Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company.
Why might this be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In today’s modern society, there has been an increasing trend among young people in the labour market to opt for self-employment in preference to working as employers in companies. This essay will identify the main drivers of being self-employed and shed light on the potential drawbacks of this trend.

The number of people who work on their own is increasing, which can be attributed to key factors related to their availability for work and job satisfaction. First of all, it is possible that life nowadays is rather busy, leading an array of people to refuse applying for a job in a company. For instance, these self-employed people may do the houseworks all day or start their small business at home in that they have to spend time on taking care of their family members. Additionally, some might find that working as an employer for a company contradicts their thirst for freedom and spontaneity. In fact, strict rules and repeated tasks in an office are too boring for them to adhere to. As a result, these people can decide to work as a freelancer so as to have opportunities to work on a particular thing that they are really passionate about.

However, it is undeniable that this phenomenon poses several obstacles to self-employed people in terms of finance and career prospects. The first to mention is that they will be prone to financial instability due to the unidentified estimate of their income. From the perspective of customers, there is no point in opting for a self-employed service instead of a company. Thus, they may have difficulty in receiving even bookings and it is likely to derive not enough money for a living from their job. Another worth mentioning point is that there is no guarantee that they will be successful in the long run even though they choose to get off the beaten track. In reality, it is hard to attract customers, for example for their own businesses or services without a strong base. Therefore, it requires such diligence and effort to gain a good reputation in the field of self-employment.

In conclusion, there are various reasons leading to the increasing trend among many people to engage in self-employment, such as working hours and personal preference. Nevertheless, potential risks of this should be taken into consideration in order not to face challenges associated with financial and long-term aspects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s modern society" -> "In contemporary society"
   Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "modern," which can be vague and overly broad in this context.

2. "opt for self-employment in preference to working as employers" -> "prefer self-employment over working as employers"
   Explanation: Simplifying "opt for" to "prefer" and removing "in preference to" improves the sentence structure and clarity, aligning it with formal academic style.

3. "shed light on" -> "explore"
   Explanation: "Explore" is a more direct and academically suitable verb than "shed light on," which can be seen as overly metaphorical in this context.

4. "it is possible that life nowadays is rather busy" -> "it is plausible that contemporary life is busy"
   Explanation: "It is plausible" is a more formal expression than "it is possible that," and "contemporary life" is a more precise term than "life nowadays."

5. "an array of people" -> "a range of individuals"
   Explanation: "A range of individuals" is more formal and precise than "an array of people," which is somewhat colloquial.

6. "do the houseworks" -> "perform household tasks"
   Explanation: "Perform household tasks" is a more formal and accurate phrase than the colloquial "do the houseworks."

7. "start their small business at home" -> "establish their small businesses at home"
   Explanation: "Establish" is more specific and formal than "start," and "businesses" is plural to reflect the variety of businesses that self-employed individuals may have.

8. "thirst for freedom and spontaneity" -> "desire for autonomy and flexibility"
   Explanation: "Desire for autonomy and flexibility" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of seeking freedom and spontaneity.

9. "too boring for them to adhere to" -> "too monotonous for them to tolerate"
   Explanation: "Too monotonous to tolerate" is a more precise and formal way to describe the tedium of office work.

10. "have opportunities to work on a particular thing" -> "have opportunities to engage in specific projects"
    Explanation: "Engage in specific projects" is more formal and specific than "work on a particular thing."

11. "unidentified estimate of their income" -> "unpredictable income"
    Explanation: "Unpredictable income" is a more concise and formal way to describe the uncertainty of income for self-employed individuals.

12. "derive not enough money for a living" -> "earn insufficient income"
    Explanation: "Earn insufficient income" is a more formal and precise expression than "derive not enough money for a living."

13. "get off the beaten track" -> "pursue unconventional paths"
    Explanation: "Pursue unconventional paths" is a more formal and precise way to describe taking non-traditional career routes.

14. "such diligence and effort" -> "such dedication and effort"
    Explanation: "Dedication" is a more specific and formal term than "diligence" in this context, emphasizing the commitment required for success.

