Nowadays, media focus too much on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

Today, the negative news usually receives more media coverage than the positive attention. In my opinion this trend could have both positive and negative consequences, but there are more downsides than upsides.
On the one hand, this phenomenon is advantageous in a few aspects. First, the main important merit is that it could increase the safety of people ’s lives. This is because when people get the news about dangers around them, they will be more alert. For instance, if the crime rate of pickpockets on public transportation is broadcasted, people will be more cautious from becoming the victims. An additional benefit is that it raises the awareness of society about issues, which are happening. For example, when the mortality of drunk driving is publicized, it could discourage people from driving under the influence.
On the other hand, despite the aforementioned benefits , this trend has a range of problematic impacts. One primary concern is the risk of increasing people's anxiety. This is because the unfavorable news could instill fear into their mind, so, it could lead to mental issues such as anxiety and depression. Additionally, this phenomenon can be harmful for the image of a nation. It affects the tourism potential of that nation. For example, if a country is reported to have a high crime rate, it will discourage visitors from traveling there. This can damage local tourism and affect the economy.
In conclusion, this phenomenon has both merits and demerits. In my opinion, I believe that drawbacks outweigh benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Today, the negative news usually receives more media coverage than the positive attention." -> "Currently, negative news typically receives more media attention than positive news."
Explanation: Replacing "Today" with "Currently" and "positive attention" with "positive news" aligns with formal academic language by using more precise terms.
"In my opinion this trend could have both positive and negative consequences" -> "I contend that this trend could have both positive and negative consequences"
Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal expression than "In my opinion," which enhances the academic tone of the statement.
"the main important merit is that it could increase the safety of people ’s lives" -> "a significant advantage is that it could enhance public safety"
Explanation: "a significant advantage" is more concise and formal than "the main important merit," and "public safety" is a more precise term than "the safety of people’s lives."
"when people get the news about dangers around them" -> "when individuals become aware of the dangers surrounding them"
Explanation: "become aware of the dangers surrounding them" is more formal and precise than "get the news about dangers around them."
"people will be more cautious from becoming the victims" -> "individuals will be more cautious of becoming victims"
Explanation: "individuals will be more cautious of becoming victims" corrects the grammatical error and uses "individuals" for a more formal tone.
"it raises the awareness of society about issues, which are happening" -> "it heightens societal awareness of ongoing issues"
Explanation: "heightens societal awareness of ongoing issues" is more concise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"despite the aforementioned benefits, this trend has a range of problematic impacts" -> "despite the aforementioned benefits, this trend has a range of detrimental effects"
Explanation: "detrimental effects" is a more precise and formal term than "problematic impacts."
"This is because the unfavorable news could instill fear into their mind" -> "This is because unfavorable news can instill fear in their minds"
Explanation: "can instill fear in their minds" corrects the grammatical error and uses "in their minds" for a more formal expression.
"so, it could lead to mental issues such as anxiety and depression" -> "thereby potentially leading to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression"
Explanation: "thereby potentially leading to mental health issues" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style.
"this phenomenon can be harmful for the image of a nation" -> "this phenomenon can be detrimental to a nation’s image"
Explanation: "detrimental to a nation’s image" is a more formal and precise expression than "harmful for the image of a nation."
"It affects the tourism potential of that nation" -> "it impacts the tourism potential of that nation"
Explanation: "impacts" is a more formal synonym for "affects," enhancing the academic tone.
"In my opinion, I believe that drawbacks outweigh benefits" -> "I maintain that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits"
Explanation: "I maintain" is a more formal expression than "In my opinion, I believe," and "the benefits" corrects the grammatical error.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of media focusing on negative news. The writer acknowledges that there are both positive and negative aspects, which is a good approach to answering the question. However, the essay does not fully explore the implications of these points in relation to whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The conclusion states a clear opinion but lacks a thorough analysis of how the benefits and drawbacks compare quantitatively or qualitatively.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced examination of the benefits and drawbacks, possibly including more examples or statistics that illustrate the extent of each. A clearer comparison in the conclusion could also strengthen the argument, perhaps by summarizing the key points made and explicitly stating why the drawbacks are more significant.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the drawbacks of media focusing on negative news outweigh the benefits. This stance is evident from the beginning and is consistently supported throughout the essay. However, the transition between discussing the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the sections discussing benefits and drawbacks. This would help reinforce the overall argument and guide the reader more effectively through the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of negative media coverage. For instance, the writer discusses increased safety awareness and the potential for heightened anxiety. However, while some points are supported with examples, others could benefit from further elaboration. For example, the mention of mental health issues could be expanded with more detail or additional examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Including statistics or research findings could also add credibility to the claims and make the argument more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the media’s portrayal of negative news and its implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, while the mention of tourism is relevant, it could be linked more explicitly to the overall argument about whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of the prompt. A brief outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall argument.