Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it.

In this contemporary era, the prevalence of online shopping among individuals has become a growing concern. This trend has been driven by a multitude of reasons and has significant effects on individuals and society as a whole.

It is evident that this alarming phenomenon can be attributed to a multitude of key determinants, the foremost of which is the convenience it offers. It is an undeniable fact that online shopping allows people to purchase goods from the comfort of their homes, saving time and effort. This, in turn, leads to an increase in consumerism, which places a heavy burden on the environment. Another primary culprit of this trend is that e-commerce companies often offer competitive prices and discounts, attracting more consumers to buy online rather than from physical stores. As a result, the demand for fast delivery services increases, leading to a rise in carbon emissions from transportation, and contributing to environmental degradation. For example, the carbon footprint from delivery vehicles is a significant environmental issue in many urban areas.

The consequences of online shopping are multifaceted, chief among which is the environmental impact. It is an undeniable fact that the excessive use of packaging materials, such as plastic and cardboard, due to the shipping of online orders, contributes significantly to waste generation and pollution. Due to the convenience of online shopping, there is a higher frequency of purchases, increasing the risk of resource depletion and environmental harm. Another detrimental influence of online shopping is that it has a deleterious effect on employment, particularly in the retail sector. To be specific, the rise of e-commerce has led to the closure of many brick-and-mortar stores, resulting in job losses for many workers in traditional retail. As a result, such problems may contribute to higher unemployment rates and economic instability in communities that rely heavily on retail jobs. For instance, many small businesses in local communities have struggled to survive in the face of competition from large online retailers.

In conclusion, online shopping is a complex issue driven by various culprits, and it undoubtedly has certain negative impacts on each individual and society as a whole. The environmental damage and job losses associated with this trend highlight the need for more sustainable practices and support for affected workers to mitigate these adverse effects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: Removing "this" before "contemporary era" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary articles before nouns that refer to time periods.
"a growing concern" -> "an increasing concern"
Explanation: "An increasing concern" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the issue, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"a multitude of reasons" -> "a variety of factors"
Explanation: "A variety of factors" is more specific and academically appropriate than "a multitude of reasons," which can sound vague and informal.
"significant effects" -> "substantial impacts"
Explanation: "Substantial impacts" is a more precise term that conveys the magnitude of the effects, which is preferred in formal academic discourse.
"alarming phenomenon" -> "concerning trend"
Explanation: "Concerning trend" is less sensational and more neutral, fitting the formal tone of academic writing better than "alarming phenomenon."
"foremost of which" -> "primarily due to"
Explanation: "Primarily due to" is a more direct and formal way to introduce the main cause, avoiding the less formal "foremost of which."
"undeniable fact" -> "undeniable truth"
Explanation: "Undeniable truth" is a more formal expression, enhancing the academic tone by emphasizing the certainty of the statement.
"places a heavy burden" -> "exerts significant pressure"
Explanation: "Exerts significant pressure" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact on the environment, avoiding the colloquial "places a heavy burden."
"demand for fast delivery services" -> "demand for expedited delivery services"
Explanation: "Expedited delivery services" is a more specific and formal term than "fast delivery services," aligning better with academic language.
"carbon footprint from delivery vehicles" -> "carbon emissions from delivery vehicles"
Explanation: "Carbon emissions" is a more precise term than "carbon footprint," which is often used in a broader context, making it more suitable for the specific context of transportation.
"multifaceted" -> "complex"
Explanation: "Complex" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "multifaceted," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"deleterious effect" -> "adverse impact"
Explanation: "Adverse impact" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing, compared to "deleterious effect."
"To be specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is a more concise and formal transition, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"struggled to survive" -> "struggled to remain viable"
Explanation: "Remain viable" is a more formal and precise term than "survive," which can be too colloquial for academic writing.
"mitigate these adverse effects" -> "address these adverse impacts"
Explanation: "Address these adverse impacts" is a more formal and precise way to describe the actions needed to counterbalance the negative effects, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: the environmental impact of online shopping and the job losses it has caused. The writer discusses the environmental consequences, such as increased carbon emissions and waste generation, and elaborates on the negative effects on employment in the retail sector. The examples provided, such as the carbon footprint from delivery vehicles and the struggles of small businesses, are relevant and support the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the two parts of the question. For instance, discussing how environmental degradation might indirectly affect job markets or how job losses could lead to increased online shopping due to lower consumer spending could provide a more integrated analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that online shopping has negative impacts on both the environment and employment. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, with a logical flow of ideas that reinforces the argument. Phrases like "it is an undeniable fact" emphasize the writer’s conviction about the issues discussed.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could strengthen its argument by acknowledging potential counterarguments or benefits of online shopping. Addressing these points would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the environmental impact and job losses. The use of specific examples, such as the mention of packaging waste and the closure of brick-and-mortar stores, effectively supports the main points. However, some ideas could be further extended; for instance, discussing potential solutions or alternative perspectives on online shopping could provide a more comprehensive view.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on the examples provided. For instance, discussing specific statistics on job losses in the retail sector or providing more detailed information about the environmental impact of packaging could enhance the depth of the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the impacts of online shopping without straying into unrelated areas. The structure is coherent, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly relates back to the prompt can further strengthen the response. The writer could include transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the prompt, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the impacts of online shopping. By integrating the suggestions for improvement, the writer can elevate their response to an even higher level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, with a clear progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs and finally to the conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the significance of the topic. Each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the impact of online shopping, first discussing environmental concerns and then the implications for employment. However, while the ideas are generally well-structured, some transitions between points could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. For example, the shift from discussing environmental impacts to job losses could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that ties these two aspects together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, a sentence at the end of the environmental impact paragraph that hints at the subsequent discussion on employment could create a more cohesive narrative. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, with the first addressing the convenience and environmental issues, and the second focusing on job losses. However, the paragraphs could be further refined to ensure that they each contain a clear main idea and supporting details. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing solely on environmental impacts and the other on job losses, which would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance clarity and focus. This would allow for a more detailed examination of each point, making the argument more compelling.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. Phrases like "as a result" and "for example" help to clarify relationships between points. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions and connectors, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing. For instance, the repeated use of "it is an undeniable fact that" can come across as redundant and may detract from the overall quality of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely," to introduce new ideas or contrast points. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "it is an undeniable fact that," try rephrasing to introduce evidence more dynamically, such as "Research indicates that…" or "Studies have shown that…"