15. "gain a good reputation" -> "establish a strong reputation"
    Explanation: "Establish a strong reputation" is more formal and precise than "gain a good reputation," which is somewhat vague.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons why people choose self-employment, such as the desire for flexibility and job satisfaction, and discusses the disadvantages, including financial instability and challenges in attracting customers. However, the exploration of these points could be more thorough. For instance, while the essay mentions "busy lives" as a reason for self-employment, it does not elaborate on how this impacts job choices or provide a broader context.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the rise of self-employment. Additionally, exploring a wider range of reasons for this trend, such as technological advancements or changes in work culture, would create a more comprehensive answer.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the trend of self-employment, articulating both its advantages and disadvantages. However, the transition between discussing the reasons for self-employment and the disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "However, it is undeniable that this phenomenon poses several obstacles" could be more explicitly linked to the previous discussion to reinforce the connection between the two sections.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the transitions between paragraphs and sections by using phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus. For example, explicitly stating that the discussion will now shift to the challenges of self-employment can help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding self-employment, such as the desire for freedom and financial instability. However, some points lack depth. For example, the mention of "strict rules and repeated tasks" could be expanded with specific examples of how these factors deter individuals from traditional employment.
  • How to improve: Aim to elaborate on key points with additional details or examples. For instance, when discussing financial instability, consider including potential strategies self-employed individuals might use to mitigate this risk. This would not only extend the ideas but also provide a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on self-employment and its implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the phrase "they might do the houseworks all day" could be misinterpreted as deviating from the main topic of self-employment.
  • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and discussions are directly relevant to self-employment. Avoid vague references that could lead the reader to question their connection to the main topic. Instead, focus on how these factors specifically relate to the choice of self-employment versus traditional employment.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear response to the prompt, there are opportunities for improvement in depth, clarity, and relevance. Expanding on ideas, enhancing transitions, and ensuring all points are tightly aligned with the topic will help achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized around specific themes: the reasons for self-employment and the disadvantages associated with it. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the motivations behind self-employment, such as the desire for freedom and job satisfaction. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing busy lifestyles to the desire for freedom feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect back to the thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "On the other hand") could be employed to better guide the reader through the argument, ensuring that each point builds on the previous one.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, with the first focusing on reasons for self-employment and the second on its disadvantages. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it covers multiple disadvantages that could be more clearly delineated.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on financial instability and the other on career prospects. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each disadvantage and improve clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "for instance," and "however," which help to connect ideas and signal shifts in argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs (e.g., "self-employed" is used frequently without variation).
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases (e.g., "freelancers," "independent workers") to avoid redundancy. Additionally, using a wider variety of linking words (e.g., "consequently," "in contrast") can enhance the flow of ideas and make the argument more engaging.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing the outlined areas for improvement could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "self-employment," "labour market," and "financial instability" being effectively employed. However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of more sophisticated synonyms. For example, the phrase "working as an employer for a company" could be more succinctly expressed as "being employed by a company."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "self-employed," alternatives like "freelancer" or "independent contractor" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "entrepreneurship" or "autonomy," would strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "refuse applying for a job in a company" could be better articulated as "choose not to apply for jobs in companies." Furthermore, the term "houseworks" is not standard; the correct term is "housework."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing common collocations and phrases in English can help. For instance, instead of "the unidentified estimate of their income," a more precise phrase could be "the unpredictable nature of their income."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. The term "houseworks" is incorrect, and "diligence" is misspelled as "diligence" in the context of effort.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch these errors. Reading extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "leading an array of people to refuse applying for a job in a company" showcases an attempt at complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "it is possible that" and "there is no guarantee that," which can detract from the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "it is possible that," alternatives like "one potential reason is" or "a contributing factor could be" can diversify sentence openings. Additionally, using more conditional structures (e.g., "If self-employed individuals manage their time well, they may find success") could also add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "refuse applying for a job in a company" should be revised to "refuse to apply for a job in a company." Additionally, the sentence "these self-employed people may do the houseworks all day" contains a grammatical error; "houseworks" should be singular ("housework"). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "for example" and "as a result."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of infinitives. Practicing with grammar exercises that target common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and before transitional phrases will enhance clarity. Regularly proofreading the essay for these common mistakes can also help in catching errors before final submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there has been an increasing trend among young people in the labor market to prefer self-employment over working for companies. This essay will explore the main reasons behind this choice and highlight the potential disadvantages of being self-employed.

The number of individuals who work independently is rising, which can be attributed to key factors related to their availability for work and job satisfaction. First of all, it is plausible that contemporary life is busy, leading a range of individuals to avoid applying for jobs in companies. For instance, these self-employed individuals may perform household tasks throughout the day or establish their small businesses at home, as they need to spend time caring for family members. Additionally, some might find that working as an employee for a company contradicts their desire for autonomy and flexibility. In fact, strict rules and repetitive tasks in an office can be too monotonous for them to tolerate. As a result, these individuals may choose to work as freelancers to have opportunities to engage in specific projects they are truly passionate about.

However, it is undeniable that this phenomenon poses several obstacles to self-employed individuals in terms of finance and career prospects. The first point to mention is that they are prone to financial instability due to the unpredictable nature of their income. From the perspective of customers, there may be little incentive to opt for a self-employed service instead of a company. Consequently, they might struggle to secure bookings and may earn insufficient income to sustain their living. Another important point is that there is no guarantee of long-term success, even if they pursue unconventional paths. In reality, attracting customers for their own businesses or services can be challenging without a strong reputation. Therefore, such dedication and effort are required to establish credibility in the field of self-employment.

In conclusion, there are various reasons leading to the increasing trend among many people to engage in self-employment, such as flexible working hours and personal preferences. Nevertheless, the potential risks associated with financial instability and long-term career prospects should be carefully considered to avoid facing significant challenges.