Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

These days, due to the development of technology, human interactions have transformed in various directions of communication in relationships. Despite some advantages, I believe that the disadvantages of this trend would be significant.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, these have diversified the ways individuals establish and maintain relationships. Firstly, technological devices have made a huge difference in means of interaction by lots of useful functions, which is simply to stay connected with someone. In the past, there were not many practical tools to stay in touch with individuals whom people hold dear, so they frequently wrote letters to carry messages by pigeons. However, at the moment, they can use smartphones to have video calls with their friends or text messages easily without needing to use complex things. Moreover, they will also broaden their social circle through plenty of platforms such as Facebook, Tiktok, Instagram, which are helpful to make new friends and gain some more knowledge. As a result, each individual just remains at home but can chat or keep up with everyone.

Although these positives, the negatives of this development are much more concerning. One of the most serious factors is that the availability of new communication technologies can weaken our relationship bonds. This is the cause of lacking face-to-face interactions, which is a significantly important key to maintaining a strong relationship. For example, on Facebook, people may have thousands of online friends, however, they still feel lonely and isolated from the world because there are no meetings. Furthermore, they can be victims of cybercrime, such as identity theft, phishing scams and data breaches. These scam activities can compromise their personal information, financial data, and online security, leading to significant financial losses and emotional distress.

In conclusion, technology has altered the way we communicate in many positive ways and made life easier, but its negative aspects are still a cause for concern.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "These days" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."

2. "transformed in various directions of communication in relationships" -> "transformed various aspects of communication in relationships"
   Explanation: The phrase "various directions of communication" is awkward and unclear. "Various aspects of communication" is more precise and academically appropriate.

3. "Thanks to the advancement of technology" -> "Owing to technological advancements"
   Explanation: "Owing to technological advancements" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone.

4. "these have diversified" -> "these have diversified"
   Explanation: The subject "these" is unclear and should be replaced with a more specific noun to clarify the meaning.

5. "by lots of useful functions" -> "by numerous useful functions"
   Explanation: "Lots" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal.

6. "which is simply to stay connected with someone" -> "which primarily facilitates staying connected with others"
   Explanation: "Which is simply to stay connected with someone" is informal and lacks precision. The suggested revision clarifies the function of these devices.

7. "they can use smartphones to have video calls with their friends or text messages easily" -> "they can utilize smartphones for video calls and text messaging"
   Explanation: "Have video calls with their friends or text messages" is informal and redundant. "Utilize smartphones for video calls and text messaging" is more formal and concise.

8. "plenty of platforms such as Facebook, Tiktok, Instagram" -> "numerous platforms such as Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram"
   Explanation: "Plenty" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise. Also, "Tiktok" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

9. "which are helpful to make new friends and gain some more knowledge" -> "which facilitate making new connections and expanding knowledge"
   Explanation: "Helpful to make new friends and gain some more knowledge" is informal and imprecise. The suggested revision uses more formal language and clarifies the benefits.

10. "each individual just remains at home but can chat or keep up with everyone" -> "individuals can maintain connections with others from the comfort of their own homes"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The revision provides a clearer and more formal expression.

11. "although these positives" -> "although these advantages"
    Explanation: "Positives" is not a standard term in formal writing; "advantages" is the correct term.

12. "the availability of new communication technologies can weaken our relationship bonds" -> "the widespread adoption of new communication technologies can erode our relationship bonds"
    Explanation: "Availability" is too general; "widespread adoption" is more specific and formal. "Erode" is a more precise term than "weaken" in this context.

13. "This is the cause of lacking face-to-face interactions" -> "This is due to the lack of face-to-face interactions"
    Explanation: "The cause of lacking" is awkward and incorrect. "Due to the lack of" is grammatically correct and clearer.

14. "a significantly important key" -> "a crucial key"
    Explanation: "Significantly important" is redundant; "crucial" is a more concise and formal alternative.

15. "they still feel lonely and isolated from the world" -> "they may still experience feelings of loneliness and isolation"
    Explanation: "Feel lonely and isolated from the world" is informal and vague. The revision uses more precise language suitable for academic writing.

16. "can be victims of cybercrime" -> "are susceptible to cybercrime"
    Explanation: "Can be victims of" is informal and passive; "are susceptible to" is more direct and formal.

