Nowadays, many companies have abandoned the old structures that have clear roles and started using a flexible model. Why? What can be the impact?

In recent years, many organisations started using more flexible models instead of the conventional hierarchical structures with clearly defined roles. The driver of this trend is the potential consequences of low job satisfactation and it brings many advantages like higher employee satisfactation, lower cost and increase adaptability, also disadvantages as role ambiguity and not suitable for everybody.
Firstly, the main cause of flexible models using is the development of technology. Many companies must react swiftly to the changes of market by using a new flexible model, in addition to enhance collaboration among employees, in addition to enhance collaboration and sharing ideas among employees, enabling them to have a quick reaction when necessary. Besides, the innovative organizational structures encourage a groundbreaking. It can attract younger generations, such as Gen Z often prefer workplaces that offer flexibility, and growth opportunities The impact of this transition can be significant. A flexible model can increase job satisfaction, to employees will have higher performance and lower turnover rate. Another advantage is lower cost,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"started using more flexible models" -> "began adopting more flexible models"
Explanation: "Begun adopting" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the conventional hierarchical structures with clearly defined roles" -> "traditional hierarchical structures with clearly defined roles"
Explanation: "Traditional" is more specific and academically appropriate than "conventional," which can be vague and less precise.
"low job satisfactation" -> "low job satisfaction"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text is free from typographical mistakes.
"it brings many advantages like higher employee satisfactation, lower cost and increase adaptability" -> "it offers numerous advantages, including higher employee satisfaction, reduced costs, and increased adaptability"
Explanation: Replaces "it brings" with "it offers" for a more formal tone, and corrects "satisfactation" to "satisfaction." Also, "lower cost" should be "reduced costs" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"also disadvantages as role ambiguity and not suitable for everybody" -> "also disadvantages, including role ambiguity and unsuitability for all"
Explanation: "Also disadvantages" is grammatically incorrect; "also disadvantages, including" corrects this. "Not suitable for everybody" is vague and informal; "unsuitability for all" is more precise and formal.
"the main cause of flexible models using" -> "the primary driver of the adoption of flexible models"
Explanation: "The primary driver of the adoption of" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"must react swiftly to the changes of market" -> "must respond rapidly to market changes"
Explanation: "Respond rapidly to market changes" is more concise and uses more formal vocabulary suitable for academic writing.
"in addition to enhance collaboration among employees, in addition to enhance collaboration and sharing ideas among employees" -> "in addition to enhancing collaboration among employees, and fostering idea-sharing"
Explanation: Removes redundancy by combining the two similar phrases into one, improving clarity and conciseness.
"encourage a groundbreaking" -> "foster innovation"
Explanation: "Foster innovation" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "encourage a groundbreaking," which is awkward and unclear.
"often prefer workplaces that offer flexibility, and growth opportunities" -> "often prefer workplaces that offer flexibility and opportunities for growth"
Explanation: Improves the flow and clarity of the sentence by separating the two ideas with a comma and using "opportunities for growth" for a more formal expression.
"to employees will have higher performance and lower turnover rate" -> "employees will experience higher performance and lower turnover rates"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses "experience" for a more formal tone, and "rates" is plural to match the context of multiple employees.
"Another advantage is lower cost," -> "Another advantage is reduced costs"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and uses "reduced costs" for consistency and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the prompt: the reasons behind the shift to flexible models and the potential impacts of this change. However, the response is incomplete and lacks depth. For instance, while it mentions "low job satisfaction" as a driver, it does not adequately explore this reason or provide sufficient evidence or examples. The impacts are also mentioned but not elaborated upon, particularly the disadvantages of flexible models, which are only briefly noted.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. This can be achieved by providing specific examples of companies that have adopted flexible models and discussing the reasons for their decisions in detail. Additionally, elaborating on both the positive and negative impacts with concrete examples would provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position regarding the benefits of flexible models, but it lacks consistency. The mention of disadvantages is too brief and does not counterbalance the advantages presented. The phrase "not suitable for everybody" is vague and does not clarify the position on when or why flexible models might fail.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint at the beginning and reinforce it throughout the essay. This can be done by clearly delineating the advantages and disadvantages and providing a concluding statement that reflects the overall stance on flexible models.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack depth and support. For example, the statement about technology driving the need for flexibility is made, but it is not sufficiently explained or supported with examples. The mention of "lower cost" is also vague and does not specify how flexible models achieve this.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific technologies that facilitate flexible work or citing studies that show the correlation between flexibility and job satisfaction would strengthen the argument. Each point should be elaborated upon to provide a clearer understanding of the implications.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing flexible models and their impacts. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly with repetitive phrases like "in addition to enhance collaboration," which detracts from the clarity of the argument. The mention of "Gen Z" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument and could be better integrated.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid redundancy and ensure that all statements directly support the main argument. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that relates back to the prompt, and any examples or references to specific groups (like Gen Z) should be clearly tied to the overall discussion of flexible models.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on fully addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, providing detailed support for their ideas, and ensuring that the essay remains focused and coherent. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear progression of ideas, starting with an introduction to the topic and moving into the reasons behind the shift to flexible models. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph introduces both advantages and disadvantages of flexible models but does not clearly separate these ideas, leading to some confusion. The transition from discussing the causes to the impacts is somewhat abrupt, lacking a smooth flow that guides the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, use transition phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" when discussing advantages and disadvantages to clearly delineate these sections. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is not fully effective. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to discern the main points. The second paragraph begins to address the causes but lacks a clear structure, as it mixes different ideas without adequate transitions.
