Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In this day and age, thanks to the development of technology, people can easily get access to the internet or use related services. With the internet, it provides so many tools that help human life, howerver, it also contains potential drawbacks. This essay will clarify the upside and the downside of internet.
As we can see, nowadays, people cannot live with out internet. Internet give us a large archive of documents, references. These resource is helpful in many ways. For examplle, when we need to do researchs, it provides wide range of trustworthy knowledge. Moreover, finding reliable sources further strengthens the certainty of your research article. On top of that, one of the most useful benefits of the internet is that it can connect any people in anywhere. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, most of our daily activies were online, schools and bussinesses used online meeting applications to continue their work.
Nevertheless, internet has its' dark side. Video games have been a big problem since it appears. With internet access, many people especially children can approach more and more games. Spending much time playing video games affects little kids a lot. About physical health, light from screen badly damages children's eyes. Furthermore, because they spend much time playing video games, they do not have enough tim doing outdoor activities which significantly reduces physical health. With mental health, tired brains and lack of concentration are the results after a long period of time playing games.
To sum up, internet helps us a lot in every aspect of life, however, using it too much is extremely harmful to our health. By having a balance in using internet, we can fully exploit the benefits and reduse the drawbacks.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial phrase, while "contemporary times" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"Howerver" -> "However"
Explanation: "Howerver" contains a spelling error. "However" is the correct spelling and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"clarify" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Clarify" may sound too direct; "explore" is a more appropriate term for discussing the various aspects of a topic in an academic context.
"without" -> "without"
Explanation: "With out" should be written as one word, "without."
"give us" -> "provides us with"
Explanation: "Give us" is too simplistic for academic writing. "Provides us with" is more formal and precise.
"resource" -> "resources"
Explanation: "Resource" should be pluralized to match the plural subject "documents, references."
"For examplle" -> "For example"
Explanation: "Examplle" contains a spelling error. "For example" is the correct phrase to introduce an illustrative example.
"researchs" -> "research"
Explanation: "Researchs" is grammatically incorrect; "research" is the correct plural form.
"wide range of trustworthy knowledge" -> "a wealth of reliable information"
Explanation: "Wide range of trustworthy knowledge" is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. "A wealth of reliable information" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"On top of that" -> "Additionally"
Explanation: "On top of that" is informal; "Additionally" is a more suitable transition in academic writing.
"one of the most useful benefits" -> "a significant advantage"
Explanation: "One of the most useful benefits" is slightly redundant. "A significant advantage" is a more concise alternative.
"can connect any people" -> "can connect people"
Explanation: "Any people" is grammatically incorrect. "People" is sufficient to convey the intended meaning.
"activies" -> "activities"
Explanation: "Activies" contains a spelling error. "Activities" is the correct form.
"bussinesses" -> "businesses"
Explanation: "Bussinesses" contains a spelling error. "Businesses" is the correct form.
"its’ dark side" -> "its dark side"
Explanation: "Its’" is incorrect possessive form. "Its" is the correct possessive form without an apostrophe.
"Video games have been a big problem since it appears" -> "The proliferation of video games has posed significant challenges"
Explanation: "Video games have been a big problem since it appears" lacks clarity and precision. "The proliferation of video games has posed significant challenges" offers a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"many people especially children" -> "many people, especially children,"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "people" helps to clarify the sentence structure and aids readability.
"approach more and more games" -> "access an increasing number of games"
Explanation: "Approach more and more games" is unclear. "Access an increasing number of games" conveys the idea more precisely.
"Spending much time playing video games" -> "Excessive video game usage"
Explanation: "Spending much time playing video games" is wordy. "Excessive video game usage" is a more concise alternative.
"affects little kids a lot" -> "significantly impacts young children"
Explanation: "Affects little kids a lot" is informal. "Significantly impacts young children" is more formal and precise.
"About physical health" -> "Regarding physical health"
Explanation: "About" is too informal for academic writing. "Regarding" is a more appropriate transition.
"light from screen" -> "light from screens"
Explanation: "Light from screen" lacks proper pluralization. "Light from screens" is grammatically correct.
"badly damages children’s eyes" -> "negatively affects children’s vision"
Explanation: "Badly damages" is too colloquial. "Negatively affects" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is somewhat informal. "Moreover" maintains a formal tone in academic writing.
"tim doing" -> "time doing"
Explanation: "Tim" is a typo; it should be "time."
"which significantly reduces physical health" -> "resulting in significant deterioration of physical health"
Explanation: "Which significantly reduces physical health" is awkward. "Resulting in significant deterioration of physical health" provides clearer and more formal expression.
"With mental health" -> "Regarding mental health"
Explanation: "With mental health" is too informal. "Regarding mental health" is a more suitable transition.
"tired brains" -> "cognitive fatigue"
Explanation: "Tired brains" is informal. "Cognitive fatigue" is a more formal expression for academic writing.
"lack of concentration" -> "diminished concentration"
Explanation: "Lack of concentration" is somewhat informal. "Diminished concentration" is more formal.
"reduse" -> "reduce"
Explanation: "Reduse" contains a spelling error. "Reduce" is the correct spelling.
"By having a balance in using internet" -> "Achieving a balance in internet usage"
Explanation: "By having a balance in using internet" is awkward. "Achieving a balance in internet usage" is more concise and clearer in meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children. It acknowledges the benefits of internet access, such as access to information and the ability to connect people globally. It also discusses the negative impact of excessive gaming on physical and mental health.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is fully explored. Provide more specific examples related to the advantages and disadvantages of video games for children to strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that while the internet offers significant benefits, excessive use, particularly in the form of video games, can have detrimental effects on children’s health.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout the essay with supporting evidence and analysis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of internet access for children. However, some ideas lack development, and the examples provided could be more detailed and relevant.
