nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same job. what problems does it cause? what are the solutions?

Because of increasing changes in the society nowadays, there are a great number of seniors have to struggle with the younger to find a job. This age dissatisfaction problem result in a host difficulties and the following essay will suggest measures to mitigate the adverse effects of this issue.
On the one hand, age-based prejudice is to blame for fluctuations in labour market, unemployment rate among the elderly leads to income imbalance, which is why many countries are still undeveloped. Construction sites favor the creation of new generation; however, the lack of experience sometimes results in emergency situations, which can cause significant economic loss, in this case, long-time employees are reliable support for companies. Moreover, people who can not find a job in middle-age highly likely to have mental issues such as stress or anxiety, a great number of surveys indicate that most of old people having mental problems are unemployed. Another pressing problem associated is wasting labor resources can lead to huge loss to the government, it impacts directly on the development of a country.
On the other hand, to confront this challenge, businesses have to understand the importance of the balance between experienced elderly and active young generation, if one of the two is missing, it will difficult for a company to improve. Government also have responsibility for this problem, to face up with competition in the market, some anti-discrimination polices should be prescribe to ensure the interests of citizens and prevent a source of valuable experience and knowledge waste. Moreover, competition between old generation is also one of the solutions, although there are an increasing number of chances for young people to express themselves, not too much opportunities for seniors to confirm their experience.
In conclusion, the younger are given priority to have a job is one of the challenges that people need to face, and it can lead to unnecessary consequences. However, there are still solutions to create conditions for old people to represent their ability.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Because of increasing changes in the society nowadays" -> "Due to the ongoing societal changes"
Explanation: "Because of increasing changes in the society nowadays" is informal and lacks precision. "Due to the ongoing societal changes" provides a more formal and precise expression of the idea.
"there are a great number of seniors have to struggle with the younger to find a job" -> "a significant number of seniors struggle to compete with younger individuals for employment"
Explanation: "There are a great number of seniors have to struggle with the younger to find a job" is awkward and lacks clarity. "A significant number of seniors struggle to compete with younger individuals for employment" presents the idea more clearly and formally.
"This age dissatisfaction problem result in a host difficulties" -> "This issue of age-related dissatisfaction results in numerous challenges"
Explanation: "This age dissatisfaction problem result in a host difficulties" is grammatically incorrect and lacks precision. "This issue of age-related dissatisfaction results in numerous challenges" offers a clearer and more formal expression of the concept.
"On the one hand, age-based prejudice is to blame for fluctuations in labour market" -> "Age-based prejudice contributes to fluctuations in the labor market"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the original meaning.
"unemployment rate among the elderly leads to income imbalance" -> "the unemployment rate among the elderly contributes to income inequality"
Explanation: "Leads to income imbalance" is overly simplistic and lacks precision. "Contributes to income inequality" provides a more precise and formal expression.
"Construction sites favor the creation of new generation" -> "Construction sites often prioritize hiring younger workers"
Explanation: "Favor the creation of new generation" is unclear and lacks precision. "Prioritize hiring younger workers" conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
"the lack of experience sometimes results in emergency situations" -> "inexperienced workers may contribute to emergency situations"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the original meaning.
"long-time employees are reliable support for companies" -> "Experienced employees provide valuable support to companies"
Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by using "experienced" instead of "long-time."
"people who can not find a job in middle-age highly likely to have mental issues" -> "individuals unable to secure employment in middle age are highly susceptible to mental health issues"
Explanation: "Can not find a job" is overly informal; "unable to secure employment" is more appropriate. Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"a great number of surveys indicate that most of old people having mental problems are unemployed" -> "Numerous surveys indicate that a significant portion of older adults experiencing mental health issues are unemployed"
Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision by using "older adults" instead of "old people" and restructuring the sentence for clarity.
"Another pressing problem associated is wasting labor resources can lead to huge loss to the government" -> "Another significant concern is the wastage of labor resources, resulting in substantial losses for the government"
Explanation: Clarifying and restructuring the sentence for improved formality and coherence.
