Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays, an increasing number of people have made decision to bear children later in their life. This essay will explore several reasons behind this trend and suggest that this positives outweight the negatives.
There are several factors contributing to the later birth among marrieaged couples. First, most of young parents are emerged in proffesional commitments, and this trend is popular in some particular careers. For example, flight attendents are usually occupied with their work due to the long hour flies, and this job offer a very well-paid salary compared to others, so parents who are having this job are willing to sacrifices several years to earn money before giving birth. The second reason is for the increasingly higher cost of birth-giving, which may cause a finacial burden for young couples especially among those who earn little income.
In my opinion, I believe that having children late can bring several benefit despite some potential challengaes. Firsty, although it can be dangerous for mother giving birth late regarding the older age of giving birth, the amazing leaps in modern medical sectors can help those mothers give birth easier compared to the past. Additionally, the quality of lives for their children can be ensured due to the financial stability of older parents. At the elder age, many people can easily earn money but spend less time for work, so the time they can spend for their chidlren can be longer than younger couples. The final merit of giving birth late is that mature parents can educate their children better. This is because they have more life experiences as opposed to younger couples who lack of parental skills, which may negatively affect their children.
In conclusion, There are several reasons as to why many parents want to give birth late in their life, and I believe that the benefits of this phenomina overshadow its drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"have made decision" -> "have made the decision"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "decision" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and grammatically correct.
"bear children" -> "have children"
Explanation: "Bear children" is an archaic and less common expression. "Have children" is the standard, more contemporary and formal way to express this idea.
"This essay will explore" -> "This essay will examine"
Explanation: "Examine" is more academically precise than "explore," which can be vague and less formal.
"suggest that this positives outweight the negatives" -> "suggest that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweight" is a typographical error; "outweigh" is the correct spelling. Also, "benefits" and "drawbacks" are more precise and formal terms than "positives" and "negatives."
"marrieaged" -> "married"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error.
"emerged in proffesional commitments" -> "become immersed in professional commitments"
Explanation: "Become immersed" is more accurate and formal than "emerged," which is not typically used in this context.
"long hour flies" -> "long hours of flying"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.
"this job offer a very well-paid salary" -> "this job offers a very well-paid salary"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement to "offers" to match the singular subject "job."
"sacrifices several years" -> "sacrifice several years"
Explanation: "Sacrifice" should be in the singular form to agree with the singular subject "years."
"finacial" -> "financial"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error.
"giving birth-giving" -> "childbearing"
Explanation: "Childbearing" is a more precise and formal term than the awkward and incorrect "birth-giving."
"despite some potential challengaes" -> "despite some potential challenges"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error and uses the standard plural form "challenges."
"Firsty" -> "First"
Explanation: "Firsty" is not a standard term; "First" is correct and formal.
"dangerous for mother giving birth late" -> "risky for mothers giving birth at an older age"
Explanation: "Risky" is more precise and formal than "dangerous," and "mothers" is plural to match the context.
"the amazing leaps in modern medical sectors" -> "the significant advancements in modern medicine"
Explanation: "Advancements" is more specific and academically appropriate than "leaps," and "medicine" is the correct term.
"give birth easier" -> "give birth more easily"
Explanation: "More easily" is grammatically correct and more formal than "easier."
"the quality of lives" -> "the quality of life"
Explanation: "Quality of life" is the correct idiomatic expression.
"the elder age" -> "advanced age"
Explanation: "Advanced age" is a more formal and precise term than "the elder age."
"spend less time for work" -> "have less time for work"
Explanation: "Have less time for work" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"chidlren" -> "children"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error.
"lack of parental skills" -> "lack of parenting skills"
Explanation: "Parenting skills" is the correct term, not "parental skills."
"phenomina" -> "phenomenon"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses the singular form "phenomenon" to match the singular subject.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for having children later in life and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. The reasons provided, such as professional commitments and financial considerations, are relevant and clearly articulated. However, the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat limited, primarily focusing on the potential health risks for older mothers without exploring other possible drawbacks, such as emotional or social implications.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a more balanced examination of disadvantages, such as the potential for generational gaps or societal pressures. Adding specific examples or statistics could also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of having children later outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrasing "I believe" in the opinion section could be more assertive to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: Strengthening the language used to express the position can enhance clarity. Instead of phrases like "I believe," using more definitive statements such as "It is evident that…" can convey confidence in the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as financial stability and improved parenting skills, and supports them with examples. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the discussion on financial stability could benefit from specific examples of how this impacts children’s upbringing.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the essay should include more detailed examples and elaborations. For instance, discussing how financial stability can lead to better educational opportunities for children would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for delayed parenthood and the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the transition between discussing reasons and the advantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay could benefit from clearer transitions between sections. Using phrases that explicitly connect the reasons to the advantages would help reinforce the overall coherence of the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt can enhance the essay’s relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from more balanced exploration of disadvantages, stronger language in expressing the position, and more detailed support for ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for having children later and the associated advantages. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the reasons to the advantages is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement that guides the reader through the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs to signal shifts in focus. For example, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "Having explored the reasons, it is essential to consider the advantages of this trend" would help guide the reader more smoothly into the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to ensure that each contains a clear topic sentence and supporting details. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea before delving into specific points.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. This will enhance readability and ensure that each point is given adequate attention.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first," "additionally," and "in conclusion." However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or limited. For example, the phrase "the final merit" could be varied with alternatives like "another advantage" or "furthermore" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" when discussing advantages and disadvantages, or "for instance" and "in particular" to introduce examples. This will make the writing more engaging and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a clear structure, there are areas for improvement in logical flow, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "increasing number," "financial stability," and "life experiences." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or limited, such as the repeated use of "give birth" and "parents." The use of terms like "positives" and "negatives" is overly simplistic and lacks sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "give birth," you could use "bear children," "have offspring," or "start a family." Additionally, instead of "positives" and "negatives," you might use "advantages" and "disadvantages" or "benefits" and "drawbacks."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "this positives outweight the negatives," where "positives" should be "positive aspects" or "benefits," and "outweight" should be "outweigh." The phrase "emerged in professional commitments" is also awkward; "immersed in" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "the amazing leaps in modern medical sectors" could be more accurately expressed as "advancements in modern medicine."
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review phrases and terms to ensure they fit the context. For example, replace "the amazing leaps" with "significant advancements" for a more precise expression. Regularly consult a thesaurus or vocabulary resources to find more suitable words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, including "marrieaged" (married), "proffesional" (professional), "attendents" (attendants), "finacial" (financial), "benefit" (benefits), "Firsty" (Firstly), "challagaes" (challenges), "chidlren" (children), and "phenomina" (phenomenon). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it for spelling errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or applications can help identify mistakes. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading extensively can also improve spelling skills over time.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource in the IELTS assessment.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited variety of sentence structures. Many sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, phrases like "most of young parents are emerged in professional commitments" and "the amazing leaps in modern medical sectors can help those mothers give birth easier" demonstrate a reliance on basic structures. The use of phrases such as "this job offers a very well-paid salary" is straightforward but does not showcase a range of grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the amazing leaps in modern medical sectors can help those mothers give birth easier," you could rephrase it as "the amazing leaps in modern medical sectors, which have significantly advanced over the years, can help mothers give birth more easily." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "made decision" should be "made the decision," and "this positives outweight the negatives" should be "these positives outweigh the negatives." There are also misspellings such as "marrieaged," "proffesional," "attendents," "finacial," "Firsty," "challagaes," and "chidlren," which indicate a lack of attention to detail. Punctuation errors include the unnecessary capitalization of "There" in "In conclusion, There are several reasons."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch spelling mistakes and ensure correct word forms. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, can also be beneficial. Additionally, using punctuation correctly—such as ensuring commas are placed before conjunctions in compound sentences—will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and grammatical inconsistencies.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Nowadays, an increasing number of people have made the decision to have children later in their lives. This essay will explore several reasons behind this trend and suggest that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

There are several factors contributing to the later birth among married couples. First, many young parents become immersed in professional commitments, and this trend is particularly prevalent in certain careers. For example, flight attendants are often occupied with their work due to the long hours of flying, and this job offers a very well-paid salary compared to others. As a result, parents in this profession are willing to sacrifice several years to earn money before having children. The second reason is the increasingly higher cost of childbearing, which can create a financial burden for young couples, especially those with lower incomes.

In my opinion, having children later can bring several benefits despite some potential challenges. First, although it can be risky for mothers giving birth at an older age, the significant advancements in modern medicine can help these mothers give birth more easily than in the past. Additionally, the quality of life for their children can be ensured due to the financial stability of older parents. At an advanced age, many individuals can earn money while spending less time at work, allowing them to dedicate more time to their children compared to younger couples. The final merit of giving birth later is that mature parents can educate their children better. This is because they possess more life experience compared to younger couples who may lack parenting skills, which can negatively affect their children.

In conclusion, there are several reasons why many parents choose to have children later in life, and I believe that the benefits of this phenomenon overshadow its drawbacks.