Nowadays, more and more women decide to have children later in their life? Why ? Does this has more advantage or more disadvantage?

Recently, there is a propensity that many women decide to have children later in their life. This trend occurs as it is rooted in many reasons. In my opinion, it is argued that this penchant’s advantages outweigh the drawbacks. The following essay will further elaborate on my perspective.
The most pronounced contributor to the decision to have offspring later is the draconian requirements from the labor market. Indeed, due to the consequences of financial crisis – a result of ascending unemployment rate and advent of laying-off situation- that have made a tremendous impact on the amount of jobs over the last three year after the pandemic combine with development of new technology, the demand of high sources of workers who have academic profile has surged and reached its climax over decades as many companies recently need employees who have profiles which show they are highly educated . For instance, China has witnessed more than four millions of bachelors decided to continue their studies to have the master degree. Therefore, women who are in the age of working process tolerate high pressure from society; hence, adjusting the plans to have children is an appropriate way to manage life balance.
Having children later is an alarmed situation that seems to have myriad of implicit and perilous implications; I believe that this brings many advantages to the global overall, however. It is unconvertible that from both short-term and long-term standpoint, this penchant helps parents to have a more prudent plan for their future, including the schedule to prepare their offspring, and create private space and time for women, who really need to contemplate the issues around as they are the targets to be beleaguered by many problems.
In conclusion, while many people think decision of having children later in life is a problem, I believe that it has many advantages that make women to regulate their own schedule.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Recently, there is a propensity" -> "Recently, there has been a tendency"
Explanation: "There has been a tendency" is more grammatically correct and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"many women decide to have children later in their life" -> "numerous women opt to bear children later in life"
Explanation: "Numerous women opt to bear children" sounds more formal and precise, and "in life" is more appropriate than "in their life" in this context.
"this penchant’s advantages outweigh the drawbacks" -> "the advantages of this inclination outweigh the disadvantages"
Explanation: Rewording to "the advantages of this inclination outweigh the disadvantages" improves clarity and uses more formal academic language.
"draconian requirements from the labor market" -> "stringent requirements of the labor market"
Explanation: "Stringent" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "draconian," which may carry unnecessarily negative connotations.
"consequences of financial crisis" -> "consequences of the financial crisis"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "financial crisis" is grammatically correct and clarifies the reference to a specific event.
"ascending unemployment rate and advent of laying-off situation" -> "rising unemployment rates and the onset of widespread layoffs"
Explanation: "Rising unemployment rates and the onset of widespread layoffs" is clearer and more formal, avoiding colloquial terms like "laying-off situation."
"combine with development of new technology" -> "combined with the development of new technology"
Explanation: "Combined with the development of new technology" corrects the grammatical tense and adds an article for clarity and formality.
"the demand of high sources of workers" -> "the demand for highly skilled workers"
Explanation: "The demand for highly skilled workers" is more precise and academically appropriate, avoiding the awkward and unclear "high sources of workers."
"who are in the age of working process" -> "who are of working age"
Explanation: "Who are of working age" is a more concise and formal way to express this idea.
"Having children later is an alarmed situation" -> "Choosing to have children later presents a concerning scenario"
Explanation: "Choosing to have children later presents a concerning scenario" is clearer and avoids the informal and somewhat confusing phrase "an alarmed situation."
"myriad of implicit and perilous implications" -> "a myriad of implicit and significant implications"
Explanation: "A myriad of implicit and significant implications" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "significant" instead of "perilous" for a less emotionally charged, more academic tone.
"It is unconvertible" -> "It is incontrovertible"
Explanation: "Incontrovertible" is the correct term, meaning undeniable or not able to be disputed, improving the academic accuracy of the statement.
"this penchant helps parents to have a more prudent plan" -> "this inclination assists parents in devising more prudent plans"
Explanation: "This inclination assists parents in devising more prudent plans" employs more formal vocabulary and a clearer structure.
"create private space and time for women" -> "afford women private space and time"
Explanation: "Afford women private space and time" is more direct and formal, avoiding the more casual "create."
"who really need to contemplate the issues around as they are the targets to be beleaguered by many problems" -> "who, facing numerous challenges, require time to contemplate surrounding issues"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language, avoiding the colloquial and somewhat awkward "targets to be beleaguered by many problems."
"many people think decision of having children later in life is a problem" -> "many individuals consider the decision to have children later in life problematic"
Explanation: "Many individuals consider the decision to have children later in life problematic" is more formal and avoids the contraction "it’s," making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question, discussing why more women are choosing to have children later in life and presenting arguments about whether this trend has more advantages or disadvantages. However, the essay could provide a more thorough analysis of the disadvantages associated with delaying childbirth.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed in detail. Consider exploring potential drawbacks such as increased health risks for both the mother and child, potential fertility issues, and societal pressures.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position throughout, arguing that the advantages of having children later in life outweigh the disadvantages. The stance is maintained consistently.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main argument and avoids ambiguity. Clearly state the position in the introduction and reaffirm it in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. While it mentions reasons for delaying childbirth and outlines some advantages, it lacks detailed elaboration and examples to support these points effectively.
