Nowadays there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What effects do they have on children? Should TV advertising be controlled?

Nowadays there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What effects do they have on children?
Should TV advertising be controlled?

In recent years, the television advertisements aiming at children have been increasingly prevalent. The impacts associated with this trend are beneficial and detrimental at the same time. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is necessary to control TV advertising.

On the one hand, TV advertisements can positively contribute to mental well-being of children. As advertisements are normally colourful and innovative, they can help young consumers to form imagination and creative thinking better, which would be advantageous for their educational and future professional aspects. However, not any types of advertisements for children are beneficial; there are also many with inappropriate content, actions or language, which are ubiquitous nowadays. For example, those relating to violence, sexual content or gambling. Young individuals could be affected by them and engage in or imitate improper activities.

Due to the above downsides of TV advertisements, they are certainly need to be classified before publishing. Once this practice is implemented, both consumers and businesses will benefit. For children, they can avoid the exposure to equivalent or unsuitable information while continue to utilize the upsides of advertisements. Meanwhile, in terms of producers, by reducing negative advertisements, they could create a good impression with customers, thus likely to reach a wider audience. In this way, their revenues will certainly increase.

To conclude, while many TV advertisements have positive effects on children’s health, there are also numerous ones being the opposite. As a result, TV advertising control is undeniably crucial for the interests of both young consumers and businesses.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In recent years" -> "In recent years’"
   Explanation: The possessive form "years’" is needed to correctly modify the noun "years" in this context, enhancing grammatical accuracy.

2. "aiming at children" -> "targeting children"
   Explanation: "Targeting" is a more precise and formal term in the context of advertising, replacing the less formal "aiming at."

3. "are beneficial and detrimental at the same time" -> "have both beneficial and detrimental effects"
   Explanation: "Have both beneficial and detrimental effects" is a more formal and precise way to describe the dual nature of the impacts, aligning better with academic style.

4. "I strongly believe" -> "it is evident"
   Explanation: "It is evident" is a more objective and formal expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more personal and subjective "I strongly believe."

5. "can positively contribute to mental well-being of children" -> "can positively impact the mental well-being of children"
   Explanation: "Impact" is a more precise term in this context, indicating a direct effect on well-being, whereas "contribute" is somewhat vague.

6. "help young consumers to form imagination and creative thinking better" -> "enhance the imagination and creative thinking of young consumers"
   Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb for describing the improvement of abilities, and rephrasing to "the imagination and creative thinking of young consumers" clarifies the subject.

7. "not any types of advertisements" -> "not all types of advertisements"
   Explanation: "Not all" is grammatically correct and more formal than "not any," which is incorrect in this context.

8. "are ubiquitous nowadays" -> "are prevalent today"
   Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more formal synonym for "ubiquitous," and "today" is a more precise temporal reference than "nowadays."

9. "they are certainly need to be classified" -> "they are certainly needed to be classified"
   Explanation: "Needed" should be used instead of "need" to agree with the passive voice construction, ensuring grammatical correctness.

10. "Once this practice is implemented, both consumers and businesses will benefit" -> "Once this practice is implemented, both consumers and businesses will benefit from it"
    Explanation: Adding "from it" clarifies that the benefit is derived from the implementation of the practice, enhancing clarity and formality.

11. "they could create a good impression with customers" -> "they could enhance their reputation among customers"
    Explanation: "Enhance their reputation" is a more precise and formal way to describe improving a company’s image, replacing the less formal "create a good impression."

12. "thus likely to reach a wider audience" -> "thus increasing their likelihood of reaching a wider audience"
    Explanation: "Increasing their likelihood of reaching" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential outcome, improving the academic tone.

