Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on family life and society?

As society develops, our lifestyle is also changing over time. One notable tendency is that more parents are deciding to embark on parenthood more lately than senior generations. This essay intends to shed light onn the driving factors behind this trend before explaining its adverse effects on family life and society as a whole.

There are numerous reasons as to why people nowadays are giving up on having children early. The first rationale is that people are more in favor of prioritizing their career over raising up kids. In the past, people didn’t suffer issues like low wages and excessive living fees due to the fact that government taxes were much lower. In contrast to today’s world, employees need to work much harder to cover their living expenses which is on the rise, forcing them to focus on building their career quickly in order to become success, which leave them less time and chance to take care of their offspring. The second underlying factor is that delaying delaying parenthood could provide the youth with a wealth of opportunities to live fulfilling lives. For instance, making this decision might enable the youth in Vietnam to engage in more social activities, follow their passions and interests, or even tour the globe, all of which could even improve their readiness for parenthood.

This trend could have a detrimental bearing on both the communities and families. Firstly, mothers carrying birth after the age of 30 often have a higher risk of suffering from several health problems. More specifically, they might encounter the chance of having a miscarriage or having diet disorder after birth, and their newborn also has a higher risk of having mental problem like Down syndrome. In addition, the delay in childbirth among great portion of the masses could put pressure on the health-care facilities. As the population aged, they may require more extensive healthcare services, but with fewer young people entering the workforce, there may be a shortage of workers and further strain the health-care resources.

In conclusion, prioritizing building a successful career path and enjoying life are two underlying motives behind this trend, and it is having undesirable influences on each family and the whole society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"embark on parenthood more lately" -> "initiate parenthood at a later stage"
Explanation: "Initiate parenthood at a later stage" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "embark on" and the vague "more lately."
"shed light onn" -> "illuminate"
Explanation: "Illuminate" is a more formal and precise term than "shed light on," which is somewhat colloquial and redundant with "on."
"giving up on having children early" -> "delaying parenthood"
Explanation: "Delaying parenthood" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea of postponing childbearing, avoiding the informal "giving up on."
"raising up kids" -> "raising children"
Explanation: "Raising children" is the standard, more formal expression, whereas "raising up kids" is informal and less precise.
"didn’t suffer issues" -> "did not face challenges"
Explanation: "Did not face challenges" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than the contraction "didn’t suffer issues."
"excessive living fees" -> "increased living costs"
Explanation: "Increased living costs" is a more precise and formal term than "excessive living fees," which is vague and informal.
"become success" -> "achieve success"
Explanation: "Achieve success" is grammatically correct and more formal than "become success," which is incorrect.
"delaying delaying" -> "delaying"
Explanation: The repetition of "delaying" is unnecessary and awkward; removing the second instance improves clarity and formality.
"making this decision might enable" -> "this decision may enable"
Explanation: "This decision may enable" is grammatically correct and more formal than "making this decision might enable," which is awkwardly phrased.
"tour the globe" -> "travel the world"
Explanation: "Travel the world" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "tour the globe."
"could even improve their readiness for parenthood" -> "may enhance their readiness for parenthood"
Explanation: "May enhance" is more formal and precise than "could even," which is somewhat informal and redundant.
"mothers carrying birth after the age of 30" -> "women giving birth after the age of 30"
Explanation: "Women giving birth" is more specific and appropriate than "mothers carrying birth," which is awkward and unclear.
"having diet disorder" -> "suffering from dietary disorders"
Explanation: "Suffering from dietary disorders" is more precise and formal than "having diet disorder," which is grammatically incorrect and vague.
"mental problem like Down syndrome" -> "mental health issues such as Down syndrome"
Explanation: "Mental health issues such as Down syndrome" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial "mental problem."
"great portion of the masses" -> "a significant proportion of the population"
Explanation: "A significant proportion of the population" is more formal and precise than "great portion of the masses," which is informal and vague.
"put pressure on the health-care facilities" -> "place additional pressure on healthcare facilities"
Explanation: "Place additional pressure on healthcare facilities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "put pressure."
"prioritizing building a successful career path" -> "prioritizing the development of a successful career"
Explanation: "Prioritizing the development of a successful career" is more formal and specific than "prioritizing building a successful career path."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for delaying parenthood and the effects on family life and society. The first paragraph outlines the reasons, such as prioritizing career and personal fulfillment, while the second paragraph discusses the negative impacts, including health risks and strain on healthcare resources. However, the discussion of effects could be more balanced and detailed, as it primarily focuses on negative aspects without considering any potential positive effects of later parenthood.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a more comprehensive exploration of both positive and negative effects of delaying parenthood. For instance, discussing how older parents might bring more stability or resources to family life could provide a more nuanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that delaying parenthood has both reasons and negative effects. However, the phrasing in the conclusion could be clearer, as it somewhat ambiguously states the motives and influences without strongly reinforcing the essay’s stance.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by explicitly restating the main arguments and the overall position on the trend of delaying parenthood. A more assertive summary of the reasons and effects will help reinforce the essay’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with some support, particularly in the discussion of career prioritization and health risks. However, some points lack depth; for example, the mention of health risks could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to substantiate the claims. The argument about career focus is also somewhat generalized and could be expanded with more specific examples or anecdotes.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should include more detailed examples and data to support claims. For instance, citing studies or statistics related to health risks of older parents or providing specific examples of how career demands have changed over time would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of health risks could be more tightly linked to the broader societal implications.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly ties back to the prompt. For instance, when discussing health risks, explicitly connect how these risks affect family dynamics and societal structures, rather than presenting them as isolated issues. This will enhance the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and effects, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the main points to be discussed. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing career prioritization to opportunities for youth could benefit from a clearer connection, as these ideas are somewhat related but not explicitly linked in the text.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing career prioritization, you could introduce the next point with a phrase like, "In addition to career considerations, many young people also seek personal fulfillment before starting a family." This would help clarify the relationship between the points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the health risks associated with late parenthood and another discussing the societal implications. This would allow for a more focused discussion in each paragraph and improve readability.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the health risks, you could start a new paragraph to address the implications for healthcare systems. This separation would allow for a clearer exploration of each point and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "For instance." However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "delaying delaying parenthood," which detracts from the overall cohesion. The use of cohesive devices could also be more varied to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "Firstly," you could use alternatives like "To begin with" or "Another important point is." Additionally, ensure that all phrases are free from typographical errors to maintain professionalism and clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraphing, and varied cohesive devices will enhance the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "parenthood," "adverse effects," and "detrimental bearing." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the repeated use of "delaying" and "having children." This suggests a reliance on familiar vocabulary rather than exploring synonyms or more sophisticated alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "delaying," alternatives like "postponing" or "deferring" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions related to career and family life would enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "suffering from several health problems" could be more accurately expressed as "experiencing increased health risks." Additionally, "diet disorder" is a vague term; it would be clearer to specify "eating disorders" or "nutritional deficiencies."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "having diet disorder," the writer could specify "experiencing nutritional deficiencies." This not only clarifies the message but also demonstrates a better command of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "onn" instead of "on," "success" instead of "successful," and "great portion" instead of "a large portion." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can help reduce errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, phrases like "As society develops, our lifestyle is also changing over time" and "This essay intends to shed light on the driving factors behind this trend before explaining its adverse effects on family life and society as a whole" show an ability to construct complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition and less effective sentence construction, such as "delaying delaying parenthood" which detracts from the overall fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "The first rationale is," you could use alternatives like "One significant reason is" or "An additional factor to consider is." Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones to improve the flow and coherence of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "embark on parenthood more lately than senior generations" could be more clearly stated as "embark on parenthood later than previous generations." The phrase "delaying delaying parenthood" is a typographical error that disrupts the reading flow. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring that each sentence is grammatically correct. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, such as in "which leave them less time" where it should be "which leaves them less time." For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses correctly, and consider revisiting the rules for comma usage in complex sentences. Regular practice with grammar exercises and writing workshops can also help solidify these skills.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

