Nowadays, most countries improve their living standards through economic development. However, some social values are lost as a result. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

These days, numerous nations enhance their living standards through economic growth. Nevertheless, this often comes at the expense of certain social values. This essay will outline the benefits and drawbacks for this trend.
On the one hand, there are many reasons why economic development is beneficial. First of all, rapid economic growth can lead to higher employment rates. To make it clearer, they often need to hire more workers when they are prosperous. For example, a successful restaurant may expand its staff to serve more customers which can create job opportunities for local people. Additionally, economic prosperity can improve public services and infrastructure. To be more specific, when governments have more tax revenue from thriving businesses, they can invest in building better roads, upgrading public transportation, and enhancing healthcare facilities. These improvements make daily life easier and more convenient for residents.
Nevertheless, there are a number of disadvantages of economic gain that people should take into consideration. The principal one is that it can increase social inequality. By this I mean, businesses grow and make more money, the gap between rich and poor can widen, leaving many people struggling to make ends meet. Furthermore, rapid economic growth can harm the environment. Specifically, increased production and consumption often lead to more pollution and the depletion of natural resources which can create serious environmental problems.
In conclusion, everything has two sides, and the pursuit of economic rise is not an exception. While there are various merits it may bring, too much can be lost as a result. People can improve living standards and create jobs. However, it should be in a moderate level.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"enhance their living standards" -> "improve their standard of living"
Explanation: "Improve their standard of living" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic contexts, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.
"enhance" -> "increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more direct and straightforward term, fitting better in an academic context where clarity is preferred over figurative language.
"comes at the expense of certain social values" -> "results in the compromise of certain social values"
Explanation: "Results in the compromise of" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating the causal relationship between economic growth and the impact on social values.
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "First of all."
"To make it clearer" -> "to illustrate"
Explanation: "To illustrate" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce an example, enhancing the clarity and formality of the text.
"they often need to hire more workers" -> "they frequently require additional staff"
Explanation: "Frequently require additional staff" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual tone of "they often need to hire more workers."
"which can create job opportunities" -> "thereby creating job opportunities"
Explanation: "Thereby creating" is a more formal and causally explicit phrase, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"can improve public services and infrastructure" -> "may enhance public services and infrastructure"
Explanation: "May enhance" suggests possibility and potential, which is more appropriate in academic writing than the absolute "can improve."
"To be more specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a detailed explanation, improving the academic tone.
"make daily life easier and more convenient" -> "facilitate daily life"
Explanation: "Facilitate" is a more formal and precise verb, suitable for academic writing, replacing the more colloquial "make easier and more convenient."
"The principal one" -> "the primary one"
Explanation: "The primary one" is a more formal expression, fitting better in an academic context than "The principal one."
"By this I mean" -> "This implies"
Explanation: "This implies" is a more direct and formal way to introduce a logical connection, avoiding the conversational tone of "By this I mean."
"leave many people struggling to make ends meet" -> "leave many individuals facing financial difficulties"
Explanation: "Facing financial difficulties" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing, compared to the colloquial "struggling to make ends meet."
"can harm the environment" -> "may negatively impact the environment"
Explanation: "May negatively impact" is a more formal and precise way to express potential harm, aligning better with academic standards.
"everything has two sides" -> "every issue has its pros and cons"
Explanation: "Every issue has its pros and cons" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic discussions, replacing the colloquial "everything has two sides."
"the pursuit of economic rise" -> "the pursuit of economic growth"
Explanation: "Economic growth" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect "rise," which is not a standard term in economics.
"too much can be lost as a result" -> "excessive economic growth may result in significant losses"
Explanation: "Excessive economic growth may result in significant losses" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential negative consequences, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to living standards and social values. The advantages are presented clearly, such as increased employment and improved public services, while the disadvantages include social inequality and environmental harm. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both sides, as the advantages are somewhat more developed than the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should aim for a more equal treatment of the advantages and disadvantages. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating on the disadvantages to match the depth of the advantages discussed. For instance, discussing specific social values that are lost due to economic growth would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that economic development has both positive and negative impacts. However, the conclusion introduces some ambiguity with the phrase "it should be in a moderate level," which could confuse readers about the author’s stance on the balance between economic growth and social values.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion. Instead of suggesting moderation in the conclusion, the author could emphasize the importance of finding a balance between economic growth and preserving social values, thereby reinforcing their argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with clear examples supporting the advantages of economic growth. For instance, the mention of job creation in a successful restaurant is a relevant and relatable example. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, lacking specific examples or further elaboration on how social values are lost.