- How to improve: Implement a more structured approach to paragraphing. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For example, one paragraph could be dedicated to the causes of the shift to flexible models, while another could focus on the advantages, and a third on the disadvantages. This will create a clearer framework for your argument and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "in addition" and "besides," but their repetition can detract from the overall coherence. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are either missing or misused, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "in addition to enhance collaboration" is awkwardly constructed and disrupts the flow of the sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "consequently," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also make the writing more engaging. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and in context to maintain clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument, potentially raising the band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "flexible models," "conventional hierarchical structures," and "role ambiguity." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "enhance collaboration" and "among employees," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "enhance collaboration," alternatives such as "foster teamwork," "promote cooperation," or "facilitate communication" could be used. Additionally, exploring more specific vocabulary related to the topic, such as "agile methodologies" or "organizational agility," would enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay uses some appropriate vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "satisfactation" is a misspelling of "satisfaction," which detracts from the clarity of the argument. The phrase "the driver of this trend is the potential consequences of low job satisfactation" is also unclear; it suggests that the consequences are driving the trend rather than the causes of low satisfaction.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, the sentence could be rephrased to clarify that low job satisfaction is a cause of the trend toward flexible models. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is crucial. Using tools like spell check or reading the essay aloud can help catch these mistakes.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, most notably "satisfactation" instead of "satisfaction." Such errors can undermine the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency and attention to detail. While the overall spelling is generally acceptable, the presence of these mistakes is significant enough to warrant concern.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short paragraphs and focusing on commonly misspelled words. Creating a list of frequently used vocabulary and reviewing their spellings can also be beneficial. Additionally, utilizing online resources or apps designed for spelling practice can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly enhance the lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many organisations started using more flexible models") and compound sentences ("It can attract younger generations, such as Gen Z often prefer workplaces that offer flexibility, and growth opportunities"). However, the overall range is limited, with a noticeable reliance on basic sentence forms. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the ability to convey more nuanced ideas effectively. For instance, the phrase "the potential consequences of low job satisfactation" could have been expanded into a more complex structure to explore the implications further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Many companies must react swiftly to the changes of market," the writer could say, "As many companies must react swiftly to the changes in the market, they are increasingly adopting flexible models." Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "satisfactation" is a misspelling; the correct term is "satisfaction." The phrase "in addition to enhance collaboration among employees" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "in addition to enhancing collaboration among employees." Furthermore, the sentence "A flexible model can increase job satisfaction, to employees will have higher performance and lower turnover rate" is poorly constructed and lacks clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as spelling and subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify complex ideas. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for comma usage, particularly in compound sentences and lists. For instance, the sentence "lower cost, and increase adaptability, also disadvantages as role ambiguity and not suitable for everybody" could be revised for clarity and punctuation: "lower costs and increased adaptability, but it also presents disadvantages such as role ambiguity and may not be suitable for everyone."

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, enhancing the range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality of writing. Regular practice, along with careful proofreading, will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, many organisations have begun adopting more flexible models instead of traditional hierarchical structures with clearly defined roles. The primary driver of this trend is the potential consequences of low job satisfaction, and it offers numerous advantages, including higher employee satisfaction, reduced costs, and increased adaptability, as well as disadvantages, including role ambiguity and unsuitability for all.

Firstly, the main cause of the adoption of flexible models is the development of technology. Many companies must respond rapidly to market changes by implementing a new flexible model, in addition to enhancing collaboration among employees and fostering idea-sharing, enabling them to react quickly when necessary. Furthermore, these innovative organisational structures encourage creativity and can attract younger generations, such as Gen Z, who often prefer workplaces that offer flexibility and opportunities for growth.

The impact of this transition can be significant. A flexible model can lead to increased job satisfaction, meaning employees will experience higher performance and lower turnover rates. Another advantage is reduced costs, which can further benefit the organisation’s overall efficiency.