13. "their revenues will certainly increase" -> "their revenue streams will likely increase"
    Explanation: "Revenue streams" is a more precise term than "revenues," and "likely" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "certainly," which implies certainty that may not be justified.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the effects of television advertisements on children, highlighting both positive and negative impacts. The author mentions beneficial aspects such as fostering imagination and creativity, while also acknowledging the detrimental effects of inappropriate content. The second part of the prompt, regarding the need for control over TV advertising, is clearly stated in the thesis and supported throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from more specific examples of advertisements that illustrate both positive and negative effects. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the implications of controlling advertisements, such as potential challenges or counterarguments, would provide a more balanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports the need for controlling TV advertising aimed at children. This stance is consistently reflected in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of phrases like "I strongly believe" reinforces the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could strengthen its argument by addressing potential counterarguments. For instance, discussing the perspective that advertising can be informative or beneficial in moderation would show a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with a logical structure. The author extends points about the positive and negative impacts of advertisements and supports them with reasoning. For example, the mention of how advertisements can enhance creativity is well-articulated, and the discussion of inappropriate content is relevant and timely.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the support for ideas, the author could include statistical data or research findings related to children’s responses to advertisements. This would provide a stronger foundation for the claims made and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the effects of advertisements on children and the necessity for regulation. There are no significant deviations from the main subject, which helps maintain clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author should avoid introducing overly broad statements that may distract from the main argument. For example, the phrase "many TV advertisements have positive effects on children’s health" could be more specifically tied to the context of advertising rather than health, which may lead to ambiguity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the author’s position. By incorporating more specific examples, addressing counterarguments, and providing supporting evidence, the essay could reach an even higher level of sophistication and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph discusses the positive effects of advertisements, followed by the negative aspects in the second paragraph. This logical progression helps the reader understand the argument. However, the transition between the positive and negative aspects could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that signal the shift from one idea to another. For example, after discussing the positive impacts, a sentence like "However, it is essential to recognize the potential negative consequences that accompany these advertisements" could provide a more explicit transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus will help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point related to the prompt. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from more structured development, as it combines multiple ideas without clear separation, which may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the negative effects of inappropriate content and another discussing the need for classification of advertisements. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "However," and "To conclude," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Nevertheless, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are moments where the connections between sentences and ideas could be more explicit.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, consider using "Furthermore" to add information, "In contrast" to highlight differences, or "Consequently" to indicate results. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "TV advertisements," you could use "these ads" or "such marketing strategies" in subsequent mentions.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "prevalent," "mental well-being," "imagination," and "improper activities." These terms effectively convey the writer’s ideas about the effects of television advertisements on children. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "beneficial and detrimental" is somewhat repetitive in the context of discussing both positive and negative effects.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could explore synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "beneficial," they might use "advantageous," "favorable," or "constructive" in different parts of the essay. Additionally, using phrases like "positive and negative impacts" instead of "beneficial and detrimental" could improve the range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "not any types of advertisements for children are beneficial" could be more clearly stated as "not all types of advertisements for children are beneficial." This small change would enhance clarity and precision. Furthermore, the term "equivalent or unsuitable information" is somewhat vague; it could be more specific about what "equivalent" refers to in this context.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity in their expressions. They could revise sentences to eliminate ambiguity, ensuring that each term used conveys the intended meaning. For example, replacing "equivalent or unsuitable information" with "misleading or inappropriate content" would clarify the message.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "advertisements," "imagination," and "professional" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer can further enhance their writing by proofreading for any potential typographical errors or by using tools like spell checkers. Additionally, practicing writing under timed conditions can help reinforce spelling accuracy in high-pressure situations like the IELTS exam.

Overall, the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of vocabulary, though there is room for improvement in variety and precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further, potentially raising their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "As advertisements are normally colourful and innovative, they can help young consumers to form imagination and creative thinking better" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be further varied, such as "they are certainly need to be classified before publishing," which contains a grammatical error and lacks complexity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, using relative clauses or participial phrases could add depth. An example revision could be: "Given their potential to influence young minds, it is imperative that advertisements aimed at children are carefully classified before publication." This not only increases complexity but also improves clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, the phrase "they are certainly need to be classified" contains a grammatical mistake; it should be "they certainly need to be classified." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which are ubiquitous nowadays" to separate the clause more clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, will help enhance clarity. For example, ensuring that non-defining relative clauses are set off by commas can make sentences easier to read.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail in both sentence structure and grammatical correctness will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the television advertisements targeting children have been increasingly prevalent. The impacts associated with this trend have both beneficial and detrimental effects. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is necessary to control TV advertising.

On the one hand, TV advertisements can positively contribute to the mental well-being of children. As advertisements are normally colorful and innovative, they can help young consumers to enhance their imagination and creative thinking, which would be advantageous for their educational and future professional aspects. However, not all types of advertisements for children are beneficial; there are also many with inappropriate content, actions, or language, which are prevalent today. For example, those relating to violence, sexual content, or gambling. Young individuals could be affected by them and engage in or imitate improper activities.

Due to the above downsides of TV advertisements, they certainly need to be classified before publishing. Once this practice is implemented, both consumers and businesses will benefit. For children, they can avoid exposure to unsuitable information while continuing to utilize the upsides of advertisements. Meanwhile, in terms of producers, by reducing negative advertisements, they could enhance their reputation among customers, thus increasing their likelihood of reaching a wider audience. In this way, their revenue streams will likely increase.

To conclude, while many TV advertisements have positive effects on children’s health, there are also numerous ones that have the opposite effect. As a result, controlling TV advertising is undeniably crucial for the interests of both young consumers and businesses.