Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world

Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world

In recent years, more individuals increasingly not fully comprehend the pivotal role of the natural environment. This essay aims to investigate the root causes of this issue and propose viable measures to address it.
There are several factors contribute to this phenomenon. The primary cause of this problem lies in the education system's emphasis on academic subjects and achievements at the expense of Life skills courses, especially awareness of important of natural habitat. For instance,Biology is not often taught to students, instead, math and chemistry take up a lot of class time. The school also does not have extracurricular activities for students to learn about biodiversity.And learn about the ecosystem that focuses only on organizing academic competitions and focuses more on achievements.As a result, many students know nothing about ecosystems and do not know their importance.
To tackle these problems

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In recent years, more individuals increasingly not fully comprehend" -> "In recent years, an increasing number of individuals have not fully comprehended"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the verb tense and uses a more formal structure, enhancing clarity and correctness in academic writing.

2. "This essay aims to investigate" -> "This essay seeks to explore"
   Explanation: "Seeks to explore" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "aims to investigate," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

3. "There are several factors contribute to this phenomenon." -> "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks a verb form agreement. The correction ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains the formal tone.

4. "The primary cause of this problem lies in the education system’s emphasis on academic subjects and achievements at the expense of Life skills courses, especially awareness of important of natural habitat." -> "The primary cause of this problem lies in the education system’s emphasis on academic subjects and achievements at the expense of life skills courses, particularly the importance of natural habitats."
   Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "awareness of important of natural habitat" to "the importance of natural habitats" for clarity and correctness. Also, "especially" is replaced with "particularly" for a more formal tone.

5. "Biology is not often taught to students, instead, math and chemistry take up a lot of class time." -> "Biology is often not taught to students, whereas mathematics and chemistry occupy a significant amount of class time."
   Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and uses informal language. The revision corrects the structure and uses more precise vocabulary ("occupy" instead of "take up").

6. "The school also does not have extracurricular activities for students to learn about biodiversity.And learn about the ecosystem" -> "Furthermore, the school lacks extracurricular activities that focus on biodiversity and the ecosystem."
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks cohesion. The revision corrects the sentence structure and clarifies the meaning.

7. "that focuses only on organizing academic competitions and focuses more on achievements." -> "that primarily focuses on organizing academic competitions and prioritizes achievements."
   Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and removes redundancy.

8. "many students know nothing about ecosystems and do not know their importance." -> "many students are unaware of ecosystems and their significance."
   Explanation: "Know nothing about" is informal and vague. "Are unaware of" and "their significance" are more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

9. "To tackle these problems" -> "To address these issues"
   Explanation: "Tackle" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Address" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by identifying reasons for the lack of awareness regarding the natural world, specifically pointing to the education system’s focus on academic subjects over life skills. However, it fails to adequately explore the second part of the question, which asks how people can learn more about the natural world. The essay does not provide any concrete measures or solutions, leaving the reader without a comprehensive understanding of how to address the issue.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline strategies for increasing awareness of the natural world. This could include suggestions such as integrating environmental education into the curriculum, promoting outdoor activities, or utilizing technology and media to raise awareness. Ensuring that both parts of the question are thoroughly addressed will enhance the overall response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the reasons for the lack of awareness of the natural world, particularly criticizing the education system. However, the position becomes less clear as the essay transitions into the solutions, which are not developed. The abrupt ending leaves the reader uncertain about the writer’s stance on how to address the issue.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout, the writer should ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main argument. This can be achieved by clearly stating the proposed solutions in the introduction and then elaborating on them in the body paragraphs. A concluding statement summarizing the position would also help reinforce clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the reasons for the lack of awareness, such as the limited focus on biology in schools. However, these ideas are not well-extended or supported with sufficient examples or evidence. For instance, while the mention of extracurricular activities is relevant, it lacks elaboration on how these activities could effectively enhance understanding of biodiversity.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could describe specific extracurricular activities that have successfully raised awareness in other contexts or cite studies that demonstrate the benefits of environmental education. This would help to substantiate the claims made in the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by focusing on the reasons for the lack of awareness of the natural world. However, it begins to stray as it transitions into the solutions, which are not fully developed. The incomplete nature of the essay leaves the reader without a clear understanding of how to address the issue, which detracts from the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should outline a clear structure for the essay, ensuring that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt. It would be beneficial to create a roadmap in the introduction that indicates how the essay will address both the reasons and the solutions. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next will help maintain relevance to the topic throughout the essay.