"to confront this challenge, businesses have to understand the importance of the balance between experienced elderly and active young generation" -> "To address this challenge, businesses must recognize the importance of achieving a balance between experienced older workers and the younger generation"
Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by using "older workers" instead of "experienced elderly" and restructuring the sentence for improved flow.
"if one of the two is missing, it will difficult for a company to improve" -> "if either group is absent, a company’s ability to thrive will be compromised"
Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by restructuring the sentence for improved flow.
"Government also have responsibility for this problem" -> "The government also bears responsibility for addressing this issue"
Explanation: Enhancing formality by using "bears responsibility" instead of "also have responsibility."
"to face up with competition in the market" -> "to contend with competition in the market"
Explanation: "To face up with" is informal; "to contend with" is more formal and precise.
"some anti-discrimination polices should be prescribe" -> "certain anti-discrimination policies should be implemented"
Explanation: "Prescribe" is not the appropriate term in this context; "implemented" is more suitable.
"Moreover, competition between old generation is also one of the solutions" -> "Furthermore, intra-generational competition among older individuals is also a potential solution"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the original meaning.
"although there are an increasing number of chances for young people to express themselves" -> "although there are increasing opportunities for young people to showcase their talents"
Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by using "opportunities" instead of "chances" and restructuring the sentence for improved flow.
"not too much opportunities for seniors to confirm their experience" -> "limited opportunities for seniors to validate their experience"
Explanation: "Not too much opportunities" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Limited opportunities" is more appropriate, and "confirm their experience" is replaced with "validate their experience" for clarity and formality.
"In conclusion, the younger are given priority to have a job is one of the challenges that people need to face" -> "In conclusion, the prioritization of younger individuals in the job market poses a significant challenge"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while maintaining the original meaning.
"However, there are still solutions to create conditions for old people to represent their ability." -> "Nevertheless, there are viable solutions to enable older individuals to demonstrate their capabilities."
Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by using "older individuals" instead of "old people" and restructuring the sentence for improved flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing the problems caused by older people competing with younger individuals for employment and suggesting solutions to mitigate these issues. It acknowledges the challenges faced by seniors in finding jobs due to age-based prejudice and explores the consequences of this competition, such as income imbalance and mental health issues. Furthermore, it proposes solutions such as anti-discrimination policies and providing more opportunities for older individuals to showcase their experience.
- How to improve: While the essay broadly covers both parts of the question, it could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to support its points. Providing concrete evidence would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is tightly focused on addressing a specific aspect of the prompt would enhance clarity and coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by advocating for the importance of balancing the employment opportunities between older and younger generations. It argues that both groups bring valuable contributions to the workforce and that businesses and governments should take steps to ensure equal opportunities for all age groups.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state its stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, providing more detailed arguments and examples to support this position would make the stance more compelling.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to age-based employment competition and supports them with examples and reasoning. It discusses the problems caused by age discrimination in the job market, such as income inequality and mental health issues, and suggests solutions such as anti-discrimination policies and increasing opportunities for older workers.
- How to improve: To extend and develop ideas further, the essay could delve deeper into the specific economic and social consequences of age-based employment competition. Providing more detailed explanations and real-world examples would enhance the depth and sophistication of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the problems and solutions related to older people competing with younger individuals for employment. However, there are some instances of tangential discussions, such as mentioning the importance of experience in preventing emergencies on construction sites.
- How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, the essay should ensure that each point made directly relates to the main theme of age-based employment competition. Avoiding tangential discussions and maintaining a clear focus on the prompt would improve coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a coherent structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the issue or solution. However, there are instances of abrupt transitions between ideas, leading to some disjointedness in the flow of information. For example, the shift from discussing age-based prejudice in the first body paragraph to solutions proposed by businesses and governments in the second paragraph lacks a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Utilize transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of arguments. Additionally, consider grouping related ideas together within paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the topic, including problems and solutions. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to potential confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for greater clarity and coherence within paragraphs by focusing on a single main idea per paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and provides sufficient elaboration and examples to support that idea. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help signal shifts between different aspects of the topic. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used, and some transitions feel forced or repetitive.
