Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

At the present time, young generation tend to spend a plethora of a day to communicate on mobile phones than meet directly. This trend has both positive affect and negative affect.

On the one hand, communicating on mobile phones has some benefits. Previously, it helps people to save time. This is because people don't need to go to the meeting spot so they will not have problems like traffic jams. That's the reason why it is the good way to maximise time and young people have more time to share many ups and downs with each other. Additionally, this trend is very user-friendly because they just need a mobile phones. In today's modern society, scientists creative smartphones which can video call so it very easy to meet the other one. Therefore, people who living so far from here can meet even in their family.

On the other hand, this trend still have some negative affect to young generation. Firstly more and more teenager are depend on communicate by mobile phones so it is easy 10 make a gap relationship. Apart from that, they are face a problem to lost many friend or relationship Some projections about this trend, teenager tend to lazy meet directly.

In conclusion, I believe that problem has both advantages and disadvantages but positive affect on young generation are more than negative affect

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"At the present time" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative to "At the present time," which is slightly redundant and less commonly used in academic writing.
"young generation" -> "the younger generation"
Explanation: "The younger generation" is a more precise and formal term, enhancing clarity and specificity in academic contexts.
"tend to spend a plethora of a day" -> "spend a significant amount of time"
Explanation: "A plethora of a day" is incorrect and awkward. "A significant amount of time" is more natural and appropriate for formal writing.
"communicate on mobile phones" -> "communicate via mobile phones"
Explanation: "Via" is more precise and formal than "on" when referring to communication methods.
"positive affect" -> "positive effects"
Explanation: "Affect" is a verb, whereas "effects" is the noun form needed here to describe the outcomes.
"negative affect" -> "negative effects"
Explanation: Consistency in terminology is important; "effects" should be used consistently throughout the text.
"Previously, it helps people to save time" -> "This facilitates time savings"
Explanation: "This facilitates time savings" is more formal and concise, improving the academic tone.
"don’t need to go to the meeting spot" -> "do not need to attend meetings"
Explanation: "Do not need to attend meetings" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "meeting spot."
"That’s the reason why it is the good way" -> "This is why it is an effective method"
Explanation: "This is why it is an effective method" is more formal and precise, avoiding the contraction "That’s" and the vague "the good way."
"maximise time" -> "maximize time"
Explanation: "Maximize" is the correct spelling in American English, which is commonly used in academic writing.
"young people have more time to share many ups and downs with each other" -> "young people have more time to discuss their experiences with one another"
Explanation: "Discuss their experiences with one another" is more specific and formal than "share many ups and downs."
"this trend is very user-friendly" -> "this trend is highly user-friendly"
Explanation: "Highly" is more precise and formal than "very" in academic writing.
"scientists creative smartphones" -> "scientists have created smartphones"
Explanation: "Have created" is grammatically correct and clearer than "creative," which is not the correct form.
"so it very easy to meet the other one" -> "making it very easy to meet others"
Explanation: "Making it very easy to meet others" corrects the grammatical error and improves clarity.
"people who living so far from here" -> "individuals residing at a distance"
Explanation: "Individuals residing at a distance" is more formal and precise than "people who living so far from here."
"this trend still have some negative affect" -> "this trend still has some negative effects"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement and uses the plural form "effects" to match the plural subject "trend."
"more and more teenager are depend on communicate by mobile phones" -> "more and more teenagers are dependent on communication via mobile phones"
Explanation: "Teenagers" should be plural, and "dependent on communication via mobile phones" corrects the grammatical structure and formality.
"it is easy 10 make a gap relationship" -> "it is easy to make a gap in relationships"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "10" to "to" and clarifies the phrase to "make a gap in relationships."
"they are face a problem to lost many friend or relationship" -> "they face the problem of losing many friends or relationships"
Explanation: "Face the problem of losing many friends or relationships" corrects grammatical errors and improves formality.
"teenager tend to lazy meet directly" -> "teenagers tend to be lazy about meeting directly"
Explanation: "Be lazy about meeting directly" corrects the verb form and adds the necessary article "the" for grammatical correctness.
"problem has both advantages and disadvantages but positive affect on young generation are more than negative affect" -> "this phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, with positive effects on the younger generation being more significant than the negative effects"
Explanation: "This phenomenon" is a more formal term than "problem," and the sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the positive and negative aspects of socializing online versus face-to-face. However, it lacks depth in exploring the implications of these points. For example, while it mentions benefits such as time-saving and user-friendliness, it does not elaborate on how these benefits impact relationships or social skills. Similarly, the discussion of negative effects is vague and lacks specific examples or evidence. The phrase "teenager tend to lazy meet directly" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should provide more detailed examples and evidence for both sides of the argument. It would benefit from discussing specific scenarios or studies that illustrate the impact of online socialization on relationships and social skills.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states that the trend has both positive and negative effects, but it does not maintain a clear position throughout. The conclusion suggests that the positive effects outweigh the negative, yet this stance is not convincingly supported in the body paragraphs. The transition between discussing positive and negative aspects is abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the author’s intended argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Each paragraph should connect back to this central argument, and the author should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the discussion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the convenience of mobile communication and the potential for relationship gaps. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, the claim that "teenager tend to lazy meet directly" lacks explanation and evidence. The use of phrases like "a plethora of a day" is awkward and does not contribute to a clear understanding of the point being made.