Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep what are problems caused by lack of sleep? what can be done about this lack of sleep?

There can be little doubt that lack of sleep is a significant concern about health problems worldwide. This problem could have a reduction in learning and working quality but can be addressed by suitable living habits.

The underlying consequence of the problem is having a negative impact on people's health and how they perform in their life. To explain further, people who do not sleep enough are more likely to be asleep while working or learning. As a result, their quality will be worsened. In addition, it is detrimental to their health with the concern of many sleeping or mental diseases like depression, insomnia, etc. This is true in the USA, where there are a lot of young patients with sleeping problems.

However, perhaps the solution to the problem of sleeplessness is to be found in the form of leading patients to a healthy lifestyle as well as having reasonable time management. The most effective approach is to offer suitable treatments like meditation, appropriate diet and healthy exercises. This situation might leads to people performing well in their life as well as enhancing their living qualities and having a sustainable health. Strategies such as Health Care Services in the USA have been proven to reduce the symptoms in their countries and around the world.

Thus, it can be seen that sleeplessness leads to bad performạnce in life and people’s health. Therefore, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of medical treatments or offering patients a healthy lifestyle.

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Errors and Improvements:

"There can be little doubt that lack of sleep is a significant concern about health problems worldwide." -> "There is little doubt that insufficient sleep poses a significant global health concern."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and clarity. "Concern about health problems" should be revised to "a significant global health concern," and "lack of sleep" is better expressed as "insufficient sleep."
"This problem could have a reduction in learning and working quality but can be addressed by suitable living habits." -> "This issue can lead to diminished learning and work performance but can be mitigated through appropriate lifestyle habits."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. "Could have a reduction" is ambiguous and can be replaced with "can lead to diminished." "Addressed by suitable living habits" can be replaced with "mitigated through appropriate lifestyle habits" for clarity and formality.
"The underlying consequence of the problem is having a negative impact on people’s health and how they perform in their life." -> "The underlying consequence of this issue is its adverse effects on both individuals’ health and their overall performance."
Explanation: The phrase "is having a negative impact" is unnecessarily wordy and can be simplified to "its adverse effects." Additionally, "in their life" can be improved to "their overall performance" for clarity and precision.
"people who do not sleep enough are more likely to be asleep while working or learning." -> "Individuals who experience insufficient sleep are more prone to dozing off during work or study."
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and awkward. "Asleep while working or learning" can be simplified to "dozing off during work or study" for clarity and conciseness.
"their quality will be worsened." -> "their performance will deteriorate."
Explanation: "Worsened" can be replaced with "deteriorate" for a more precise and formal expression.
"it is detrimental to their health with the concern of many sleeping or mental diseases like depression, insomnia, etc." -> "it poses risks to their health, including various sleep and mental disorders such as depression and insomnia."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and is overly informal. "The concern of many sleeping or mental diseases" can be replaced with "various sleep and mental disorders," and "like depression, insomnia, etc." can be simplified to "such as depression and insomnia" for clarity and formality.
"However, perhaps the solution to the problem of sleeplessness is to be found in the form of leading patients to a healthy lifestyle as well as having reasonable time management." -> "However, the solution to sleeplessness may lie in guiding individuals toward adopting healthier lifestyles and practicing effective time management."
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and lacks clarity. "Leading patients to a healthy lifestyle" can be replaced with "guiding individuals toward adopting healthier lifestyles" for clarity and formality.
"The most effective approach is to offer suitable treatments like meditation, appropriate diet and healthy exercises." -> "An effective approach involves offering appropriate interventions such as meditation, a balanced diet, and regular exercise."
Explanation: "Offer suitable treatments like" can be replaced with "offering appropriate interventions such as" for clarity and formality. Additionally, "healthy exercises" can be replaced with "regular exercise" for precision.
"This situation might leads to people performing well in their life as well as enhancing their living qualities and having a sustainable health." -> "This approach may lead to improved performance in various aspects of life, enhanced quality of life, and sustainable health."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Might leads" should be corrected to "may lead," and "enhancing their living qualities" can be improved to "enhanced quality of life" for clarity and precision.
"Strategies such as Health Care Services in the USA have been proven to reduce the symptoms in their countries and around the world." -> "Strategies, such as those implemented by Health Care Services in the USA, have been shown to alleviate symptoms both domestically and globally."
Explanation: "Reduce the symptoms in their countries and around the world" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Reduce the symptoms" can be replaced with "alleviate symptoms," and "in their countries and around the world" can be simplified to "both domestically and globally" for clarity and formality.
"Therefore, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of medical treatments or offering patients a healthy lifestyle." -> "Therefore, it is imperative to demonstrate the need for urgent action, whether through medical interventions or by promoting healthy lifestyles."
Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and lacks clarity. "Should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken" can be simplified to "it is imperative to demonstrate the need for urgent action," and "offering patients a healthy lifestyle" can be replaced with "by promoting healthy lifestyles" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the problems caused by lack of sleep (reduction in learning and working quality, negative impact on health) and proposing solutions (leading a healthy lifestyle, appropriate time management, suitable treatments like meditation and exercise).
- How to improve: While the essay covers both parts of the prompt, a more detailed exploration of the specific problems caused by lack of sleep and a broader range of solutions could enhance the response. Providing examples or statistics to support the discussion would also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the importance of addressing sleeplessness through lifestyle changes and medical interventions.
