Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their lives. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

It is true that people have delayed parenthood in their younger years and only become parents at the later age in recent years. There are some catalysts for this tendency, and it could lead to some effects on families and society life.
To begin with, there are some reasons why people plan to become parents later in life. Perhaps the primary cause is that many people decide to have children later because of financial difficulties. When they graduate from university, it can be difficult to find your dream job with a handsome salary because of insufficient experience and requisite skills. As a result, they delay having children until they have a sustainable income, which ensures their offspring’s well-being. Additionally, having children means that there will be a lot of responsibility to take care of, which leads to younger people thinking they might sacrifice their personal freedom in their life. Furthermore, raising and educating offspring may be time-consuming and putting the effort into. As a consequence, by delaying become parents they can have more leisure time to enjoy life such as: travelling, and engaging in sports.
The trend exerts both advantageous and disadvantageous influence on society and families. On the one hand, delaying having children might cause a generation gap between parents and offsprings, and this age disparity may result in a disagreement in perspective, like having tattoos can be a work of art as a form of self-expression, but it may be banned because of their older parents regarding them as unprofessional or inappropriate , which leads to experiencing family conflicts. Besides, when an aged couple decides to give birth, there are serious health risks for the woman in the prenatal and postnatal period. On the other hand, children born to more prosperous and experienced parents can receive a better and more comprehensive education, and thus contribute more to society when they grow up. The parents may also reap the benefits of this trend, as their first working years are not interrupted by pregnancy and childcare.
In conclusion, financial difficulties and freedom in life are the major catalysts for delaying having children, which results in a number of impacts on family and society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people have delayed parenthood in their younger years" -> "individuals have postponed parenthood in their younger years"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "people," and "postponed" is more specific than "delayed" in this context, emphasizing the intentional nature of the delay.
"only become parents at the later age" -> "only become parents at a later age"
Explanation: "At the later age" is grammatically incorrect; "at a later age" is the correct phrase.
"catalysts for this tendency" -> "factors contributing to this trend"
Explanation: "Factors contributing to this trend" is more precise and academically appropriate than "catalysts for this tendency," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing.
"it could lead to some effects on families and society life" -> "it may have various effects on family and societal dynamics"
Explanation: "May have various effects" is more precise and formal than "could lead to some effects," and "family and societal dynamics" is a more specific and academically suitable term than "families and society life."
"Perhaps the primary cause" -> "One primary reason"
Explanation: "One primary reason" is more direct and formal than "Perhaps the primary cause," which is somewhat informal and less definitive.
"find your dream job with a handsome salary" -> "secure their ideal employment with a competitive salary"
Explanation: "Secure their ideal employment with a competitive salary" is more formal and precise than "find your dream job with a handsome salary," which uses colloquial language.
"sacrifice their personal freedom in their life" -> "compromise their personal freedom"
Explanation: "Compromise their personal freedom" is a more concise and formal expression than "sacrifice their personal freedom in their life," which is redundant.
"putting the effort into" -> "investing effort"
Explanation: "Investing effort" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of dedicating time and energy, compared to the less formal "putting the effort into."
"by delaying become parents" -> "by delaying parenthood"
Explanation: "Delaying parenthood" is grammatically correct and more formal than "delaying become parents."
"like having tattoos can be a work of art" -> "such as considering tattoos as a form of artistic expression"
Explanation: "Considering tattoos as a form of artistic expression" is more formal and academically appropriate than "like having tattoos can be a work of art," which is informal and conversational.
"may be banned because of their older parents regarding them as unprofessional or inappropriate" -> "may be prohibited by their parents, who view them as unprofessional or inappropriate"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the agency and the perspective, making the sentence more formal and clear.
"serious health risks for the woman in the prenatal and postnatal period" -> "significant health risks for the mother during the prenatal and postnatal periods"
Explanation: "Significant health risks for the mother during the prenatal and postnatal periods" is more precise and formal, using "mother" instead of "woman" to specify the biological relationship.
"children born to more prosperous and experienced parents" -> "children born to more affluent and experienced parents"
Explanation: "Affluent" is a more precise and formal term than "prosperous," which is somewhat less specific and formal.
"first working years are not interrupted by pregnancy and childcare" -> "initial working years are not disrupted by pregnancy and childcare"
Explanation: "Initial working years are not disrupted by pregnancy and childcare" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical error in "first working years are not interrupted."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for delaying parenthood (financial difficulties and personal freedom) and the effects on society and family life (generation gap and health risks). However, while the reasons are well-explained, the effects could be more thoroughly explored. For instance, the mention of the generation gap is relevant, but it could be expanded with additional examples or implications.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each part of the question is equally developed. Consider adding more specific effects on society, such as potential changes in demographics or economic impacts, and elaborate on how these effects manifest in daily life.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the reasons for delaying parenthood and acknowledges both positive and negative effects. However, the transition between discussing the reasons and the effects could be smoother. The phrase "the trend exerts both advantageous and disadvantageous influence" is somewhat vague and could benefit from clearer language.
- How to improve: Use clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For instance, explicitly stating how the reasons lead to the effects can help maintain a cohesive narrative. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion can help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the reasons for delaying parenthood and some effects. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the discussion about financial difficulties is relevant, but it could be strengthened with statistics or studies that illustrate the trend. The mention of health risks is important but lacks depth.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, incorporate specific examples, data, or expert opinions that reinforce the claims made. This could involve citing studies on the age of parenthood and its effects on child development or societal trends.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the reasons and effects of delaying parenthood. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of personal freedom, which could be more directly tied back to the implications for family life and society.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. When introducing a new idea, briefly connect it to the main topic to reinforce relevance. For instance, when discussing leisure time, explicitly relate it to how this impacts family dynamics or societal expectations.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from deeper exploration and clearer connections between points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and two main body paragraphs that discuss the reasons for delaying parenthood and the effects on society and family life. The logical flow is mostly maintained, with ideas progressing from reasons to effects. However, the connection between the reasons and their implications could be more explicitly stated. For example, the transition from discussing financial difficulties to the impact on family life could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly link the reasons to their consequences. For instance, after discussing financial difficulties, explicitly state how this leads to delayed parenthood and subsequently affects family dynamics. Additionally, using transitional phrases like "As a result" or "Consequently" can help clarify these connections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph addresses reasons for delaying parenthood, while the second discusses the effects. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer delineation of points, as it currently blends various effects without distinct separation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct sections: one focusing on the negative effects and the other on the positive effects of delayed parenthood. This would allow for a more structured approach and clearer presentation of ideas. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to contrast different viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "as a consequence" and "besides" are used, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for instance." This would help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents ideas logically, there are areas for improvement in the organization of information, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "catalysts," "sustainable income," and "advantageous and disadvantageous influence." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "delaying having children" and "younger people." The use of more varied expressions could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "delaying having children," they could use "postponing parenthood" or "deferring childbirth." Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to societal impacts, such as "socioeconomic factors" or "cultural shifts," could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "putting the effort into" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, "offspring’s well-being" is slightly vague; specifying the aspects of well-being (e.g., emotional, physical) would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "putting the effort into," they could say "investing time and resources in." Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate terms will help clarify the message and strengthen the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "offsprings" (should be "offspring") and "disadvantageous" (which is correctly spelled but could be replaced with "negative" for simplicity). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or utilize spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing themselves with vocabulary relevant to the essay topic can help reduce errors in future writings.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "it can be difficult to find your dream job" and "there are some reasons why people plan to become parents later in life" showcase a mix of sentence types. However, the essay tends to rely on a few common structures, which can limit the overall impression of grammatical range. The use of phrases such as "which leads to younger people thinking they might sacrifice their personal freedom" indicates an attempt at complexity, but the sentence could be more effectively structured.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied clauses. For example, using conditional sentences ("If people delay parenthood, they may enjoy more freedom") or participial phrases ("Having established a stable career, many choose to start a family later") can add depth. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can create more dynamic sentence flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "delaying become parents" should be corrected to "delaying becoming parents." Additionally, the use of punctuation is inconsistent; for example, the phrase "such as: travelling, and engaging in sports" incorrectly uses a colon and includes an unnecessary comma before "and." These errors can lead to confusion and disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch errors in verb forms and punctuation. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing common grammatical rules can also help. For punctuation, focus on the correct use of commas, especially in lists, and ensure that colons are used appropriately. Consider revising sentences for clarity and correctness, such as changing "which leads to younger people thinking they might sacrifice their personal freedom in their life" to "which leads younger people to think they might sacrifice their personal freedom."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that individuals have postponed parenthood in their younger years and only become parents at a later age in recent years. There are several factors contributing to this trend, and it may have various effects on family and societal dynamics.