As society develops, our lifestyle is also evolving over time. One notable trend is that more parents are choosing to initiate parenthood at a later stage compared to previous generations. This essay intends to illuminate the driving factors behind this trend before explaining its effects on family life and society as a whole.

There are numerous reasons why people today are opting to delay having children. The first rationale is that individuals increasingly prioritize the development of a successful career over raising children. In the past, people did not face challenges such as low wages and increased living costs, as government taxes were much lower. In contrast to today’s world, employees need to work much harder to cover their rising living expenses, which forces them to focus on building their careers quickly in order to achieve success. This leaves them with less time and opportunity to care for their offspring. The second underlying factor is that delaying parenthood may provide young people with a wealth of opportunities to live fulfilling lives. For instance, this decision may enable the youth in Vietnam to engage in more social activities, pursue their passions and interests, or even travel the world, all of which could enhance their readiness for parenthood.

This trend could have detrimental effects on both families and communities. Firstly, women giving birth after the age of 30 often face a higher risk of suffering from various health problems. More specifically, they might encounter a greater chance of experiencing a miscarriage or suffering from dietary disorders after birth, and their newborns also have a higher risk of mental health issues such as Down syndrome. In addition, the delay in childbirth among a significant proportion of the population could place additional pressure on healthcare facilities. As the population ages, they may require more extensive healthcare services, but with fewer young people entering the workforce, there may be a shortage of workers and further strain on healthcare resources.

In conclusion, prioritizing the development of a successful career and enjoying life are two underlying motives behind this trend, and it is having undesirable effects on both families and society as a whole.