Nowadays, a lot of buildings, such as offices and schools, are being built with an open plan design. Why is that? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a lot of buildings, such as offices and schools, are being built with an open plan design.

Why is that?

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent days, the architecture of modern buildings such as commercial buildings or schools has changed with open view design instead of the cubicle system in the past. Because of that, this essay will explain the reason causing this problem, while I believe that it is positive development.

To begin with, this open construction can help owners of buildings save a lot of money. In this layout, the number of materials and facilities may be reduced, which lead to the diminishment of walls, and extended spaces for employees. Moreover, open plans also help staff to improve their teamwork by exchanging information directly. Because of no wall, people have opportunities to communicate easily, and staff can give their opinion with no physical barrier. As a result, it can enhance the productivity of companies or academic achievement of students, while people can improve their communication skills.

In addition, some people think that this open plan design will have a negative impact on people, which makes them unable to concentrate on their work, such as noise. However, not many people will be affected, whereas it can create a natural space which is easier to share ideas and learn new things. For example, individuals can ask questions and get feedback for issues if people are out of ideas. Moreover, people can have new relationships when communicating with new people, which makes people happier than working in a small room.

In conclusion, more open spaces are beneficial to commercial buildings and schools because they create a positive environment and save money for the owner. While there are some disadvantages, I believe that it is positive development because they can have new relationships and exchange their ideas easily.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In recent days" -> "In recent years"
   Explanation: "In recent years" is a more precise and formal temporal reference than "In recent days," which is somewhat informal and vague.

2. "the architecture of modern buildings" -> "the architectural design of contemporary buildings"
   Explanation: "Architectural design" is a more specific term that better captures the intended meaning of the design aspect of buildings, and "contemporary" is more formal than "modern" in an academic context.

3. "open view design" -> "open-plan design"
   Explanation: "Open-plan design" is the correct term for the architectural style being discussed, whereas "open view design" is not a standard architectural term.

4. "Because of that" -> "This is due to"
   Explanation: "This is due to" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a cause-and-effect relationship in academic writing.

5. "this open construction" -> "this open-plan construction"
   Explanation: Adding "plan" clarifies that the type of construction being referred to is an open-plan design, which is more specific and accurate.

6. "save a lot of money" -> "result in significant cost savings"
   Explanation: "Result in significant cost savings" is a more formal and precise way to express the financial benefits, avoiding the colloquial "save a lot of money."

7. "which lead to the diminishment of walls, and extended spaces for employees" -> "which reduces the need for walls and increases the available space for employees"
   Explanation: "Reduces the need for walls and increases the available space" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the effects on the physical structure and employee space.

8. "open plans also help staff to improve their teamwork by exchanging information directly" -> "open plans facilitate improved teamwork by enabling direct communication"
   Explanation: "Facilitate improved teamwork by enabling direct communication" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual tone of "help staff to improve their teamwork by exchanging information directly."

9. "Because of no wall" -> "Without walls"
   Explanation: "Without walls" is a more formal and concise way to express the absence of physical barriers, improving the academic tone.

10. "people can give their opinion with no physical barrier" -> "individuals can freely express their opinions"
    Explanation: "Individuals can freely express their opinions" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "give their opinion with no physical barrier."

11. "it can enhance the productivity of companies or academic achievement of students" -> "it can enhance the productivity of companies and the academic achievements of students"
    Explanation: Adding "and" clarifies that both companies and students are affected, and "academic achievements" is a more precise term than "academic achievement."

12. "people can improve their communication skills" -> "individuals can enhance their communication skills"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "improve," fitting better in an academic context.

13. "some people think that this open plan design will have a negative impact on people" -> "some individuals believe that this open-plan design may negatively affect individuals"
    Explanation: "Believe that this open-plan design may negatively affect individuals" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "people" and "people."

14. "which makes them unable to concentrate on their work, such as noise" -> "which may hinder their concentration due to factors such as noise"
    Explanation: "May hinder their concentration due to factors such as noise" is more precise and formal, avoiding the simplistic and vague "which makes them unable to concentrate on their work."

15. "not many people will be affected" -> "few individuals will be impacted"
    Explanation: "Few individuals will be impacted" is more formal and precise than "not many people will be affected," which is somewhat informal and vague.

16. "create a natural space which is easier to share ideas and learn new things" -> "create a natural environment conducive to sharing ideas and learning new concepts"
    Explanation: "Conducive to sharing ideas and learning new concepts" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "easier to share ideas and learn new things," which is too casual and vague.

17. "people can ask questions and get feedback for issues if people are out of ideas" -> "individuals can seek clarification and receive feedback on challenges when they lack ideas"
    Explanation: "Seek clarification and receive feedback on challenges when they lack ideas" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward and informal "get feedback for issues if people are out of ideas."

18. "people can have new relationships when communicating with new people" -> "individuals can form new relationships through interactions with others"
    Explanation: "Form new relationships through interactions with others" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "people can have new relationships when communicating with new people."

19. "makes people happier than working in a small room" -> "results in greater job satisfaction compared to working in a confined space"
    Explanation: "Results in greater job satisfaction compared to working in a confined space" is more formal and specific, replacing the informal "makes people happier than working in a small room."

