Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselve and their families?

Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families.

There are many reasons why people choose to live in big cities. The first reason is job opportunities. When people migrate to big cities, they can find better opportunities for their careers. Big companies and corporations are usually located in major cities. Therefore, people might have more options to choose and more chances to get higher salaries. The second reason is higher quality of life. In big cities, services such as healthcare, education, entertainment are more diverse, modern and high-quality, compared to other areas. When people move to big cities, they want to enjoy a higher quality of life and better environment for their overall development. Furthermore, people choose to live away might be because of their family dynamics. Some people don’t have close-knit relationship, so they move away to avoid conflicts and arguments.

There are also many effects on both individuals and families when people live in different cities. When living away, this may boost an individual's independence. People live alone which requires them to take responsibilities. For example, they have to know how to cook, do household chores and manage their expenses. These are valuable and necessary skills. However, it can lead to loveliness and stress when living alone. People have to do everything without the emotional support and guidance from families. With families, supporting a member who lives far away can be financially taxing. For example, families have children who move to a different city or country might have to pay for expenses such as renting, tuition, living costs,…This increases the burden. Furthermore, family relationships and dynamics can also be affected. Distance can strengthen relationships because people will appreciate and value the time spent with their families.

In conclusion, although there are several reasons for living away from family, in my opinion, this new trend should be viewed positively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"more and more people" -> "an increasing number of individuals"
Explanation: "An increasing number of individuals" is more formal and specific, avoiding the vague and informal "more and more people."
"spending more time away from their families" -> "increasingly spending time away from their families"
Explanation: "Increasingly" provides a more formal and precise description of the trend, enhancing the academic tone.
"The first reason is job opportunities" -> "The primary reason is the availability of job opportunities"
Explanation: "The primary reason" and "availability of job opportunities" are more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"better opportunities for their careers" -> "enhanced career opportunities"
Explanation: "Enhanced career opportunities" is a more precise and formal phrase, suitable for academic writing.
"more options to choose and more chances to get higher salaries" -> "greater career choices and enhanced salary prospects"
Explanation: "Greater career choices and enhanced salary prospects" is more formal and concise, avoiding the informal structure of the original phrase.
"higher quality of life" -> "improved quality of life"
Explanation: "Improved" is a more precise and formal term than "higher," which is somewhat vague and colloquial in this context.
"people choose to live away might be because of their family dynamics" -> "individuals may choose to live away due to family dynamics"
Explanation: "Individuals may choose to live away due to family dynamics" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses "individuals" for a more formal tone.
"don’t have close-knit relationship" -> "do not have a close-knit relationship"
Explanation: Correcting the contraction "don’t" to "do not" and adding "a" before "close-knit relationship" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.
"boost an individual’s independence" -> "enhance individual independence"
Explanation: "Enhance individual independence" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "boost an individual’s."
"People live alone which requires them to take responsibilities" -> "Living alone necessitates taking responsibility"
Explanation: "Living alone necessitates taking responsibility" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"loveliness and stress" -> "loneliness and stress"
Explanation: "Loneliness" is the correct term for the emotional state described, replacing the incorrect and informal "loveliness."
"families have children who move to a different city or country might have to pay for expenses" -> "families whose children relocate to different cities or countries may incur additional expenses"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses "may incur additional expenses," which is more precise and formal.
"This increases the burden" -> "This adds to the financial burden"
Explanation: "Adds to the financial burden" specifies the type of burden and enhances the formality of the statement.
"Distance can strengthen relationships" -> "Distance can foster stronger relationships"
Explanation: "Foster stronger relationships" is a more precise and formal expression than "strengthen relationships," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons people are spending more time away from their families, such as job opportunities, higher quality of life, and family dynamics. It also explores the effects on individuals, such as increased independence and potential loneliness, as well as the financial burdens on families. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the effects on families, as it primarily focuses on individual experiences.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include more detailed examples and explanations regarding the effects on families. For instance, discussing how communication technology might mitigate some negative effects or how families cope with the absence of a member could provide a more rounded perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay concludes with a clear opinion that the trend of living away from family should be viewed positively. However, this position is somewhat underdeveloped throughout the essay. While the reasons and effects are presented, the connection to the overall stance is not consistently reinforced in each paragraph.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly link each reason and effect back to the overall argument. For example, after discussing the independence gained from living alone, the writer could emphasize how this independence contributes to personal growth, supporting the positive view of the trend.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for moving to big cities and the effects of living away from family. However, some points are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of family dynamics as a reason for moving away is introduced but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more context.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. For instance, when discussing job opportunities, providing statistics or personal stories about individuals who have benefited from moving to a city could enhance the argument’s credibility and depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for and effects of living away from family. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "higher quality of life" could be better connected to specific aspects that directly relate to family dynamics and relationships.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently framing each paragraph around the central themes of reasons and effects, ensuring that all discussions are relevant to the overarching question.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the depth of analysis, maintaining a consistent position, and providing more detailed examples will help improve the overall quality and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and effects, and a conclusion. The reasons for living away from families are logically sequenced, starting with job opportunities, followed by quality of life, and then family dynamics. However, the transition between the reasons and the effects could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing reasons to effects feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that ties the two sections together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that bridge the gap between sections. For example, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "These reasons not only influence individual choices but also have significant effects on both the individuals and their families" could provide a clearer transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, with the first paragraph dedicated to reasons and the second to effects. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the positive and negative effects more clearly, as it currently blends them together.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider creating a separate paragraph for each distinct effect. For example, one paragraph could discuss the independence gained from living alone, while another could address the emotional challenges faced. This would provide clearer organization and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "however," and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the use of "furthermore" in the second reason is effective, but similar devices could be used more consistently throughout the essay to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "in addition" to introduce new points, "on the other hand" to present contrasting ideas, and "consequently" to indicate results. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using these devices to clarify relationships between ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical organization, there is room for improvement in transitions, paragraphing, and the variety of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "job opportunities," "higher quality of life," and "emotional support." However, it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks more sophisticated or varied vocabulary that could enhance the overall quality. For instance, the repeated use of "big cities" could be replaced with synonyms such as "metropolitan areas" or "urban centers" to show a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek out synonyms and more advanced vocabulary related to the topic. Utilizing a thesaurus during the writing process can help diversify word choice. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or less common terms could elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "higher quality of life" is vague and could be specified further. Additionally, the term "loveliness" seems to be a misuse; the intended word might be "loneliness." Such imprecisions can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that the chosen vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and contexts of words before using them. Furthermore, revising sentences to clarify the intended message can help avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "loveliness" instead of "loneliness" and "themselve" instead of "themselves." These errors indicate a need for greater attention to detail in spelling, which can impact the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud and using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "When people migrate to big cities, they can find better opportunities for their careers." This shows an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the opening sentences of each paragraph, which could benefit from more variation. For example, the repeated use of "The first reason is…" and "The second reason is…" could be diversified to enhance the flow and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using introductory phrases, varying the order of clauses, and integrating more relative clauses. For instance, instead of starting with "The first reason is…", you might say, "One significant factor contributing to this trend is the availability of job opportunities." This not only varies the structure but also adds sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, in the phrase "people choose to live away might be because of their family dynamics," the sentence lacks a subject, making it unclear. Additionally, punctuation issues arise in the list "healthcare, education, entertainment are more diverse," where a comma is needed before "and" to separate the last item in the series. Furthermore, the phrase "loveliness and stress" seems to be a typographical error, likely intended to be "loneliness and stress."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that each sentence has a clear subject and predicate. Review the rules for punctuation in lists and ensure that conjunctions are used correctly. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring clarity in expression will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Consider reading the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, an increasing number of individuals from different cities are spending more time away from their families.