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes. Each idea should be clearly articulated and followed by a thorough explanation of its significance in the context of the prompt.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, there are moments where the focus wavers. For example, the phrase "scientists creative smartphones" is off-topic and does not directly relate to the main argument about socialization. Additionally, the mention of "losing friends" is not adequately tied back to the overall discussion of online versus face-to-face communication.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the main argument. It may help to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are directly related to the prompt. Avoiding tangential statements will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing more detailed examples, maintaining a clear position, elaborating on ideas with supporting evidence, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs (one for positive aspects and one for negative aspects), and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of online communication to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The ideas within each paragraph are generally organized, but some sentences lack clear connections, which can confuse the reader. For instance, the phrase "that’s the reason why it is the good way to maximise time" could be better integrated with the preceding sentence to clarify the relationship between saving time and maximizing it.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Moreover") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one and clearly relates to the overall thesis.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the first body paragraph introduces the benefits but could elaborate further on each point with examples or explanations. The second paragraph discussing the negatives is quite brief and lacks depth, which diminishes its impact.
- How to improve: Aim to develop each paragraph with more detailed explanations and examples. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. This will not only improve the overall coherence but also provide a more comprehensive discussion of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack appropriate linking words, which can disrupt the flow. For example, the phrase "this trend still have some negative affect to young generation" could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Additionally," "In addition," "Conversely," "As a result"). This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure that grammatical structures are correct; for instance, "this trend still have" should be "this trend still has."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, leading to a more effective and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "plethora," "user-friendly," and "maximise." However, the use of phrases like "communicate on mobile phones" and "meet directly" is somewhat repetitive. The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety in expression, which limits the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "communicate on mobile phones," you could use "engage in digital conversations" or "interact via mobile devices." Additionally, incorporating more academic or sophisticated terms could elevate the essay’s tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "positive affect" and "negative affect," which should be "positive effects" and "negative effects." The phrase "creative smartphones" is also unclear; it would be more precise to say "innovative smartphones." Furthermore, "gap relationship" is awkward and should be rephrased to "gap in relationships."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review the essay for any phrases that may not clearly express your ideas and replace them with more precise terms. For example, instead of "it helps people to save time," you could say "it allows individuals to optimize their time."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "depend" (should be "dependent"), "10" (should be "to"), and "affect" (should be "effects"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools to catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can help reinforce correct usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and sophistication. For example, phrases like "young generation tend to spend a plethora of a day" and "this trend has both positive affect and negative affect" are straightforward but do not exhibit varied grammatical forms. The use of subordinating clauses is minimal, which restricts the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "This trend has both positive affect and negative affect," the writer could say, "While this trend offers several advantages, it also presents significant drawbacks." Additionally, using relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") and conditional sentences (e.g., "If young people rely solely on technology, they may…") can enhance the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "young generation" should be "the young generation," and "a plethora of a day" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer as "a significant amount of time each day." The phrase "this trend still have some negative affect" should be corrected to "this trend still has some negative effects." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, hinder readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects are paired with singular verbs (e.g., "this trend has" instead of "this trend have"). Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical rules can help. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to where commas are needed, particularly in compound sentences and before conjunctions. Reading essays and noting punctuation usage can also be beneficial.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on both expanding their grammatical range and ensuring accuracy in their writing. Regular practice, feedback, and revision will be key to improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

At the present time, the younger generation tends to spend a significant amount of time communicating via mobile phones rather than meeting face to face. This trend has both positive effects and negative effects.

On the one hand, communicating via mobile phones offers several benefits. Currently, it helps people save time, as they do not need to travel to a meeting spot, which eliminates issues like traffic jams. This is why it is an effective method to maximize time, allowing young people more opportunities to share their experiences with one another. Additionally, this trend is highly user-friendly, as individuals only need a mobile phone. In today’s modern society, scientists have created smartphones that enable video calls, making it very easy to connect with others. Therefore, people residing at a distance can maintain contact with their families.

On the other hand, this trend still has some negative effects on the younger generation. Firstly, more and more teenagers are becoming dependent on communication via mobile phones, which can create gaps in relationships. Apart from that, they face the problem of losing many friends or connections. Some projections about this trend indicate that teenagers tend to be lazy about meeting directly.

In conclusion, I believe that this phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, with the positive effects on the younger generation being more significant than the negative effects.