20. "I believe that it is positive development" -> "I contend that this is a positive development"
    Explanation: "I contend that this is a positive development" uses more formal language suitable for academic writing, replacing the more casual "I believe that it is positive development."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the reasons for the rise of open plan designs in buildings and presents an opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative. The first paragraph outlines the shift from cubicle systems to open designs, suggesting cost savings and improved teamwork as reasons for this change. The second paragraph acknowledges opposing views about potential distractions but ultimately argues in favor of open plans. However, the explanation of reasons could be more explicitly linked to the question, as the phrase "this problem" is misleading since the prompt does not frame open plan designs as a problem.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, explicitly connect the reasons to the prompt by clarifying that the essay is discussing the trend rather than a problem. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that open plan designs are a positive development. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, with the author consistently supporting their viewpoint. However, the transition between acknowledging the negative impacts and reaffirming the positive aspects could be smoother. The phrase "not many people will be affected" lacks clarity and could confuse the reader regarding the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain clarity, use transitional phrases that reinforce the positive position after discussing counterarguments. For example, explicitly state that despite some drawbacks, the overall benefits outweigh the negatives.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as cost savings and improved communication, which are relevant to the topic. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the essay mentions that open designs enhance productivity, it does not provide concrete examples or evidence to substantiate this claim. The mention of "natural space" is vague and could be better articulated.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of open plan designs. For instance, referencing a successful company that has adopted this layout and seen productivity gains would strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing open plan designs and their implications. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the happiness of individuals without clearly tying it back to the main argument about productivity and communication. The phrase "which makes people happier than working in a small room" feels somewhat disconnected from the main thesis.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. Consider restructuring sentences to link happiness back to productivity or collaboration, reinforcing how these elements contribute to the overall positive assessment of open plan designs.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear position, it could benefit from clearer connections between ideas, more robust supporting evidence, and tighter focus on the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the benefits of open plan designs in buildings. The introduction outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion effectively. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph discussing cost savings and teamwork, and the second addressing potential drawbacks and counterarguments. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother, as the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," when introducing the counterargument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that succinctly summarizes the main idea of that paragraph, which will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific point, which aids in readability. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the negative impacts of open plan designs and the other on the benefits of communication and relationship-building.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and supporting details. This can be achieved by clearly delineating the negative aspects of open plan designs in one paragraph and discussing the benefits in another. This separation will not only enhance clarity but also strengthen the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "As a result," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "Because of that" in the introduction could be replaced with a more specific cohesive device that ties the reason for the essay’s focus back to the topic.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Consequently," or "In contrast." Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Moreover," try beginning some sentences with dependent clauses or using different transition words to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a more refined level of coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating its band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "architecture," "open view design," "cubicle system," and "teamwork." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "people" and "open plan." For instance, the phrase "open plan design" is used multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "open plan," you could alternate with "open layout," "open-concept design," or "collaborative space." Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to architecture and teamwork could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the reason causing this problem" is vague; it does not clearly articulate what the "problem" is. Furthermore, the term "natural space" is somewhat unclear in context and could be misinterpreted.
  • How to improve: Strive for clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "the reason causing this problem," you could say "the factors contributing to the popularity of open plan designs." Additionally, clarify terms like "natural space" by specifying what you mean, such as "an open environment that fosters collaboration." This will help convey your ideas more effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "diminishment" (which is less commonly used in this context) and "development" (missing an article in "positive development"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice them in context to reinforce correct spelling.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "In addition" and "As a result" effectively connects ideas. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and structures. For example, the sentence "Because of that, this essay will explain the reason causing this problem" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using introductory clauses or phrases more frequently. For example, instead of starting with "Because of that," you might say, "This shift in architectural design prompts an exploration of its underlying reasons." Additionally, integrating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances where errors detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "which lead to the diminishment of walls" should be "which leads to the diminishment of walls" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for instance, "Because of no wall, people have opportunities to communicate easily" could be more effectively punctuated as "Without walls, people have opportunities to communicate easily."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to review subject-verb agreement and ensure that verb forms match their subjects. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls can be beneficial. For punctuation, consider revisiting the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence flow could be improved.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the architectural design of modern buildings, such as offices and schools, has shifted towards an open-plan design instead of the traditional cubicle system. This essay will explore the reasons behind this trend, while I contend that it represents a positive development.

To begin with, this open-plan construction can help building owners achieve significant cost savings. In this layout, the amount of materials and facilities required may be reduced, which leads to a decrease in the number of walls and increases the available space for employees. Moreover, open plans facilitate improved teamwork by enabling direct communication. Without walls, individuals can freely express their opinions, and staff can share their thoughts without any physical barriers. As a result, this can enhance the productivity of companies and the academic achievements of students, while individuals can also enhance their communication skills.

In addition, some individuals believe that this open-plan design may negatively affect people, as it may hinder their concentration due to factors such as noise. However, few individuals will be impacted, and the design can create a natural environment conducive to sharing ideas and learning new concepts. For example, individuals can seek clarification and receive feedback on challenges when they lack ideas. Moreover, individuals can form new relationships through interactions with others, which results in greater job satisfaction compared to working in a confined space.

In conclusion, more open spaces are beneficial for commercial buildings and schools because they create a positive environment and result in significant cost savings for the owner. While there are some disadvantages, I believe that this is a positive development, as it allows individuals to form new relationships and exchange ideas more easily.