- How to improve: To improve, extend each idea by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Use specific instances or studies to illustrate the points made and ensure they directly relate to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children in the context of internet access. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the general benefits of the internet.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic of video games and their impact on children. Avoid broadening the discussion beyond the scope of the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, clearer positioning, stronger support for ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout the essay. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more cohesive and persuasive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It introduces the topic in the first paragraph, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the internet. However, the transition from discussing the internet in general to focusing on video games is somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the conclusion could be more closely tied to the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more clearly. Begin by introducing the topic of video games in the introduction, followed by separate body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to create a cohesive flow of information throughout the essay. Additionally, in the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the main argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness could be improved. Each paragraph covers a distinct aspect of the topic, such as the advantages and disadvantages of the internet and the negative effects of video games. However, the paragraphs lack depth and coherence, with some ideas not fully developed within each paragraph.
- How to improve: Focus on developing more cohesive and well-structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider expanding on each point to provide more depth and clarity. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is limited variety and effectiveness. Some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (‘however’, ‘moreover’, ‘nevertheless’), are used to indicate shifts between ideas. However, there is a lack of diversity in cohesive devices, and their use does not consistently enhance the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve coherence, diversify the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Incorporate a range of transitional words and phrases, such as ‘furthermore’, ‘in addition’, ‘on the other hand’, to establish clear connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to reinforce the logical flow of ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice. There are instances where synonyms or related terms are employed, such as "archive" and "documents," "researchs" and "knowledge," and "advantages" and "benefits." However, there is limited exploration of more advanced vocabulary or nuanced terminology to enhance expression and precision.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader spectrum of vocabulary. This could involve utilizing more sophisticated synonyms, exploring idiomatic expressions, or integrating specialized terminology related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "internet," you could introduce terms like "cyberspace," "online realm," or "digital sphere" where appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the upside and the downside" instead of "advantages and disadvantages," and "physical health" where "visual health" or "ocular health" would be more precise given the context of discussing the effects of screen time on eyesight. Furthermore, the phrase "using it too much" lacks specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to select vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This involves using terms that precisely capture the concepts being discussed. Additionally, avoid vague or ambiguous language by opting for specific terms. For example, instead of "using it too much," specify the excessive usage as "prolonged exposure" or "excessive screen time."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "howerver" instead of "however," "examplle" instead of "example," "researchs" instead of "research," "bussinesses" instead of "businesses," and "reduse" instead of "reduce." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilize spell-check tools available in word processors to identify and correct errors. Additionally, allocate time to review written work carefully, focusing specifically on spelling accuracy. Engaging in regular reading can also reinforce correct spelling patterns and aid in recognizing common spelling pitfalls.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of vocabulary usage, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively incorporating a wider array of vocabulary, selecting terms with greater precision, and diligently addressing spelling errors, the overall lexical resource can be enhanced, thereby contributing to a more effective and polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which limits the variety and sophistication of the writing. For instance, simple sentences dominate the essay, such as "Internet give us a large archive of documents, references." There is a lack of more complex structures, like conditional sentences or inversion, which could enhance the overall quality of expression.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more complex sentence forms, such as using relative clauses, participial phrases, or varying sentence lengths to create a more engaging and dynamic narrative. Introducing complex sentences with dependent clauses can add depth and coherence to the essay’s arguments. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or chiasmus can elevate the writing style and make the essay more persuasive.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with minor errors throughout. There are instances of subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "Internet give us"), incorrect article usage ("a balance in using internet"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in compound sentences). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in compound sentences where commas are needed to separate independent clauses, is essential. Reviewing grammar rules related to plurals, verb conjugations, and article usage can help in avoiding similar mistakes in future writing tasks. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers or instructors can aid in identifying and rectifying errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, thanks to technological advancements, people have easy access to the internet and its related services. However, along with its benefits, the internet also presents potential drawbacks. This essay aims to explore both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

As we can observe, the internet has become indispensable in our daily lives. It provides a vast archive of documents and references, which are immensely helpful in various tasks. For example, when conducting research, the internet offers a wealth of reliable information, thereby enhancing the quality of our work. Additionally, the ability of the internet to connect people worldwide is invaluable. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, online platforms facilitated essential activities such as schooling and business operations.

Nevertheless, the internet has its dark side, particularly concerning video games. With easy access to the internet, many people, especially children, can access an increasing number of games. Excessive video game usage significantly impacts young children. Regarding physical health, the light emitted from screens can negatively affect children’s vision. Moreover, spending excessive time playing video games often leads to a lack of outdoor activities, resulting in a significant deterioration of physical health. Concerning mental health, prolonged gaming sessions can lead to cognitive fatigue and diminished concentration.

In conclusion, while the internet provides numerous benefits, excessive use can have detrimental effects on our health. Achieving a balance in internet usage is crucial to fully exploit its advantages while minimizing its drawbacks.