- How to improve: To further improve clarity, the essay could explicitly state the proposed solutions in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring the reader understands the author’s stance from the beginning to the end.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the problems and solutions of lack of sleep, such as its impact on performance and health, and suggests lifestyle changes and medical treatments as solutions. However, some ideas are briefly mentioned without sufficient elaboration or supporting evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the discussion, the essay should provide more examples, anecdotes, or research findings to support each idea. Additionally, expanding on the potential effectiveness of the proposed solutions would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the problems caused by lack of sleep and proposing solutions. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as providing specific examples of the impact of sleeplessness or elaborating on the effectiveness of the mentioned treatments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid tangential discussions and ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the main topic. Providing specific and relevant examples would also help keep the discussion on track.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, supporting ideas with evidence, and staying focused on the topic. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the issue, the body paragraphs discuss the problems and solutions, and the conclusion reiterates the importance of addressing the issue. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing the negative impact of lack of sleep on performance and health could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas more smoothly. For example, phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition to this" could be used to connect ideas within paragraphs and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, adhering to basic paragraph structure. Each paragraph presents a distinct idea, with the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion clearly separated. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration to fully explore the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Aim to develop each paragraph more fully by providing additional supporting details and examples. For instance, in the body paragraphs discussing the problems caused by lack of sleep and potential solutions, provide specific examples or studies to bolster the argument and enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "To explain further" and "However, perhaps." While these devices help to connect ideas to some extent, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and their effectiveness in enhancing coherence.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover"), pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), and referencing words (e.g., "the former," "the latter"). This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas where improvement is needed to strengthen the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, leading to a more effective communication of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including terms such as "significant concern," "detrimental," "insomnia," "meditation," "appropriate," and "sustainable health." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a broader spectrum of vocabulary. For instance, synonyms or alternative phrases could be employed to avoid repetition and add depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and specialized terminology related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "health problems," explore variations like "health issues," "medical concerns," or "well-being challenges." Additionally, delve into specific vocabulary related to sleep disorders, lifestyle modifications, and healthcare interventions to enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, conveying the intended meanings effectively. For instance, terms like "lack of sleep," "negative impact," and "healthy lifestyle" are employed accurately to discuss the topic. However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "leads to bad performance," which could be refined for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended nuances. Instead of generic phrases like "bad performance," opt for more specific terms like "diminished cognitive function," "reduced productivity," or "impaired performance." Utilize adjectives, adverbs, and descriptive language to articulate ideas with greater precision and depth.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few instances of spelling errors and typographical mistakes throughout the text, such as "performạnce" (performance). These errors, while sporadic, can detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, and systematic review of written work. Additionally, pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and practice spelling them correctly. Developing a habit of revising written content meticulously before submission can help minimize spelling errors and enhance the overall quality of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are simple sentences like "This problem could have a reduction in learning and working quality" and compound sentences such as "To explain further, people who do not sleep enough are more likely to be asleep while working or learning." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of structures. More complex sentences incorporating subordinate clauses or participial phrases could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enrich the range of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses to provide more depth and complexity to the arguments. For example, instead of solely relying on simple and compound sentences, integrate complex structures like "Although lack of sleep impacts learning and working quality, its ramifications extend to mental health, as evidenced by the prevalence of conditions such as depression and insomnia."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound grasp of grammar and punctuation, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some instances of minor grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors throughout the essay. For example, there is a missing article in "The underlying consequence of the problem is having a negative impact" (it should be "The underlying consequence of the problem is having a negative impact") and an awkward phrasing in "This situation might leads to people performing well" (it should be "This situation might lead to people performing well"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors like missing commas after introductory phrases ("To explain further, people who do not sleep enough are more likely to be asleep while working or learning") and incorrect capitalization ("Health Care Services in the USA").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, proofreading the essay thoroughly to identify and correct errors is essential. Specifically, pay attention to article usage, subject-verb agreement, and proper punctuation placement. Additionally, consider utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers or instructors to address areas of improvement effectively. Moreover, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage after introductory phrases and proper capitalization of proper nouns like "Health Care Services."

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no denying that insufficient sleep presents a significant global health concern. This issue can lead to diminished learning and work performance but can be mitigated through appropriate lifestyle habits.

The underlying consequence of this issue is its adverse effects on both individuals’ health and their overall performance. Individuals who experience insufficient sleep are more prone to dozing off during work or study, and as a result, their performance will deteriorate. Furthermore, it poses risks to their health, including various sleep and mental disorders such as depression and insomnia. This is particularly evident in the USA, where there is a notable prevalence of young individuals experiencing sleeping problems.

However, the solution to sleeplessness may lie in guiding individuals toward adopting healthier lifestyles and practicing effective time management. An effective approach involves offering appropriate interventions such as meditation, a balanced diet, and regular exercise. This approach may lead to improved performance in various aspects of life, enhanced quality of life, and sustainable health. Strategies, such as those implemented by Health Care Services in the USA, have been shown to alleviate symptoms both domestically and globally.

Therefore, it is imperative to demonstrate the need for urgent action, whether through medical interventions or by promoting healthy lifestyles.