Nowadays, more and more women decide to have children later in their life? why? Is it positive or negative development?

In contemporary society, pursuing scientific disciplines is not prevalent among students in various nations. This essay will examine the underlying reasons behind this trend and propose its implications on society.
Several causes can be attributed to this issue. One notable rationale is that science courses pose challenges for many students because of its complexity. To excel at science, it requires specialized knowledge from learners, deeper understanding about algorithms, thereby enforcing students to demonstrate perseverance and dedication in their studies. This can result in pressure and stress to students, potentially lowering their enthusiasm for life-long learning. Another primary cause is insufficient availability of resources and guidance. It is challenging for scientific scholars to research free materials or tutorials on the internet, due to its exclusive availability to premium accounts, requiring the researchers to afford access to the knowledge. This inconvenience can hinder impoverished students wanting to pursue this domain.
Due to this phenomenon, there are several significant impacts on society. The first and foremost impact is the shortage of scientific workforce. While professional scientists play a pivotal role in promoting development of a country, especially developing economic and technological factors. Therefore, this can lead to decreased competition in international standing in terms of academic studies. Additionally, decline in research activities is another effect. Scientific research can result in breakthrough inventions, assisting humans in combating greater problems such as pandemics, climate change and disasters. As a result, this decrease in scientific studies is not successfully addressed, thereby threatening human development.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that reduced choice of scientific studying is derived from difficult requirements and the lack of professional materials, leading to insufficient scientific personnel and decreased scientific research.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"pursuing scientific disciplines" -> "pursuing scientific fields"
Explanation: "Fields" is a more precise term in academic contexts, referring to specific areas of study, whereas "disciplines" can be broader and less specific.
"not prevalent among students" -> "less common among students"
Explanation: "Less common" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "not prevalent," which can sound overly dramatic and informal.
"This essay will examine" -> "This essay will investigate"
Explanation: "Investigate" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb for scholarly essays, implying a systematic and thorough analysis.
"pose challenges" -> "present challenges"
Explanation: "Present" is a more formal synonym for "pose" in academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay.
"requires specialized knowledge from learners" -> "requires learners to possess specialized knowledge"
Explanation: Reversing the phrase clarifies the subject-verb agreement and emphasizes the action of learners acquiring knowledge, which is more precise and formal.
"deeper understanding about algorithms" -> "a deeper understanding of algorithms"
Explanation: Adding "of" corrects the prepositional error and aligns with formal academic style.
"enforcing students to demonstrate" -> "requiring students to demonstrate"
Explanation: "Requiring" is the correct verb form for indicating necessity, whereas "enforcing" is more forceful and less appropriate in this context.
"potentially lowering their enthusiasm" -> "potentially diminishing their enthusiasm"
Explanation: "Diminishing" is a more precise term than "lowering" in this context, as it specifically refers to a decrease in intensity or degree.
"insufficient availability of resources and guidance" -> "limited availability of resources and guidance"
Explanation: "Limited" is a more precise term than "insufficient," which can be vague and informal.
"exclusive availability to premium accounts" -> "exclusive availability to premium subscribers"
Explanation: "Subscribers" is a more specific term than "accounts," which is too broad and informal for academic writing.
"afford access to the knowledge" -> "purchase access to the knowledge"
Explanation: "Purchase" is more accurate in this context, as it specifically refers to the act of paying for access, whereas "afford" is more general.
"impoverished students wanting to pursue this domain" -> "students from disadvantaged backgrounds seeking to pursue this field"
Explanation: "From disadvantaged backgrounds" is a more precise and formal way to describe socioeconomic status, and "field" is preferred over "domain" in academic contexts.
"promoting development of a country" -> "advancing a country’s development"
Explanation: "Advancing" is a more formal and precise verb than "promoting," and the phrase structure is more natural in academic writing.
"decrease in research activities" -> "decline in research activities"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "decrease," which can be too vague and informal.
"not successfully addressed" -> "not adequately addressed"
Explanation: "Adequately" is a more precise term than "successfully," which can imply a binary outcome, whereas "adequately" suggests a level of sufficiency that is more suitable for academic discussions.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay fails to address the prompt, which asks about women choosing to have children later in life and whether this is a positive or negative development. Instead, the essay discusses the lack of interest in scientific disciplines, which is entirely off-topic. There is no mention of women, children, or the implications of delaying childbirth, which are critical components of the task.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully analyze the essay prompt and ensure that all parts are addressed. A good starting point would be to outline the main points related to the decision of women to have children later and then develop arguments for both the positive and negative aspects of this trend.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not present a clear position because it does not engage with the prompt at all. There is no stance taken on the issue of women having children later in life, nor is there any indication of whether the writer views this as a positive or negative development. The lack of a clear position leads to confusion about the essay’s purpose.
- How to improve: To establish a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. This could involve stating whether they believe delaying childbirth is beneficial or detrimental and providing consistent arguments to support that viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are not relevant to the prompt and therefore do not extend or support any arguments related to the topic of women and childbirth. The arguments about the challenges in scientific education are not only off-topic but also lack depth and specific examples that could strengthen the discussion.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on developing relevant ideas related to the prompt. This involves brainstorming reasons why women may choose to have children later, such as career aspirations, financial stability, or societal changes, and then providing specific examples or statistics to support these points.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic. Instead of discussing women and childbirth, it focuses on the challenges faced by students in scientific fields. This lack of focus results in an essay that does not fulfill the requirements of the task.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should regularly refer back to the prompt while drafting the essay. Creating an outline that directly addresses each part of the prompt can help maintain focus. Additionally, reviewing the essay after writing to ensure all points are relevant to the topic can be beneficial.