17. "leading to significant financial losses and emotional distress" -> "resulting in significant financial losses and emotional distress"
    Explanation: "Leading to" is less formal; "resulting in" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing how technology has affected relationships and evaluating whether this change is positive or negative. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the positive impacts of technology on communication, citing examples like video calls and social media platforms. The second body paragraph shifts focus to the negative consequences, such as weakened relationship bonds and the risk of cybercrime. However, while both aspects are covered, the discussion could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each side.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more depth in the analysis of the positive aspects, perhaps by including specific examples of how technology has enriched relationships or enhanced communication skills. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the types of relationships affected (e.g., familial, romantic, friendships) could provide a more nuanced response to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of technology in relationships outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the positive and negative aspects could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the positive and negative points. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "However, despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks…" would help maintain a clear argumentative thread.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the impact of technology on relationships, such as increased connectivity and the risks of cybercrime. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "lack of face-to-face interactions" could be expanded with more examples or statistics to illustrate its impact on emotional well-being.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate further on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate the effects of technology on real-life relationships. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on relationships. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as the introduction of cybercrime, which, while relevant, could be more closely tied to the main argument about relationship dynamics.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central theme of how technology affects relationships. When introducing related concepts like cybercrime, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect them to the impact on personal relationships, perhaps by discussing how these issues can lead to mistrust or fear in online interactions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. With some refinements in depth, clarity, and focus, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph discusses the positive impacts of technology on relationships, while the second body paragraph addresses the negative aspects. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the positive and negative points could be smoother; for instance, the phrase "Although these positives" could be more clearly linked to the previous paragraph’s content.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, instead of "Although these positives," you might say, "Despite these advantages, it is important to consider the drawbacks that accompany technological advancements." This would create a clearer link between the two contrasting viewpoints.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The introduction and conclusion are present, and the body paragraphs are adequately developed. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea before delving into supporting details.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the benefits of technology, it poses significant risks to interpersonal relationships." This would help readers immediately understand the focus of the paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the transition from discussing the advantages of technology to its disadvantages lacks a cohesive device that signals this shift.
  • How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "On the other hand" to introduce contrasting ideas or "Additionally" to add further information. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the writing to a higher band score. Focus on enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices to create a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "transformed," "diversified," "advancement," and "cybercrime." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "stay connected" and "social circle." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at a higher band score.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "stay connected," alternatives like "maintain communication" or "keep in touch" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to technology and relationships, such as "interpersonal dynamics" or "digital connectivity," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "lots of useful functions" is vague and could be more specific. Furthermore, the term "complex things" lacks clarity and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. The phrase "significantly important key" is also redundant, as "significant" and "important" convey similar meanings.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim for precision by choosing more specific terms. For example, instead of "lots of useful functions," the writer could specify "various communication features" or "innovative tools." Avoiding redundancy will also help; using either "significant" or "important" would suffice. Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate vocabulary will enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there are some inconsistencies, such as "Tiktok" which should be spelled "TikTok." Additionally, "pigeons" in the context of carrying messages may confuse readers, as it is not a common reference in modern communication.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, ensuring that brand names and proper nouns are correctly spelled will enhance the overall professionalism of the essay.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, the phrase "Despite some advantages, I believe that the disadvantages of this trend would be significant" showcases a complex structure with a subordinate clause. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases such as "Firstly" and "Moreover" helps to organize ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph where similar sentence beginnings are used, such as "Thanks to the advancement of technology" and "In the past." This can lead to a lack of variety in expression.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to begin sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Thanks to" or "However," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If technology continues to evolve, it may further impact our relationships") could add depth to the argument.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the availability of new communication technologies can weaken our relationship bonds" is grammatically correct. However, there are some awkward constructions and punctuation issues, such as in the sentence "these have diversified the ways individuals establish and maintain relationships," where "these" is vague and could be clarified. Additionally, the use of commas could be improved; for instance, in the sentence "However, at the moment, they can use smartphones to have video calls with their friends or text messages easily without needing to use complex things," the phrase "easily without needing to use complex things" could be better punctuated for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their language. Instead of vague pronouns like "these," the writer could specify what "these" refers to (e.g., "technological advancements"). Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage, would enhance the clarity of sentences. Practicing sentence restructuring to avoid run-on sentences and ensuring that each clause is properly punctuated will also contribute to overall grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, owing to the development of technology, human interactions have transformed in various aspects of communication in relationships. Despite some advantages, I believe that the disadvantages of this trend are significant.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, these have diversified the ways individuals establish and maintain relationships. Firstly, technological devices have made a huge difference in means of interaction by numerous useful functions, which primarily facilitate staying connected with someone. In the past, there were not many practical tools to stay in touch with individuals whom people hold dear, so they frequently wrote letters to carry messages by pigeons. However, at the moment, they can utilize smartphones for video calls with their friends or text messages easily without needing to use complex methods. Moreover, they can also broaden their social circle through numerous platforms such as Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, which facilitate making new connections and expanding knowledge. As a result, individuals can maintain connections with others from the comfort of their own homes.

Although these advantages exist, the negatives of this development are much more concerning. One of the most serious factors is that the availability of new communication technologies can weaken our relationship bonds. This is due to the lack of face-to-face interactions, which is a crucial key to maintaining a strong relationship. For example, on Facebook, people may have thousands of online friends; however, they still feel lonely and isolated from the world because there are no meetings. Furthermore, they are susceptible to cybercrime, such as identity theft, phishing scams, and data breaches. These scam activities can compromise their personal information, financial data, and online security, resulting in significant financial losses and emotional distress.

In conclusion, technology has altered the way we communicate in many positive ways and made life easier, but its negative aspects are still a cause for concern.