Nowadays, there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What are the effects of these advertisements on children? Should TV advertisements be controlled?

In contemporary society, there is an increasing trend in advertising targeting children. However, in my opinion, this trend negatively affects the development of children and should be regulated by the government.

To begin with the drawbacks of advertisements for young generations, advertising companies attempt to persuade young individuals who rely on parental financial support to try their new products. Children may be drawn to these types of advertisements and are often unaware of the price and their true value, which can impact the family budget. For example, toys are generally expensive and may be unaffordable for families living in poverty. Moreover, if these toys do not meet their needs, children may feel dissatisfied and disappointed when they are unable to obtain them. As a result, this can pose a significant threat to the mental development of kids.

Since advertisements pose negative drawbacks for young individuals, I support the government taking steps to restrict them. Authorities should categorize types of advertisements by suitable age groups. For instance, they should divide viewer age groups into specific sections and release ads accordingly. Additionally, children may be unaware of what they see on screen, so they require the collaboration of both the government and parents to help them understand the context of what is shown on TV. For example, the government can collaborate with parents to guide young people in selecting appropriate content. As a result, this can help children avoid unhealthy advertisements, leading to a more comprehensive mental development.

In conclusion, advertisements targeted at children can have detrimental effects on their development, and these types of ads should be controlled by the authorities as soon as possible.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"there is an increasing trend" -> "there is an increasing trend"
Explanation: The phrase "there is an increasing trend" is redundant. Removing "an" before "increasing" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"targeting children" -> "targeting children’s audience"
Explanation: Adding "audience" clarifies that the target is not just the children themselves but the demographic of children as a whole, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"negatively affects" -> "negatively impacts"
Explanation: "Impacts" is a more precise and formal term than "affects" in academic writing, particularly when discussing the effects of advertising on children.
"attempt to persuade" -> "endeavor to persuade"
Explanation: "Endeavor" is a more formal synonym for "attempt," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"who rely on parental financial support" -> "who are financially dependent on their parents"
Explanation: "Financially dependent on their parents" is a more precise and formal way to describe the relationship between children and their financial support.
"Children may be drawn to these types of advertisements" -> "Children may be attracted to these types of advertisements"
Explanation: "Attracted" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "drawn to," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"are often unaware of the price and their true value" -> "are frequently unaware of the price and the products’ true value"
Explanation: Adding "the products’" clarifies that the value refers to the products being advertised, enhancing clarity and precision.
"toys are generally expensive and may be unaffordable" -> "toys are typically expensive and may be unaffordable"
Explanation: "Typically" is a more formal alternative to "generally," aligning better with academic style.
"kids" -> "children"
Explanation: "Children" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing compared to the colloquial "kids."
"pose a significant threat" -> "pose a substantial threat"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal synonym for "significant," enhancing the academic tone.
"Since advertisements pose negative drawbacks" -> "Given that advertisements pose negative drawbacks"
Explanation: "Given that" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Since," which is more conversational.
"Authorities should categorize types of advertisements" -> "Authorities should categorize advertisements by type"
Explanation: "Advertisements by type" is a more precise and formal way to specify the categorization.
"viewer age groups" -> "audience age groups"
Explanation: "Audience" is more specific and appropriate in the context of advertising, referring to the people being targeted.
"collaborate with parents to guide young people" -> "collaborate with parents to guide young individuals"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," which is slightly informal for academic writing.
"avoid unhealthy advertisements" -> "avoid detrimental advertisements"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal term than "unhealthy," which is vague and less specific in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the negative effects of television advertisements on children, such as financial implications and mental development issues. Furthermore, it advocates for government regulation of these advertisements, providing a clear response to the second part of the question. The examples used, such as the impact of expensive toys on families in poverty, illustrate the argument well.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument about the effects of advertisements. Additionally, discussing potential positive effects of advertisements, even briefly, could provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that advertisements aimed at children are harmful and should be regulated. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. The use of phrases like "in my opinion" and "I support" reinforces the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions between points to reinforce the argument. For instance, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" could help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative effects of advertisements and the need for regulation. The points about financial strain and mental dissatisfaction are well articulated. However, the development of these ideas could be deeper; for instance, elaborating on how advertisements specifically influence children’s desires or behaviors would provide more depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author could include more diverse examples or case studies. Additionally, integrating counterarguments and then refuting them could enhance the depth of the discussion and demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the effects of advertisements on children and the need for regulation. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, which is commendable.