In summary, the essay needs significant revisions to align with the prompt regarding women choosing to have children later in life. By addressing the specific aspects of the question, maintaining a clear position, supporting ideas with relevant examples, and staying focused on the topic, the writer can improve their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph addresses a specific cause or effect related to the decline in students pursuing scientific disciplines. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing challenges in studying science to the implications for society feels abrupt. The logical progression is somewhat hindered by this lack of seamless transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that connect the ideas more clearly. For example, after discussing the challenges, you could introduce the societal implications with a phrase like, "These challenges not only affect individual students but also have broader implications for society."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting sentences provide relevant details. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and reflective of the main arguments presented in the essay. Currently, it summarizes the points but does not reinforce the overall significance of the discussion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points and explicitly stating their implications. This could involve reiterating how the decline in scientific study affects not just the workforce but also societal progress as a whole. A more impactful conclusion could leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "due to this phenomenon" and "as a result," which help connect ideas. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used, and some sentences feel somewhat disjointed. For instance, the phrase "this inconvenience can hinder impoverished students wanting to pursue this domain" could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely," to create a more nuanced flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a structured manner, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraphing, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger performance in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "perseverance," "dedication," and "breakthrough inventions" showcasing some variety. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "scientific studies" and "scientific research," which appear multiple times without variation. Additionally, the use of "implications" and "phenomenon" could be expanded with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and related vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "scientific," alternatives like "research-based," "experimental," or "technical" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic will help convey ideas more effectively and demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there are instances of precise vocabulary, such as "perseverance" and "dedication," some phrases lack clarity or are used imprecisely. For example, the phrase "due to its exclusive availability to premium accounts" is somewhat unclear; it could be interpreted as referring to scientific resources rather than the internet as a whole. Additionally, "impoverished students" could be more effectively expressed as "students from low-income backgrounds" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising ambiguous phrases and opting for clearer alternatives. For instance, rephrasing "exclusive availability" to "limited access" would clarify the intended message. Regular practice in paraphrasing and refining sentences can also aid in achieving greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "its complexity" which should be "their complexity" to agree with the plural noun "courses." Additionally, "afford access to the knowledge" could be more clearly stated as "afford access to knowledge."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy and grammatical correctness, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on subject-verb agreement and ensuring that plural forms are used correctly. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch these minor errors. Furthermore, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and carefully proofreading, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, the use of phrases like "To excel at science, it requires specialized knowledge from learners" and "while professional scientists play a pivotal role in promoting development of a country" showcases an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "due to its exclusive availability to premium accounts," which could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another" or "Due to this phenomenon," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses to enhance the flow. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, "because of its complexity" should be "because of their complexity" to agree with the plural noun "courses." Similarly, "due to its exclusive availability" should be "due to their exclusive availability" to maintain consistency. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "especially developing economic and technological factors" to separate the clauses clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it would be beneficial to review subject-verb agreement and pronoun usage. Practicing with exercises that focus on these areas can help solidify understanding. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or peer reviews to catch mistakes before finalizing the essay. Regular practice with varied sentence structures will also help in solidifying grammatical concepts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on the above areas for improvement can help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, pursuing scientific fields is less common among students in various nations. This essay will investigate the underlying reasons behind this trend and propose its implications for society.

Several causes can be attributed to this issue. One notable rationale is that science courses present challenges for many students due to their complexity. To excel in science, learners are required to possess specialized knowledge and a deeper understanding of algorithms, thereby necessitating students to demonstrate perseverance and dedication in their studies. This can result in pressure and stress for students, potentially diminishing their enthusiasm for lifelong learning. Another primary cause is the limited availability of resources and guidance. It is challenging for aspiring scientists to find free materials or tutorials on the internet, as much of this content is exclusively available to premium subscribers, requiring researchers to purchase access to the knowledge. This inconvenience can hinder students from disadvantaged backgrounds seeking to pursue this field.

Due to this phenomenon, there are several significant impacts on society. The first and foremost impact is the shortage of the scientific workforce. While professional scientists play a pivotal role in advancing a country’s development, particularly in economic and technological factors, this shortage can lead to decreased competitiveness in the international arena regarding academic studies. Additionally, the decline in research activities is another effect. Scientific research can lead to breakthrough inventions, assisting humanity in combating pressing issues such as pandemics, climate change, and natural disasters. As a result, this decrease in scientific studies is not adequately addressed, thereby threatening human development.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that the reduced interest in scientific study stems from challenging requirements and the lack of accessible professional materials, leading to insufficient scientific personnel and a decline in research activities.