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "contemporary era," "growing concern," "multitude of reasons," and "detrimental influence." These expressions contribute to a sophisticated tone and effectively convey the complexity of the topic. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with terms like "multitude" and "undeniable fact," which could be varied to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or alternative phrases to reduce redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "multitude," they might use "variety," "array," or "numerous factors." Additionally, introducing more specific vocabulary related to environmental issues and economic impacts could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with terms like "carbon emissions," "resource depletion," and "economic instability" used appropriately. However, the phrase "alarming phenomenon" could be perceived as somewhat subjective and may not precisely reflect the nature of online shopping, which can be seen as beneficial in some contexts.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the connotations of their word choices. For instance, replacing "alarming phenomenon" with "significant trend" would maintain a neutral tone while accurately describing the situation. Additionally, ensuring that all terms used align with the intended meaning will contribute to clearer communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "convenience," "environmental," and "degradation" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice and proofread their work to maintain this standard. Engaging in regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce spelling skills and enhance overall language proficiency.

Overall, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of vocabulary, though there are areas for improvement in variety and precision. By incorporating a broader range of synonyms and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate, the writer can further enhance their lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "It is evident that this alarming phenomenon can be attributed to a multitude of key determinants, the foremost of which is the convenience it offers" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of compound sentences, as seen in "This, in turn, leads to an increase in consumerism, which places a heavy burden on the environment," showcases an ability to link related thoughts. However, while the range is impressive, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "It is an undeniable fact that," which could be varied to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "It is," try beginning with adverbial phrases or participial clauses (e.g., "Recognizing the convenience of online shopping, many consumers prefer it over traditional retail"). Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or varied punctuation (e.g., dashes or semicolons), can enhance the complexity and fluidity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors present. The use of articles, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement is generally correct. For example, phrases like "the carbon footprint from delivery vehicles is a significant environmental issue" are grammatically sound. Punctuation is also well-handled, with commas effectively used to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are minor areas where punctuation could be improved, such as the use of commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, which could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is advisable to review the rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex and compound sentences. For instance, consider whether additional commas are needed to clarify meaning or separate ideas. Practicing sentence diagramming can also help in understanding the structure of complex sentences, ensuring that all components are correctly aligned. Additionally, proofreading for minor grammatical slips, such as misplaced modifiers or awkward phrasing, can further elevate the quality of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary era, the prevalence of online shopping among individuals has become an increasing concern. This trend has been driven by a variety of factors and has substantial impacts on individuals and society as a whole.

It is evident that this concerning trend can be attributed to a multitude of key determinants, the foremost of which is the convenience it offers. It is an undeniable truth that online shopping allows people to purchase goods from the comfort of their homes, saving time and effort. This, in turn, leads to an increase in consumerism, which exerts significant pressure on the environment. Another primary culprit of this trend is that e-commerce companies often offer competitive prices and discounts, attracting more consumers to buy online rather than from physical stores. As a result, the demand for expedited delivery services increases, leading to a rise in carbon emissions from delivery vehicles and contributing to environmental degradation. For example, the carbon footprint from delivery vehicles is a significant environmental issue in many urban areas.

The consequences of online shopping are multifaceted, chief among which is the environmental impact. It is an undeniable truth that the excessive use of packaging materials, such as plastic and cardboard, due to the shipping of online orders, contributes significantly to waste generation and pollution. Due to the convenience of online shopping, there is a higher frequency of purchases, increasing the risk of resource depletion and environmental harm. Another detrimental influence of online shopping is that it has an adverse impact on employment, particularly in the retail sector. Specifically, the rise of e-commerce has led to the closure of many brick-and-mortar stores, resulting in job losses for many workers in traditional retail. As a result, such problems may contribute to higher unemployment rates and economic instability in communities that rely heavily on retail jobs. For instance, many small businesses in local communities have struggled to remain viable in the face of competition from large online retailers.

In conclusion, online shopping is a complex issue driven by various factors, and it undoubtedly has certain negative impacts on individuals and society as a whole. The environmental damage and job losses associated with this trend highlight the need for more sustainable practices and support for affected workers to address these adverse impacts.