Overall, addressing these areas will significantly enhance the clarity, coherence, and completeness of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction that outlines the topic and a body that attempts to discuss the reasons for the lack of awareness regarding the natural world. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by abrupt transitions between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the education system to the lack of extracurricular activities could be smoother. The ideas are relevant but could be better connected to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" can help guide the reader through your points more fluidly. Structuring the essay with a clear cause-and-effect relationship will also improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure is not fully effective. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the second attempts to address the reasons for the lack of awareness. However, the second paragraph is overly long and contains multiple ideas that could be separated into distinct paragraphs. This can lead to confusion and makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: Break down the second paragraph into two or more paragraphs, each focusing on a single reason or aspect of the issue. For instance, one paragraph could discuss the education system’s focus on academic subjects, while another could address the lack of extracurricular activities. This will not only clarify your argument but also provide a more organized presentation of ideas.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance," which helps to illustrate points. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the previous statement to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Consequently," "Therefore," or "This leads to" to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts will help improve their effectiveness in your writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "pivotal role," "root causes," and "viable measures" indicate an attempt to use varied language. However, the repetition of certain terms (e.g., "importance" and "academic") suggests a limited lexical variety. Additionally, phrases such as "not fully comprehend" could be expressed more succinctly as "lack understanding."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "importance," alternatives like "significance" or "value" could be used. Furthermore, exploring more descriptive adjectives and adverbs would enrich the text.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "important of natural habitat" is grammatically incorrect and should be "importance of natural habitats." Additionally, "Life skills courses" is vague and could be more specific, perhaps referring to "environmental education" or "ecological studies."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context can help identify more suitable words. For instance, replacing "the school also does not have extracurricular activities" with "schools often lack extracurricular activities" would clarify the statement and improve fluency.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "factors contribute" (should be "factors that contribute") and missing spaces after punctuation (e.g., "For instance,Biology"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common spelling and grammatical pitfalls. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can elevate their score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("This essay aims to investigate the root causes of this issue and propose viable measures to address it.") and simple sentences ("There are several factors contribute to this phenomenon."). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall fluency of the essay. For instance, the phrase "There are several factors contribute to this phenomenon" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of saying "The primary cause of this problem lies in the education system’s emphasis on academic subjects," the writer could say, "One primary cause of this problem is that the education system emphasizes academic subjects, which often leads to neglect of important life skills courses." Additionally, using introductory phrases or clauses can help diversify sentence beginnings and improve flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "There are several factors contribute to this phenomenon" should be corrected to "There are several factors that contribute to this phenomenon." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing space after "For instance," and the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. The sentence "The school also does not have extracurricular activities for students to learn about biodiversity.And learn about the ecosystem that focuses only on organizing academic competitions and focuses more on achievements." is particularly problematic due to its disjointed structure and lack of proper punctuation.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help. For punctuation, the writer should ensure that each sentence is properly punctuated, especially when using conjunctions to connect clauses. Regularly reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper punctuation and grammar usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch these errors.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising their band score in future IELTS assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, an increasing number of individuals have not fully comprehended the pivotal role of the natural environment. This essay seeks to explore the root causes of this issue and propose viable measures to address it.

Several factors contribute to this phenomenon. The primary cause of this problem lies in the education system’s emphasis on academic subjects and achievements at the expense of life skills courses, particularly the importance of natural habitats. For instance, biology is often not taught to students, whereas mathematics and chemistry occupy a significant amount of class time. Furthermore, the school lacks extracurricular activities that focus on biodiversity and the ecosystem, as it primarily focuses on organizing academic competitions and prioritizes achievements. As a result, many students are unaware of ecosystems and their significance.

To address these issues, it is essential to incorporate more comprehensive environmental education into the curriculum. Schools should offer courses that emphasize the importance of biodiversity and the natural world. Additionally, implementing extracurricular programs that engage students with nature can enhance their understanding and appreciation of the environment. By fostering a greater awareness of the natural world, we can ensure that future generations recognize its value and work towards its preservation.