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author should avoid introducing any unrelated ideas or tangential points. A brief outline before writing could help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, effectively addressing the prompt with a clear position and relevant examples. With some enhancements in depth and balance, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, presenting a clear argument against advertisements targeting children. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the negative impacts of advertisements, while the second body paragraph transitions smoothly into the proposed solutions. This logical progression enhances the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the transition. For example, starting the second body paragraph with "In light of these negative impacts, it is essential that…" would create a clearer connection between the problem and the proposed solution.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in clarity. The first paragraph discusses the drawbacks, while the second addresses the need for regulation. However, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the key points and reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a single idea but also includes a concluding sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, after discussing the need for government intervention, a sentence reiterating the importance of this action in protecting children’s well-being could strengthen the conclusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "in addition," "consequently," or "on the other hand" can enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive writing style.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and impact of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "contemporary society," "financial support," and "mental development." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with terms like "advertisements" and "children," which appear frequently without sufficient variation. This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advertisements," alternatives like "commercials," "promotions," or "marketing campaigns" could be used. Similarly, "children" could be varied with "youngsters," "youth," or "minors."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "impact the family budget" could be more specifically articulated as "strain the family’s financial resources," which conveys a clearer meaning. Additionally, the term "detrimental effects" is appropriate, but the phrase "negative drawbacks" is somewhat redundant, as "negative" and "drawbacks" convey similar meanings.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys exact meanings. This can be achieved by avoiding redundancy and selecting words that add clarity. For example, instead of saying "negative drawbacks," simply using "drawbacks" or "negative impacts" would suffice.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words like "contemporary," "affordable," and "collaborate" are spelled correctly, indicating a strong command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to catch any minor errors that may arise. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps, can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading extensively can expose the writer to correct spelling in context, further solidifying their skills.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range and enhancing precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "if these toys do not meet their needs, children may feel dissatisfied" showcases a conditional structure effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "children may" and "advertisements," which can limit the range of structures. The essay also includes some compound sentences, but the overall complexity could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the sentence openings and incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "children may," try rephrasing to include phrases like "Due to their naivety, children may…" or "Given their reliance on parental guidance, children often…". This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the drawbacks of advertisements for young generations," which could be more clearly stated as "the drawbacks of advertisements aimed at young generations." Additionally, the use of commas could be improved; for instance, in the sentence "Moreover, if these toys do not meet their needs, children may feel dissatisfied," the comma before "if" is correctly placed, but the overall punctuation could be more consistent in other areas.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation. Review the essay for any ambiguous phrases and consider rephrasing them for clarity. Additionally, practice using commas to separate clauses and items in a list correctly. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can also help solidify these skills. For example, ensure that each complex sentence is punctuated correctly, especially when introducing clauses.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is an increasing trend in advertising targeting children’s audiences. However, in my opinion, this trend negatively impacts the development of children and should be regulated by the government.

To begin with the drawbacks of advertisements for young generations, advertising companies endeavor to persuade young individuals who are financially dependent on their parents to try their new products. Children may be attracted to these types of advertisements and are frequently unaware of the price and the products’ true value, which can affect the family budget. For example, toys are typically expensive and may be unaffordable for families living in poverty. Moreover, if these toys do not meet their needs, children may feel dissatisfied and disappointed when they are unable to obtain them. As a result, this can pose a substantial threat to the mental development of kids.

Given that advertisements pose negative drawbacks for young individuals, I support the government taking steps to restrict them. Authorities should categorize advertisements by type according to suitable audience age groups. For instance, they should divide viewer age groups into specific sections and release ads accordingly. Additionally, children may be unaware of what they see on screen, so they require the collaboration of both the government and parents to help them understand the context of what is shown on TV. For example, the government can collaborate with parents to guide young individuals in selecting appropriate content. As a result, this can help children avoid detrimental advertisements, leading to more comprehensive mental development.

In conclusion, advertisements targeted at children can have detrimental effects on their development, and these types of ads should be controlled by the authorities as soon as possible.