Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

With the development of society, the income imbalance between different professions has become more prominent than ever. A clear example of this is the earnings of celebrities surpass which of politicans in the present time. This could be due to the effect of cultural globalization and it is a positive development in my view.

Nowadays, the fame of celebrities is no longer limited by any national boundaries thanks to globalization. Globalization serves as a bridge to connect people from all the countries together. These people undoubtedly would play as messengers to spread their cultures around the world. Therefore, people from other cultures would have better access to know the celebrities of other countries. As a result, many celebirites nowadays hold world-tour performances, which attracts a more substantial number of international fans compared to their local national ones. The income of celebrities greatly relies on the reception and recognition of their audience; therefore the more fans they get, the richer they become.

Politicians, on the other hand, are still bound within the limit of their countries and are paid mainly by the money of taxpayers of their own nation. Regardless of how influential the politicians are on the scale of power, internationally or not, they still receive the money from their citizens, whom in turns receive a much slower yearly raise in terms of a few percent. In addition, the income of celebrities are also influenced by the international currency exchange rate at their destination countries, while politicians are not paid in foreign currency.

In my opinion, this is the certain way of how the world economy works in a global setting. This development is positive because it makes clear how certain professions can benefit from globalization and vice versa. Knowing the income imbalance could help one choose their career path more wisely to fit their economic situations.

To conclude, cultural globalization is the main cause of the income imbalance between certain professions such as celebrities and politicians. This is the certain way of how the world economy should operate, and it helps people choose their career paths more wisely.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"earnings of celebrities surpass which of politicans" -> "celebrities’ earnings exceed those of politicians"
Explanation: The phrase "surpass which of politicians" is awkward and unclear. Replacing it with "exceed those of politicians" maintains clarity and formality, conveying the comparison more accurately.
"This could be due to the effect of cultural globalization and it is a positive development in my view." -> "This trend may stem from cultural globalization, which I consider a positive development."
Explanation: The phrase "could be due to" lacks certainty in the explanation. Replacing it with "may stem from" offers a more definitive statement. Also, restructuring the sentence for better flow and clarity enhances the academic tone.
"Nowadays, the fame of celebrities is no longer limited by any national boundaries thanks to globalization." -> "Presently, celebrities’ fame transcends national borders due to globalization."
Explanation: "Nowadays" is less formal; "Presently" is a more suitable alternative. The sentence restructuring and using "transcends national borders" instead of "limited by any national boundaries" provide a more polished and formal expression.
"These people undoubtedly would play as messengers to spread their cultures around the world." -> "These individuals unquestionably serve as messengers disseminating their cultures globally."
Explanation: The phrase "would play as" is informal; "serve as" is a more appropriate replacement. Using "disseminating their cultures globally" enhances formality and clarity.
"celebirites" -> "celebrities"
Explanation: A typographical error in the word "celebrities."
"hold world-tour performances" -> "undertake global tours"
Explanation: "Hold world-tour performances" is less formal. "Undertake global tours" offers a more sophisticated and fitting phrase in an academic context.
"The income of celebrities greatly relies on the reception and recognition of their audience; therefore the more fans they get, the richer they become." -> "Celebrities’ income significantly hinges on audience reception and recognition; thus, accruing more fans leads to greater wealth."
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure and choosing stronger adverbs ("significantly") and clearer phrases ("accruing more fans leads to greater wealth") contribute to a more formal and precise academic expression.
"Politicians, on the other hand, are still bound within the limit of their countries…" -> "In contrast, politicians remain confined within their respective national boundaries…"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with "In contrast" and using "remain confined within their respective national boundaries" offers a more sophisticated and formal expression.
"whom in turns receive a much slower yearly raise" -> "who, in turn, experience a considerably slower annual increase"
Explanation: "whom in turns receive" lacks clarity and is less formal. Replacing it with "who, in turn, experience" and using "considerably slower annual increase" enhances both clarity and formality.
"This development is positive because it makes clear how certain professions can benefit from globalization and vice versa." -> "This trend is positive as it delineates how specific professions benefit from globalization and reciprocally contribute to it."
Explanation: Replacing "development" with "trend" for a more precise term and rephrasing the sentence to emphasize reciprocity in the relationship between professions and globalization improves the formal tone.
"Knowing the income imbalance could help one choose their career path more wisely to fit their economic situations." -> "Awareness of this income disparity could assist individuals in making more informed career choices that align with their economic circumstances."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better clarity and formality, using "Awareness of this income disparity" instead of "Knowing the income imbalance," enhances the academic tone and precision.
"This is the certain way of how the world economy should operate…" -> "This exemplifies a specific facet of how the global economy functions…"
Explanation: The phrase "This is the certain way of how" is redundant and less formal. Using "This exemplifies a specific facet of how" maintains clarity and formality while improving expression.
"it helps people choose their career paths more wisely." -> "it aids individuals in making more judicious career decisions."
Explanation: Replacing "choose their career paths more wisely" with "making more judicious career decisions" offers a more sophisticated and formal alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "With the development of society, the income imbalance between different professions has become more prominent than ever. A clear example of this is the earnings of celebrities surpass which of politicians in the present time. This could be due to the effect of cultural globalization and it is a positive development in my view."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction does state the writer’s view, but it lacks a clear roadmap for the essay. Consider briefly outlining the main reasons or aspects that will be discussed. For instance, mention that cultural globalization is a key factor, and the positive development aspect could be elaborated more explicitly.
- Improved example: "In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the income disparity between celebrities and politicians, focusing on the impact of cultural globalization. While exploring these factors, I will argue that this phenomenon is a positive development."
Quoted text: "Nowadays, the fame of celebrities is no longer limited by any national boundaries thanks to globalization. Globalization serves as a bridge to connect people from all the countries together. These people undoubtedly would play as messengers to spread their cultures around the world. Therefore, people from other cultures would have better access to know the celebrities of other countries. As a result, many celebirites nowadays hold world-tour performances, which attracts a more substantial number of international fans compared to their local national ones. The income of celebrities greatly relies on the reception and recognition of their audience; therefore the more fans they get, the richer they become."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the idea of globalization is well-presented, the paragraph lacks depth in explaining why celebrities earn more. Provide specific examples or elaborate on how international fame translates into higher income. Strengthen the link between global recognition and financial success.
- Improved example: "The globalization of fame allows celebrities to transcend national boundaries, reaching diverse audiences globally. For instance, international tours attract a vast number of fans worldwide, contributing significantly to a celebrity’s income. This increased global recognition translates directly into financial success, as fans from various cultures contribute to their popularity and wealth."
Quoted text: "Politicians, on the other hand, are still bound within the limit of their countries and are paid mainly by the money of taxpayers of their own nation. Regardless of how influential the politicians are on the scale of power, internationally or not, they still receive the money from their citizens, whom in turns receive a much slower yearly raise in terms of a few percent. In addition, the income of celebrities are also influenced by the international currency exchange rate at their destination countries, while politicians are not paid in foreign currency."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph discusses the limitations politicians face in terms of national boundaries, but it lacks a clear link to why they earn less compared to celebrities. Connect the constraints mentioned to the income disparity, perhaps by emphasizing the broader audience and diverse revenue sources that celebrities can tap into.
- Improved example: "Unlike celebrities who benefit from global fame, politicians are constrained within national boundaries. This limits their audience and revenue sources compared to celebrities who can leverage international markets and diverse income streams. While politicians rely on taxpayers’ money, celebrities tap into a global fan base and income sources influenced by international currency exchange rates, contributing to their higher earnings."