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples for the disadvantages as well. For example, discussing how economic development might lead to the erosion of community ties or cultural traditions would add depth to the argument. Additionally, using data or studies could further substantiate claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between economic development, living standards, and social values. However, some sentences could be more concise to avoid straying from the main argument. For example, the phrase "everything has two sides, and the pursuit of economic rise is not an exception" is somewhat vague and does not directly contribute to the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly supports the main argument. Avoiding general statements and instead using specific language related to the prompt will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, revising for conciseness can enhance clarity and impact.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay, potentially raising the band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized into distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Nevertheless, there are a number of disadvantages" could be more effectively linked to the previous paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, you could use phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" to signal the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of the paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. Each paragraph contains relevant examples that support the main points. However, the conclusion feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more developed summary of the key points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also reflects on the implications of the discussion. A more comprehensive conclusion could reiterate the balance between the benefits and drawbacks, providing a final thought that encourages further reflection on the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "for example," and "nevertheless," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "By this I mean" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal transition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the contrary." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and vary their placement within sentences to maintain reader engagement and enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "enhance," "economic growth," "prosperous," and "social inequality." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "economic development" and "living standards." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the text. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "economic growth," alternatives like "economic advancement" or "financial development" could be employed.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Engaging with diverse reading materials can help in acquiring new vocabulary. Practicing paraphrasing sentences from articles or essays can also be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the gap between rich and poor can widen" could be more effectively expressed as "the wealth gap may exacerbate," which conveys a stronger sense of the issue. Additionally, the phrase "too much can be lost as a result" is vague; specifying what is lost would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys specific meanings. This can be achieved by practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity, ensuring that each term used accurately reflects the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. Words like "nations," "prosperous," and "inequality" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall readability of the essay. However, the phrase "this trend" in the introduction is slightly awkward and could be misinterpreted as referring to "this" instead of "the trend" mentioned.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should regularly practice spelling exercises and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements can be made in terms of range, precision, and clarity. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise language, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Nevertheless, this often comes at the expense of certain social values" effectively introduces a contrasting idea. Additionally, phrases such as "To make it clearer" and "To be more specific" show an attempt to clarify and elaborate on points, which adds to the overall coherence. However, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and expanded upon.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "the gap between rich and poor can widen," you could say, "as businesses grow and make more money, the gap between rich and poor can widen." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas. Additionally, varying the use of transitional phrases can help create a more dynamic reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the principal one is that it can increase social inequality" is clear, but the sentence "By this I mean, businesses grow and make more money, the gap between rich and poor can widen" contains a grammatical error; it should be restructured to avoid the comma splice. The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where they could be better utilized for clarity, such as before "which can create serious environmental problems" to separate it from the main clause.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to sentence structure and avoid comma splices by using conjunctions or separating ideas into distinct sentences. For example, you could revise the problematic sentence to: "By this I mean that as businesses grow and make more money, the gap between rich and poor can widen." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and coherence in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, numerous nations **currently** enhance their living standards through economic growth. Nevertheless, this often comes at the expense of certain social values. This essay will outline the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

On the one hand, there are many reasons why economic development is beneficial. **Firstly**, rapid economic growth can lead to higher employment rates. **To illustrate**, businesses frequently require additional staff when they are prosperous. For example, a successful restaurant may expand its staff to serve more customers, **thereby creating job opportunities** for local people. Additionally, economic prosperity can **improve public services and infrastructure**. **Specifically**, when governments have more tax revenue from thriving businesses, they can invest in building better roads, upgrading public transportation, and enhancing healthcare facilities. These improvements **may enhance public services** and **facilitate daily life** for residents.

Nevertheless, there are a number of disadvantages of economic gain that people should take into consideration. **The primary one** is that it can increase social inequality. **This implies** that as businesses grow and make more money, the gap between rich and poor can widen, leaving many individuals facing financial difficulties. Furthermore, rapid economic growth **may negatively impact the environment**. Specifically, increased production and consumption often lead to more pollution and the depletion of natural resources, which can create serious environmental problems.

In conclusion, every issue has its pros and cons, and the pursuit of economic growth is no exception. While there are various merits it may bring, excessive economic growth may result in significant losses. People can improve their standard of living and create jobs; however, it should be pursued at a moderate level.