- How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices employed to improve coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Conversely" to establish clear relationships between ideas. Additionally, strive for more seamless integration of cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Ensure that transitions feel natural and contribute to the coherence of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies for improvement, the essay can enhance its clarity and effectiveness in conveying ideas to the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a moderate range of vocabulary. While it does include some variety with terms like "age-based prejudice," "labor market," "unemployment rate," and "mental issues," much of the vocabulary is relatively common or repetitive. This limited variety contributes to the overall Band 6 score, indicating that there is room for broader vocabulary use.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a wider array of vocabulary to describe similar concepts. For example, instead of using "older people" repeatedly, you could refer to "senior citizens," "elderly workers," or "experienced employees." Similarly, varying words like "problem" and "issue" with synonyms such as "challenge," "dilemma," or "concern" could add more lexical depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion or misinterpretation. For example, the phrase "age dissatisfaction problem" seems unclear. Additionally, "construction sites" may not be the best term when discussing job opportunities for older people, leading to ambiguity.
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise terms that clearly convey your intended meaning. For "age dissatisfaction problem," consider rewording to something like "age-related discrimination." If discussing job competition, refer to specific industries or roles, rather than ambiguous terms like "construction sites." Additionally, ensure that terms used align with the context and meaning you wish to convey.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally strong throughout the essay, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few noticeable errors, such as "can not" (should be "cannot") and "prescribe" (where "prescribe" should be "prescribe," or perhaps "proscribe" or "enforce").
- How to improve: To improve spelling, consider using a spell-checking tool or reviewing your essay more thoroughly for errors. If possible, ask someone else to proofread your essay, as a fresh set of eyes can often spot mistakes that you might have missed. Additionally, focus on words that often cause confusion, like compound words and homophones, to ensure correct usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to readability. For instance, simple sentences such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are effectively used to introduce different perspectives. However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, and some sentences lack complexity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence constructions, such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and parallel structures. This would add depth and maturity to the essay. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can further elevate the quality of writing and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are notable errors throughout the essay, particularly in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. For instance, "there are a great number of seniors have to struggle" should be corrected to "there are a great number of seniors who have to struggle." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, are present.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs agree with their subjects in number and tense. Moreover, consistent use of verb tenses throughout the essay is crucial for clarity and coherence. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially the correct placement of commas, can enhance readability. Consulting grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

Due to the ongoing societal changes, a significant number of seniors struggle to compete with younger individuals for employment. This issue of age-related dissatisfaction results in numerous challenges. Age-based prejudice contributes to fluctuations in the labor market, while the unemployment rate among the elderly contributes to income inequality. Construction sites often prioritize hiring younger workers; however, inexperienced workers may contribute to emergency situations. Experienced employees provide valuable support to companies. Furthermore, individuals unable to secure employment in middle age are highly susceptible to mental health issues. Numerous surveys indicate that a significant portion of older adults experiencing mental health issues are unemployed. Another significant concern is the wastage of labor resources, resulting in substantial losses for the government.

To address this challenge, businesses must recognize the importance of achieving a balance between experienced older workers and the younger generation. If either group is absent, a company’s ability to thrive will be compromised. The government also bears responsibility for addressing this issue. To contend with competition in the market, certain anti-discrimination policies should be implemented. Furthermore, intra-generational competition among older individuals is also a potential solution. Although there are increasing opportunities for young people to showcase their talents, limited opportunities for seniors to validate their experience.

In conclusion, the prioritization of younger individuals in the job market poses a significant challenge. Nevertheless, there are viable solutions to enable older individuals to demonstrate their capabilities.