There are many reasons why people choose to live in big cities. The primary reason is the availability of job opportunities. When individuals migrate to urban areas, they can find enhanced career opportunities. Major companies and corporations are typically located in these cities, providing greater career choices and improved salary prospects. The second reason is the improved quality of life. In big cities, services such as healthcare, education, and entertainment are more diverse, modern, and of higher quality compared to other regions. When people move to urban areas, they seek to enjoy a better environment for their overall development. Furthermore, individuals may choose to live away due to family dynamics. Some people do not have a close-knit relationship with their families, so they relocate to avoid conflicts and arguments.

There are also many effects on both individuals and families when people live in different cities. Living away can enhance individual independence. Individuals who live alone must take responsibility for their daily lives. For example, they need to learn how to cook, manage household chores, and handle their expenses. These are valuable and necessary skills. However, it can also lead to loneliness and stress when living alone, as individuals must navigate life without the emotional support and guidance from their families. Additionally, families supporting a member who lives far away may incur additional expenses. For instance, families whose children relocate to different cities or countries might have to cover costs such as rent, tuition, and living expenses. This adds to the financial burden. Furthermore, family relationships and dynamics can also be affected. Distance can foster stronger relationships, as people may come to appreciate and value the time spent with their families more deeply.

In conclusion, although there are several reasons for living away from family, in my opinion, this new trend should be viewed positively.