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, particularly in elaborating on ideas, providing clearer transitions, and ensuring all points are tightly aligned with the prompt, the writer could enhance their score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. For example, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of media focusing on negative news, while the second body paragraph addresses the drawbacks. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus. For instance, starting the second body paragraph with a phrase like "Conversely" or "On the flip side" could help clarify the contrast between the two perspectives. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the points made could benefit from further elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, aim to develop each point more fully. For example, in the second body paragraph, after stating that negative news can increase anxiety, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to illustrate this point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a concluding sentence that summarizes the main idea and links back to the overall argument of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon" is repeated multiple times, which can lead to ambiguity about what is being referred to.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, consider varying the references to "this phenomenon" by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain clarity and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "negative news," "media coverage," "advantageous," "awareness," and "unfavorable." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases such as "this trend" and "this phenomenon," which are used multiple times without variation. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the main important merit" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this trend," alternatives like "this tendency" or "this phenomenon" could be utilized. Furthermore, instead of "the main important merit," a more concise phrase such as "a key advantage" could be employed.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "instill fear" and "mental issues," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are also moments of imprecision, such as "cautious from becoming the victims," where the preposition "from" is incorrectly used; it should be "cautious about becoming victims." Additionally, the phrase "the mortality of drunk driving" could be better articulated as "the mortality rate due to drunk driving" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the correct use of prepositions and ensure that phrases are grammatically correct. Regular practice with collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help refine vocabulary usage. Engaging with native materials, such as articles or essays, can provide insight into more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors present. Words such as "transportation," "cautious," and "awareness" are spelled correctly. However, there are minor spacing issues, such as in "aforementioned benefits ," where there is an unnecessary space before the comma.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work for typographical errors and spacing issues. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing regularly can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial for ongoing improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and attention to detail in spelling. By incorporating a wider variety of expressions, ensuring precise usage, and proofreading for minor errors, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "when people get the news about dangers around them, they will be more alert," which effectively conveys cause and effect. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and structures to enhance its fluidity and engagement. For instance, many sentences begin with "this" or "it," which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider starting sentences with adverbial clauses or phrases, such as "In light of this," or "Given these circumstances," to create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the main important merit" is somewhat redundant; "main merit" or "important merit" would suffice. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "the aforementioned benefits , this trend," which detracts from the professionalism of the writing. The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "which are happening" in "issues, which are happening," where the relative clause could be better integrated.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to redundancy and clarity in phrasing. Review the essay for unnecessary modifiers and aim for conciseness. For punctuation, ensure that there are no spaces before commas and that commas are used to separate clauses correctly. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can also help refine these skills.

Overall, the essay reflects a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and attention to grammatical precision, it could achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, negative news usually receives more media coverage than positive news. In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences, but there are more downsides than upsides.

On the one hand, this phenomenon is advantageous in a few aspects. First, the main merit is that it could increase the safety of people’s lives. This is because when people receive news about dangers around them, they will be more alert. For instance, if the crime rate of pickpockets on public transportation is broadcasted, people will be more cautious about becoming victims. An additional benefit is that it raises societal awareness of ongoing issues. For example, when the mortality rate of drunk driving is publicized, it could discourage people from driving under the influence.

On the other hand, despite the aforementioned benefits, this trend has a range of problematic impacts. One primary concern is the risk of increasing people’s anxiety. This is because unfavorable news can instill fear in their minds, potentially leading to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Additionally, this phenomenon can be detrimental to a nation’s image. It impacts the tourism potential of that nation. For example, if a country is reported to have a high crime rate, it will discourage visitors from traveling there. This can damage local tourism and affect the economy.

In conclusion, this phenomenon has both merits and demerits. In my opinion, I maintain that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.