Overall, the essay provides a clear position but could benefit from more detailed development of ideas and stronger connections between the reasons discussed and the income disparity presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses cohesive devices, such as referencing and substitution, to maintain coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall flow of the essay. The introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for the essay’s development. However, there are instances of overuse and imprecise referencing.

How to improve:

Refine Cohesive Devices: While the essay generally uses cohesive devices effectively, there are moments of overuse and imprecision. Ensure that pronouns and references are clear and do not cause confusion.
Paragraphing Consistency: While the essay uses paragraphing, there is room for improvement in ensuring logical placement and coherence within paragraphs. Consider refining the transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
Precision in Referencing: Pay attention to the precision of references and substitutions. Avoid overusing certain words or phrases and strive for a more varied and precise language to maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, but refining the use of cohesive devices and maintaining consistency in paragraphing will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, such as "celebirites" instead of "celebrities" and minor grammatical issues.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and ensuring accurate word formation. Additionally, proofread for minor errors and consider incorporating a more varied range of vocabulary to further demonstrate flexibility and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. It uses a variety of complex structures, contributing to a generally coherent and well-developed response. There are instances of minor errors, such as "celebirites" instead of "celebrities" and a few awkward phrasings that do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively explores the reasons for the income disparity between celebrities and politicians, providing a clear stance and relevant supporting points.

How to improve:

Proofread for Minor Errors: A careful proofreading would catch minor errors like "celebirites." Attention to detail can enhance the overall impression of accuracy.
Sentence Structure Variety: While the essay employs complex structures, introducing more sentence variety could elevate the overall sophistication of the language.
Clarity in Expression: Some sentences are slightly convoluted. Aim for clearer expression to enhance the reader’s understanding.

Note: The essay falls within Band 7 due to its effective use of a variety of structures, frequent error-free sentences, and good overall control of grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s evolving society, the disparity in earnings among various occupations has become more noticeable than ever. A striking example of this is the fact that celebrities earn more than politicians in the current era. This phenomenon can be attributed to the impact of cultural globalization, and in my opinion, it represents a positive development.

In the contemporary world, the fame of celebrities is not confined by national borders, thanks to globalization. Acting as a bridge that connects people across countries, globalization enables individuals to act as cultural messengers, spreading their traditions worldwide. Consequently, people from diverse cultures gain better access to learn about celebrities from other nations. As a result, many celebrities now organize global tours, attracting a larger number of international fans compared to their local counterparts. The income of celebrities is significantly influenced by the reception and recognition of their audience, so the more fans they accumulate, the wealthier they become.

On the contrary, politicians remain bound within the confines of their nations, primarily receiving salaries funded by the taxpayers of their own country. Regardless of the politicians’ influence on the global stage, they still rely on the financial support of their citizens, who experience relatively modest annual salary increases, often just a few percent. Additionally, unlike celebrities whose income can be affected by international currency exchange rates in the countries they visit, politicians are paid in their local currency.

In my view, this is the established dynamic of how the global economy operates. Such a development is positive because it illuminates how certain professions can benefit from globalization, and vice versa. Understanding this income disparity can guide individuals in making informed career choices that align with their economic circumstances.

To sum up, the primary cause of income inequality among professions, such as celebrities and politicians, is cultural globalization. This economic structure is essential for the functioning of the global economy, aiding individuals in making more informed decisions about their career paths.