- How to improve: Extend each idea by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to bolster the argument. Additionally, explore the implications of these ideas further to enhance the depth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the reasons why women choose to have children later in life and whether this trend has more advantages or disadvantages. However, there are instances of unclear or tangential discussion, such as the mention of China’s educational trends.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining relevance to the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential information that detracts from the main argument. Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to answering the essay prompt.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear position and attempts to address the question, there is room for improvement in providing a more comprehensive analysis, extending ideas with supporting evidence, and maintaining focus on the topic. Strengthening these aspects will enhance the coherence and depth of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction sets up the discussion reasonably well, presenting the topic and the author’s stance. However, the body paragraphs lack clear progression. The first body paragraph discusses reasons for delaying childbirth related to the job market, while the second paragraph delves into the advantages of delaying childbirth. While these points are relevant, there’s a need for better transition and cohesion between them to create a smoother flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the body paragraphs to create a clearer progression of ideas. For instance, the essay could start with broader societal trends leading to delayed childbirth, then delve into specific reasons such as career advancement opportunities and personal development benefits in separate paragraphs. Additionally, using transition phrases between paragraphs can help connect ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. Each paragraph attempts to address a specific aspect of the topic, but there are issues with coherence within paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph discusses reasons for delayed childbirth but lacks clear topic sentences and transitions between supporting points. This can make it challenging for the reader to follow the argument cohesively.
- How to improve: Focus on strengthening paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider revising sentences within paragraphs to improve clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but the execution is limited. There is some use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("indeed," "therefore"), pronouns ("this," "it"), and transitional phrases ("in conclusion"). However, their effectiveness in enhancing coherence is limited due to inconsistent application and overreliance on certain terms without diverse alternatives.
- How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to improve coherence. Instead of relying heavily on a few terms, explore a variety of conjunctions, transition words, and pronouns to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to maintain coherence within and between paragraphs. Practice incorporating cohesive devices naturally to avoid repetition and improve overall flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize a range of vocabulary, although some phrases and word choices appear slightly awkward or misused, affecting the overall coherence and fluency. For example, "draconian requirements" is a sophisticated term but may not be the most fitting choice here, and "penchant" could be replaced with a clearer synonym. Additionally, there are instances where simpler language could enhance clarity without sacrificing complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for precision and appropriateness in word choice. Instead of opting for overly complex terms, focus on clarity and relevance to the context. Reviewing synonyms and considering the connotations of words can aid in selecting the most suitable vocabulary. Moreover, aim for a balance between sophistication and clarity to maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to employ precise vocabulary, there are instances where word choice lacks precision or clarity. For example, "draconian requirements" may not accurately capture the nuanced nature of the demands from the labor market. Similarly, phrases like "alarmed situation" and "unconvertible" seem out of place or unclear in their intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for clarity and accuracy in conveying your ideas. Instead of relying solely on elaborate terms, opt for words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Review each word choice critically to ensure it aligns with the message you aim to communicate. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to refine your vocabulary selection.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed throughout. For instance, "laying-off" should be corrected to "layoff," and "beleaguered" is misspelled as "beleagered." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate areas for improvement in spelling consistency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors systematically. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns to enhance your spelling proficiency. Practicing spelling through exercises or incorporating spelling-focused activities into your writing routine can also aid in reinforcing correct spelling habits.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable attempt at employing a variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences ("Recently, there is a propensity…"), compound sentences ("Indeed, due to the consequences of financial crisis…"), and compound-complex sentences ("Having children later is an alarmed situation that seems to have myriad of implicit and perilous implications; I believe that this brings many advantages to the global overall, however."). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further to enhance coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, try incorporating more intricate sentence forms such as parallel structures, conditional sentences, and relative clauses. For example, instead of solely relying on compound-complex sentences, experiment with using inverted sentences or rhetorical questions to add variety and depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay that slightly impede comprehension. For instance, "The most pronounced contributor to the decision to have offspring later is the draconian requirements from the labor market" could be improved for clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("…unemployment rate and advent of laying-off situation- that have made a tremendous impact…") and inconsistent capitalization ("…advent of laying-off situation- that have made a tremendous impact…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct usage of articles. Proofreading your work meticulously can help identify and rectify such errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in compound sentences and the proper formatting of hyphens. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to improve precision in your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, there has been a tendency for numerous women to opt to bear children later in life. This trend is influenced by several factors. In my view, the advantages of this inclination outweigh the disadvantages. Let me elaborate on this perspective.

One significant factor contributing to the decision to delay having children is the stringent requirements of the labor market. The aftermath of the financial crisis, marked by rising unemployment rates and widespread layoffs, compounded with the development of new technology, has led to an increased demand for highly skilled workers. Many companies now seek employees with advanced academic backgrounds. For instance, in China, over four million bachelor’s degree holders have opted to pursue master’s degrees. Consequently, women in the workforce face significant pressure, prompting them to adjust their plans for starting families in order to achieve a balance in life.

Choosing to have children later presents a concerning scenario, yet it offers a myriad of implicit and significant implications. It is incontrovertible that this inclination assists parents in devising more prudent plans for their future, including scheduling for the arrival of their children. Additionally, it affords women private space and time to address the numerous challenges they face, allowing them to contemplate surrounding issues without undue haste.

In conclusion, while many individuals consider the decision to have children later in life problematic, I believe that it has numerous advantages. It enables women to regulate their own schedules and better manage the demands of both work and family life.