Nowadays there is a trend of rapid increase in already excessive use of natural resources such as oil, forest and fresh water. What dangers does it bring? What are the possible solutions to address these issues?

In recent years, some resources such as oil, and water… are threatened by the negative consumption of the Earth’s resources. This essay will discuss human awareness and the increase in population are the crucial factors leading to environmental deterioration, and present the solutions to solve it.

First of all, the toxic waste from many factories is the primary reason for the lack of people’s actions. The toxic chemicals such as the untreated waters from industrial factories, leading to pose a threat to the natural habitats of a million sea species. Because of the subjectivity in the process of chemical waste treatment, many people have accidentally made pollution worse. Secondly, the development of population is another reason for the pollution of the environment. Nowadays, the significant growth of the population is increasing sharply so many rare world resources are being used such as fresh water, oil, and fossil fuels which are harnessed to improve people’s needs. To illustrate, oil and petrol are the main significant materials which can make their transportation work, and also help their commuting to become easier. However, the toxic smoke from these vehicles can also cause many people to get some kind of unexpected diseases such as lung cancer and asthma.

On the other hand, some approaches can fix a huge amount of negative influences from these causes. The first solution is that the government should enact laws strictly to encourage companies to adopt environmentally friendly habits. If they follow all the policymaker’s instructions, they will minimize the bad habits of the environment effectively. Alter energy is another way to avoid global warming. For example, we can use solar power, which is a natural energy instead of using harmful fossil fuels to make tough heat waves on our planet. Furthermore, taking public transportation instead of driving private vehicles can help reduce our carbon footprint.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons caused by the consumption of people’s needs, and there are some necessary methods to encourage citizens to be conscious of contributing to a green lifestyle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"some resources such as oil, and water…" -> "certain resources such as oil and water"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "oil" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone by avoiding the informal use of "some" which can be vague and less precise in academic writing. "Certain" is more specific and appropriate for formal contexts.
"the negative consumption of the Earth’s resources" -> "the excessive consumption of the Earth’s resources"
Explanation: "Excessive" is more precise than "negative," which is vague and can be misinterpreted. It directly conveys the idea of overuse, which is more specific and relevant to the context.
"human awareness and the increase in population" -> "human awareness and population growth"
Explanation: "Population growth" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic discourse than "the increase in population," which is somewhat redundant.
"the toxic waste from many factories" -> "the toxic waste generated by numerous factories"
Explanation: "Generated by" is more precise and formal than "from," which can be vague and less specific in this context.
"the untreated waters from industrial factories" -> "untreated industrial effluent"
Explanation: "Untreated industrial effluent" is a more technical and precise term than "untreated waters from industrial factories," which is less formal and less specific.
"pose a threat to the natural habitats of a million sea species" -> "pose a threat to the habitats of millions of marine species"
Explanation: "Millions of marine species" is more accurate and formal than "a million sea species," which is imprecise and informal.
"Because of the subjectivity in the process of chemical waste treatment" -> "Due to the variability in the chemical waste treatment process"
Explanation: "Due to the variability" is more precise and formal than "Because of the subjectivity," which is vague and not commonly used in academic writing.
"the development of population" -> "population growth"
Explanation: "Population growth" is a standard term in academic and formal contexts, whereas "the development of population" is awkward and less commonly used.
"the significant growth of the population is increasing sharply" -> "population growth is increasing rapidly"
Explanation: "Population growth is increasing rapidly" is more concise and maintains a formal tone, avoiding the redundancy of "the significant growth of the population."
"are being used such as fresh water, oil, and fossil fuels" -> "are being used, including fresh water, oil, and fossil fuels"
Explanation: "Including" is more appropriate than "such as" when listing examples, as it clearly indicates that the list is not exhaustive.
"toxic smoke from these vehicles can also cause many people to get some kind of unexpected diseases" -> "the toxic emissions from these vehicles can also lead to various unexpected health issues"
Explanation: "Toxic emissions" is a more precise term than "toxic smoke," and "lead to various unexpected health issues" is more formal and specific than "cause many people to get some kind of unexpected diseases."
"some approaches can fix a huge amount of negative influences" -> "several strategies can mitigate a significant amount of negative impacts"
Explanation: "Several strategies" is more formal than "some approaches," and "mitigate" is more precise than "fix," which is too simplistic and informal for academic writing. "Negative impacts" is also more specific than "negative influences."
"the government should enact laws strictly to encourage companies to adopt environmentally friendly habits" -> "governments should enact stringent laws to encourage companies to adopt environmentally friendly practices"
Explanation: "Governments" is plural to encompass multiple governments, and "stringent laws" is more formal than "laws strictly." "Practices" is also more specific than "habits" in this context.
"Alter energy" -> "alternative energy"
Explanation: "Alternative energy" is the correct term, whereas "Alter energy" is a typographical error.
"taking public transportation instead of driving private vehicles" -> "using public transportation instead of private vehicles"
Explanation: "Using" is more formal and precise than "taking" in this context, which is less commonly used in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying dangers associated with the excessive use of natural resources and proposing potential solutions. The dangers mentioned include pollution from industrial waste and the impact of population growth on resource depletion. However, the discussion of dangers could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on pollution without exploring other potential dangers such as climate change or biodiversity loss. The solutions proposed, such as government regulations and alternative energy sources, are relevant but could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly mention a wider range of dangers associated with resource overuse, including environmental degradation and social consequences. Additionally, expanding on the solutions with specific examples or case studies could provide a more robust answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the dangers of resource overuse and the need for solutions. However, the transition between discussing dangers and solutions could be smoother. The introduction states that the essay will discuss "human awareness and the increase in population" but does not clearly connect these points throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main thesis. Using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases can help maintain the flow of ideas and reinforce the essay’s overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the dangers of resource overuse and potential solutions. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim about the impact of toxic waste on marine life is made but not substantiated with specific data or examples. Similarly, while the essay mentions alternative energy sources, it does not explain how these can be implemented or their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the points made. This would not only provide evidence for claims but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the dangers of resource overuse and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague or strays from the main focus, particularly in the second body paragraph where the connection between population growth and resource depletion could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Regularly revisiting the essay question while drafting can help keep the content aligned with the task requirements. Additionally, clearly linking each idea back to the main topic can enhance coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized around two main themes: the causes of environmental deterioration and the proposed solutions. However, the transition between the discussion of causes and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing pollution caused by factories to population growth feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "In addition to these causes, there are several viable solutions that can mitigate these issues" would create a clearer connection to the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with distinct sections for causes and solutions. Each paragraph has a main idea, but some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the second body paragraph combines two distinct ideas (population growth and pollution from vehicles) which could be separated into two paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. This can be achieved by creating a separate paragraph for the discussion on population growth and its impact on resource depletion, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "on the other hand," and "for example." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "to illustrate" and "for example" could be varied to maintain reader interest.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases such as "for instance," "in addition," or "furthermore." Additionally, using conjunctions like "however," "therefore," and "consequently" can help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 in Coherence and Cohesion, there are clear areas for improvement. By enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve greater clarity and coherence, potentially elevating the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with terms such as "toxic waste," "environmental deterioration," and "natural habitats." However, there is a tendency to rely on common phrases and expressions, which limits the overall lexical variety. For instance, the phrase "the significant growth of the population" could be enhanced with synonyms or more specific descriptors to showcase a broader vocabulary range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied vocabulary and synonyms. For example, instead of repeating "natural resources," alternatives like "environmental assets" or "ecological resources" could be used. Additionally, using more sophisticated terms related to environmental issues, such as "sustainability" or "biodiversity," would enhance the lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the lack of people’s actions" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. Moreover, "the untreated waters from industrial factories" could be more clearly expressed as "untreated wastewater from industrial processes."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. For instance, instead of saying "the primary reason for the lack of people’s actions," it could be rephrased to "the primary reason for insufficient public engagement in environmental protection." This would clarify the intended meaning and improve the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are minor mistakes that detract from the overall quality, such as "Alter energy" which should be "Alternative energy." Additionally, "tough heat waves" seems to be a misuse of "tough," which should be replaced with "intense" or "extreme."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can further solidify correct spelling in the writer’s mind.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a sufficient command of vocabulary to achieve a Band 6, there is room for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of lexical items. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "the toxic chemicals such as the untreated waters from industrial factories, leading to pose a threat to the natural habitats of a million sea species." However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "the significant growth of the population is increasing sharply so many rare world resources are being used" could be restructured for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases, conjunctions, and relative clauses. For instance, instead of "the significant growth of the population is increasing sharply," you could say, "With the significant growth of the population increasing sharply, many rare world resources are being depleted." This not only enhances variety but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the toxic waste from many factories is the primary reason for the lack of people’s actions" could be clearer if rephrased to "the toxic waste from many factories is a primary reason for the lack of action among people." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "such as oil, and water…" where the comma before "and" is unnecessary.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and ensure that modifiers are placed correctly. For punctuation, practice using commas correctly, especially in lists and complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness, such as changing "the toxic smoke from these vehicles can also cause many people to get some kind of unexpected diseases such as lung cancer and asthma" to "the toxic smoke from these vehicles can lead to serious health issues, including lung cancer and asthma."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, certain resources such as oil and fresh water are threatened by the excessive consumption of the Earth’s resources. This essay will discuss how human awareness and population growth are crucial factors leading to environmental deterioration, and present solutions to address these issues.

First of all, the toxic waste from many factories is the primary reason for the lack of action among people. The toxic chemicals, such as untreated industrial effluent, pose a threat to the natural habitats of millions of marine species. Due to the variability in the chemical waste treatment process, many people have inadvertently worsened pollution. Secondly, population growth is another reason for environmental pollution. Nowadays, the rapid increase in population means that many rare world resources, including fresh water, oil, and fossil fuels, are being used to meet people’s needs. To illustrate, oil and petrol are significant materials that enable transportation and make commuting easier. However, the toxic emissions from these vehicles can also lead to various unexpected health issues, such as lung cancer and asthma.

On the other hand, several strategies can mitigate a significant amount of negative impacts from these causes. The first solution is that governments should enact stringent laws to encourage companies to adopt environmentally friendly practices. If they follow all the policymakers’ instructions, they will effectively minimize harmful environmental habits. Alternative energy is another way to combat global warming. For example, we can use solar power, which is a natural energy source, instead of harmful fossil fuels that contribute to severe heat waves on our planet. Furthermore, using public transportation instead of private vehicles can help reduce our carbon footprint.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons caused by the consumption of resources to meet people’s needs, and there are necessary methods to encourage citizens to contribute to a green lifestyle.