention to detail in your choice of words and proofreading for spelling accuracy will further elevate the overall lexical resource of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. It incorporates complex sentences (e.g., "This essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors…") and compound-complex structures (e.g., "First and foremost, this could tighten their budget."). However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures. The essay tends to rely on certain structures, and a more diverse range would enhance overall fluency.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence lengths. This can be achieved by consciously introducing a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a solid grasp of grammar, but there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "people are more likely to use alternative medicines could be advantageous" should be revised to "people are more likely to use alternative medicines, which could be advantageous." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, like missing commas and inconsistent use of capitalization.
  • How to improve: Carefully review sentence structures for clarity and correctness. Ensure proper punctuation, especially commas in complex sentences. Take note of subject-verb agreement, and revise sentences for smoother flow. Proofread the essay to correct capitalization inconsistencies and ensure overall grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammar and punctuation, improvements in sentence variety and meticulous editing for grammatical accuracy can further elevate the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a noticeable rise in individuals opting to avoid visits to the doctor and instead exploring alternative medicines and treatments. This essay aims to explore the underlying factors contributing to this trend before ultimately asserting its discouraging implications.

On one hand, individuals are more inclined to turn to alternative medicines, which can be advantageous to a certain extent. Primarily, this could lead to financial savings. This perception is supported by the affordability and ease of use associated with alternative medicines, including herbal and supplement products. Furthermore, treatments such as exercise or yoga could confer benefits on users’ overall well-being. Specifically, these treatments can lead to an increase in dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with improved mental well-being. This serves as a catalyst for a quicker recovery from illness.

However, despite these potential advantages, there are several reasons why I am convinced that seeking professional medical advice is preferable to self-curing. One rationale is that not all alternative therapies are effective, lacking sufficient scientific evidence to prove their efficiency. Consequently, patients might not recover from their illness and could end up wasting time and money. Another rationale is that acute diseases and serious injuries are better addressed with modern medicine, given the often-lengthy recovery time associated with alternative cures. Finally, health problems can sometimes worsen due to the misuse of alternative medicine or misdiagnosis by friends or relatives. For instance, the belief in putting toothpaste on burns can actually exacerbate the problem.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the potential benefits of alternative therapies, I would contend that the drawbacks of this trend outweigh its benefits. It is crucial for individuals to prioritize professional medical guidance for effective and reliable health outcomes.