To begin with, there are several reasons why people plan to become parents later in life. Perhaps one primary reason is that many individuals decide to have children later due to financial difficulties. When they graduate from university, it can be challenging to secure their ideal employment with a competitive salary because of insufficient experience and requisite skills. As a result, they delay having children until they have a sustainable income, which ensures their offspring’s well-being. Additionally, having children entails a significant amount of responsibility, leading younger people to feel that they might compromise their personal freedom. Furthermore, raising and educating children may be time-consuming and require considerable effort. Consequently, by delaying parenthood, they can enjoy more leisure time to engage in activities such as traveling and participating in sports.

This trend exerts both advantageous and disadvantageous influences on society and families. On the one hand, delaying parenthood might create a generation gap between parents and their offspring. This age disparity may result in disagreements in perspective; for instance, while some may view tattoos as a form of artistic expression, they may be prohibited by their parents, who regard them as unprofessional or inappropriate, leading to family conflicts. Additionally, when older couples decide to have children, there are significant health risks for the mother during the prenatal and postnatal periods.

On the other hand, children born to more affluent and experienced parents can receive a better and more comprehensive education, thereby contributing more to society as they grow up. The parents may also benefit from this trend, as their initial working years are not disrupted by pregnancy and childcare.

In conclusion, financial difficulties and the desire for personal freedom are the major catalysts for delaying parenthood, which results in a number of impacts on family and society.